This is hard for me to post. If I knew why, I'd explain it, but the whole knowing all this has been impossible to explain. I don't know if any of you have ever lost a parent or what it's like, but it seems so cliche. I'm not sure why, yet again, I'm just very confused.

My mom's ex brother in law called to say my dad was in the hospital. The biological one, mind. I hadn't seen him in a very, very long time, so it was a bit of a shock to hear from anyone in his family. The brother said that his colon had ruptured and someone found him outside his apartment last night, and that he was going to die.

My older cousin picked us up and we went to the hospital, and when we first came in it was very odd. I remember my dad being a short man, but he was about 4'2 from the looks of it. Apparently the alcohol had done some very bad things to him .. he just looked so terrible like he was seventy or eighty years old. They kicked us out for a bit, and half an hour later we each got individual time. I didn't really have anything to say, it was just a very foreign situation with a man I barely knew, but he was always nice. I said something along the lines of "Oh god, I must look like utter shit", and he ended up smiling and shaking his head. I held his hand for a while and he wouldnt stop trying to get out of his bed. I'd tell him to relax every now and again but he'd keep trying, like he had to get up for me. He wouldnt listen.

Then the nurse came in and kicked us all out again, so I told him I loved him, and I'm pretty sure he tried saying it back since he couldn't talk.

I guess that was the last thing I'll ever say to him. Don't know if I want to go to the funeral, I don't know anything right now.

This all must sound horribly long and drawn out and melodramatic, but excuse the irony that I feel better posting this to a forum when I'd rather not say any of it face to face with the family.

I'm sorry to hear that, and more sorry that circumstance has made it difficult for you to know how you feel about it. As for the funeral, try not to let anybody rush you into deciding whether or not you will go. You should only ever go to one of those things if you want to, and feel you will benefit from it.

I've been extremely close to losing a parent. In fact, he shouldn't even be alive now. I know what it's like to go in that room and be told this will be your last time to see that parent. It's scary and honestly there is very little anyone can say or do to help. But know that we're all here for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, a hug, or some perverse rambling to make you chuckle

I sincerely wish the best for you and your family.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It must be really hard for you, especially in such a complicated situations...

We all grieve in different ways, and sometimes going to a funeral is something that some people don't want to do. You shouldn't feel obligated to go to the funeral, it's entirely up to you. It may help you and it may not. I've had family members die and I find that going to a funeral is a very stressful but also a very good experience. You get to have some closure. It's really up to you though.

/me hugs Syuu

Ditto what Fuzzy said. You should decide whether or not you want to go to the funeral. Don't let anyone pressure you or make you feel like it's your duty or something.

Words always fail me. They just seem so insignificant at times like this. Well, just know that I'm always here if you ever need to vent about anything..

/me hugs again

I agree with Fuzzy... You can take your time on this one, but deciding is still going to be difficult.

I'm sorry that you have had to experience this - especially in such an abrupt and sudden manner. However, I feel that you'll make the right descision.

Good luck, and for what it's worth - my thoughts (and I'm sure everyone else's) are with you.

*lots of big hugs*
my grandmothers died. one died before i was born, and i never met her. but my other one died may13th, 2001. that was probably the worst week of my life. my grandmotehr was the only person that ever payed attention to me, and she was really the only on that seemed to love me. i remember her fondly, i was her favorite grandchild. its comforting to think about the times shes let me lick the chocolate bowl clean myself, without letting my sisters know. she died and it was horrible for me. but from what i understand of your story you hadnt seen your father in a long time. i dont know what that is like. it must be really hard for you. i sorely wish i had somehting comfortime to say to you, but im not very good at this sort of thing. i really hope things get better.

wy do people have to die?

Ya losing a father is not the greatest thign in the world, trust me I know. Today is the 7th anniversary of my father's passing. I do think about it a lot, and have cried knowing I never would be able to get closer. I have had time to reflect though, and its made me stronger. Keep on trucking.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I wish I could say something helpful or constructive, but... I can't imagine what it would be like if one of my parents died. I guess it's a different situation for you, but still... Whether or not to go to the funeral is a pretty personal decision, I guess. Just do what feels right for you, whatever that means.

I'm sorry I couldn't be helpful at all.

As I'm sure everyone else who reads this will be saying or thinking, I hope you're doing as well as can be expected.

It must be odd, to have not seen him for so long then to suddenly see him and be told 'this is it'. It's good that you got the chance to se him though, at least you can get some sense of resolution there.

As for the funeral, they are always for the living, the person who is dead is beyond getting fussed about who turns up to their party. As was said above, if you want to go then go for your own sake, not for anyone else's.

You have my condolences.

As to the funeral, don't do anything you don't want to do. You may want to force yourself to attend just for the memory. If you don't feel like forcing it, then stay home and cope in your own way. Your family should be willing to accept whatever decision you make.

im really sorry syuu, i know how hard it is to lose a parent but i guess its a bit diffrent since i knew my mom my whole life. but it should be easier you got to say bye to him and it gets easier eventually, i still think about my mom cnstantly but i hardly ever cry anymore. its just somthing that happens and no one can controlyou just got to let them go, and try to forget.

Katii-chan... I love you dear, all right? The funeral is most definitely your decision, of course. Do what you need to, and make no apologies for it.

*one hug from me, and one in place of InKy*

*hugs*
If you need a ear or a shoulder.. I am here. I kinda understand the father part, I have been losing mine for a year now. No one understand exactlly, but if you need to talk I can listen for hours and I have free long distance and unlimited calling after 8
luves and hugs

/me hugs

its always hard, losing someone, no matter how close you are or not. just know that you will always have people to love you, and be here for you.

Oh my gosh! I should have read this post earlier, I was all about myself when I IMed you earlier...

*huggles* *tear* I'm sorry. I hope you'll be ok. u_u;

tis sad stuff.. i know the pain of losing close family all too well... and i know what it can do to your mental well-being... take all the time you need to grieve, mourn, and begin feeling better... and for the funeral, give it time, when the day comes time for you to make your decision, you will know what to do...

Wow .. I'm really in debt to all of you for support. See?! This forum IS better. It's an entire family for me of real people ready to help one of their own, and Mata ought to be proud of his fori chillens. I know I am ..

As usual, lots has progressed. My mom is taking this horribly. Not because she's upset he's dying, but because she never got to hear why he did the things he did. But in my opinion, if I've made my peace with it as the supposed victim, then why can't she? He's not a fatherly type. He is for one, a homosexual, and another, an alcoholic, so I have no trouble accepting that he went to persue another lifestyle. Maybe not in the best way, but from when I spoke to him a year or so ago on the phone, he was a very nice person.

Another thing is that he is in fact dying from sexually transmitted AIDs. It was kind of obvious from the beginning that alcoholism doesn't produce those kinds of dramatic results, but nobody would tell me anyway. So his mother and brothers and sisters are coming out tomorrow, most of them are staying in this house, and I'll be lucky if my mom doesn't go commit suicide ontop of all this.

Again, thank whateverdeityyoubelievein that I have people to be about for me. Maybe it sounds cliche, but I've a horrible time expressing things RL and find it much easier to sob overa keyboard.

Either way. Thanks guys. ..; Condomwrapperhearts times a million.

(*Hugs Missy* Thanks for the InKy hug, too. You're both great, you are. And thank you too, Fuzzra n' Mata and everyone agreeing xx; now I don't feel so bad about my views on funerals. I made my peace with him.)

I'm sorry Syuu. That probably doesn't really convey what I want to say to you right now, but I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family. Take your time deciding whether or not you want to go to the funeral or not. Its completely your choice and no one's going to mad at you if you decide not to go.

<3<3<3

hi. first of all...BIG HUGS! and secondly, i know how you feel, i lost my mum to brain cancer almost four months ago and the funeral was so hard..... as long as you have made your peace with him the decisoin you make will be right, whatever decision it is! feel free to pm me anytime, you are not alone and people love you muchly! xXx take care and trust yourself!

Fal xXx

11/21/03.

He died today. It would have been their 20th anniversary. They said I was the best thing ever came out of the marriage. He remembered I came to visit.

<gives massive amounts of hugs> im sorry... i really am... im here if you need to vent or talk or anything you need. just ask, and ill come running

I'm glad he remembered that you visited. It shows that you saw him at the right time and, more importantly, that your visit meant something to him.

My deepest sympathies to you. I generally know how you feel. I had to go to my grandfather's funeral recently. Everyone around was crying, but I could'nt. I really could'nt do anything, the shock was just too much.

Again, I'm sorry that the circumstances were so unusual....you have my support about the funeral, and the rest of the forum also.....Take care of yourself.

One more hug from me (and Mike). PM me if you need someone to talk to, I've got oodles of nighttime phone minutes I'd be more than willing to use on you. Or not, if you don't want to. Just remember that the hugs are infinite, okay?

*hugs*

(((HUGS))))
I know the next few days till be hectic... but if you need anything just let me know..I would fedex you some love if I could...

*hugs lots*

I'm so sorry to hear that Syuu...

*hugs syuu*

(this is nordelen using hambeans log-in. in case you dont know, we are mates)

i watched my dad die in hospital of progresive lung cacer. he was diagnosed, then about two weeks later he was in a really bad way with it. hospitalized and such. about three days later he signed himself out of the hospital, just so he could come home and see us all (my mum especially). about a week later he woke up, only to find that he was crippled. mum thought he was joking (well, wouldnt you?). he was hospitalised again. two weeks later he died, with all of us around him (me, mum and my two bros). im still thankful to whichever god was watching over my dad for that length of time for not making the suffering last too long.

I'll add my condolences to everyone elses. It's shit that things like this have to happen.

Really hope you and the rest of your family get through this OK.

As with everyone else, I am sorry to hear of your father's passing. You may of not always been close with him but you will really feel crap im guessing when the funeral runs around. That's why we're all here to help ya out, of course you knew that already eh .

I know we do not talk much, but if you wanna talk bout it with me as well, that is AOK with me I am always around to listen to friends. I recently had to help out a friend of mine named Laura when dealing with her ill Grandmother so I got an extra shoulder to cry on if you need it. I'm sure you got more than plenty of those now though. Hang in there.