I just feel so wrong right now. Just vote, I'll probably explain later.

Yeah...every once in a while..most of the time though I'm so heartless I dont care...what did you do?

I was a complete arsehole to my friend because she was trying to change my mind about my pathetic life.

pathetic? change it how? *shrugs*

everyone can be an asshole...like Belle today (friend of mine.)
she was the biggest Bitch today yet I forgive her...and I'm sure your friend will forgive you too..

(not that this was intentional or nething, but i DID do somethin so wrong that i dunno how to make it right) the blackout in nyc; i was volunteering downtown when it happened. after about 45 min. of waiting i told the ppl who were still there (from the place i volunteered at) that i really didn't want to wait ne longer and i needed to get home before dark (seein as there's no streetlights and i had no flashlight) so i'd better get goin now. ok, so when i get home, i discover that my parents had a huge fight and might be gettin a divorce. here's what happened: my mom was really really worried about me, and so she called the place i volunteered at. one person told her i was on an errand, the other told her i'd went home. so she gets even more worried. then the phone rings, my dad picks it up (this's the only phone in the house that they know works at the time) and it turns out to be a confrence call for him. my mom yells at him to get off the phone, things escalate, and eventually my mom shoves my dad and hits him in the stomach, and my dad hits her back (he wasn't tryin to hurt her on nethin, if he'd wanted to she'd be a LOT worse than she is now...... not that i'm defendin my dad on this). this was the first time that either of my parents have hit each other (and they've been together for 31 years). my mom locked herself in her room, refuses to come out because she's afraid my dad will hit her again. now my dad's moving out on september 2 (unless they work things out) into an rented apartment 3 blocks away (the rent lasts for a year, i guess this means that they both intend to work things out). obviously, i've been told that it isn't my fault and i shouldn't blame myself; y'know the standard things you say when somethin like this happens. and i DON'T blame myself, but honestly, to be blunt, if i'd waited for another hour or somethin for the ppl who my mom eventually called to get back (i'd known that they were comin back within the hour when i was down there), or if i'd just tried to use my cell as SOON as the blackout hit, then this wouldn't've happened

wow...all I can say is...it's NOT your fault..*hugs*

thanx *hugs back*
i mean, i dun blame myself for what happened, but it IS true that if i'd done those things that i listed before, this wouldn't've happened......

o, and i really dun think they're gonna get a divorce, or at least i HOPE, but i really doubt it. i mean, they've been together for 31 years and it's all been fine until this, so somehow i doubt that they're gonna get a divorce......... *crosses fingers*

Yeah, i agree its not your fault an i dont think that u shud think that it is... easier said than done i no but things happen sometimes that cant b helped.
-> hope your rents do work it out tho

*crosses fingers as well and smothers with hugs and kisses*

thanx queenie. i really think they will, after awhile........ it just depends on how long that 'while' is........ *sighs*

I hope they dont...it's hard for anyone to suffer a divorce...especily when younger...like if my parents went an got divorced I dont know if I could haddle it...*more hugs*

Yes.... I think most people have said or done something they wish they hadn't at some time.

Gerbil: I'm really sorry about your parents' fight... I am glad that you know it's not your fault though! *Hugs* I hope everything works out for your family soon!

thanx crissi *hugs*
i think my mom just needs time away from my dad. she's afraid of my dad now...... and those of you who know my dad (no one here....) would know that it's really hard to imagine him bein violent or nething like that. that was the first time he ever hit neone (as far as i know), and he almost never yells at neone........... ah well, to quote a wise man, "sh*t happens"

Oh, I'm always puttin me foot in it somewhere or other... sometimes I'm too blunt fer me own good. After 30-ish years I'm still tryin to master the art of repairin damage, an so far I've got three solutions that work, but only really crappily...

1) Wait till I calm down, then apologise. Dun always work cos I have a flashpoint anger... I take ages to wind up, then BOOM, an then it's done. Most people are still mad when I apologise, an it makes 'em more mad, an then I feel crap, so then I go to:

2) Wait for ages an ages until it blows over, then try again. I almost always leave it too long, cos after a while I start wonderin if it's the right time, an then it gets harder to pick up. If it goes on long enough, it becomes:

3) Never speak to that person ever again. I hafta be really cheesed off to let it go this far...

I wouldn't any wrong was done, because it wasn't. I'm just disappointed. You complain about your life and the people in it. How you want it to change. And you said you've tried in the past. Key word? Past. And through that, you're still complaining, and not attempting to try yet again. You just try half-heartedly, and when the response is negative. You drop and fold. It annoys me, because I have to listen to it, and when I suggest you do something about it, all of a sudden I'm wrong for suggesting to go against the others. Guess what, my doll? You're life won't change unless you try. Even if it's baby steps, it'll still amount to something. Fear is obsolete when compared to contentment. You're so negative about -everything-, when in reality, you know almost nothing about many, many things. But alas, regardless of ignorance, you still "know" the outcome. You're life is miserable perhaps because of the starring role you play in it. While others can make you unhappy, in some aspects, you have yourself to blame for allowing them to do it. I've nothing further to say. I love you like a sister, but watching you destroy yourself bit by bit due to your own negativity an unwillingness to do anything is slowly eating away at me. It's like acid poured on my skin drop by little drop. One can only take so much before extracting themselves.

the past is past man you jsut gotta leave it there

its better to live with the regret of hurting those you love than to die with the regret of loving no one. wounds heal. might take a long time, but nothing is beyond hope. (thats for anyone and everyone, by the way.)