It's me again Justwondering and today I'm just wondering one thing. How do you unbreak your heart? I've been in some bad relationships, I mean real bad. I lost my first true love to a car accident when I was 15. I got married at 18 and devorced by 19 after she cheated. And i have a daughter from another failed relationship, although my little girl is my whole world. But now I have a big problem, I dont trust women much and I cant seem to let my gaurd down enough to have a relationship anymore. I have had 3 very bad heartbreaking moments in my life and I dont know if i will ever heal from them. Yet at the same time i sit in my house always alone. No matter how many ppl are over i sit alone. No companionship, no love, no reason to be happy. But we all know that no matter how down you are or how upset you are you have to be strong. You cant cry to your friends. You cant break down and loose it, Nope all you can do is act the fool. Play the role of the happy single person. Tell them you love being single and all your freedom. Then when they leave sit down take a look around, and try to find some comfort in the fact that you are a better actor than you thought. That will help the symptom but what of the problem itself? Well that i dont know. I have been at this for 2 years now and i still dont know how i can mend my broken heart. I have had one week girlfriends and meaningless one nighters but i have not connected with a woman in so long. I havent made love in an eternity, I havent found a companion. Thats what its all about ya know not just love but companionship. You need that person that you love to love you back you need them to be there for you when you need a shoulder. You need them there for when you have a bad day and just want someone to say it's gonna be ok. What ya need is your other half the person that completes you the one that makes you better. But with a broken heart where do you find the strength to look?

Well thats my ranting for the day if anyone has any ideas please let me know
Well until next time I'm ..........justwondering

P.S.
Here is a thought how do you truly know what love is and what to look for when you have never relly had anyone tuly love you? How do you beat your fear of being hurt when pain is all you have found when searching for love. And how do you tell the difference between love and lust?

umm... you cant unbreak, only heal, and time is the only thing, that and a nice little bonfire. butin all seriousness, time and the hope of a new.

theres no way to explain it other then, you know.

and to beat the fear dive in. one will qusetion if they are doing the right thing, but its truly better to have a great experience end in sadness, then to never have the experience. the pain of love happens, you cant prevent it, but you cant let you not experience love ever again.

and again, you just know or you don't. lust and love ride the same line, the desire and the need.

its better to have regret of something you did then the regret of something you wish you did. the unknow and the question of "what if.." you never know until you try, and even then you might not know.

i know this isnt really what your focus is... but its important...
my friends are my rock... i havent had major issues being single because i found people to fill the emotional voids for me... they are still the ones who tell me its gonna be ok. i dont want another person to complete me. i want to complete myself.... i say all of this honestly... and i am currently in love.

my point: if you dont open up to your friends, you cant open up to your "other" can you? nothing can take the pain away... but friends can make it SO much better.

there is no sure fire way to get rid of heartache. im sorry, but its true. your best bet is to take a day off, spend the entire day remembering the good times, cry your eyes out. and make an attempt to move on. i know moving on can be hard, but its your best bet if you want to learn to trust women again in hopes of having a relationship.

This is just my suggestion so please only take it as that. I'm not a trained professional in the ways of emotions or anything of the sort.

But I would suggest you stop looking so hard for commitment. Just relax. Your young, when the right person comes along that old love thing with give you a nice sign that its the right time to start being serious. The harder to you try to make something work, the more it will hurt in the end.

I dont thing theres really any strength in looking. Stop looking just go out to have some fun and stop worrying about whats going to come next.

oobunnie has a point....
i have been trying to think of the right way to say this so that it doesn't come out wrong...

It seems to me that when you lost someone close to you at 15 you were very traumatized, which is should be expected. But i think, that after that, you wanted to find love somewhere, and it didn't particularly matter to you where you found it but you wanted to fill the void. So you thought that you found somebody and decided to marry her. (how long were you dating before you married her? was it around a year to a year and half? ) I personally feel that anyone who gets married at 18 has some kind of identity issue (meaning that they don't fully know who they are and put all of their faith into one person, in hopes of gaining some perspective). Nowadays, 18 year olds don't know who they are and are not ready to get married. (i know many people who made this decsion and the same pattern appears) This seemed to be your first maljudgement. This young girl ended up cheating on you most likely because she was just not ready to be in the situation she was in. Then you got into another relationship seemingly shortly after your failed marriage, with probably another young girl like yourself, you clearly didn't use exceptionally good judgement and you have a child to prove it. Now there is no doubt in my mind that you love this child more than life itself, but it was poor judgement non-the-less to have the child. Now i don't know if the child is in your possession or not, but they way you talk it seems like she might be, which means that the girl who had the child again was not ready to be in the situation she was in.

Now not that all of this is your fault by any means and i would never say that it was. But it seems to me, and correct me if i am wrong, but when you do get into relationships that you have a tendency to fall quickly and want to move quickly. Perhaps that is where your downfall lies? I know someone who (mentally speaking) was in a very similar situation as you and i used to have to tell him all the time, when he would come to me complaining about his life, to take a step back stop looking for this "true love" and something would fall onto him. When you have the attitude that he had, and you seem to have, you have a tendecy to turn people off from you. I am going to take one more guess and say that (correct me if i am wrong) you have a lot of girl friends but none of them like you as more than that and that really bothers you? The guy, that i spoke of before, after finally taking my advice after about two years of manic depression and complaining to me finally, found someone (though i don't particularly agree with his realtionship he couldn't be happier) Stop looking so hard, take a step back, and most importantly learn to be comfortable with who you are. If you can not be comfortable with yourself how do you expect someone to be comfortable with you? Shit happens in life and we can all attest to that, it's how you deal with it that determines where you end up. You don't seem to be dealing with it in a manner that allows you to be where you want to be in life. Stop pitying yourself. Take the time to learn to be confident with yourself, and then your life will start to change to be where you want it to be.

Dr. Zesty has entered.

Heartbreak? The one cure is to stop crying about the past, stop worrying about the future and simply live your life for YOU.

Love yourself and lead a regular life and proper love will find you. i promise. In the meantime dont make urself miserable when you could be having fun,

Dr. Zesty leaves.

Oh and the difference between love and lust is that you would love the person even if one of their arms got chopped off or something. Also if you love someone u will be willing to sacrifice things that are important to you for them