I'm taking my antidepressants. I'm talking to my therapists about all my problems. I'm doing everything I possibly can. I know these things take time to heal, but I know this isn't a matter of time...

No matter what happens, I can sincerely say I am not happy.

I fear I'm relapsing, but that's it. I'm in a state of depression and I get teeny little pathetic highs that carry me a few hours before I break down bawling again. And nothing I do, nothing anyone does, helps. I'm not all the way at the bottom again, but as I look around at everything, I'm just not happy anymore. At all. And I want to be happy again. But I don't know how.

I know it's probably been said before gothic, but I've been there. I've been to the shrink, I've been on the pills (more than I can care to remember). It does get better, please believe me. Unfortunately there is no-one better to solve your situation and feelings, but yourself. I tried hard through my depression to fight it, talking to my parents my friends and my shrink, finally I clicked, and thought why? Why am I feeling this way? Why should I feel this way, I deserve to be happy, I'm better than this.
It does work.
I have a condition calle Cognitive Behavioural Disorder, yet I've come to terms with it and learnt to combat the depression that I feel. It can be done, it just takes a bit of work, and a bit of time.

*hugs*

I sympathise with you. I've been there and will no doubt go there again I hate it when you have a pathetic little high only to realise that you'll have to come spiralling back down

Poppa.moo is right though. It is only you that can change it. I had a period of lowness just after Christmas, I went to a counsellor and now I'm getting back on my feet, happily without the aid of antidepressants. I did at one time think I'd need them. I would take them if I had to. They do help. A friend of mine is on them and, while I'm not happy about people becoming dependant on them, my friend says they help and that works for me I'm still having doubts and fears but I am coping with them better than before and I couldn't do it by myself but it had to be started that way and continued like that.

If you ever need to talk, PM me. I can't say I've got all the answers but I might be able to tell you a really bad joke that makes you forget about the lows and think "My word! She tells crap jokes!"

*hugs*

Yeah I've been there too ... the therapy ... the pills .. the lows ... the sort of highs ... the enormous mistakes ... I have also come out the other side, and it DOES get better ... it gets alot better ... My character is still the 'type' to dwell on these things kinda, but lordy lordy it gets better ... I've had the opportunity to be part of a lot of happiness since I got my act together, bundles of it, and I'm still the guy to say the glass is half-empty (and has a chip in it right there) ...
I'm really glad to have opened my eyes eventually, cos there's a lot to see ... The only thing I really regret now is knowing that other people are going through the same stuff ... But I cant tell the whole world there is no need for all that pain, so I'll tell you instead. There are a gut-wrenchingly large amount of people out there who go through this, and its important to the planet to come out the other side ...
Oh, and I agree with Pixie ... she tells some really crap jokes ...

How long have you been taking antidepressants for? Because they take a long time - as in, months - before their effects are noticeable.

A friend of mine was clinically depressed - a serotonin shortage in her brain, which it sounds like you may have too. Her symptoms were very much like you describe. Eventually she saw a doctor, and was prescribed antidepressants. No effect apart from some mild side effects for a few months, she seemed only to be getting worse - then, suddenly, she started getting happier.

I'm sure you hate to hear this, but give it time. If you didn't need to work for it, it wouldn't be worth anything.

Thanks you guys.

Yep, the psychiatrist spent a long time telling me about the biochemical aspect of my depression. I haven't let the new pills kick in...I've been on antidepressants for three and a half years, but this is a new prescription, so. I wish they would give me Prozac instead of Effexor though. I would feel safer taking meds approved for teenagers instead of ones that aren't.

*hugs for everyone*

All I can tell you is to hold on and hang in there. That's what was happpening with me for about a year. My highs and lows are starting to become more neutral and farther apart. It's even at the point where something really upsetting has to set off my lows. You just have to find something to live for and hold onto it the best you can until you pull through this. It'll take a while, it may even seem an eternity, but slowly things will start to get better. I don't mean easier, I'm paying for my depression with things like lower grades and loosing classes, but I feel better. I don't go to bed wishing that I won't wake up. So just hang in there *hugs*.

Anytime, anyday!