So here's the question. Is it ok for a woman to walk alone when it's dark outside?

I've been fighting this battle with my boss ever since it started to get dark early about wether or not I should be able to walk to my car alone after work. I say I'll be ok, if someone goes after me I'll just chuck my cell phone at them or something. She however feels I shouldn't and if her husbands around she'll try and make me walk with him, or if someone else's husband is around they'll walk me to my car. Now why is it ok for them to walk back to the store by themselves? Is it cause they're male? Personally I find it more awkward to be walked to my car by some dude that I don't know, than to walk alone. I know she's thinking of my safety. Perhaps she thinks I'll be robbed or raped, or attacked by the drug dealers who like our ally. I've talked to these drug dealers before, cause they try to bum ciggies off me. As for being robbed, I have nothing to take other than my cell phone and maxed out credit cards. I also don't carry a purse so it would be hard to rob me properly. Raped.......well I can't seem to get any at all do to lack of interest so I'm not concerned with being raped. I could be wrong though. I just get tired of people thinking just because I don't have a penis hanging between my legs that I can't handle myself in the half a block walk to my car.

Your thoughts?

I'm all for walking someone to their car, male or female. It makes no difference to me. But, if said person feels brave enough or safe enough to go at it alone, it their choice.

I used to work at the mall and I would sometimes walk into the parking lot with the chicks I worked with. We all parked near the employee entrence so it wasn't a big deal or anything. We just saw it as a precautionare measure. If more than one of us were leaving at a time we'd walk out to the parking lot together, whether we were of the same gender or not. I just happened to work with a lot of females. This chick Setri and I would close a lot and I would joke about protecting her against rapists and vampires and what-not, but it was kind of true. We all just looked out for eachother.

Well we do that too righteous. If we're all leaving at the same time we go in a pack, and that's fine in my opinion. My last job I would joke about protecting all the guys from the rapists and robbers and what not. I think my problem is more that the last couple of days I've had to leave before everyone else because I got there too early not to. I just don't see why it's such a big deal to let a girl walk alone to a car.

The managers never had me walk Sentri or Amy (the chicks I worked with [I was the only guy]) out to their cars as they were leaving. I never really saw a major problem in it.

Well Lo, I guess the obvious has to be stated, most perpetrations occur when a girl is by herself, out of public view, or seems vulnerable enough. A girl , by herself and in the dark? Yeah. I'd be concerned to. But I understand your point. But unfortunately the numbers are against you. Besides. What's so wrong about pretending to have your own private guard and you're the president?




Play it on the safe side, no big deal, right?

** hugs **

Unless of course you're a master at jin jitsu/kung fu /kimbo, I pity the fool that dares cross you!

And yes, it's because the are packing a "gun" in their pants. Obviously a guy would not attack another guy for money, unless he knows he can be overtaken easily and be a quick kill. An unlikely scenario. At least some stereotypes work in your favor? Get a male blow up doll and have him walk you!

It always pissed me off big time that, back when I was a cashier/courtesy clerk for the local grocery chain, they wouldn't let me go outside after dark. This got especially frustrating during the winter months, when by 5.30pm, I'd be stuck inside bagging and dealing with customers when the guys were all outside, screwing around with the carts. Being somewhat naive, I asked once why this was, and they said that I was female, and they couldn't risk me being kidnapped and raped. This shocked me. I'd have never thought of discrimination being considered "protection", but I argued my case - I was bigger and stronger than half the 14-year-old boys they were allowing out after dark!

I eventually quit over that, among other discriminations that I experienced based on gender (I got walked over all the time in that place), so eventually they pissed me off enough that I decided the job wasn't worth it.

So Missy should we walk our "helpless" selves to the car?

F**k yes we should.

In any case, I'm a big fan of well-lit parking lots.

All the better. Then I won't feel compelled to accompany the wussy boys.

My friend Sam(antha) had an encounter in the parking lot at our high school after a basketball game. I'm thinking of getting her mace/pepper spray or making some myself with some glitter in in to mark her attacker (that stuff takes so long to get off). It makes a good Christmas gift.

i walk alone when its dark all the time, yeah i had things happen, but i still do it. a few times i had someone walk to my car because of people at work. i used to walk the 40 minutes from my friends house to mine at 3 in the morning, which was stupid but what else was i suspose to do. this is one of those hypocrict things of mine that women shouldnt walk alone at dark, but its ok for me to do it .

I think that people in general should be more careful. I hold my keys in my fist (with them sticking out between my fingers) and know self-defense. I try not to walk alone at night and if I do, I try to walk in well-lit areas. I grew up in Philadelphia and Center City was rough. There were some places you had NO business walking at certain hours. My friend Angel lived in the Puerto Rican section and his grandmother once asked him to go to the corner store to get a quart of milk. The drug dealers are rough. You can't "just say no." They'll shove a joint in your mouth and make you smoke it. When they came up to him, he said, "Naw man. You shoulda caught me a half an hour ago. I just had one." It was a common occurance.

now, maybe im a little pansy... i dont know... but i HATE walking outside in the dark... i dont do it often... but when i do, and im alone.... i sprint. i just get this overwhelming fear that someone is behind me... i look behind me... then i feel like someone is in front of me... i turn back around quickly... nothing... sprinting.... but, when someone else is around (ie. someone wants me to walk with them) its nothing to worry about. i cant walk my friend to his house and have it be decently fun. walking back, im scared out of my mind... saftey in numbers for this pansy, eh? /shrug

i always think i don't have a problem with it, but when i am alone in the dark (especially if i'm down or angry) i tend to think people are there etc. so, i try not to walk around in the dark anymore. but i'd hate someone to tell me i couldn't, so imo it's up to the individual, if they think they're safe then let them be.

screw that.. walk yourself out.. your a woman damnit! act like it! take the biggest key on your key chain, stick it inbetween your two middle fingers. If someone comes at you.. stabb'em in the eye!!! *makes wrestler pose* arrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Really though, if you feel uncomfortable get someone to walk you out. Honestly it does not hurt to learn some self defense stuff, cause it is a odd world. But a woman can defend herself just as well as a man. There may be a issue of strength, but a well placed punch, kick, pressure point is a great equalizer. So i say, screw that, hold your head up high and march your cute little efiminate arse to your car!

I don't think that the issue here is that women are weaker or crapper, it's that they're more of a tempting target for the would-be robber. As well as the would be rapist, being that male rape is far less of a common occurrance. Also, a potential robber/rapist/whatever (RRW from here on in) is far less likely to attack a pair of people than just one person.

Let's face it, if an RRW pulls a gun on someone, whether they're got meat and two veg or a pair of funbags is pretty much irrelevant. Bullet's are equal oppotunities wounders.

From the business's point of view, a company is covering it's own ass legally by insisting that someone accompany you out to your car, as much as just being considerate, nice folk.

I understand in all technicality that my boss needs to watch her own back, although technically I don't work FOR her I just work for her. I work through a temp agency.

Thing is I feel less comfortable having her husband walk me to my car, than walking alone. He's creepy. I also don't like strangers walking me to my car because I hate the awkward small talk.

I know there are a lot of people out there that target women because they do think we are easier targets. This, however, doesn't have to be the case. At least in my opinion. I learned something when I was younger, at least in my area this proved true. Hardly anyones out after dark because they're all too afraid of eachother and being attacked. I used to take walks in the middle of the night and come back an hour or two later. I just had to clear my head, and since the only people I saw were the local homeless crew, who I knew all by firstname from these walks, I wasn't too worried. Maybe that's why I'm so non-chalaunt about walking to the car by myself after dark.

Sorry, but I just have to question this statement. My husband lived his entire life in Harlem until he was 18 and he always laughs at those "special" episodes of shows where a kid is pressured into doing drugs by someone who is dealing. Drug dealers have PLENTY of customers. They needn't go out and try to force people to take drugs -- that would just be a waste of their product. Better to save it for someone who will be a repeat customer and won't just try to avoid them. Where he lived, it just did not happen the way that you described...and his project building was one of the worst in New York. Shoving joints into peoples' mouths would just attract cops even more than usual. More cops = getting busted = less money = bad for the dealer.

As for the original topic -- I think that everyone, male and female alike, should learn how to defend themselves. If they can do so, then there's no need whatsoever to have someone walk with them to their car in the dark unless they specifically ask for it because it would make them more comfortable.

I used to be fine walking to my car alone at night. But I had a pretty scary experience involving stone throwing and name calling once and I was pretty skittish about walking to my car alone after that for a while but I got over it. I think if you let the people who throw stones or take your money or beat you up rule your life though you've let them win. And really when you think about it, who deserves to win?

F*$k walking to the car, I'm walking all the way home after dark every night. I have no problem with it, and I can't stand it when people make a big deal out of it. At one of the places where I work, several of them are kinda stingy about letting me walk home by myself, even though I live less than a block from that place. I've allowed them to force me to accept a ride with one of them twice now, and I really don't feel comfortable doing that. It's the "uncomfortable small talk" that bugs me for one reason. Plus I hate having people feel sorry for me because I don't have a car, and that's all it feels like. From now on, if they offer me a ride, I've figured out how I can possibly avoid it -- I'm just going to say that I have to do some grocery shopping before I go home (there's a grocery store right next to where I work).

Also, I'm sick of how society tries to attack these types of problems from the wrong end -- make the wimmin hide away and live in fear of being alone, rather than teaching the boys and men not to rape, abuse, or objectify wimmin. Wimmin are taught to think of themselves as victims just for being born a womyn, and that just bugs me. I'm not a victim, I'm a humyn being, and I'll walk myself where and when I damn well please, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, I have a super-fast walking pace, so I'll be damned if anyone, even a rapist, could keep up with me. I am also constantly aware of when I have someone walking behind me. This isn't just a safety issue, I also feel very self-conscious if someone's walking behind me, so maybe that's part of why I walk real fast too -- to more quickly lose the person/people walking behind me.

I hate how society conditions all of us to be afraid to leave the safe confines of our homes at night. We're all being trained to be victims and consatntly watch over our shoulders. When I stay at my sister's in Jacksonville, I try my best to not worry about the people around me and for the most part I dont. I am, however, sketchy about some folks I encounter and when I am, I grab my keys from my pocket and hold them in my fist (mainly for a sense of security).

I agree that people should be taught not to victimize women. We see portrayals everyday of women as victims, in the media, on the telly, in movies, etc. RRWs are taught from day one that if you want a helpless target, women are the way to go. Rape is something I particularly do not like and the conditioned victimization sure as Hell doesn't help.

I don't want to sound funny or state the obvious but if you don't like it have you told them? Tell them to stop doing it? If you want to take that risk (whatever size it might be) then that's your choice not theirs!

Personally no one ever offers to walk me to my car and someone was murdered in our car park!

I have always absolutely detested the fact that people believe women can't take care of themselves. I think that if a girl is a size 0 and tiny then yes, it might be a good idea for them to be walked out to their car, otherwise I believe women can handle themselves. We're not weak, and we don't need any chauvinistic atitudes from men, nor do we need any knights in shining armor. So unless we ask, let us walk our ownselves to our car.



lmao - that's great - so true though

Quite frankly, I'd feel much more comfortable being walked by my friend Ingrid to my car than worry about anyone attacking her. Well, someone *might* attack her -- she's rather short and unassuming looking -- but I would pity the foo' who would do it. She used to *train* people in karate.

Still, if you're in a rough part of town, having an escort is never a bad idea... whether you're male or your female. Although you're right, it's dumb because he has to walk back to the store alone. ~rolls eyes~. But really, if you feel comfortable walking alone to your car, then go ahead. If you're not *acting* the part of the victim, you're less likely to become one.

So what am I saying? Yes, it's dumb that your boss wants you to be escorted LoLo, but just think of it this way: women tend to be the victims of assaults way more often then men do, so really, your boss is just concerned for you. It's dumb and it's sexist, yes, but it's stemming from a real concern she has for you. Just try to explain *your* point of view to her, that you really can take care of yourself, but understand that she's being this way out of a real concern for you.

I don't know if that made any sense, or not. Oh well.

i am in complete and total agreement with tigersong. ingrid could easily prod anyone's buttock!

and yes, more women get victimized than men, but like jaq said, you can't live your life in fear.

last year i had an evening class. it ended about 15min after the last bus home left, so i'd do a 40 minute walk every tuesday around 7pm. somedays i'd stay late in the darkroom too, so i'd be walking home at 2am, and i never felt unsafe. 2am in the middle of winter, i figure that potential rapists have better things to do than freeze their bums off waiting for a victim. and even when it's not winter, i just figure- how many bad guys life between the university and my house? and what's the likely hood that they will be looking for a target at the precise moment that i am walking through their territory? and that there won't be anyone else around? it doesn't matter how late i'm out, i always seem to see at least one person out with their dog and a couple holding hands. not to mention random people in cars.

Well my boss has stopped insisting that I be escorted to my car at night, at least this week. I guess it was the last time I ditched her husband and walked to the car by myself anyways that made her decide that it's ok for me to walk alone. I don't think she'll let it slide tonight though seeing as I get off work 2 hours later than I normally do, and we all know the rapists and murders are out at 8 pm.

I think part of my annoyance about it has to do with just the sheer unlikelyhood of it happening. I mean, yes, it could happen, but so could a nuclear attack, which, in my opinion, has more chance of happening.

Why should I want to live in fear that something bad is going to happen to me? What is the point in that? Why can't I go on living my life and not worry about all the bad things that could happen?

Think about it, if we all thought that way, we'd all be scared to do anything. Oh no, I better not go out after dark, I could get kidnapped. Oh no, I better not use electrial appliances, something could spark and catch on fire. Oh no, I better not use a car, I could die. Oh no, I better not eat meat, it could be unsanitary. Oh no, I better not sit inside my house, the roof could be badly made and fall in on me and kill me. Oh no, I better not go outside, it could be cold and I could freeze to death.

Come on, people, "could" makes for a pretty sheltered existence. Note I say existence, because if you're thinking like that all the time, chances are that you're not really living anymore.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in fear all the time. Hence why I don't want to be walked to my car. I want to walk to my own car, because I'm not afraid.

Missy's right. A lot of things could happen. I could get hit by a car when I go out and get the paper. The roof could collapse. I could get hit by a falling meteor. I could get struck by lightning. A buttload of thing could happen, but it doesn't stop me from going out and having fun.

A forty minure walk in building snowstorms uphill both ways with no shoes on?