I read this in GQ this month and they were too funny not to share.

---

1. The environment is for pussies. Bush for president.
2. Reviving the economy to where it had already been.
3. In your heart, you know he's not as dumb as he sounds.
4. Oh, what's a few million jobs lost?
5. I'm a Bush man!
6. Osama: We'll find him, we swear. Vote Bush.
7. A dangerous man for a dangerous world!
8. You need Bush & Dick
9. Let's put the liberals in a spider hole where they all belong.
10. Bush: This time he wants to win fair and square.
11. Extremism in the defense of stupidity is no vice. Bush '04.
(weee! my favourite!)

12. Keep W. Employed.
13. The man who got us into this mess is the only man who can get us out of it.
14. Hey, don't forget that check for $600 we sent you "for working families" in 2001! Bush '04.
15. The devil you know: Vote Bush.
16. No regime change here! Bush '04.

hee hee hee

You read GQ.

wheeeee...
those remind me of something I found a little while ago....(it's a bit long, sorry):

To the tune of 'if you're happy and you know it':

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

you might find this fun.. I almost pissed me pants watching this....

dishonest dubya action figure

Would You Like To Bomb Iran?

I'm stealing 8 for my next sig =)

Here are some good bumper stickers...

Bumper Stickers for Florida
"I are illeterate, and I vote"
"I can't read, but my vote counts just as much as yours"
"I also MEANT to turn off my turn signal"
"Do YOU remember who I voted for?"
"I'm undoing my kids' votes"
"Florida, The State That Can't Vote Straight."
"Florida. The Population is Older Than Dirt, and Dumber Than Dirt Too!"
"Florida, Land of Frauds and Nuts!"
"Florida, the Dumbdown State."
"Florida, Where Your Vote COUNTS (and counts, and counts...)"?
What part of "I don't remember" don't you understand??
What was the Question???
I play Bingo, and I vote
Careful, I voted for Gore/Buchannan
George Bush, two out of three election counts prefer him
If you can read this you're a lot smarter than a Palm Beach voter
My grandparents moved to Florida and all I got was three recounts
Honk If You Love Buchannan - wait, no - I Mean Gore
FLORIDA, we have to ask ourselves: Is our voters learning?
"SORE/LOSERMAN"
Honk if you love vote fraud
If at first you don't succeed, vote, vote again
Thank me--I meant to vote for Gore
If you can read this, you must be a Republican
FLORIDA: Vote fishing capital of the world!
PALM BOOB COUNTY: We allow the really dim bulbs to VOTE

Several thousand Palm Beach residents met recently for a "Democrats Are Not Stupid" convention. Al Gore says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Palm Beach Democrats are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer? A small elderly woman gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Gore asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the crowd started cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" So Gore says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting all of you people in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" Gore is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the little old lady starts crying and the Democrats begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!" Gore, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" The lady closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as every Democrat in the audience jumps to their feet, waves their arms, stomps their feet and screams... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Sailing notice

Would Alex Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue, David Geffen, Barbara Streisand, Pierre Salinger, and all other liberals who previously announced they would leave the country if George Bush was elected President, please report to Florida for the sailing of the Good Ship Lollipop which has been commissioned to take you to your new home.

The Florida Supreme Court will hold a farewell parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties before your cruise. Please pack for an extended stay...at least four years. Your captain is Bill Clinton, your cruise director is Al Gore. Joe Lieberman will be your purser and Monica Lewinsky is your recreation director.

Your primary job, while self-exiled, will be to pound sand until such time as you realize your worthless bleeding heart liberal ways and gain a grasp on reality - which may be never for some of you losers.

If you have any questions about your final destination, please direct your comments to Hillary, she's staying behind and will be in charge of whining liberals for the next four years.

Titanic's LAST MYSTERY REVEALED!

For years, the admiralty and maritime scholars have reviewed every statistic regarding the late great ship. The simple facts were that Titanic sailed with 2,224 passengers. Of that number, 1,503 perished while only 711 survived. One of the last great mysteries was the previously unexplained fact that, of the 711 survivors, 704 were registered Republicans. It has been only a theory for years, but recent events in Florida confirm earlier suspicions: The Republicans aboard the Titanic were able to follow the arrows to the life rafts.

Say It Again !! A man goes to the White House and asks to see President Clinton. The secret service officer on duty tells the guy that Clinton isn't President any longer, please leave. The man goes away. The next day he comes back to the White House and asks to see President Clinton. Secret service on duty tells the guy that Clinton is not the President any longer, please go away. The man goes away. The next day he comes back again, and again the same officer is on duty. The man asks to see President Clinton and the secret service man says, -- WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING HERE ASKING FOR HIM? CLINTON IS NOT PRESIDENT ANYMORE!!! The man smiles happily and says, "SAY IT AGAIN !!!"

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came upon a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his card and invited him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat took note and was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, he too decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office, then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave him fifty dollars. He also felt REALLY proud for having rendered assistance. That about says it all.

i read all this stuff, and i fell out of my chair laughing about 3 times.. its great.. i heart you all

Even me, being the conservative that I am?

I love those! Ingenius! *falls on floor with laughter*

And it's the truth too.

hee hee hee, funny!

*falls over, twitches, passes out...

hehehe


Fal xXx

Is it really necessary for him to constantly state that he's a conservative?

Kerry campaign slogan, after he switched sides...Liberating Iraqi children from tyranny is costing too much, end the war, and Saddam only kills his own people, it is none of our business.

Stop the spread of wealth, VOTE GREEN, let's all be miserably poor together!

OK, look guys: we've had quite enough joke user accounts for one month. I know it's funny to pretend to be Conservatives and put such amusing banners up, but it's really becoming quite tiresome. Could we just lay off for a while?
[/irony]

You are all diseased.

Let us be frank and analyze the "differences" in the american political parties.

The left tax you in the name of the people, peace, and social equality. The right do it in the name of the nation, defense, and american livelihood. Both tax, both are tyrants, just in their own special ways.

The left believe in a utopian socialist paradise that will never come to pass. The right believe in an era of antiquity which will never come to pass again.

The terms democrat and republican are just ways to disguise conformity. They are the name of political parties in america, rapidly merging political parties that will soon become one in the same. A democrat can be very conservative, and a republican can be very liberal. The line will only continue to blur.

I feel as if I must agree with Polo here.. a few IP searches have shown Guaraldi posting from the same IP. I do hope that you are not participating is such immature and childish behavior. I mean really... cant you say everything that you need to say with one username?

my cool user name wasn't taken has quite a different tone than Guaraldi. Are these one in the same or what?

They are related. Conservatism runs in the family. It's...sorta...cute.

Nothing cute about a bro that gets me in trouble on every board we both go to.

I can't exactly speak for the right, but I know that the left tends to be made up of "practical idealists"... while we seek out a socialist world that is better than the present one in which we live, we know that there will always be social problems.


I'm not exactly sure why taxation makes one a "tyrant," seeing as how the democratically elected governments instituted the taxes...

I agree that the two-party system in the US is horribly weak, and that the Democrats and Republicans often aren't too far away from each other on positions, but then that's American conservative politics for you. I highly doubt that you're right about the two parties "merging"... unless you mean their philosophies tend towards centrist politics. But I would have to say that, for the most part, the two parties will continue to have a fundamental split between them, since western culture is so apt to label self as God and other as Satan -- but that's the black and white politics of today.

The UN loving, tree hugging, peace-fest people are not the grand population. The progressives want to "work toward a batter world". This is eventually a world where modern problems disapear. They fail to accept to themselves that they want an unnattainable utopia yet will always kick and scream when things can't go their way.That is a different thread. I will not go into it here, and we have had this discussion before so it does not bear repeating.

I'm not sure what you're talking about for "UN loving, tree-hugging, peace-fest people"... the socialists *I* know are far from your description here, but I could just be misinterpretting your statement. Although, I'm not sure what's wrong with being a fan of the United Nations -- it's not a perfect organization, but it's the best thing we've got for now.

You're really trivializing the socialist movement when you say we "kick and scream when things can't go their way." We're practical. We do not believe in a state of Utopia. We work towards bettering ourselves and humanity and our situation here on earth. It can't be perfect, obviously. But it *can* be better.


First off, thank you for telling me what can and cannot go in a thread I created.

Secondly, you were the one who brought it up in a thread that was meant to be humourous/satire.

Thirdly, I simply disagree. And since you had a right to say you thought that taxes were some form of dictatorship, I have every right to reply that they weren't. I wasn't trying to spawn a discussion on this point.

you're related? hmm.....the gene pool needs more chlorine

Please don't insult those with different political beliefs from you. Criticising the belief itself is fine, but ad hominem insults don't contribute anything to the debate.

It's not just Sir Max - everyone needs to keep this in mind.