I hate to bring up such a nasty topic, but its something I want opinions on. Recently I've been hearing about a few people that have been raped and before I knew anyone else that it had happened to, I always thought that you were meant to report shit like that to the police. To have justice. But, everyone I know that its happened to has just let it pass. My friend was raped by her boyfriend, she ended up pregnant and had an abortion. This is kinda a different situation to someone being abducted and raped, but still its just as serious an offence. She is now back with her boyfriend. I guess I just can't understand how people let this happen, because if you don't do something about it, it could give the rapist the impression that what they did was ok. Having said that, it has happened to me and I didn't report it. I'm not going into specifics cuz I don't want everyone here to know, but basically I avoid the person that did it to me. I think they know what they did was wrong and personally I have no problem with them suffering and having to live with that fact for the rest of their life.

Subjects like these are hard to deal with. A lot of time the victim feels a lot of embarassment and maybe like they've done something wrong regardless of whether or not they did. Other circumstances could be that they aren't sure they want to clasify it as such. This could be because it's easier for them to believe that it didn't happen, or simply that they are confused. When looking up the definition of rape (yes there is a definition) a victim may find that a lot of the statistics as well as circumstances that qualify the event as rape actually do apply to them. This can frighten a person who is already in a confused state.

To add to this the person may feel extreme guilt for pointing fingers or having their 'attacker' locked up. It is possible that they still have feelings hidden somewhere fore them (in the case of your friend and her boyfriend). It may also be that they view the situation differently. Such as I know someone who was raped as well and first off she is confused as to whether or not it should be classified. Under the definitions it is, but she just can't bring herself to say it at times. Also, if the attacker, or boy friend, or whomever committed the deed may have been subjected to a homelife that hasn't taught them any better. They may have been subjected to that kind of abuse as well, and taught that it is okay to womanize women and treat them as objects. Although any sane person knows that your sex should have absolutely nothing to do with your rights, there are some chauvenistic (sp??) b*stardos out there who think that your sex determines everything.


Rape is often a case to case basis. By this I mean there are so many factors out there that determine whether or not a person could come clean. I believe that it is 1 out of every 4 women who have been subjected to some form of rape, date rape, or sexual abuse. When your criminal is someone that you do not know and have no emotional attatchments to then it is quite easy to give them up and say 'hey look at that f*ck nut over there - he raped me - lock his wee arse up' --- but even that takes a lot of courage and a lot of embarassment to overcome.


This is a topic I feel strongly about for various reasons so I am going to end my rant now before I bore you all to death. --- Sorry if I didn't help you much Enslaved.

Spiffy pretty much said what I wanted to say.

Often the victims blame themselves, they feel guilty, ashamed, dirty, humiliated and used. All of the things that their attackers should be feeling, but for some reason especially in the case of rape, the victims blame themselves. Because of this extreme shame and feelings of guilt and worthlessness they don't think they have any right to report the crime, that if they do they're admitting to some guilt on their part, or something very very private that they don't want anyone else to know about. To go to the police or even their parents or friends and tell them what happened takes alot of courage. They know on an intellectual level they're not to blame, but the shame of being raped doesn't really follow the rules of logic or intellect.


BTW: I absolutely hate rape fantasies. They're disgusting, sad, callous and sick. Anyone who glorifies rape should be taken out in the street and shot.

Just thought I'd mention that men can and have been raped by other men. This must be traumatising in different way than in other circumstances, there are'nt any ideas of confusion (especially if the victim is straight). It's interesing this sort of rape is never really dealed with in the media, or rarely even talked about outside the classic prison gay rape scenario

I would think there would be more shame attached to a man being raped by a man. There's the idea that men are supposed to be strong and able to beat anyone up that tries to mess with them, but if you're raped then that kind of takes away your sense of self.

Yeah, its very different from a man/woman situation

Many people don't report rape for the simple trauma of the experiance. If it goes to trial you will have to most likely have to testify, be torn up by the defense and point out the rapist in the chair. Quite a harrowing experiance. I believe 90% of rape cases go unreported.

speaking statistics, i once read that of all reported cases of rape, only 4% end up in a conviction. that is terrible.

i also read an article about child rapists. thats children raping other children. its on the increase apparently. Kids as young as six are raping because noone has taught then any different. horrible. i didnt even think boys that young could rape.

i know some of my friends have been abused or raped, and didnt do anythig because of the hassle they would cause their family. often they feel they are respinsible for what happened to them. more should be done to dispel this myth.

i think for some (women and men), the reason they don't report it is that they in a sort of denile. they don't want to admit that it could happen to them, so they pretend that it was a dream, or refuse to think about it at all, a kind of forced amnesia. they want to carry on with their lives as if nothing had happened.

I think that's true too, especially with children, who just feel ashamed and embarrassed and they don't really know what has happened to them and who don't know what to do or who to talk to and tell.

I agree, this is probably a reason, especially among children, but I think it probably goes more back to the aforementioned blaming of self. It's a battered wife syndrome, of sorts (which has nothign to do with being a wife and everythign to do with being a victim). Somehow, you get this twisted idea in your head that you were to blame, or that it was your fault somehow, or just the simple guilt factor (I was used, I am unclean) that is really hard to admit, etc.

Rape is just one more example of how much evil we are capable of as sick twisted humans...

But I'm not saying anything new here, so I'll just be on my way...

I think when it comes to children, you're talking about a completely different problem in many ways. A close friend of mine was once abused as a child and the most powerful emotion that it provkes in them is guilt, guilt that just won't go. I think its true that in many ways childabuse can stop a child from properly maturing, a part of them is always still stuck behind.

Spiffy - don't be sorry. That was an interesting post. I guess I knew the answer to my question already, it just pisses me off. Its interesting how no-one ever wants to talk about rape, which adds to victims guilt. Sadly its swept under the carpet far too often.

I think its one of most destroying things you can do to a person, i have no respect for any rapists (spelling?) .

I despise rapists. I consider it a harsher crime than murder. At least murder victims are at rest after such a horrific incident. Rape victims have to live with what has happened to them and it destroys their mind and soul.

I second that !

as an atheist, i have to disagree - i believe the taking of a life is far worse than rape. At least a rape victim is left alive, scarred maybe - but alive, and has the ability to get over what happened.....unlike someone who was murdered, it's hard to get over your own death

I find Rape a very hard and distasteful subject to talk about, for no other reason that I just don't seem to be able to get my head around it.

I have a friend who, in her past, has been raped repeatedly by her boyfriend. The really sad thing about this, is that she doesn't realise that she's been raped. As far as she was concerned, as her boyfriend, he had the right to sexual intercourse whenever he wanted, whether she wanted to or not. It was an extremely diffecult situation - on the one hand, she didn't see it as rape therefore didn't have to deal with implications of that. On the other, I knew that what was occuring WAS very much rape.

Suffice to say, it sorted itself out. What he did was twice as bad, raping her and abusing the trust that she had for him.

Well, that's an interesting point. Seeing as you're dead, you no longer experience life - the good and the bad. Therefore, the taking of life is worse than rape, if the rape does not destroy their life. If the rape victim can still experience the ups and downs of life, and embrace both, the murder victim is worse off.

*cough* um, not trying to start an argument or anything, but how does being an atheist contribute to that opinion?

Because if you believe in an after life the ending of this life isnt so final
is it? To an atheist, ending this life is to end that person forever

I suppose it depends on which you value, life or emotional health. If it is the latter, rape may indeed be worse than death.

I was ironically having this discussion with friends a few days ago. The thing that disgusts me the most is that the women feel embarrashed, dirty, and ashamed for something that they really had no control over. It's really one of the most degrading things you can do to a woman, to anyone really, because it takes advantage of the fact (while exploiting the fact) that men are genetically designed to be physically stronger then women in most cases. It also is a sick way for chauvinists to "put women in their place" and enforce the idea that men are in charge, and women are just there to serve their male counterparts. How anyone can be sexually aroused by the thought of a helpless, crying,desperate person beneath them screaming as they are forced down and violated in the most dirty of ways is beyond me.

And the oddest thing about rape is, that in the end the victims end up being overcome by feelings of guilt and shame, while their attackers just got what they wanted and move on to their next victim. What kind of sick world is this where the circumstance is somehow twisted into being the victims fault? The victim has been violated, therefore they are now unclean, dirty? And then, if the victim decides after this trauma to punish the attacker, they are forced to sit up on a podium in front of an entire courtroom (including the rapist) and graphically describe one of the most emotionally damaging and hurtful (not to mention private) times of their lives. Only to have their dignity be shredded apart seconds later by the opposite party showing the underwear and outfit worn at the time, and telling the court past endevours that really have nothing to do with the present offense.

I'm really too worked up right now to write about this. It's just.. sick. Sick, twisted and disgusting. I know too many people that this has happened to.

i'm an atheist too, but personally, if my only options were death or rape, i'd choose death.



looks like we can agree on this topic, maxer!

also, there was a case where a woman used a gun and forced a man toi have sex with her..

was down graded to a low levle sexula assult because the rape laws read
the act is comited by a man, or male youth.

ever herd the song "death is not the end"?

also, not trying to start an argument,
but a *handfull* of those that belive in an afterlife
can be happy to send others on there way,
wether its deserved or not, as there is still
the afterlife where it will all be sorted out
right anyway..

rember the old witch trials..
if they could be a witch, kill em..
if there not god will accept them and it will
be fine..

but to an atheist,
killing someone wether guilty of a crime or
not, is genraly seen as a bad thing..

if you kill htem and they arnt guilty,
well that is a mistake that cant be taken
back and theres no heven for them to live on in.

If they are guilty,
there punsihment end there,
no hell, no eternal suffering..

My worst fear is rape and personally im very paranoid about the subject.....but I think that it's a terrible thing and whoever gets raped a girl or woman should be stabbed millions of times repeatedly and then half drowned and then get all of their hair ripped out because sex isn't supposed to be used as a weapon, its an act of love.

First off, females are not the only ones to be raped it happens to males more often than they would like to admit. Also, Gothymothy, your bias and paranoia towards rape can have negative effects on your relationships.

As far as Atheism gos, not all atheists fear death or think that death is a bad thing its just nature. Even if you are an Atheist you should be able to put into perspective the pain of every day living that the vic tim of rape suffers through. Rape victms are more likely to place themselves in a position in which they will be victimized. They also are more likey to commit sucide. They have trouble with developing loving reationships. Victims of rape often question their sexuality esp if the rapist is of the same sex. They can become unaccepting of affection. Rape has an irrevesable affect on the mind.

People that are raped feel ashamed and dirty. They want to wash away the pain. Just pretend that it didnt happen at times. Then there are cases like Snugglebum said they dont even know that they were raped. Then there is the fact that most rapists are someone that the victim already knows. Which leads them to wonder how they didnt see it coming. You cant really blame the victim for wanting to hide the fact that they were raped. That dirty feeling that they grows when they have to share the story over and over to strangers if they try to prosucte the rapist.

All you can do for a victim is show them what its like to be loved.