With all the sex and masturbation topics of late, it got me thinking (more so than usual) about other aspects such as virginity.

When is it acceptable for a person to lose it?

I have friends that lost theirs at 13 and others that are 25 and still havent.

Personally I lost it when I was 16... I would have done it a year or two earlier but it just didn't happen and I wasnt purposely trying to do so.

I dont think an age limit can be set. Its just when the person feels ready to do it. (although I'm not supporting really young people having sex, or paedophilia for that matter )

I don't know about any other countries but the law in Australia is that you cant have sex until your 16 (without breaking it - the law that is ) Then there's the issue of the age of consent for gay sex. I don't think it should be any different to heterosexual sex.

Good question, but sometimes I wonder just how should virginity be defined nowadays? I tend to think in terms of an intimacy continuum... still, sounds like you are talking about when things actually get inserted into other things...

I would maybe say, whatever sexual activity people want to engage in, they have to be mentally (ie "knowledgeable"), emotionally, and financially ready.

Like, not just knowing about the pregnancy and STD risks, but actually taking those risks seriously, being responsible enough to remember to use condoms, dams, every time, have a good enough memory to take the pill every day.... be able to afford condoms, the pill, etc., have enough money for STD tests, or any other medical issue that comes up...talking to your parents about stuff if anything does happen....that all takes a lot of maturity, and a lot of 13 and 14 year-olds I know don't have that....

But maybe I'm just overly protective and obsessively careful, and a worrier! Still, not to insult 13 year olds, but I don't know hardly any that I would say are ready for those considerations....I know my best friend now kind of regrets having had sex at early 16, even though nothing bad happened. It's just that she realized later she would rather have waited, even though she thought her relationship was ready for it at the time...

After this long rant, let's just say, I would be really happy if my kids waited until 18 to start having sex....I mean, it won't kill you if you don't have it before 18, and there's PLENY of other fun, related things you can do....and I know a lot of people who have a better idea of who they are and what they want in a relationship by age 18 than they did at 15....but that's not true for everyone, and it really depends on the person. So there!

Simple answer:

Be Safe, Be Sure, Be Happy!

it's when you feel right at the time. you could wait for a better feeling, but if it doesn't come...i like to live in the moment, although naturally i was and am always careful. and like art said, there's plenty of other stuff, so people shouldn't feel that it's the be all and end all of sexual relationships.
the way i see it, it's more a matter of trust. i agree that the age limit shouldn't be set, but then again i think it's around that age when the average person is ready so i'm not that bothered by it, being 17 now anyway and not a virgin anymore. still...occasionally, i don't as much regret it but wonder what it would have been like to lose it to someone else. there's a lot of thinking to be done on it, whatever your opinion is.
the homosexual limit should be the same as the hetero. it's not like the emotions and mental maturity of homosexual or even bisexual people are retarded or less adept than those of straight...so yeah, it shouldn't be different. that's discriminating where i come from. (two miles away from the fens )

virginity is something i hold close to me.. i made a promise to God. myself, and my future wife that the only person i'll ever be with is my future wife.. i intend to keep that promise..

good for u Darkx. Everyone is entited to choose when they want to lose their virginity. 'cept for people its taken from

I have no regrets when I lost mine. Although it was a very stupid situation, but I guess I didnt have a very high regard for my virginity. Each to their own.

There are two views to take
1) Its something you keep sacred for a special person
2) Its a goal to achieve and breaking your virginity is just like getting more practice before that hottie comes along who you really like.

Althought im a bit of a number 2), i give props to those still holding on to it to give it to someone special.
Mine feels wasted but to be honest id hate to wait and then give it to someone i really cared about and have them break my heart. I really do think age is a issue, my mate recently had a drunken fumble without protection and i did shout at him for it. He shrugged it off.
Just for 30 mins of fun he could ruined his future women in general. Aids,std or getting pregnant... is it really worth it unprotected.
Needless to say they both regret it and he is a little more the wizer....

There is a moral in here somewhere ....

I disagree, I take neither view. I don't think virginity has any practical relevance (we're not talking aesthetic relevance).

I hate you

So your saying virginity is just virginty..... just a word. Am i getting the wrong end of a big sharp pokey stick?

I spoted your bad spelling before you changed it......

I'm saying that it doesn't matter if you lose your virginity at fifteen or thirty. Sex should be an informed and safe decision, whether the first time or the hundredth.

Skapunkmonk Asks If that could be shouted so that my friend remembers the next time he goes to work he should be wearing a Johhny Hat

hahaha *is unable to be serious at 2am*

I'm with Commie. I don't take either view.

This is how it happened:

1. I was a a party.

2. I was drunk.

3. I went and slept in bed with drunk guy from party.

4. We both woke up.

5. We both were horny.

6. U can guess the rest.

I'm sorry to ruin everyones views of how it should be sacred and with the person of your dreams after a candle lit dinner and walk along the beach in the moonlight.

But that's how it happened - It was a f*ck.

I think that as long as you are mature enough to be able to take on the responsibility that sex brings then it shouldn't matter what age.

I personally only have sex with people I care about, I don't go to that stage until more than just a couple of weeks into a relationship...though anything else goes.

Second that.... the reality really was "in out, shake it all about"

Literally it was... 'cept it didnt last any longer than "in, out"

And i quote "Im sorry, thats never happened before" Media and tv make out everyones first time to be the best sex they ever had. The majority of them are shite, lets admit it...

lol... he didnt even have that excuse!

I guess if its great the first time, then we'd have nothing to improve upon, hence sex would become boring. Or great every time?

I lost my virginity back in August. I can honestly say I was ready. I lost it to someone whom I intend on spending my life with. It had meaning. Our relationship is close and that was/is just one of the main ways of showing our love for another and becoming as one. Enough said.

http://www.monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=52349
....

haha, nice comic.

I think Tigerlily's post says it all.

I haven't lost mine yet. I really believe that sex should be taken seriously, not only because of STD's and getting pregnant and all those things, but also because I believe it's more then 'just a fuck'. Now. Ask anyone, I am one horny mother. But even with that, I still keep in mind that sex is such an emotionally bonding act, and it should always be taken very seriously. Whoever can wait until their marriage night, I have extreme respect for, because that is the ultimate gift you could give your partner. After all those horny nights alone, you still saved yourself for that one person you've looked for all along.

I'm a hopeless romantic about these sort of topics, though. My opinion is, simply, that if you find someone whom you really care for and you really think you're ready, then sex is a very intimate way of showing your feelings and commitment (but not the only way). However, I personally don't agree with sleeping around with anyone for a good time whenever you feel like it. I believe sex should be saved for the few people in your life that you really care for, and that way it's much more meaningful and enjoyable for both parties.

I regret losing mine when I did... not at the time, or the year or so after. But after the girl and I split up, I found it kinda saddening that I didn't lose it to someone I'll be with for much of my life. Especially when, in retrospect, I consider our relationship to be not what I conned myself into thinking it would be.

But then I also have this idea that, whilst there is the physical virginity that you lose that very, very first time, there's also an emotional virginity for those people that intend to have long-term relationships. In other words, that first time with someone new, whom you hope to spend many years with, acts as another losing of virginity.

If you see what I mean.

Kinda' hard to explain.

I gues it's really up to the person. For instance, I lost it when I was 18 to my best friend Harmonie and to this day she and I are very close. My brother Rick lost it at 16 to his girlfriend he will one day marry. My other brother Tim lost it at 15 to Rissa, aslo known as the group slut. I can really only focus on myself in this matter. I will say that I highly suggest waiting for the right time and the right person or possibly even until marriage. I lost it to someone I'll love for the rest of my life and feel blessed because of it. Rick will end up having only one sexual partner for the rest of his life. Tim, on the other hand, has been around. As I said, I suggest waiting for the right person at the right time. Don't just randomly jump someone's bones at a party.You may end up hating yourself for it.

Actually, I dunno what the situation in Canada is, but in the US all of that stuff is free. You can get condoms from any local health department (they also usually also do free immunization and WIC...the sign will say "Family Planning" somewhere on it, generally). They also will test you for STDs for free and provide you with the pill or the shot. But there's also the possibility of getting pregnant and either paying for an abortion or keeping it. Or giving it up for adoption, in which case the adoptive parents take care of all the expenses. But if they take the necessary precautions, then there's a very small chance they'll have to deal with that. Still a chance though, so I'd agree that they should be financially and emotionally ready to either give the child up, abort the pregnancy, or keep the baby.

Meanwhile...I think it really is different for everyone. I was 18 when I lost it, and now am married to the man I lost it to. Sex and love just...go together to me. I can't even contemplate having casual sex. It's one thing I'm rather old fashioned about. I don't think I was ready before that time, so I'm glad I waited till I was 18.

I did the casual sex thing once and to this day, I hate myself for it. I too reserve sex for those you love, be it boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or dear close friend.

The closest thing to casual sex I've had (without wanting to jump off the top of my house) was with Harmonie. It's hard to explain. We're just so close that we could do stuff like that. It's like the fact that we're such close friends enabled sex to be lighthearted and friendly. Does any of that make sense?

I can understand that, my case is slightly simular. I lost mine to my then girlfriend but we both had a lot of emotional problems that developed around us and we grew apart from eachother as boyfriend and girlfriend and turned into great friends who just have random friendly sex. I can't pinpoint the exact time when we finished being together as partners but it was between September and January...5 months.

That's a good point. I guess if you only save it for the select few people you really want to be with, then you're kinda like a virgin the first time with all of them because it feels just as emotionally life altering as the very first time. If that made no sense, sorry ^^; but I understand what you mean.

Well, I think that if you are ready then go for it, as long as you know the facts. I think that vriginity is put on too high a pedestal, it's not that big of a deal. Sure, if that's what you beleive, it's what you beleive, but if you want to, and know about it, you shouldn't feel guilty because you weren't married. I'm a virgin still, but I'm only young, and I'm not saving myself untill marriage, it's not human nature. I'm not getting married, so why should I wait? I mean, I'm no slut, I don't have casual sex, but I wouldn't wait just because the guy isn't 'the one'. As long as I feel a connection, and it's not just a 'hey, uh, you. I'm bored, wanna do me?' thing, it's okay.

Well, I'm a virgin. And that's a rarity in my high school. We have quite a few pregnant girls in my school.

I think do it whenever you're ready. Don't do it if someones forces you into it. You know the whole "You'll do it if you love me." situation shown in so many Lifetime movies.

Just remember this kids,"No Glove. No Love." Or if you arent into the whole romantic sex thing, then no glove, no hot, sweaty, monkey sex.

I agree with what darkx said, I intend to keep my virginity until I'm married. That's just my preference.

I've seen situations like that from both males and females. It really saddens me. However, to that soeone can say, "Well, if you love me, you'll respect my decision to wait."


That quite noble and commendable. (hug) Go for it.

I made a promise to my nan that I would not have sex before marriage, so I believe I will keep the promise.

Yeah. If I remember correctly, my sister had a boyfriend long while back named Trevor. Nice guy, but according to my mother (I was too young to understand at the time but i found out this year) that Trevor had been pressuring my sister a bit about sex. Obviously they broke up

Yeah, forcing one for sex is just wrong to me. There are 2 types of losing virginity there are as well as sex itself:

F*cking: Basically doing it for the jollies. There is no connection with the person, you just like the hot lovin'.

Making love: Is more associated with 2 people who love and respect one another, who want to show their love in another way, hence sex. There is close bonding and sometimes is part of the spiritual path the 2 people walk together.

Obviously a close bonded relationship like long term, common law or married people can love and enjoy the experience in a good balance. In a good relationship when virginity is first lost, two things could happen: you can come closer together or there might be awkward feelings afterwards.

This (as one of the ways) is one way of a determining factor on how close you and your significant other really are. A stable, well brought up relationship will end up for the best me thinks.

I lost my virginity the summer of my 20th year, how very uncool of me eh?

It wasn't so much of a personal choice, its just I never really considered any of my female friends in a sexual aspect. Before you say anything, I consider my self a practicing straight man, with a bisexual side waiting to come out. Plus the idea of sex terrified me to no end, but that was just my own personal insecurity.

I lost mine when basically raped by a female friend. And silly little me thought I could share a queen size bed in a hotel room and still be a gentleman.

To those of you purposefully holding your virginity, I salute you. To those dying to get rid of the scarlet 'V', have hope. And to my sexually active audiance, be safe.

Love, David.

Someone understood me!

Yes, it made sense - and you said it better than me, too.

j/k

Sex is probably the one thing I'm a bit conservative about... While I'm not against people who have pre-marital sex, I'd rather keep my virginity until I'm married. Just my personal preference; I don't think I could deal with casual sex or multiple partners. It would just be really strange and I don't think I'd feel comfortable with myself.. ANYWHO, my belief is to do it when you feel it's right for you ( again, not supporting paedophilia etc. ), as long as you're informed and you're willing to take on the consequences that ( even if it's a small percentage with protection etc. etc. ) might become your responsibility, which also why I think should include your financial situation and such like Artemisia said. And agreement with Shib and Rebecca ( Tigerlily013 ) especially...

I agree with darkx. I'm going to remain a virgin until after marriage. It's not only safest, but I know that if I did it before marriage I'd feel like trash.

I agree with Shib etc.

also I always just assumed that whoever I marry will be the only guy in the world who would want me. So if I never get married I say meh. to sex

*hides*

i feel so slutty....
i lost both my virginities in one night...thats right people, both! and i felt so strange. not proud, but not trashy. i had two one night stands in one night, but technically one of them was a 15 minute stand, well more sort of a lean against the cistern kinda affair....the other one was slightly less sleazy...and i still talk to her occasionally, but basically i was looking for a way to feel loved, and these people wanted to love me. i do not reccommend using sex as a life validation technique, cos it just dont work...

gah, so my skanky ho-ness has been revealed...

judge as you see fit...
Fal xXx


i was sixteen when i lost them....seventeen now...gah

Fallen- noone should judge you as they see fit! you alone decide how you feel about it!

personally. i was 14 years old, a tad young perhaps but i went out with the guy for a year in all. i dont regret it. ive always taken precautions and i dont believe in regret anyway, i cant exactly change it.

i never intended to wait until marriage because i dont know if i intend to get married. its just not important to me. at the time it was important that i felt i loved the guy, and then, i did think i was in love.

now, little less important.

my humble opinion at 17 years of age is:

its just sex.

i dont intend to use people, my 'just sex' idea would be clear, i would make sure anyone i happened to be with knew and didnt think it was going any farther, i havent got round to trying out my theory yet.

woo! no judgement! thankee muchly!!!!

*wanders away, clutching what looks like shreds of dignity...


Fal xXx

No one can or should judge you. I think even if you have a bad experience that you regret, at the very least you have learnt something from that. In many cases this can make you a better person.

I lost my virginity at 16, to someone I thought I loved (in so much as my understanding of love at that time). It was such a huge deal at the time and that's the thing. It's easy to say it's no big deal a few years after the event.

I've done a lot of things that people frown upon - but I maintain, that I have never done anything that I have regretted. Even the bad experiences have something to teach me.

i agree with you snugglebum, i dont regret what i did, i just wish i didnt do it...which isnt regret in my eyes! it isnt, ok!!!

i just wish i'd chosen better people.... meh, im not saying it wasnt good...it just wasnt how i'd imagined it....

Fal xXx

It never is!

Chalk it down to experience and don't make the same mistake again.

Hindsight is a wonderful, magical thing...

I really had to read that properly to get the context there...

I retained my virginity untill shortly after my 17th birthday. For those of you that still have theirs, sex is far less of a fascination once you have tried it. Of course you still end up thinking about it/hunting for it a lot, but it loses something of its mystique.

That said... [b]Girls! [/Father Jack]

I find it rather interesting how many younger people say they're going to wait until marriage. I had the same plan when I was about 14...as did most of my friends. And well, I don't think any of us actually stuck with it. I guess our priorities just changed. *shrug* Part of it, for me at least, was the fact that I was simply afraid of sex at that point in my life. I'd heard some (false) horror stories about the pain girls go through. That "pain" in reality is slim to none.

I don't think I've known anyone who has actually waited until marriage. Good luck to those who are trying. I find it odd to say that you'd feel like "trash" if you didn't wait until marriage, however. But then, I tend to get rather irritated when people start calling others sluts and the like. Who cares if someone has 20 partners or 0? If it's right for them, then more power to them...and I for one try not to judge them for it (heh, I *am* human. A girl was interested in me...and my first thought was...hrm...she sleeps around quite a bit. But I try to not think that way. Well, no, my first thought was...why? But that was my second..lol). If you would feel bad about it....then fine, that's what's right for you....just making sure you aren't saying those who *do* have sex before marriage are trashy...

And I have to agree with Fuzzy...sex is less of a fascination once you've tried it. I sort of felt like I should be different somehow, and it seemed odd that I was the same as always.

Just thought I would post this here, as some virgins and non-virgins alike might find it interesting...

www.scarleteen.com

While once searching for info on various sex topics for teens, this is by far one of the better sites out there. The teen sex info sites sponsored by the Canadian Government are utter crap.

This one has funny anecdotes, anatomy diagrams, hints for telling your partner how to hit your hot spots, things to consider before having sex for the first time (there's a cute check-list of mental preparedness, intellectual preparedness, like do you know where your own clitoris is?, and actual equipment readiness, like do you have lube), lots of stuff. Topics on coming out as gay to your friends, what to do if you fall for a straight person, what is it really like to get breast reductions, etc. Also a sexual politics area.

All in all, the site doesn't tell you not to, nor does it tell you to do it. There's a big-sister-like attitude to it all. And they are totally pro-masterbation and tell you exactly how to start, if you've never done it!