My sister once had to explain to another girl that girls don't pee out of their vagina. They're both in their 20s...

Sweet Lord. Please tell me she was just using the word "vagina" as a catch-all term for the female genitalia. I don't understand how a woman could think that, even without any sex ed ever! When you pee, it's fairly obvious that it's not coming out anywhere close to that end of your business! It'd be like a dude thinking he peed from his bellybutton or something. Okay, maybe not quite that bad, but GOD.

Lo: Aha! You fiend. Next time, choose a less disgusting tracking device, please. It was really, really gross.

Mata: Yes, I think that probably happens to everyone now and then. I wouldn't say it's a frequent occurrence for me, thankfully, but aim has been off a few times when drunk/at a strange angle/etc. I hypothesize that it is more common when using condoms, as they reduce sensation for the guy a bit, but I have no evidence to back that up. I can't imagine it going...err...further very often, though. At least not on accident. On "accident," though, that's probably a different story. If only Kinsey or Masters and Johnson did research on the topic...

For obvious reasons I've been using condoms again more recently, and sex really is better without them. I'm told it's also better for the woman as well. I'd never use that as an excuse to not use condoms, but it was a bit of a revelation for me that all those twattish men who pressure their partners to have sex without condoms did have a point (the sex is less fun) even though their overall point was still twattish.

Yeah, I think those twattish "Aw, but I'm clean, and it's better that way!" men are the same ones who do things on "accident." Just a theory.

Not that anyone should ever fall for that nonsense. Even though it is more enjoyable for women without a condom as well. Until time for cleanup comes (unintentional pun, I swear) around, that is. That is so much less hassle with a condom. Especially if you're with one of those bizarre creatures known as the multiorgasmic man, though you tend to go through a lot of condoms that way.

Oh, man. I noticed how many pages we're up to in this thread, so I decided to look back over the beginning of it. I am laughing entirely too much right now.

63 pages??!?!? HHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ageed - post-sex clean up is much easier with condoms than without. I'm sure every woman has/will eventually screamed "Ewww! Pass me a tissue! Pass me a tissue! It's dribbling down my leg!"

how about we just call it the platform of Mars?

I don't want to think of the god of war in my underwear and I DEFINITELY do not want to think of a red dusty planet.

Oh hmm... my tmi.. don't really have any.. nothing recent that is tmi-ish coming to mind. Urm.. I once stayed at my cousins house when I was like 13 years old and was staying in his bed. His bed smelled like urine and I didn't say anything at the time. That will do.

"Ageed - post-sex clean up is much easier with condoms than without. I'm sure every woman has/will eventually screamed "Ewww! Pass me a tissue! Pass me a tissue! It's dribbling down my leg!""

Usually not "ew", but definitely not pleasant. I used to just sit around naked on top of a bunch of tissues to let gravity do its thing, after copious wiping of course. You always think it's gone, and then you put your underwear back on and feel that it's not a minute later...

In other news, where the hell is my period? I haven't been having sex so there's no pregnancy danger, and it's probably because I was sick, but it's annoying. I hope it comes during my spring break when I'm at home with just my family, although that might make me cranky... I have zero chance of getting any then...

Well, this isn't my tmi, but the gross factor will do. Some chick started throwing up on the bus this morning. She'd go from her seat (directly behind mine) to the bus driver's little trash bin (on the other side of my seat), back and forth for like 45 minutes. Dude, there was nothing anyone could do about it. We were on the 417 (I-4?) and it was pouring outside. Disgusting. I couldn't smell it though.

Aww poor baby. I have had that situation (never order the special when they tell you it's vegetarian and it's not actually vegetarian and you haven't had meat for seven years) and there is no worse place to be than a moving bus (or metro!) when you have to puke.

Hmmmm TMI...our toilet's been blocked for a week or so. No one wants to plunge it, because once we do, the toilet still has to be fixed. So there's a horrible poopspolsion in the other toilet, and TP that's rapidly running out in the functioning one. AHH!

Ew. Keep the fan going in the one with the poopsplosion; it'll smell after a while.

Oh, I threw up from drinking for the first time Saturday night. Let's just say it'll be a while before I have red Powerade again, with or without alcohol in it. I made it to the toilet, but I think it splashed back up a little bit over the walls... I tried to wipe it off with some toilet paper, but I don't know if I was successful. At least I wasn't the kid who threw up on the front door.

Oh, I forgot to mention the most interesting part of that story. She didn't go to the nurse when we arrived school. ..Or when whatever she had continued through first and second period. I think she eventually got sent home, but blehh.

Tmi.. Tmi... Umm.. I'll get back to you on this.

The messiest cleanup is menstrual sex without condoms. Sneezed and.. yeah. Luckily I had ninjaquick reflexes and caught it. But then had handful of the stuff. I showed Monts. We lol'd.

That made my day.
/spam

And Sarah, I've thrown up from drinking many a time. Many many a time. There was once, the second very-worst time that I was at my very-drunkest, and I was checking my facebook only to lean over to one side of me and just..vomit. It was Captain Morgan's, six more rum n' cokes, three carbombs, three glasses of wine, six or so beers, and a cup of vodka along with Thanksgiving dinner. I tried to clean it up as best I could right then, but seeing as I couldn't function, it was very challenging. I went to sleep, woke up more hungover than ever, and cleaned some more. The house still smelled like vomit for a week, no matter what I did.

Ho.
Lee.
Crap.

I almost feel ashamed for having ever called myself drunk, now.

OT: The most drunk I ever got, or at least the most I ever drank, was 14 pints of Guinness in one night at my uncle's wedding in Reading. I felt fine the next day until about two minutes before we left for dinner, at which point I walked swiftly, but calmly, to the bathroom of the five-star hotel we were being put up in and caked the toilet with a thick, black liquid in projectile-vomit form before leaving just as calmly, informing the next genteman in that someone had been ill in there and he might want to use another one, for which he thanked me. That stuff went everywhere...

I used to be quite the drinker. there was another time where I ingested a similar amount and got sick in the pool..while in the pool..simply floating around at 5 in the morning.

Blimey Syuu, that amount of booze would kill me.

Probably the worst I've been was on Jack Daniels at Jonman's house when I was about 15 or 16. I was fine until I tried to stand. I was sick in the toilet, then in a bucket while sitting on the sofa, I missed the bucket a bit, I was then sick the morning after after I had a glass of water. I could taste Jack Daniels every morning for the next month and I don't think Jonman's sofa recovered very quickly either. It was another 15 years before I could drink whiskey again, but I still steer clear of JD.

Jesus syuu. I've never thrown up from drinking, but the creepiest (and also probably the most awesome) thing that's ever happened was over the summer. I was on my third coffee cup of a whiskey/rum combination, can't remember what happened, but woke up the next afternoon sitting Indian style in my bed, laptop still open before me, and the cup in my lap, unspilled.

When I throw up from something though, I do it right. Rarely do I make it to the toilet. I've managed to cover most of the bathroom floor once and a good part of the dining room. Thank god for parents.. >_>

Hmmmm.... alchol and throwing up... yup I've a few of those stories. There's the one where I went to Buxton on a works xmas do. The hotel we were staying in was throwing a school disco theme xmas party so we had tomato soup, sausage, gravy and mash (I dont like sausages) and some pudding (cant remeber what probably sponge). We'd been drinking bacardi breezer on the way up, then red wine with the food and for a bit after and then I was challenged to a shot of tequila (I think) by some lads I was chatting with, and just as I'd done that my boss bought of Sambuka shots for people. When I managed to stumble back to my room I then procceded to projectile vomit purple liquid mash in the diection of the on suit toilet. Most went in but a lot didn't the bathroom was white and the only thing there to clean up with was the towels which were also white. I managed a reasonable good job as long as you ignore the now purple towels.

Ooh dear, I always harshly judge the person who vomits from alcohol... but sadly it's been me a few too many times.
The first time I'd drunken lots of robinson's blackcurrent squash that day, and so the vomit was very red, and for some reason I felt the need to take the bucket and ask my friend if he thought it was blood. Lucky him. In my defense, I have cleaned up his vomit before. He once vomitted whole chips, most curious... (someone else put this vomit in the sink where it clogged... plungers and whatnot...)

rum does that, and i a-a-always try to avoid it, because it always seems like the x-factor in me not handling my liquor - that and white zinfandel. i can usually drink any amount of any other alcohol (though i don't lately) and be fine, but as soon as even a teaspoon of rum (or two bottles of the aforementioned zinfandel) make it in, i'm barfy and blacked out. there was one time where i had..well, i'm not sure how much, downloaded a morrissey song, put it on repeat, spammed to everyone that it was the theme of my life, passed out, woke up feeling strange a day later, ate a burrito, and threw it up. it turned out that sometime during the missing hours, i'd gotten back together with an ex girlfriend and yelled at another friend for 'hanging up on me' when we hadn't even talked that day.

rum is bad. almost as bad as gin, which candice has convinced me never to touch.

Yeah, I drank waaay too much that night, but I think it was the few swigs of Admiral Nelson's (the ghetto version of Captain Morgan) that caused me to throw up. I can do rum usually, but I'd already had a *lot* of vodka, and a little wine and schnopps...

The funniest gin story I have is that I happened to be quite drunk, had finished my drink, and wanted something else. My friend handed me his flask of straight gin, which I proceeded to drink. Someone had gotten me water and someone was convincing me not to drink more, but I ignored them for a while. I don't actually recall exactly when/why I stopped drinking, but I don't think I finished the flask. Then I spilled water on an empty pizzabox and my friend got incredibly angry (because he was drunk too), so I fell down on my way out while my friends convinced me that no, Coby did not hate me.

But yeah, I don't think I'll touch red Powerade for a while, 'cause that mixed with vodka was mostly what I had and threw up. Threw up bright red, not blood color, BRIGHT red.

Also wtf I hate how my period makes my stomach more sensitive because I just had diarrhea and this ALWAYS HAPPENS AGH

Haha, I almost always puke because of weird food restrictions I place on myself...as on Halloween when all I ate was pumpkin seeds and candy. Try it for twenty hours some day, then add a sixer of cider, a bottle of wine and a Guinness. And yet...this has no effect on my full intention to follow through with St. Patrick's tradition and eat nothing but soda bread with my beer. Om nom nom.

Chicken soup isn't about helping you get better when your ill it because it tastes the same coming up as it does going down.

Yesterday I was able to take out one of my own stitches. I had gum surgery last week and the stitches on the roof of my mouth where they took off some gum tissue for grafting was sewn up, but runs right along where my tongue hits it so it loosened one of the stitches to the point of getting caught on my tongue. When I called the periodontist he told me to cut it and take it out. It felt like removing a piercing if the roof of my mouth had been pierced.

As the years pass, I feel less guilt and more amusement. Still guilt, however >_>


I have done my fair share of being sick after drinking.

There was the time I was in the front passenger's seat of my friends car. I had drunk too much of everything, mixed drinks (baaad), and was way more drunk than the other four people in the car (driving friend's boyfriend, friend 2, friend 2's boyfriend and sober driving friend). I rolled down the window to be sick, stuck my head out, puked, pulled back in the car and wondered what all the shouting was about. Apparently the rear passenger seat window was also open and it flew right back in again and hit the three in the back. They were NOT happy and we haven't really been friends since. (Driver friend now finds it hillarious, and has since broken up with then boyf. Nothing to do with me)

And then there was the time I was very sick from too much ale and tequila then kissed a boy who had a cute bum. He was too drunk to notice the sick taste, I was too drunk to talk.

And then there was the time I drank Polish beer and tequila with friends in East London, played boxing, dislocated my shoulder, got it popped back, drank more, went to a friend's office where we ate our acquired burgers and chips, played on the swivvel chairs, got vaguely lost and walked down the wrong road, ended up in Mile End instead of Limehouse where I was sick all over a bus stop. Then got on a bus and got to Stratford, waited until 5am or whenever the buses started going again in the morning, got home to Plaistow and went to bed. (Then went to a music festival later that day, after work.)

Or there was the time where I hadn't been drinking due to taking pain relief medication for a few months and went to a party, drank most of a bottle of amaretto and was sick EVERYWHERE. Outside. Then in the bin, on the side of the bed and on the bed a bit. My friend's bed. She slept on the floor because at least then I "wouldn't die in vomit". We are still friends. She is awesome.

And then there was the time when I had been drinking cava at a party and someone decided to make pancakes. Which was awesome but then someone emptied an entire pot of ground pepper on it and it was the worst smell ever (burnt pepper, eurgh) and I went outside and was sick. Of note, however, was that I sicked up a tomato and peanut butter sandwich I had forgotten I had eaten earlier in the day. It was pretty lumpy.

And then there was that time that I was at a small local music festival and we were drinking coke and red wine (you can drink more, faster, that way). I don't remember how I got home and I don't remember being sick but I found my caked-in-mud sandals by the toilet where I'd unbuckled them and my mother asked me if I'd been drinking red wine when I saw her the next day. She had cleaned it all up but had noted the colour of the sick in doing so. Surprisingly she wasn't mad, but I think that was when she saw the bruises on my caked-in-mud feet (with clean bits where my sandal straps had been). Moral of the story: don't wear sandals when going to a Buzzcocks gig.

And then there was the time I puked up all the previously eaten Lebanese cuisine in a bar loo in central London. Too many Kronenburgs (2 for 1 offer) and Teapot had the magnificent job of carting me home. I remember getting into a black cab but I think it just took us to the other side of the road, charged £7 and left us. So then we got the night bus, fell asleep, ended up at the end of where the bus went (Crawley, I think o_0) where it turned into a day bus and wouldn't take us back to Lewisham. I think we got home around 6am.

Had enough of these stories? I have plenty more. I would like to point out that I can drink without being sick. I just used to drink too much.

You shouldn't feel guilt! I just feel amusement. Well, and a bit of regret that I spent my wedding night with my head in the toilet, but whatever.

I have officially banned myself from cocktails after the New Year's Eve party I attended this year. They are dangerous, dangerous things, because they are freaking delicious. It's beer or wine for me from now on. Or cider if I have paracetamol handy, since it always gives me a headache for some reason.

I don't even know what I had to drink on New Year's. I just know there was a lot of it. On the way home I kept saying "I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna puke...wait, nope. I'm okay." When we did get home, I was decidedly not okay. I got vomit in my hair. And in a box of DVDs. Apparently I kept asking Ste who was puking on us as he tried to hold my hair back. I don't know who I thought it could've been. When I woke up the next morning I was completely naked except for Ste's dressing gown, with no recollection of how I came to be wearing it (turns out he put it on me because I was shivering after he helped me shower to get the aforementioned vomit out of my hair).

I have only had to take care of him once when he was ill from drinking. It was in Las Vegas, and I think it happened mostly because he mentioned something about English binge drinking to my sister. She took it as a challenge. He really deserves a medal for all of the times he's looked after me, but I have never smelled anything quite as foul as what he produced that night. I was completely sober, but I very nearly got ill as well.

So long as we're on the topic of horrible drinking experiences -

Back in August, I went over with a friend to spend the night at her Boyfriend's house, where we planned to get very, very drunk, then preferably discuss all the stupid things we did the next day while eating at Denny's.

At the time, I had never had MD 20/20. We had four big bottles of it, and I assumed it was something like a wine cooler. So we started passing it around, and, while everyone else took little drinks, I would gulp it.

Weighing in at an astounding 100lbs, it's pretty obvious that I didn't take this well.

I ran to the sink to throw up and, amazingly, managed to do so from about five feet away.
To this day, I still have the nickname of "Chelsey, The Amazing Projectile Vomiter"

Also, I woke up the next morning curled up on the couch, cuddling with his pet Chiwuaua. Good times.

I hate the "I'm gonna puke... I'm gonna puke... *doesn't puke* *pukes a few hours later*" thing.

I managed to keep that going for maybe 18 hours after consuming some stuff once. Whenever I felt like vomiting, I'd just fall asleep. A few hours later, I'd wake up, feel okay for a while, start feeling ill again, and go back to sleep. You'd think your body would get over it, right? Nooo. This has happened to me twice, both ending in a not so pretty eruption. It's really irritating how accurate dosages need to for my body to be able to handle it. =/

A kid vommed in my building at school yesterday. The smell was so bad I refused to leave my classroom for an hour. I made other people go get my kids to come upstairs.

i've thrown up non-voluntarily about..two or three times in my life. when drinking, i always have a little meter in my head that goes 'too sick!' and i go make myself throw up. :P

Mowed the lawn.

Haven't mowed the lawn in quite some time... rather bushy now...

When drinking, I generally have a little meter in my head that goes "too sick!"...but that statment is followed by said meter saying "f**k yeah, drink some mooooore!"

I have never made myself be sick, and I'm not sure I could. My meter for 'stop drinking you fool!' is pretty good with pints, but it's terrible with spirits, especially if they are mixed with fizzy drinks. All of a sudden BOOM YOU'RE DRUNK. GO TO BED. It's a little annoying really because I like spirits, and I like being tipsy, but I don't really like being drunk (probably too much of a control freak for that).

I've not mowed the lawn since November, I think, but we've got snowdrops out the front at the moment so I can't bring myself to trim it until the flowers have gone.

Ooooooh... You meant The Lawn

I shaved my legs yesterday with my electric shaver, and it was like shearing a sheep.

^ that sounds like when I "mowed the lawn" yesterday

With an electric shaver?! are you crazy?

legs or grassy knoll?

Yeh I did my legs the other day with an electric shaver to. I can relate to your sheep shearing.

i just ate about a pound of taco bell and then threw it all back up. ew.

Eating healthily is more expensive than most folk realise.

On the topic of shaved legs, I did mine once for a haloween costume many moons ago. It took me almost two hours to do, and the next few weeks of it all growing back was extremely uncomfortable. Whenever some guy says to a girl "at least you don't have to shave", I am reminded of just how harrowing an experience it was to do it once, and I remember not to complain about facial irritation next time I have a bad shave.

I've shaved my legs a few times, it gets easier when you're more prepared for the ordeal. It's (usually) not so bad for women because they don't have nearly as much hair as most men. I've still got the scars from one particular shaving accident!

Mata, this is true about shaving legs. What I really hate is when my armpits itch because I shave them daily. Scratching your armpits is hard to do discreetly...

I finally have something TMI worthy.

Ways to tell you've spent too long playing World of Warcraft #463: You burn your leg. On your poor overheating laptop!

There are pustules and everything. I thought you guys would enjoy a photo so here you go. Clicky.

I drank Joose last night (An alchoholic Energy drink in case you didn't know) and not only was the drink itself a neon green colour, but so was my vomit. And it was fizzy.


....Ew.

Moop - you have just graduated into the heights of geekdom. Congratulations.

Gothic - I shave my armpits every other day, and I know exactly what you mean about them itching! It seems to go through phases of that occasionally. Yes, I know it's weird for a man to shave his armpits, but I prefer the look and it's less sweaty when it's hot.

I have a big hurty spot on my bum.

Once had someone tell him they could "just sit on him". Upon clarification, it was revealed they meant him's penis...

Eww. moop and I moved our sofa and vacuumed underneath it. His thoughts on the matter: "If someone got trapped under our sofa, they could have lived for a year on lentils and dead spiders."