Mata held Ultravox's 'Vienna' off the top-spot by single-handedly buying all the Joe Dolce records.

Mata holds the world record for longest nasal hair, three years in a row.

Mata Haggis is waiting, talking Italian.

Mata is a little bird, singing sour notes from the Banyan tree down by the river...

mata suffers from short term memory loss, so everytime he makes specail brownies with chocolate super lax, he forgets its been made with laxitive, and eats it all...
(im guessing you can make out the rest)

Mata heard of people getting on like a house afire... so the next time he made love, he set the place ablaze... Unfortunately it was his girlfriend's house... the lawsuit is still pending...

When alone, Mata mutes the television and provides his own 'hilarious' sound effects and speech.

Mata has his own retirement account, but I don't think it'll amount to much. It's from a Banking concern that hires only trained Chimpanzees. It's called Plan of the Apes...

His favorite is the Cosby show.

Need to lose weight? Try the MATA™ diet... everytime you're tempted to eat, Mata sends over a squad of midget Ninja Mimes to hit you where you really don't want to be hit....

Mata is best served chilled.

Mata thinks his printer can fly.

Mata means "spinache" in Alaskan.

Mata thinks his Fly can print...

Mata once turned down a free trip to PLuto, saying that it was just a Mickey Mouse planet...

Mata Really hates birds. The last time he went to the beach, a seagull took his sandwich while he wasn't looking. He called the other beachgoers to him, and explained that he'd lost his sandwich, and he wanted their help to find it. He even predicted that it was some seabird who'd stolen it. Lousy thieves! As they moved off to begin searching, he called out, "And leave no Tern unstoned!"

Mata's native tongue is actually Tagalog. Or Klingon; it depends on his gender.

Mata goes around raining on other people's parades.

Mata passes notes in class... about you!

Mata pisses on the president's bonfire...

Mata is actually human.

Mata salivates more than the average male.

When no one's looking, Mata goes through your dryer and steals one sock from each pair.

OMG no! I had a theory about there being a land of lost soks only accessable through portholes in the washer/ dryer.

Mata has his cake, but doesn't eat it! Shock, shock, horror, horror.

Mata doesn't use this shift-key, preferring to press CapsLock, then the desired letter, then CapsLock again.

Mata likes to plan out his route in a super market before entering, just so he can time the shortest route.

Eating kitties? that's no good, there is much too much fuzz for Mata's taste. Instead, in the middle of the night he sneaks into nursing homes and nibbles on old people. Not much mind you, only a snippit at a time, but nibble he does. Oh, the nibbling that he does.

That's where he puts them, of course!

Have you, by chance, seen that episode of MadTV where they travel to the land of lost laundry by crawling into the dryer?

Mata takes all of the staples out of your stapler when your not looking.

Mata's real name is unpronouncable, except by ducks, hence his fascination with them.

In Martian, Mata's name translates into He Who Entertains Us.

Mata is Knight Rider.

Mata only likes to eat lettuce when it gets to the "soggy" stage...

'Mata' is the fifth state - when your cereal goes all soggy and floppy and you have to put it in the bin.

'Mata' is the stage that no one wants to deal with when PMS kicks in.

Mata is actually a Ten dimensional lifeform... but only two dimensions of him have ever made it this far.... this is why, when he turns sideways, he dissapears....

Mata draws George W. Bush's face on melons, and then shoots the melons with a crossbow.

Mata is the stage of matter before solid. That's why he's so cool (Be'dum tush)

Mata puts the cat amongst the pigeons...

...and takes bets.

Mata bathes in his cat's sweat.

Mata touches people with his noodley apendage.

Mata is not to be taken while operating heavy machinery. Keep out of reach of children.

Mata puts the cart before the horse, while burning the candle at both ends and crying over spilled milk.

Mata is actually a combination of a smoke machine, a laser projector, and a random image generator powered by Google.

You can now get a new Mata! Mata 7.0 Gold has all the features of the old Mata, with fewer installation problems, and more intelligence!*

*may contain installation problems and only has 1MB of memory...

Which may include Mata spouting phrases like "What the Devil am I doing here?" or "Do you seriously think I'm going to fit inside your disk drive?"

Mata always makes a mess when he tries to refill his ink cartridges.

Mata goes around finding keys and stashing them in blue glass containers.
For when lady Di returns to us

Mata is friends with both superman and Batman and frequently has to split them up when they argue ove rthe issue of vigilantism.

Mata charges £40/hour.

Mata once stuck a pigs nose up is nose.