My new birthcontrol was wonderful for the first three weeks but the last couple of weeks have left me feeling like an irrational mess.

Been showering lots. Also, I went to the doctor today, and of course an attractive young man was on training when I had to tell the nurse practitioner that I think I have a UTI. Awesome. Not at all embarrassing.

Unless you are showering with yogurt, I'm not sure how this would help a yeast infection.

Would drying yourself with powdered yeast also give you a yeast infection?

The yeast might get infected...

So, I'm sick. I just lost ten pounds in four days because my body doesn't want to keep anything in. Use your imaginations.

... how would the yeast get infected?

If you're infected, it might transfer to the yeast? Iunno.

A yeasty yeast infection?

Outrageous.

So, this hasn't stopped yet. Finally had enough, and told my mommy. Getting some medicine today. Good news, I'm not dying. I'm just weak and tired and lost way too much weight and bleh.

Might not be TMI related, but anyway: I've started nodding off during the day, which sometimes leaves me with a drooly mouth. Yay!

You remained awake during my class and the assessment, so that's a win.

Yannick: fluid replacement packets are the gift from the gods when you are losing everything like that. It gives your body enough salt and minerals to keep going. Brilliant stuff - look after yourself, your immune system will be completely screwed if you're not careful.

Has a spot brewing where you really dont want a spot brewing.

Oh God. the things my stomach is doing right now. on a train, and I'm becoming increasingly concerned that when I stand up, I'll fart loud enough to blow the roof off of the carriage.

then again, maybe I'm wrong. it could very well come out as projectile diarrhea.

Many years ago, there was a classical music album playing while I was going down on my partner of the time. As things got more heated, the 1812 Overture came on the record (yes it was vinyl!), which might still be the most cliched bit of music for a person to orgasm to that I can imagine. She realised that and tried not to climax, but I decided it would be too funny to let her succeed in resisting

I remembered this yesterday for the first time in over a decade and couldn't think of anywhere else to share my amusement about it!

I've just found a flat bit of halls plastered to my pillow. I probably fell asleep before finishing it and it fell out into it and got stuck. I have not needed a halls since at least Wednesday so it has been there and I've been sleeping with it for at least three nights.

Guys, I need spitting lessons.

You know when you're ill and you have a huge wad of phlegm sitting in your chest, and you think if only you could hack it up, you might start to remember how it felt when you weren't a walking mucus factory?

HOW do you cough that stuff up? Because this is what happens to me, every time:

1. Fill bathroom with steam in attempt to thin said phlegm.
2. Imitate the hocking noises that I've heard from chavs who spit on the pavement.
3. Choke on phlegm as it's on its way up.
4. Vomit.

I mean, technically I do what I set out to do, but I'd rather not vomit as it's happening, you know? Is there some sort of secret technique that I never learned, having grown up with a mother who forbade spitting contests?

One of these days, I may end up looking at one of the aforementioned chavs in wonder and saying, "How do you DO that?!"

EDIT: New development!

After a very... eventful and productive sneeze (which did not make me vomit), I am left looking at the black pepper. On a scale from one to Newt Gingrich's moon colony, how bad an idea is this?

Umm, I wasn't being super careful when trimming the pubes. Umm. Motherf*cking owe. No permanent damage as far as I can tell, but lesson learned.

I think we have all made that mistake once. Usually not more than once though.

any advice on how to prevent razor bumps or those little teensy cuts with that? it ain't cute and i'm pale.

Yeah, don't shave. Just take some scissors and trim it.

Unless you want to be completely bald. Then... way too much effort lol.

even the bikini zone?

No idea. I wear boardshorts and boxers usually. I've never had that problem.

I have one of those trimmer-on-the-end-of-the-razor things that will trim very very close without shaving, but if you use it on the closest setting, it still might razorburn a bit. Moisturize afterwards or use moisturizing soap, and if you're trimming very close, I'd use shaving cream.

About to shower with a stuffy nose. I'm not even bothering to blow or wipe. Just letting it drip onto my shirt.

You wear a shirt in the shower?

Things they don't tell you about liposuction beforehand: for the day after you leak - it's mostly the anaesthetic fluid, with a few drops of blood, but it's weird to feel yourself leaking.

Fuzzy's asleep but still managing to grope my bottom.

Two words: frothy burp.

Ow, I just sliced my ass cheek (and my trousers) open on the casing from a 20 or so year old PC that I'd carelessly left standing upright behind me. I guess they must roll the corners of the removable panels now, for health and safety purposes.

Fortunately only a minor scratch and not as bad as it sounds but still quite the shock.

Now, on to the question of whether to tell the person I was checking it over for about its history?

Moop-blood is well known for its processor enhancing properties.

The only weird body thing I've noticed recently is that there seems to a very high correlation rate between nights where I've had moderate-to-high alcohol intake and getting a few big-ish, annoying spots. With no alcohol for a few days my skin behaves itself. Interesting.

When menstrual products contain "odour neutralising" foulness, they should be forced to say so in huge, red letters as a warning. Not a tiny little thing on the corner of the package. When I need to buy that sort of thing, I am not in the mood to hang out in the aisle, weighing the pros and cons. I want to throw it in the trolley and move on to buying more important stuff, like half price Easter chocolate.



Thanks ever so much, Always, for making my crotch smell like old lady perfume.

Edit: I was so disgruntled by the perfumey smell, I actually wrote them an email about it. I've never done that with any other product. Not even the disgusting stuff that Sainsbury's claims is root beer.

Oh boy.

I have been trying everything to get rid of a cold that is trying to attack me, since we're going to Italy soon. Vicks First Defence, folk remedies... everything. I am desperate. Or, I was. My sore throat is almost gone today. Yesterday, I ate five cloves of raw garlic, crushed up in sandwiches.

FYI: eating that much raw garlic makes your farts smell less like farts, and more like vampire repellent.

Speaking of farts, I'm not sure I want to let my boyfriend have chicken vindaloo after what he did to the bathroom that evening and the dutch oven he gave me upon waking up the next day. Holy moly.

Speaking of farts and boyfriends, the other night we resolved a tickle fight by doing that airplane thing you do with toddlers, where you lift them up over your head with your feet against their chests. I flew no problem. When I tried to lift him, exerting all force possible, I let rip the loudest and longest fart ever. You couldn't even smell it, but the sound was horrific. He laughed so hard he wet his pants a little bit. We're cute, yo.

What I believe is PMS has caused gravity touching my breasts to be extremely painful.

I just pooped for the first time in nearly five days. I'm one of those weird people that can't poop unless I'm at home. I've been at my friend's house since Thursday, and finally managed a little relief. It wasn't a fantastic poop, but given the circumstances, I'm glad for it. (Also, apparently, unless I'm at home, in order to be able to poop, it needs to be two in the morning, with everyone asleep, and I have to be slightly intoxicated. Good times.)