i had a really good morning but i got in a fight with my aunt today and im going to end up selling the horses i had to fight to get since i was about 7 years old to get. because my stupid bitch aunt decided my father wasnt fit to have children witch i already know hes a fucking "conditional love" beliving bastard and everytime i sqrew up its always "we never wanted you anyway you were supposed to be aborted you were just a mistake" the onyl person that ever loved me was my mom and shes not even here anymore she was killed by a asshole that was pissed off because my mom helped my aunt when she left him because he nearlybeat my cousin to death with a chain dog leash and im not even worth anyones love im stupid fat and ugly no one would ever love me i sqrew everything up and thats all i ever do i cant do anything right nd its my fault my moms dead if i wouldnt have jumped out of the road gorge would have hit me and he never would have gotten to my house and my mom would still be alive and she was such a great person and i killed her it was all my fault i could have even done somthing like asked her to come with me to my doctors appointment or walked home that day so i would have been home when he came to the house and i could have done somthing but i didnt its my faultand now the one thing that she always wanted me to have i have to sell because my stupid aunt she even took out her retirement fund just to buy my horse for me and then she bought her horse too and the only thing i have to remimber her is a few pictures and my horse that she took a day off for the first time ever to take me to go get. everything i ever had i had to fight to get i fought with my dad for 2 mounths to get the peice of shit car in my drive way after he bought both my brother brand new cars and i even had to buy it myself and if i do anything wrong or if him and my brothers get in a fight its always my fault because i droped outim screwing up everyones life.

u shouldnt think that, and they shouldnt tell you that... *hugs* and to let you know, i love you and i bet a lot of people on here love you too.. i really hope u get to keep your horses.. and its not your fault your mom is gone.. im really sorry al this is happening to you *uber hugs for stephani* sorry sweetie

it's true, we love you *HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS*


and how dare that evil wench decide whether or not you get to keep what was given to you by your mom. They're not her friggin' horses.

please please PLEASE don't blame yourself it is NOT your fault, however much you think it is (and the fact that you do when it's not shows what a great person you really are. selfish people never take the blame even when it's their fault, and this isn't even your fault). the fault lies in the sick f*ck that killed your mom. not you and not your mom. if your aunt and your dad are mean (and if that's an understatement) to you then that is also their fault. i haven't been in your situation so i dunno if you'd want to do this, but i suggest calling the police. i doubt foster care could be worse than this, and there's a great chance that it'd be better.

but whether you do that or not is up to you. what's important is that this is in no way your fault and you're a great person

new update on my problems today i reduced my dads to tears and he told me to move out.... dont know if i am or not but its a definate possiblilty

That sounds tricky. Sometimes not living with people can help though - I certainly get on with my family better when I'm not living with them. The little niggles any family has become less of a factor, so the larger issues don't get quite so overblown. Also, it's easier to get on with people if you see them out of choice rather than because you can't avoid it.

well he just came home and told me im not to move out.... people need to stop confusing me so much

Sounds like you hit a rough spot. I am here for you if you need or want to talk just Pm me or add me to yopur messanger. I want to help if I can

now is the time that im going to get all sentametal

i really do love you guys... all of you even the ones i dont talk to very much... this is really become my world so to speek i spend more time on here then i do anything else... i just realy wanted to tell you guys that. i didnt mean to get into the whole mom thing and most of the things i said ive never even told anyone else and i kndda feel bad about wasting space and the matazone i was just feeling really cruddy and i needed to get some things out and im not very good with being vocal about my emotions so i normally write them in a journal... and i dont really know why i didnt. but i was going to have a short rant then everything just kinnda came out.

im sorry

sold 2 of the 4 today and there being shiped out on tuesday (have to wait for the rental trailor to arrive)
so yeah my bank account is 3 thousand fuller and i want to kick the ever loving hell out of my aunt