why do i put myself in line of this abuse??? i reach out for them and they stab my hands and force me away... families, who'd have them? i get that they cant take my gothishness, but why reject me because of it??? im hopefully getting a job and their encouraging words were 'hmmm, wonder how long you can take it', 'it'l be a change to actually see you do something' and 'i give it a month' i love my family... the do nothing but inject negativity into me, and i cant take much more negativity, im pretty fuc*ed as it is....they think that i will be fine, because they are blinded by their own pain, to blind to notice that they risk loosing me as well... meh, i rant way to much... anyone wanna adopt me, i dont feel here anymore....

Fal xXx

il adopt you, just dont complain if i forget to feed you

*huggle* family is stupid, itll be ok eventually. one day theys wake up and relise your gone living your own life without them and theyll relise how much they love and miss you *huggle*

oh... ill adopt you too...

i wanna adopt you! oh can i can i can i? pleeeease? ive never had a noob before!

[edit]sorry, i got a little wrapped up in that.

i know hoe you feel...i got abused because i wasny what my "stepfather" didnt want me to be....which made no sense.

anwyays, im otp with liz...hope you feel better!

i get abused because i don't act like my true self (all dark and morbid and shizz).

*huggle* you're not alone.

abuse in its many forms ia a big pile of cr*p! no-one should have to suffer it, no matter what age they are or what type of abuse they get, its just not cricket! <<SHUDDER>> cricket.... never mind! i give you all hugs and hope that your nyarghishness stops soon! love ye all!

Fal xXx

1st of all-nyarghishness - SCHMICKED!

secondly,dude,prove em wrong-get "gothic employee of the month",then get "gothic manager of the month" then get really rich,open an overpriced nightclub in London then shoot any teeny-boppers that walk stupidly into your midst,then buy out the worlds canned cheese market,then kill the Evil Alien President Zorro, AND BE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!]MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

that'll show em.

gav...when did you ever give a crap about what anyone (least of all you father, who btw im finding iut harder and harder to respect right now) thought of you?

i know (so dont say im wrong cause i know you better than most people i think) that you pretend a lot of stuff doesnt bother you when it does but seriously i didnt think you were the sort to care about what people say when you know you can do something.

as for the way you dress i dont know, theyve never given me crap for it but then again my mum never mocks the way you dress but she'll go on for hours at me for ripped jeans or spiked jewelry or whatever, its a family thing. maybe its easier for people to accept those who arent related to them and around all the time. again the only thing i can say is to try and ignore them.

ok...*cringes*...i dont want you to get on at me later for saying this but here goes...you know youre always welcome at my house...but frankly we both know thats not gonna work out right now seeing as how im - y'know - being kicked out. but you should get out more, im saying this as a friend and prove me wrong if you like but youre bloody miserable right now. you say that you dont like going out but how can you know if you never do? the only people you ever go out with are your family and youre obviolusly not going to enjoy yourself with them right now so damnit i demand your presence more often! just try it and see...im not going to push you if you dont want to but try it...

in conclusion...kick their arses, and just remember...rejects has lots of heavy and/or sharp stuff...take some home...

Well how old are you and what have you done with your life? Maybe they're just disappointed in you and maybe it's time for a change.

Being goth also changes people's opinion of you.. you should have realized that by now. Isn't that why you went goth? I personally think gothic people are stupid. Why do you do it? To be original??? Yea like every other gothic person in the world. All you're doing is transposing your need to be different from society onto a smaller society which has already been established because you don't have the self esteem to truly be original.

you're hardly helping matters.

can't really add to what laura said up there, so pretty much all i can do is offer my empathy...

tell me.. whats your favorite colour, whats your favourite brand name. Why do you like them compared to the others.

People dont always dress a certain way because they wish to be different, but simply because they like the style.

Take ravers (i'm gunna use candy kids as an example). They dont dress that way to be different, but because its part of the culture they like. The mounds of beads and sometimes blinding colours make them happy. So just what is wrong with that.

People that are "preps" are just the same. Yes there are some that dress that way just to fit in, but for the most part I think they dress that way because they like it.

mmmm, jajay, the refreshing voice of comfort! right, where to begin? what have i done with my life...well, i spent four weeks living in a hospice watching my mother die, i done (in my opinion) really well in exams i sat while basking in the knowledge of my mothers terminal illness...i had to pick up the peices of a family shattered by loss while trying to cope with my own pain (me, cope? never) i have had to try and pacify my hellbent on destruction father and pretend to be perfectly normal/happy/sane for a fair while now! did i mention im only sixteen? no, i dont think i did! every other person that has commented has been very supportive and if they have had suggestions on how to improve my current situation they have done so constructively! think before you post, never presume to know the full picture, cos one day, that full picture will turn around and bite you on the ass!

thank you for all of the constructive and helpful comments that have been posted! they were very much appreciated and acted as a glimmer of hope in this bleakness!

Fal xXx

damn....

go fal!!!

I think that you should try an prove them wrong.. I think you should take their negativity and use it as your fuel... sometimes you need extra drive.. use it to your advantage. Just cause that is what they expect.. doesnt mean it is what you have to give them.

and jay

f*ck off
and learn some tact

(sorry it is worth a warning)

thank you, that means so much ravein! i hate the tears....sob! thank you!

Fal xXx

i think i went slightly flamey with jay...but i doubt i care! sigh....

now for a relevant post

Fallen I hope things start looking up for you. And I agree with ravein, use the negativty as fuel. Sometimes dibielf from another can give you more belief then anything else if you use it that way.

As for you family, they dont sound all that great or family like. Families are supposed to support each not hurt each other.

My father used to tell me when I was a kid that life always equals out. Nomatter how many people there are to hurt you, there will always be someone to help. All you have to do is find that person. He also said that hope is much stronger then hate. So if you can find that person to help you it doesnt matter what other people say that person will always out shine them.

/me places negativity in furnace, lets stoke this baby up! thank you, im gonna go out there and shove it to them! im gonna be successful, i will go to uni and i will get my degree! and them, well they can do what they want.... im leaving the country asap anyway! that'll show them! they wont realize what they have missed till they cant have it! muahahahaha, that just doesnt solve the current situation of them hating me...but i will find a way to cope!

thank you all!

Fal xXx

I wouldnt think they hate you.. I just don't think they know how to show you they love you right now. Whenever someone close to you dies.. in a family.. or group of friends... one of two things happen.. they become closer, or they break apart. Normally if their are problems before hand they break apart. It is hard to deal with loss and grief and maintaine a level of civility. Just cut them some slack, steer clear of fights, and let everyone heal... it is worth it in the long run. In the meantime.. let their negativity piss you off to the point where you are driven to succeed..

ravein, you are like the sensiblest (is that a word, if not, it is now!) person i know! you big shiny advice giver you! mwah! /me hugs you till you go 'ooph' and then i let you breathe again!

Fal xXx

*turns red*
ooph!
hehehe
I just know where you are at right now.. I have been there and I know it sucks.. I know it is sad and lonely.. and I know it doesnt last forever... life keeps on going and you cant change your past.. no matter how hard you try.. all you can do is learn to use it for good.
with that said.. I am going to get beer...

You have every right to and to be honest I don't care so you shouldn't either. It's only the internet and we're both just stating opinions.

I understand you had some troubling times in the past, but there's a difference between letting them bring you down to become less of a person and growing from it. I don't know you personally, but the fact that you went goth shows you took a turn for the worse. Perhaps it's time to see a counselor.

Why does goth = bad for you, Jay?

I'm just curious. I'd really like to see how you'd back that statement up. Because, from my experience, it's just completely false.

You want to act smart here's some information for you.

The things you like are dependent on your personality and mental/emotional status. Someone who is happy and cheery would not comfortable living a dark room wearing nothing but dark clothing and following the gothic culture. Someone who is depressed will be more than comfortable in that society.

I am not saying every person who is goth is depressed or has emotional issues. You are saying that some people who go gothic do so because they like the style. You have to go one step further and ask yourself why they like that morbid lifestyle. It is generally fairly unhealthy.

The fact of her childhood trauma shows that perhaps she isn't handling the situation all too well and by dwelling in a morbid lifestyle she is only hurting herself and preventing and healing and a future growth. If you look at people who turn goth because of a morbid traumatic episode, as soon as they get over it and learn to cope the goth lifestyle goes away. Interesting, no?

Some preps dress a certain way to fit in, I will not deny that. But, they are trying to fit into a healthy lifestyle. That is the difference. Who am I to say what is healthy and unhealthy? I dunno and don't care. But, most people would agree that trying to fit into a morbid lifestyle is more unhealthy than trying to fit in to a normal middle-class lifestyle.

I never said goth = bad or even gothic people are bad. It is a lifestyle that some people enjoy. The problem I have with it is when people don't understand that their lifestyle influences people's opinions of them.

Lets say person A lifestyle is a middle-class, "normal" white male.
Now lets say peron B lifestyle is your typical gothic white male.

Who is going to get better job oppurtunities? Who is more likely to be thought of as depressed and lazy? Who has the greater chance of being looked down upon by society?

Being goth hurts you in the "normal" society. It is something everyone knows and understands when they "choose" to follow this sub-culture. Once you turn goth don't complain when people look down on you. If you were truly independent and original most people would not react to you in the same way. There is a difference between being original and being goth. If you go goth, suck it up and deal with the way poeple respond to you. You dress up and act differently knowing it will get you a "different" type of attention. Don't complain about it when you receive it.

I will refrain from f*cking off, but I do apologize to Fallen for not having any tact.

Thats not true. Gothic doesnt mean morbid and maybe you should talk to some real goths before stating so.

I happen to love the colour black, but I'm generally a very cheery person and I really havent had any hardships in my life. Sometimes people mistake me for being goths but I just happen to like clothes and colours that are taken for being black. Because there dark..dark like my soul. o.O O.o
(I'm kidding that was just a quote from the mata animation) I just like the clothes thats it, and some of the music.


Why because the media says so. The media is starting to make Skaters and goths the norm. So from your standards pretty soon preps will be outcast because they cant dress nice.

You seem to have a very closed mind as to what other people may like. Might I ask why you think people that dress or act differently then you might is wrong. Isnt it diversity that keeps our society moving.

Jay, im sorry to disagree with you, and i am not trying to cause any problems but i think u are out of line, i mean, not everything that is healty for one person, is healthy for everyone. that beng said

Fallen, u can talk to me any time if you need to, im always here to help.

And being goth has never influenced people's opinion of me, most popel tend to get to know me before they say f*ck off u depressing bit*h. i mean, just because someone has a certain lifestyle doesn tmean that they will get the better/worse jobs or attention. I like black an awful lot, and i have had hardhips in my life that have caused me to be downright depressed at times, but that has nothing to do with my being goth. I am what am becuase i like it that way, not becuase im a depressed teen wanting to hide from the world

I never said all Gothic people are morbid and wrong. I also never said my "style" is right. I also never said all gothic people are unhealthy.

Many people who are depressed or go through trauma turn gothic. That is a fact. It is a response to their mental state to enjoy such things that appear dark and morbid. If you do not agree with that then you need to learn a little more about life.

Another fact is your appearance dictates how people respond to you. It is also a fact that people understand this in their subconscious and can/does dictate the way you present yourself. Period.

Of course there are some happy people who enjoy dark clothes. Just like there are many depressed people who enjoy bright clothes. I never said the otherwise. What I said was if you are decide to go "goth" suck it up and deal with the way people respond to you.

I never said you or everyone else goth is a response to being a depressed teenager. Obviously this board has a lot of gothic people or people who support the goth lifestyle. I am not knocking it or saying anything bad about it. And if you truly think your appearance has not influenced the way people have responded to you, you're eiter lying, unnoticing or stay clear of the common society.

I realize that people judge goth's on their appearence
I also realize that this is wrong to do. Do you see that, if not, this really isn't the right place for you.

jajay ... you seem to be one for turning gross generalisation into truths. Your faith is admirable but I fear it may fail you one day.

I realize that people judge people their appearance. Other people have been telling me I'm wrong...

And no, it is not appropriate to judge someone by their appearance.

I'll have you know McDonalds hired me at one point
I probably dont get much of it as I dont wear what would be considered pure goth clothing. But I also think that if society is go to be grudge someone for dressing differently its there problem, and a large one at that.

Thats like saying you choose to say your gay, now you should be ready to deal with people insulting you. And thats wrong society needs to become more open and accepting.

I realize that your saying it society that has these points of view and not you. which I comend you for, but I'm not sure you truely do. as per this quote

ok all i have to add to this is the comments that

1-fal is a guy not a girl and a durn spiffy one at that

2-he's been gothically inclined for a few years now, so your whole "he went goth cause of emotional trauma" argument is pretty much laid to waste and even if he had who are you to judge? look what hes had to cope with.

3-what in hell right do you have to accuse him of laziness and apathy? you dont know him in the least. this thread, and indeed all those like it in this forum are places of sanctuary for people needing support and advice. he was not attention-seeking or whining so there was no need to slam him that way. his mum died during the summer holidays, he didnt take a single day off school (except a few days before the summer to stay in the hospice) and he threw all his energies into poetry, writing, and trying to cope. i doubt i could have even functioned. yes he has changed, but hes trying to work through his problems and if he can i know he'll be even stronger and braver than before. he does not need people like you who have no idea of what theyre b*tching about before theyve already done the damage so just. back. off.

ok - im done and im sorry cause i know that sounds harsh (for me anyways) but for gods sakes think before you act.

*goes into mother lion mode and protects fal*

okay..truth from the real world... the way you dress does influence the type of response you get from people.. it does influence your ability to get a job etc... but there is one important thing to remember... clothes are changeable... my sense of style is very raver... not candy.. just old school raver.. I am a Jenco girl through and through.. I am also a lesbian, who refuses to buy women's clothes that I find demeaning. I also work in a very high profile position, getting ready to move into another high profile position. When I go to work, the tattoos are covered, the piercing are out, the clothes are standard business attire. My attitude is professional, as so is my interaction with clients. When I get off at 5 I go to my car, roll down the windows and jack up a little Diesel Boy or Rabbit in the Moon for the trip home.. the pants come off the jeans go on.. and I am me again, comfortable in my counter culture world. My time is mine, and work is work.. there is a distinct line between the two.. just because I can wear big jeans, have tattoos, roll, smoke weed, go liquid, throw poetry, or stay up till 6 am dancing does not affect my ability to come to my job on Monday and make a 2000.00$ commission check, and have extremely happy clients. No matter what culture you identify with, if you want a job in a standard corp. world, there are times you will have to conform.. that does not change who you are.. it just changes what you look like for a bit. If you are not willing to do this, there are ways around it.. but they are few and far between.. and most of the time not easy to achieve. Just know that clothes don't make you, attitude and knowlege does, the clothes are just a tool to get you in the door.

Ravein..
That's exactly what I'm talking about and I commend you for it... there is nothing wrong with being goth if you know understand what you're doing and are a responsible adult. When people have to live the goth lifestyle 24/7 it hinders them and it does hurt them. I have known numerous goth people some who are like you and others who refuse to take out the peircings or the cloths becuase "it's who they are". That doesn't cut it in the real world.

The original poster presented themself poorly in the initial post to an outsider which is why I responded the way I did. I still feel they need to go see a counselor/psychologist.

Then of course you get goth people i know of, a "24/7" goth as you put it, and they have a VERY high job in marvel comics

Yes, but that is rare. The typical high school/college age student who is 24/7 goth has trouble cutting it in the real world.

like I said there are ways around it.. I was going to promote parties for a while.. just so I could live the life style I wanted... I tried to live off my art and poetry.. that is no good... so for now.. I work in the corp world.. I do what I have to do to live me life in the style I am comfortable... Soon.. I am going to learn to blow glass and start my own company making "tobacco pipes" . and glass art of course.. hence I will find a way to merge my culture with my career.. till then.. my arse belongs to the corp gods mon-fri 8-5
but yeah.. if you can find a way to merge culture/lifestyle and work, that will be a happy career, and honestly you'll probably be more sucessfull... but it is hard. Those few who can get into things like comics, art, music, etc .. and make a decent living.. are very lucky.

In my opinion, there are goths and there are goth arseheads. I don't know if you people fall into this character, but I hate the fool that say "waaahh im a goth death is all" and wear chains and spike and write stupid ABAB poetry about darkness.

Then there are the other. The artistic ones, the smart ones, the one who just wear regular(if slightly moody) clothing. I like that type.

But, in my opinion, look at it this way: In your parents eyes, you're acting like a deviant of society. You're as embarrassing to them as they are to you. They think you're a misfit and a failure. You make you father feel low and that he failed as a parent. This is not what I think, but what I have gathered from parents of goths. I have spoken and chatted with many parents of Goth kids. They express sadness and hurt because of how their offspring is behaving. They have said that hey feel like failures as parent, that they haven't been good parents, that they feel deserted and unloved. These men and women have told me that all they want is their son\daughter back.

Maybe if you just acted like a regular Joe and forgot all this goth stuff and just be yourself.

You need to have a little chat with your father, talk about life, about your mother's death. Family should not grow apart. I am sure the man is suffering greatly about the death of his beloved wife and can't take the strain of you acting like the proverbial jackass while he's trying to cope. You're forgetting that your parents are human too, they have feelings. You "gothicness" is only hurting your father's heart.

ladies and gents,i'm not feeling the love.i have on and off days-somedays im in a nirvana t-shirt,some days im in bright orange shoes,somedays im wearing the latest Gucci line.

so.............

HOORAY FOR GOTHS! HOORAY FOR GRUNGE! HOORAY FOR TREND! HOORAY FOR EVERYBODY!

You should die a horrible death.

Just kidding. But trends are BAD!

The way I live life, I live it by this phrase:

JUST BE YOURSELF

Instant road to happiness.

meanie

i didn't mean trend as in BAAAAAAAAAA we're all sheep following whatever crap happens to be "in" this week,i meant trend as in clothes which are actually sociably acceptable,but not sheep food.and i make me own garb,so u know i'm cool