In line with Mr Fuzzy's well researched and factually based reports that Mata eats kittens, I feel that it's about time that other darker aspects of his character come to light as well.

I'll start the ball rolling.

I have incontrovertible evidence that not only was Mata responsible for the murders in London attributed to Jack the Ripper, but also singlehandedly caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, and has also been photographed playing golf using mice in place of golf balls.

Show us this evidence, oh Great One.


Mata's real name is Betty, y'know...

mata made it rain while i was walking to college

Mata is a salesperson for MacDonalds and often gets awarded 'Employee of the Month' for his good work with preservatives.

mata rang me up and tried to sell me double glazing

Mata is deranged and eats puppies

puppies and hamsters

Nah I think we established it was kittens that ate hamsters. I've had puppies and they don't eat hamsters. Seriously. You're safe.

[/spam]

i sure do hope so

But Mata does boil hamsters and sells them to hobos. Mr Fuzzy has four. Mata got confused that day...

If ever a thread was made for Daft it's this one!

Mata likes to randomly make people jump while they are eating MacDonalds too!

My bad DHG. I guess you're screwed after all.

Someone once said he has an arsenal of small pygmies in a small dark cupboard somewhere. He keeps them starved so they tear the flesh off the victims more effectively when released

i heard that Mata is often seen wearing a pink suit that has green pin-stripes.
i also heard that he dresses up like Blanche from the "golden girls" on a regular basis.

i don't want to be boiled
someone help me!!!

Best. Thread. Ever.

p.s. Mata is battery-powered

Agreed.


Mata dresses up like Santa Claus and sells crack to small children.


Is that too sordid....?

Yes *shakes head from side to side*

Oh dear *leaves thread in disgust at FU*

*sobs* It's all true... Except for the bit about the kittens. I feed the hampsters to the kittens, the kittens to the puppies and then eat the puppies.

It's the gerbils I feel sorry for.

Don't forget the fact that you put sugar in the popemobile's gas tank.

You're a bad bad man.

He's really my father and has disowned me beacuse he doesn't want to share the millions of pounds he makes from his animations.

Mata was the one that taught me how to kick puppies.

That means he's my father too...

I once saw videographic evidence of Mata mugging an old woman while dressed in a giant badger suit.

Also, his nose is prosthetic and in fact made out of cheese. He lost his real nose in a knitting accident.

mata doesn't actually exist it is just a robot that pretends to be him

That explains so much.

I think he spawned evey single Matazonian...

Mata says he's working on his thesis, but in reality he spends his time in a dark basement working on his evil experimentation. This experiment is so diabolical that I'm almost too scared to post about it but I will for the sake of athletic kiddies everywhere. What he's doing is to make little robotic tops of athletic trophies that when a child who wins one of these trophies goes to sleep, it comes alive and attacks the child. Imagine the damage one of those little hockey sticks on a hockey trophy could do. Oh the horror.

What do you have against athletic kids Mata?

Herd that someone said to soandso that mata was seen reading a letter that contained a sugestion that maybe he might acctaly be an alien.

Dear Mata/Daddy,

1) You have missed 20 of my birthdays (you're lucky you caught the last one, else I'd have considered a law suit of some sort). You've also missed 20 Christmases. I look forward to your kind remittance in due course.

2) What have you been doing to my mother?!?!?!?!

Mata is really Jonothan Umbago Milongo, son of the demised Nigerian ex-minister for petroleum exports. And he needs your help.

Yes, Pab. All he needs is a deposit of $800 US to transfer all of his millions from Nigeria to the States where he will give you a significant cut of said millions.

My next door neighbour told me that her son's teacher's pet's vet's ex-wife's toy boy saw Mata having afternoon tea with George Bush.

Ò·Ó

YOU BETTER HAVE SOME ANSWERS TRAITOOOOORRRRRRRRR

Mata told this baby the truth about Santa Claus.



Mata was singlehandedly responsible for the construction, emplacement and operation of the Death Star.

*Walks in wearing a muumuu and bedroom shoes*
These are Mata's illegitimate children


We are waiting for our child support check Mata!! Look how your babies are sleeping! We can't even afford beds! They have to sleep in the old boots you left behind when you took everything and left! I have to kill large rats so they can have clothes! You could at least buy the babies some formula! You could at least drop off some diapers!! You NEED to keep selling them t-shirts so the children can eat! You.. sorry no good… YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!

I heard that Mata told Susie that she was real pretty when he took her to the burger bar on Thursday, but the next morning he told everyone that her teeth were wonky. Then, when Susie went to cry in the toilet, him and Jamie stood around laughing and telling jokes about how fat she was.

He also flicked mud at Mrs Telford on the school trip and blamed Jason for it. And Jason doesn't even have hands.

nonsense, mata has much better colour co-ordination than that!

Mata has many failed genetic experiments floating in jars of goop in his house (I've been there and saw them, claimed it was dinner ), though he has had some successes, though Mr Fuzzy has yet to turn into an evil super creature he hasn't turnen into a big puddle of slime either

Mata's name is Ellen at weekends.


Yes, that's right. He is the lesbian comedian, Ellen. And he writes all his own material too - don't listen to the New York Times!

Mata's the one responsible for the absolute gorgeous days that you observe from work the day after your rainy holiday. I think I heard that he does it with some sort of rays.

Mata doesn't make up his animations, they are beamed to him via a secret spy satalite.... and if you play the latest little goth girl backwards you can clearly hear the words to "hit me baby one more time" and the theme tune to "Fraggle Rock" (no wonder everyone is singing it)

Mata used to moonlight as Scary Spice.

You ever seen them in a room together? Nooooo....

Mata's my mother!
And he has buttons on his stomach so you can use him as a cellular phone.

Mata drank the last of the orange juice and put the caton back in the fridge.

-And I heard from my sister's friend's father's minister's gardener's web designer's assistant's mate who lives in Madagascar that Mata was overhead saying that he didn't ever want to know who his athletic offspring are! *gasp*

J.Lo didn't make the song "Jenny from the Block." popular, Mata did! he really sang the song...J.Lo just appeared in videos....she was his cover up! He wasn't ready for the world to know about his sexy feminine singing voice.

Mata's hired sirens to sing subaudibly on the Matazone forums. It's why we all keep getting lured back again and again. Those who don't post much get given to the sirens to eat - really.

Mata once strangled a baby with his bare hands as a dare. He then killed three more young children just because he liked it. People, this is a sick, sick man we're dealing with.

Humpf. Anyone got any nice rumours about me?