Pixelgoth
Jun 4 2004, 11:56 AM
/me starts rants
I was thinking, am I a horrid person? Why do some of my so-called friends always end up shitting on me???
The most recent 'episode' is from a 'friend' called Aaron. He lived me for almost a year as I was doing him a favour. He couldn't afford to live by himself and the council wasn't helping him so I said he could stay with me while he got some money together. Bascially, when he left he owed me some money for bills so I kept trying to get in touch with him but with no luck. He works in a shitty job for shitty money but I made a deal that he could pay me bit by bit. He made no effort to stick to this. I kept calling him. Eventually I managed to get the money from him and he put in a note "Goodbye Sam I hope you know the real value of this"! I am soooooo angry about this I decided to ring him. Surprise, surprise he didn't answer/return my call or text. I wrote him this and I want your opinions.....
QUOTE
Aaron,
I’m writing this as you seem to be refusing to return my calls or my texts. Perhaps you have no money from credit but if that’s the case you’d answer the phone when I call so it doesn’t cost you. I doubt whether you’ll actually bother to read this as you seem to be quiet conservative with the what you want to hear at the moment. I have been your friend for some time and I would like to think that you would come to me and say what you wanted to say face to face instead of being a coward and writing a note but I have been forced to do this.
I am extremely disappointed and angered by the note you saw fit to put in with the cheque. I was under the impression that you were going to do kill yourself at one point and that is nasty to make me think that considering my friend killed themself last year.
Why are you under the impression that I have hounded you for this money that you seem to think you don’t owe me? I’m sorry if you feel like that but it isn’t the case. I tried to organise a payment plan which you agreed to but then failed to do. You also refused my calls and texts. I tried your friends just to ask them to tell you to contact me so I could find out what was going on. NOT so I could demand the money. I said you could have time to pay it. You took liberties quite frankly. You moved out 4 months ago!! I know you don’t earn a great deal of money and that was why I tried to contact you to organise some system of payment. Just because you don’t earn a lot of money does not give you the right to take advantage.
I fail to see how I have wronged you in all this. I gave you somewhere to live when you needed it. It was never a permanent arrangement as we both agreed. If you weren’t happy you could have lived with another friend. I’m sure someone at Airy Fairy would have helped you out. I asked you to leave when I felt that we were becoming distant and also because I was considering selling the flat (which I still am but am waiting for the results of an interview). In no way did any of this wrong you as you knew the score from day one!
Secondly I gave you plenty of time to pay the bill. That’s right, the bill! I didn’t take money you didn’t owe. You owed me a weeks rent which should have been paid before you moved out. You also owed me money for the water bill that you ran up. Not only that but I didn’t charge you the full extra amount. I split it with you. I didn’t have to do that. I still find it hard to believe that you quadrupled my bill but you did as my bill has dropped drastically now and I am not using any more or less water. I am still having problems with Yorkshire Water because of all this. They put my direct debit repayments through the roof and I struggled for some time to get them to decrease them.
I understand you have very little money but what you seem to be forgetting is that I earn enough to pay my bills. I may earn more but I have more going out too. I don’t have the money to pay your bills. I have a lot of bills and debts and that is what my money goes on. It is incredibly unfair of you to expect me to pay your bill with my income! Don’t make me feel guilty for having a good job. I worked damn hard to get where I am today.
You have made me feel guilty by asking for what was rightfully mine. I am angry that you have reacted like this. Especially after you saw all the unfairness I went through with Yas.
Perhaps if you’d bothered to get/keep in touch and sort this out amicably then we could still be friends but if goodbye is what you want then have it. I thought we were friends but you’ve thrown everything back in my face and I can’t be friends with you if you insist on playing the martyr and making me feel like I’ve wronged you when I haven’t.
So, what do you think? Should I send it?
He's made me so mad I could spit (on him preferably
) but I doubt he'd even read it. Mind you, at least I'd have had the last word and I'll feel like I've said all I could. If he choose to read it and still insists he was right then that's his prerogative I guess.
This isn't the first time a friend has thrown my help back in my face and let me tell ya' it hurts and scars. He knew about the first one and to do it to me is doubley bad
*sigh*
WeeJ
Jun 4 2004, 04:29 PM
You don't seem to have much luck with some of your friends, do you babe
You'll always have me darling
Fallen Element
Jun 4 2004, 04:49 PM
Hey! first of all ***hugs***! and secondly, i think you should send it! the letter would be closure for both of you! he seems to have really done the doo doo on you, and i think that your letter would make your feelings known to him and make him realise just how much of an arsebucket he has been... i know it might be hard because it sounds as though you were pretty close... but i think you should send it...
like weeJ said - You will always have her...and the rest of the motley Matazone crew!
We back you, we love you, we think you rock!
*maybe i should have joined the Cheerleading Cult...
Love and supportingness (i hope...)
Fal xXx
Sir Psycho Sexy
Jun 5 2004, 12:23 AM
Hmm....he's asking for something, you can't let that go, nice letter, keep the moral high ground....i personally would use more expletives
I agree with sps in that you managed to keep the whole message in a really nice, neutral enough kind of tone ... This is a big advantage as a lower tone would be just an excuse for a rant and/or letting off of steam ... you avoided that nicely ... Ultimately (if pushed) I would say you could _possibly_ drop the 'I worked damn hard to get where I am today' cos its too much of a schooling ... and sort of pointless in practical terms ...
You seem to have grasped that you are not trying to give him a lesson, just tell it like it is ... So say it, girl ... you know you want to, and its part of good healthy above-board communication ...
What he thinks about it might not be quite the same, but nuts to that ...
I've only got this thread to go on, but I'm guessing that all he has really done, in his mind, is avoid/ignore the embarassment he feels in sticking you in these situations ... He is not responding because he knows full well what the score is, and rather than suffering the pain of the let down he has caused you (again, in his mind), he has decided to give it up as a bad job, and is trying not to think about it at all ... It's not malicious .. it's just 'hopeless' ... He's likely to become a repeat offender like that, but so what?
... and so you are right in telling him what you think, and feel ... and you have avoided trying to turn it into a 'lesson' which really would be pissing in the river (to coin a phrase)
Go Pixiegoth ... !
Also, don't feel it's your fault .. it isnt .. and its not bad judgemnt on your behalf, its just one of those cases ...
Pixelgoth
Jun 8 2004, 10:20 AM
Thanks guys!
I seem to attract real fuckwits! I've had so many people shit on me in the past. My problem is that I trust people all to easily. I become very good friends very quickly and people take advantage of that. What is sad now is that I just find it really hard to trust anyone
I shall send that letter. At least if I've got the wrong end of the stick, which I haven't, he won't be offended by the letter. If he is I'm best off without
*needs hugs from
true friends*
Spacehappy
Jun 8 2004, 04:01 PM
Pixie on the friend score i know how you feel. I let a friend live with me for 2 years and not pay me a penny. He drunk my beer, ate my food, and did not pay towards the bills. About 3 years back after a fall out with this guy he asked me what had i ever done for him, i was gob smacked.
So i then took stock of my life and had a huge "friend" cull. I basically stopped seeing people who never called me, never came to see me. You find out who your friends are that way. I have Three people in my life who i know call Friends, we Argue/disagree, and totally annoy each other at times, like people who are close do. But yet the next day we call each other up to sort it out, and apologise if we are wrong.
Personally you will get people in your life who want to use you, and like that guy your better off without him.
Pixelgoth
Jun 9 2004, 10:17 AM
QUOTE (Spacehappy @ Jun 8 2004, 05:01 PM)
So i then took stock of my life and had a huge "friend" cull. I basically stopped seeing people who never called me, never came to see me. You find out who your friends are that way.
A lot of my friends take me for granted I think. I always have to call them or go round to there house. There are a few exceptions and for those I am grateful. Sometimes I makes me so made when these "friends" have a go at me for never going out with them. I tell them it's because I always have to ring them, go round there, do stuff over their side of town (a good 20 minutes away by car). It's no fun for me when they are all together doing stuff and I can't either afford it or have time. It's so hurtful when they throw it all back in my face and tell me I don't spend enough time with them. It's like they just can't see it!
The few friends I do have are great. They would do anything and vice versa. I think it's becuase I have such high standards of what I expect from a friendship or rather I would do so much for my friends that if they don't do that for me I don't consider them my friends. Is that wrong?
QUOTE (Spacehappy @ Jun 8 2004, 06:01 PM)
So i then took stock of my life and had a huge "friend" cull. I basically stopped seeing people who never called me, never came to see me. You find out who your friends are that way.
Yah, I hear ya space, but I, for one, enjoy stumbling in to friends that I haven't seen for maybe 2 years or something, and going out and having a blast. When it's as if you had seem them just the other, and equally good vibes and stuff, and you know you might not see them again for another 2 years and it will be exactly the same again, I find that kinda comforting. I have friends I literally haven't seen in that long, and I know I can call'em up tomorrow and ask for some utterly massive favour, and they'll say 'yes' without blinking. There are people on here with whom this sort of thing could easily happen. This is a good thing. So it's not just because you're not in permanent contact that somebody isn't a friend ... Just a thought.
P.S: you grammar nazis have got me thinking about my 3 dots *shakes fist*
Spacehappy
Jun 9 2004, 03:36 PM
QUOTE (Pab @ Jun 9 2004, 11:52 AM)
stumbling in to friends that I haven't seen for maybe 2 years or something, and going out and having a blast.
Yeh on that score i got a few weird stories, the most recent made me laugh.
Ok you forced me i'll tell you.
I play a few online games, and on one i have been playing on and off for 2 years, i got chatting to some guy that joined our organisation (guild). After a few weeks we got to slagging each other off, all in fun. So i called him an "English Pig", but he said he was Welsh/Italian. So after a brief conversation i found out he lives up the road from me, and is and old friend i have not seen in 15 years after he moved to Italy for awhile. Going out on the piss soon will be fun.
The "Friends" i culled some years ago were not really that, they were people using me for my flat/food/cash ect. But i could not see it at that time.
But yes bumping into old friends that you have not seen in a while is always good. One emailed me a few days ago saying she was coming back to study in Cardiff again that will be fun.
spuglet
Jun 11 2004, 11:32 PM
Theres definately people in the world that are just out for everything they can get. I have (still have) many friends who never call me, never come round to mine and never ever pay for nights out or their round. Unfortunately i am the kind of person who will rant at said person and their excuse is 'im lazy' or 'im just an unreliable person'.
So, once I get out of my stupid small town (every friend counts, here) they're going to be 'culled' (great term!)
It is unfortunate that there are such people, and many of them honestly do not think they have done anything wrong.
The letter is ace, telling him why hes being a penis head without ranting. SEND IT!
Then forget about him entirely.
It is a pity that one has to be so careful in choosing friends these days, when so few people are at face value, because being able to trust someone like you seem to be able to do, Pixie, is a great virtue that shouldnt have to be lost.
Pixelgoth
Jun 14 2004, 03:00 PM
QUOTE (spuglet @ Jun 12 2004, 12:32 AM)
The letter is ace, telling him why hes being a penis head without ranting. SEND IT!
Then forget about him entirely.
It is a pity that one has to be so careful in choosing friends these days, when so few people are at face value, because being able to trust someone like you seem to be able to do, Pixie, is a great virtue that shouldnt have to be lost.
Aww thanks!
*blushes*
I AM going to send the letter, tomorrow in fact (post has already gone today). He needs to know he can't treat people like shite and get away with it. I've had three people treat me like this in my life so I guess, as bad things come in threes, I should have seen the back of ignorant, horrid, nasty "friends"!
Pixelgoth
Jun 15 2004, 02:59 PM
I just put that letter in the post. Eeeep!
franken-sarah
Jun 18 2004, 08:02 PM
Aw! Babes, that's crappy!! Some people are givers and some are takers and, unfortunately, the takers (like your "firend"), think the world owes them a bloody living!!
I let a "friend" of mine stay with me as he'd been kicked out of his old place (he was shagging his landlords wife - nice!), before he moved in I'd always considered hima generous and thoughful person. But, it's true you don't know someone until you live with them!! He started seeing this girl then messing her about and got me caught up in that cos he used to turn up at my home with her, he'd go out and come back at all hours which was really inconsiderate as I worked shifts and when he came in all of my dogs would start barking, he'd laze across the sofa and allow me to sit on the floor, he was untidy, lazy and generally selfish!!
Eventually, I ended up spending most of my time trapped in my bedroom in my own home!!
Obviously, it ended pretty uncomfortably and, after trying subtle hints, I had to ask him to leave.
Like you I don't have a great deal of luck with friends!
Pixelgoth
Jun 22 2004, 09:23 AM
I sent the letter over a week and ago and I've not had a peep out of him. Either he realises he wrong or he hasn't read it or he's sulking and telling everyone that I'm an evil bitch! Well if they just read the letter they'll realise he's wrong. In fact, when I finally get back together with my Pagan friends I'll take a copy of the letter just in case he's been feeding them a pack of lies too!
With any luck I'll get this job in Bradford and I won't have to worry about seeing him ever again *crosses fingers*
Pab
Jun 22 2004, 09:56 AM
I don't think you'll be getting an answer out of him unless you pounce on him in the street (from a blind angle) ...
Pixelgoth
Jun 22 2004, 12:17 PM
QUOTE (Pab @ Jun 22 2004, 10:56 AM)
I don't think you'll be getting an answer out of him unless you pounce on him in the street (from a blind angle) ...
No I don't think so either which is fine by me. I've had the last word. He obviously lives in his own selfish little world and that's his prerogative. I've learnt the hard way that you just can't make people like that see any sense
Gothymothy girl
Jun 22 2004, 05:30 PM
If you haven't sent it already, I definitely think that you should. Hopefully he will read it. He had no right to make you feel guilty for trying to get money that was indebted to you. So my overall advice would be send it! If he wants to ignore you he can, but you shoule get that money you deserve.
Im so sorry he took advantage of you.
Pixelgoth
Jun 23 2004, 09:55 AM
QUOTE (Gothymothy girl @ Jun 22 2004, 06:30 PM)
If you haven't sent it already, I definitely think that you should. Hopefully he will read it. He had no right to make you feel guilty for trying to get money that was indebted to you. So my overall advice would be send it! If he wants to ignore you he can, but you shoule get that money you deserve.
Im so sorry he took advantage of you.
Thanks
I did send it. He hasn't responded as my earlier post said. Pab is right. He won't respond unless I hunt his down like the dog he is!
Better without quite frankly. I have a few lovely friends IRL and Matazonian pals
franken-sarah
Jun 24 2004, 04:41 PM
OH! What an ignorant pig!!
ut I guess you weren't holding your breath for a heart felt apology and a cheque anyways!!
Just forget him, what a right royal pain in the butt!! With any luck he would be too embarrassed to even mention your name to any of your other friends let alone bad-mouth you!!
Pixelgoth
Jun 25 2004, 10:11 AM
QUOTE (franken-sarah @ Jun 24 2004, 05:41 PM)
With any luck he would be too embarrassed to even mention your name to any of your other friends let alone bad-mouth you!!
I don't care if he does. If any of my Pagan friends choose to believe him then it's their loss for getting involved with such a selfish bloke
I'm quite philosophical about it all now. I feel purged after sending that letter and I don't want him to contact me. I just wish I'd done this to my other so-called friend who treated me like shite last year
It's too late now. I don't feel I've had closure with her but I don't think I ever will as she's still hanging around my group of friends like a bad smell
Despite treating several of them like shite, and them slagging her off, she still hangs around and they let her. Ah well, there's no hope for some people
franken-sarah
Jun 27 2004, 07:11 PM
Yeah, the "closure" thing is a hard one if you don't get it. I wouldn't say that I hold grudges but I do find it hard to move on if someone hurts me if I don't have-it-out with them or at least let them know how I feel.
Anyway, glad you're feeling better and you're well rid of that creep!!
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