Recently i found out that my not-so-perfect boyfriend got reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal drunk at a party whilst i was in hospital and his ex took total advantage,which she admitted to-she hadn't touched a drop of booze.Anyway,i sed i would give the relationship another go,cos i could see that he was really sorry and upset(he cried!!!!!!!) but loads of people have sed DUMP HIM!i'm not taking their advice,i love him,but i'm just wondering anyway-what would u guys do?

In the same situation? I'd be pissed as hell, I can tell you that, but I think I'd keep it going, I love my girlfriend too much not to.

I'm sorry, but in my opinion cheating is cheating whether you're drunk or not.

It's possible to forgive, but you will never forget. It adds an edge of wariness to the whole thing.

That's very acceptin of ya, simply. Jus make sure he knows this is gonna be a one-off!

I'd like ta think me missus would be so acceptin if I was unfaithful... she keeps tellin me it's okay (which actually takes the naughty fun element out of it!) but I dun think I'd wanna test the theory!

Well, I've never been in that situation, so I can't really say what I'd do.

I'd feel extremely hurt as anyone would. I'm lucky...my boyfriend and I love each other and there's a lot of trust within our relationship.
I think people who purposely cheat on their partners are scum. It seriously hurts people and it makes trust a hard thing to dish out after you've had your life chewed up and spat out.
I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but its my honest opinion.

No, that's a fair point if they go lookin for it... but sometimes it sneaks up unannounced (like it's done ta me once or twice... but never went anywhere cos I kept me clothes ON!) an sometimes, like simply's chap, it gets forced on ya.

True, bein drunk should hold ya responsible for yer actions... but I'm sure we all know it's not that clear-cut. I'm sure some of us have had "beer goggles" or danced on tables when drunk. Or is that jus me? The only time I'd go against that is drink-drivin, cos that's jus stupid...

I would take him back but i wouldn't be so trusting this time.. Make him feel guilty for his actions.... Let him know you were hurt and now your trust is on the rocks at the moment... Let him bring your trust to shore.

Hmm.

Now, I've been drunk a helluva lot of times in my life. And to my mind, there's two possible ways that it could lead to cheating. Either (a) you get soooo drunk you lie there in a stupor while someone has their wicked way while you're too paralytic to stop them (i.e. statutory rape), or (b ) you make a conscious decision to go with it, and commit the act.

Remember, it takes two to tango, and even though it's true that booze may impair one's judgement, there's got to have been a seed of infidelity to begin with that grew into a cheating tree when watered with beer. I personally don't believe that things like that can 'just happen'- you can't 'accidentally' have sex with someone - it's too complicated mechanically for one thing.

However, that's not to say that your boyfriend doesn't regret it, and hasn't vowed to himself to make sure it doesn't happen again. If that's the case, and you trust him to hold to that, then by all means stick with him. If, however, when you're honest with yourself, you can see it happening again, you've got to ask yourself whether you're willing to put up with that.

And a totally subjective view from me - he cheated on you while you were in hospital? That's low, IMHO.

Ok this thing is very situational. You were in the hospital right? Could it be he went to get shit faced cause he was so worried and strung out over you? In this case I would forgive him cause I know what its like when you get EDITed up. You wake up the next morning and the first thing you think is, "Why does it hurt to move my eyes!?" then you start trying to remember what happened. I think cheating is a sick act done by sick people (I just found out my ex never really liked me... Sick people out there) but when your drunk... You have no real clue whats happening. If he had not been drunk, like you two were fighting, and he did it then I'd ditch em but in this case, forgive the guy.

If you're that drunk enough that you have no clue as to what's happening, you're not going to be able the motor skills to get jiggy, let alone be able to 'rouse the captain'.

I have been in this situation, a couple times.

Once I chose to forgive the guy, and, to my knowledge, he remained faithful. It was just once, and he was truly sorry. I felt I could still trust him. Well, after time I could, anyway. It took awhile for that trust to be built back up. (Well, in this situation, his clothes stayed on as well, but erm, still...there was...other stuff, that I personally would classify as cheating)

The other time, I broke up with the guy. He didn't seem to have any qualms about it at all. He actually got mad at me for snooping and finding out about it. Silly boy.

It really does depend on the person. Just because something happened once doesn't mean that he loves you any less. We're all entitled to lapses in judgement. But, I personally don't think he should be entitled to any more lapses in judgement in this area. If he does it again, I say leave him. Once I could understand it being a horrible mistake that he regrets, but multiple times, I'd think he's making it a habit.

(PS: I agree w/ Jonman. Sleeping w/ someone else while you're in the hospital does seem rather...low =/ )

Two things that are really important to me are honesty and faithfulness. I have said since I was young that I would never stay with a guy who hit me or cheated on me... but honestly, I think I would have an easier time forgiving a guy for hitting me.

Basically, I wouldn't stay with him... I would be so hurt, and I would never feel like I could trust him again. But that's just me and everyone is different... If you can forgive him and trust him again, then I hope that things work out for you!

I've been cheated on and it sucks. First thing is admitting it to yourself. Sometimes ya just don't want to believe that they really did cheat. Then there's the excuses. I was drunk, I wasn't skrewing around she's like a sister to me (sick EDIT!), no you didn't see what you thought you saw, she's just a friend, she's so into me she just won't leave me alone, etc.

Forgive one excuse and when it happens again you'll get another excuse. I personally don't think being drunk is a good excuse, because like Jonman said, if you're so drunk to not know what you're doing you don't have the motor skills to do the deed.

My personal feeling, once a cheater always a cheater. I forgave my ex bf for cheating on me cause he gave me one of those excuses listed above.....actually he gave me all of those excuses except the drunk one. I just couldn't admit to myself that he would do that to me. I forgave, he did it again and again and again.

Forgiving just seems to make them think they can get away with it with you.

depending on the circumstances..I think people deserve a second chance. My father cheated on my mother constantly for 5-7 years of their marriage. My mom couldn't take it and left him but after awhile my dad came to understand his mistakes and they got back together - they've been together and in a healthy relationship for almost 10 years now.

People are fallible..and people make mistakes. But this guy cheated on you at a party while you were at the hospital? Now that sounds like totally sleeze. I'd dump his ass in a heartbeat unless he ran marathons for me

If you love him though and you think he wouldn't do it again - go for it. Or let him go and let him go buck wild crazy until he's done w/ sex and partying and comes to realize what he really wants deep down inside is a meaningful relationship. Of course, don't wait around for him, move on..
well gluck on your tough tough decision

Well speaking for myself and several friends who have done similar things under the influence uh... The Cap-ie-tan is a beast of its own... No amount of substances could stop it. I know some people who get drunk and it makes em real frisky...

I think I agree with Crissi. Once the trust has gone, you're buggered really.

I think everyone deserves a second chance as we all make mistakes. We're only human after all .

I have cheated on guys in the past (not something I'm proud of) but it was dealt with maturely and luckily he was understanding. I never go out of my way to look for those sorts of things. They just happened. It's nothing to do with alcohol or hormones for me it was a lack of affection and a sad neediness.

Anyhoo, this isn't about me! Personally, if you feel that he is genuinely sorry, he won't do it again and you can deal with all those feelings then by all means give him another chance.

I guess I've had my comeupance because as a result of my infidelity I have real issues trusting guys. By that I mean, if I can do it so can they. I recognise the signs (or think I do) and panic needlessly. I am the same with ANY partner. I am also like it with my current boyfriend. The difference is is that he has never (to my knowledge) actually cheated on me. It's all in my head and I need to deal with that if the relationship is going to work. I love him and I'm prepared to try and build trust and make a go of it (even though it's my fault I have problems with trust not his).

You just have to ask, are you prepared to give it another go?

I hate to think that people wander around this world saying "What if.....?" I'd rather say "Well that didn't work but at least now I know!"

Sam
x

Yes, but I'm pointing out how ludicrous it is to use being drunk as an excuse for cheating, in that if you're still sober enough to get it up and figure out the technicalities, you're still sober enough to know that you shouldn't be doing what you're doing, and stop doing it.

i.e. being drunk is not an excuse.

Well my stace... stands. In this case give the guy another chance but keep him on a shorter leash. If you two had been fighting and he'd done it then EDIT him.

i would makes him beg 4 mercey!!!!!!!! bowahahahahaha!!!! plus love isnt real u shouldnt sell your self sort to some thing like that !!!!! its a waste of time!!!!

Personally I think I'd forgive him, but I wouldn't be able to forget that easily. If he is truely sorry and you feel that you'd be able to give him another chance then do it.

Its kinda (OK,very !)horrible-in this situation,i've been able to forgive very easily,but it's not so easy to forget.I know that him and his ex had a very "sexual" relationship to say in the least,so unfortunately,whenever it comes to "doing the dirty" sometimes all i can think of is him doing that to her-not too pretty a picture I feel satisfied that I assured him that this was a one-off,because i prefer to deal with things in the physical way-to put it simply,if he values his health,he wont try that s**t again i also had my way with her,but i feel i'm too nice for my own good-we argued (publicly i'm ashamed to say) but i fought the temptation to hit her,as i used to consider her as a very good friend.Unfortunately,the next person i bumped in to was my least favourite of people,and she suffered my wrath-which got me a good ticking off from the Head Master and the girl's parents-a broken nose don't look too pretty!

true,even if you're drunk,you still have some idea as to what the hell you're doing,and unfortunately,he returned the favour she gave him,and they did a little more than just kiss!so its a bit of both drunkne forms of cheating there-the fact that she started it made me see him lying there in a drunken stupor,but the fact that he reacted to it in that way made me think that an old flame had been rekindled.
What also makes me feel s**t is that he was texting me that night,saying he loved me and missed me,etc.And the next day,I was released from hospital,and I went to see him,for a surprise,because we hadn't seen each other for a good two weeks.When i arrived,he was caught with his head over the toilet (the drink didn't agree with him!) and he was acting like nothing had even happened.Of course,I didn't know at that time,i only found out the other week.Now i look back on those texts and think-hhmmmmm....LIAR.

me thinks i reeeeeeeeally should delete those....

P.S-in hospital,having his child aborted.

I was just wondering how you found out...did he tell you about it or did you find out from someone else?

Having said what I said earlier and now hearing that you were in hospital having his child aborted he really should ahve been there not shagging his ex-girlfriend . Did he know about the baby? If not, then aren't you lying to him in the same way he lied to you? I'm not making judgments here just trying to see all the facts

Sam
x

if i was in the same situation as you were, i'd have to analize everything very closely.... first of all, u were in the hospital and he was drunk off his a$s, humm, u were getting HIS child aborted while he was skrewing his X? thats shallow... then u find out he cheated and u forgive him... did u think about it first? or did u just say" o well i love you to much to be mad"? *not trying to judge or be mean* but if it was me, i would take a LONG time to think about first.... but its not my decision... i hope everything works out between you guys and if he does cheet on you again... would u like me to cut his s**t off? lol, jk i think.... im sorry you have to make this decision, but if it does turn out bad, at leaast you know what to look for next time around....
*kryss*

I know this from her "Pregnant at 17" thread....he did know.

I vote that you let your dad rough him up a bit at least if you're gonna forgive him...he deserves that much.

OK,we need some damage control here!

#1-i was hinted to by his ex,who just keopt saying "something happened,and i'm reallly sorry",so i was left to toss and turn all night with the most GRAPHIC images going through my head!The next day,I went and hunted her down at college,but she wouldnt say anything,and when i asked my ex,he said nothing had hapened because his ex was making it sound like it had happened recently.So then he came and told me at break,i was thinking,long and hard,then i went and had a good cry with my man-friend J,and then i smashed a window with my fist when i saw her-oooops

#2-they did everything,BUT screw.

#3-i did think about it long and hard,and things are still a little weird between us,but we're fine when she's not around!surprisingly....................

#4-Daddy doesn't know,because if he did,I wouldnt have a boyfriend,or his ex!!!!! mind u,that last one could be a good thing..........

Definatly crissi I think that relationships are built on trust and Jonman has a good point. You either had to be so drunk you passed out or willingly went through with it. I think he should have been a lot more careful and should not have dramk as much as he did. I think both of them were just as much in the wrong as one another.

Personally if I was you I would move on because if you can not fully trust him then you can not really have an good relationship with the guy, I mean if you love him with all your heart the best thing to do is maybe let go.

It is your decision ovcourse and if you love the guy you can work on rebuilding the trust but even then I do not think it woudl ever be 100%

I've got no expirience so don't look at me funny. I think it all depends on the person adn how much they care for you and your feelings toward them.

which is PRECISELY why this situation sucks-its like i want someone to make the decision for me,or for him to end it,which i know i'd hate,but weirdly i want him to do it-i can't bring myself to,and i'm full of so much self-doubt that i think he doesn't love me-oh EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT!this business hurts my head!!!!!

the only thing i can say on this subject is: didn't you say he stayed with you when you got pregnant and your family wanted to kill him? i think THAT'S a good example of love to me........

Unfortunatly Simply We can not make this decision for yopu beacuse that is your place to decide what to do. I know it is hard for you and It hurts but in the end you might be better off if you choose to leave him. I hope the decision you make is the right one for you. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are all here to offer our support, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and so much more, nevcer forget that.

i like gerbils opinion!

i think that means i'm swaying towards staying with him-oh bugger,i really don't know-i think i'm just gonna see how it goes,and if it doesn't get better,we'll have to call it a day

Jonmans main point is sound. Your man might have been off his trolley, but there is still enough control to keep his eyes open, and not to fall over whilst on the recieving end of physical attentions (just guessing).
He didnt flee when the poop hit the ventilator over pregnancy issues? Good. Besides, we're taught not to. At least for as long as possible. I see that problem was taken care of anyhow, so we'll never know how much dedication there was.

HOWEVER, I somehow feel he wasn't concentrating much on important issues when he 'slipped up', albeit anything but ... I'd guess he'd do it again, I'd guess he's tiring of the relationship. I'll bet if you dump him now, in the fulness of time, you'll like yourself better for it. And I'll bet you'll kick yourself a thousand times if he dumps you in the next 2 weeks, and probably end up blaming yourself too. How many times does THAT happen?

I've had plenty of opportunities to be unfaithful, and I never was. Worst ever happened was that I worked out I wasnt interested in the relationship I was in, and sorted that out BEFORE slipping into new territory. We make decisions when we do this stuff. He opted for the 'physical gratification anyhow' option. Nuts to him.

Just my own opinions of course ... Glad I dont know the guy. Then I'd be sure.