Previous Thread for those that don't know what's going on!

So anyways I figured for those of you that care about me and were concerned, I should update you on my current 'status'.

Life isn't too bad at the moment although I do have the odd "ultra paranoid" day when I'm thinking my life sucks. I am currently between 2 and 6 out of 10 (according to my therapist) and I should try and remember what takes me to a 6 to help me.

What I wanted to ask you is, if you get times like that when you feel "ultra paranoid" and crap, how do you snap out of it or at least convince yourself that you're being irrational?

I usually try common sense but sometimes that isn't enough.

When I hit that "ultra-paranoid" sort of state, I try to recognise that the problem is internal, therefore, if I can at least try to perceive things in a calm and almost neutral state, I will be able to pull myself out of the mood, then address any problems there might be (if indeed, i think there are any once back to normal).

This sounds very sappy and new age, but it's actually the application of ancient Japanese philosophy, where by you can restore your mental state:

Think of life as a plant traversing four seasons, it live, it dies. Once this thought has brought a kind of calm, analyse your situation again, then think how you could improve it.

If you slip back in to the paranoia, remember the conclusions you came to in the calmer state, as hard as that may be.

Hope that helps

I feel like that way too many times that I’m beginning to think its unhealthy. I don’t know if it’s the same thing, but I feel utterly…useless. And I can see it, but I’m too fed up and depressed with everything and how things are turning out. Then I do what Rory suggested and realise that I’m being (for the want of better words) silly.

That really didn’t help much did it.

Aysha xxx

You're not useless at all Aysha. You're a brilliant person for lots of reasons, but I'm not going to embarass you here in front of all these forumites.

Sorry if my thing made you feel silly

But seriously, you're great

Did you carry on seeing the phyc as you were talking about in the last thread?

I'll look after you when I come see you Sam babe. I worry

its all in your mind... never a more true phrase. BUT how to heal your mind is the true question. Become a Nihilist for awhile and sit down and drink some IRN BRU.

The way I cope with depression is I focus it into areas I enjoy, like music, sad music heals me. Although I carry the pain for to long. I have learned that sadness is so natural that you can let it in and cure it instead of pushing it away so it keeps coming back. Im a idiotic hippy. NYA!

Ha! Ha! My psychologist used to do that thing..... "on a scale of 1, 1 being the worst, and ten, 10 being the best, how are you feeling?"

I just wanted to strangle him every time he said it - thus resulting in him having a "one" day!!

Glad you're getting there, Sweetie, don't worry about the paranoia too much that stuff comes and goes and if you worry you just get more paranoid!!

I'm still seeing the therapist. Actually I'm seeing him again just before you come up to Sheffield in April so I can let you know how it goes. Do you worry too!

Thanks for the input guys. So many people expressed concern about my 'problems' before that I thought it only fair that I update those people and let them know how I'm doin'

*hugs* We all love you lots.

Awwwww *hugs back* Ta!

It sounds odd but I think what helped when I was at my lowest point was when I realised a couple of things, firstly that I shouldn't ever be trying to find happiness primarily by relying on other people, whether they are company or a partner, more likely I'd just drag them down. Secondly, it made a difference when I realised that there was nothing really wrong with being unhappy or feeling upset, so rather than try and force myself to think cheerfully I could just be glum and plod through life for a while until I felt ready to get on with things more actively.

For me it was realising that all my states of mind can be useful in their own way, even if I don't understand why I'm unhappy I try to realise that there is something going on inside me that makes me feel like that so I let it runs its course and make sure that I come out at the other end once whatever it was has gone through my system.

As you can probably tell, it's hard to explain!

I know how you feel.

I suffer from despression, cuz i'm getin bullied at school. But I'm a lot better thatn what i was. I was refered to the school phycologist a bit back cuz i was slashing my arms. I'm a christian and my mum died 5 yrs ago (another reason for the depression) and i just kept thinking, "well.... What Would Jesus Do? (i have a multicoloured wrist band with it on it.) and i prayed. And my friends pulled me thru. Also, just keeping thinkin about what you wanna do when this is all over,(all the positive things)

Hope this helps

luv Smee

ps
SMILE i tell you, SMILE!!!!!

Yeah, I agree, lack of depression relies alot on being able to not have to rely on other people. This does'nt mean you have to cut yourself off from people, just that it is good to be self dependant when you have to be.

Perhaps one of the most irritating htings baout the human condition is that we have to go through pain to compare and contrast with our other moods, art especially, is in a way a constant relfection and embodiment of the cycle between pain and joy.

The phrase "How can I expect other people to love me when I don't love myself" is very apt. I don't love myself. I hate my body, my attitude, and other stuff in my life. Until I am happy with that I won't be happy with anything else. Simple really.

The hard bit is changing that.

There's a way of dealing with the "ultra-paranoid" feelings?

Basically I just go with 'em and eventually, after several hours / days / weeks / months, they pass. Although I suggest you try something else, doesn't seem to be working for me. Good to hear things arent soo crappy. Just lemme know whenever ya need cheerin' up babe.

Just to update again, I had my 3rd meeting with my counsellor this morning and it went very well.

I've started to focus more on my long term career. I don't love my job and decided that I was pretty much wasting my time and theirs. It pays the bills and that's about exciting as it gets barring the one off trips to America!

I want to work in museums/art galleries/archaeology and have put out some feelers and applications.

Once I'm happier with what I am doing with my life I will be happier with myself.

I'm also redecorating my flat, having some time off work and going on holiday at the end of April. All things to look forward to.

Live is fairly positive and I'm at a 7 reaching for an 8 out of 10!

You are the sexiest, besterest, most fabulous person in the world Sam. Just remember that.
I'll phone you Friday night and we'll have a blast the weekend babe

Wow. I just wanted to say that you just said exactly what I've been feeling for the past 3 years or so.

May I worship at your feet now?

I don't know how much help this will be, as I've never really been through any real depression as such, but when I have been unhappy, my method of dealing with it has to be to take a long hard look at my life and it's various components and figure out what I don't like about it/them, then figure out how I would like those things to be if I could wave a magic wand, then figure out how I can realistically work towards getting to that state.

Having said that, it seems like you're on the right track with binning the job/career that you have no interest in, in favour of something that you might actually enjoy.

Yeah pretty much. I'm filling in an application form literally as we speak for another hopefully more exciting job so if everyone on the board could keep their fingers crossed for me I'd appreciate it!

WeeJ, thanks for that. You're a total babe too!

Aria you may worship at my feet but being that I have low self esteem and I can be paranoid I would begin to wonder exactly why you were down there!

*lines up next to Aria and bows before Sam*

Its so good to hear your feeling better. You are more than worthy of being worshipped You have more determination to want to help yourself than anyone I know, and when you have that, of course things are going to improve.

Good luck with the job, I'm sure you'll get it cuz who wouldn't want u working with them!

*crosses fingers and toes for Sam*

Thanks mate that means a lot and I couldn't have done it without you and several other people's support!

*hugs to all*

Well you know I will always listen and try and offer some advice, or just good ol' flattery when nothing else seems like it will help

I worry that I'm a bad influence on you, with my depression. But I guess I'm a good example of how not to let yourself get too comfortable with being depressed.

So call me a hypocrite, I don't mind being in the gutter myself but I'd hate to see anyone I loved in here.

Well, I'll just have to remind you occasionally.

*hugs*

Might be a bit late replying to this, but I know exactly how you feel. You just have to keep in mind that those feelings/thoughts/paranoias do pass sooner or later. It sounds like you're on the right track with changing jobs and stuff, so just hang in there

I think I'm feeling the same way you are, Pixiegoth. Actually i've felt like it for a long time now. The amount of depression i have varies from time to time. Some days I'm alright. Some days I'm absolutely perfect, nothing gets me down, and then you get to the days where it feels like nothing is right, and things just aren't going my way. I should go see a psychiatrist about this......but my parents wouldn't be able to afford one, so I'm actually in a weird spot.

But hey, i hope things get better for you, Pixie. This state of mind is horrible........no one should have to go through it.

I guess the good thing about this is we have each other to talk to. Which I much prefer, compared to a psychiatrist who gets paid to listen to us. I find it more helpful getting advice from people I know care about me.

Having said that, I'm seriously considering becoming a psychologist. The human mind fascinates me more than anything. I'm constantly trying to understand it and why people make the choices they do. I dont like psychiatry so much. Why would I want to help people I don't know, although all I wish is to be able to offer that to my friends. I dont know how to find out whether this is something I want as a career, other than spending 4 years at uni then discovering its not what I'd hoped it would be