Mata wants candy.
Boom boom, ba ba-doom

Mata is the telemarketer that phones you just as you: get in the bath/begin eating your dinner/drift off to sleep.

I was wondering why all of the telemarketers lately had british accents...

Mata steals people's lawn ornament when they are not looking. He now has a collection of about 500 lawn knomes sitting on his porch.

Mata slipped me a fiver.

Mata likes to go down the bookies and every time tries his hardest to place a bet on a horse which died twenty years ago.

9 to go...

Think yourself lucky. He slipped me a Mickey Finn, and when I woke up I found not just my kidneys, but all of my internal organs had been harvested. He'd also tried to cover up the organ theft by filling the empty space with mashed potato.

Homemade or instant potatoes? The world needs to know.

Mata is actually a giant purple beanbag chair. Don't tell him that, though. He needs to find out for himself.

Mata touched me here.

*points on dolly*

Mata is an ally to Barney, who by the way CLEARLY want to rule the world, with his "I love you, you love me" song. He just wants everyone to love their neighbour, but when their neighbour turns against them, what will thay do? And Mata is the one that shall be supplying the weapons.

Mata secretly owns a llama farm in northernmost Scotland, where he breeds, harvests and shears them to make toupees.

Mata is in a Showaddywaddy tribute band.

Mata is secretly part of an underground cult that worship hamsters. Specifically Harold Fish the Wonder Hamster!

Ah, but compare the state of your old organs after smoking and booze to the new squidgey ones. In the balance, you're better off.

The Mona Lisa was actually based on my face.

Mata supplies LSD to small children and makes them paint pictures while they trip, which he then markets on Ebay as his own abstract art, thus merging drug supply with art and funding his organ scam with the profits.

Mata sees Jedi when drinking in the pub.

Mata can read my mind...he says it's rather boring.

Mata tries to ensure all his animations sync perfectly with Boney M's Daddy Cool. He claims he can hear hidden messages when its played backwards, but refuses to tell anyone what they say.

Mata has dreams and aspirations of becoming the next winner of Pop-Idol, but if only he could find his shoes and get out of those damned slippers...

Mata has dreams and aspirations of becoming the next winner of Pope-Idol, but Ratzinger got there first...

Mata listens to kittens crying, then attempts to harmonise with them. What results is a cruelly catastrophic cacophony of chords.

Mata used to be an eldreberry-smelling hamster. In fact, THAT scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail was based entirely on Mata.

Until the age of 14 Mata could not tell the difference between dogs and trees. He was often observed dragging a mountain ash through the streets of winchester while poor Rover sat at home, staring longingly out the window.

Mata ate the last Jaffa Cake.

Mata makes a hole in jam doughnuts, than squeezes all the jammy goodness out of them. Once emptied, he pumps them up with air and puts them back into the packet. Then he hides around the corner to wait for the poor individual who, having spent the day longing for a yummy scrummy jam doughnut, suddenly finds himself massively unsatisfied by the air-filled bite he has been forced to take. Then Mata points and laughs.

Mata drowns swans in his spare time.

Mata does a damn good impression of Brian Ferry.

Mata's sidekick is Rivers Cuomo. They like to play Buddy Holly down the local pub, together.

Rivers plays Buddy Holly. Mata plays Mary Tyler Moore

Mata has a feather fetish, that's why he's obsessed with ducks and swans.

Mata finds most of his forumites rather repulsive, especially Hobbes, and with exceptions including Syuu and Sues.
*shudders at the jelly donut and swan posts*

Sues isn't on the forums

Mata enjoys catapulting weasles into the air so that they get sucked into jet engines, in contridiction of the old saying.

I assumed she would have a token account, if nothing else.

Mata is the real Slim Shady.

Mata often makes toast in the shape of little hearts to give to elderly ladies in the street.

Mata has a particle accelerator in his garden shed.
He also has a deccelerator, too.

Mata sometimes thinks he's an airplane and runs around with his arms stretched out making engine noises.

Mata thought the 1984 remake of Dambusters where they replaced the planes with a van and the dams with ghosts was rubbish

*cries*

Mata made Hobbes cry.

Mata deserves the best

but what he deserves and what he gets are two completely different things

Mata buys model submarines that actually fire torpedos, goes to lakes, then fires the torpedos at boats and swans.

Mata gives out hand grenades with the instructions "Pull out the pin and throw that at the enemy"

Mata designs bowling shoes.

Mata thinks that Hobbes' thumb tastes of lime.

Mata enriches his Tabasco sauce with neutrinos in the hopes of gaining super powers. Or making it spicier. He doesn't mind which.

I hope you corrected him!

Mata tunes "my" guitar to dischordant notes whilst I'm not looking,

Mata wrote the original words to "My Ding-A-Ling"

Mata told me that the Natural Minor scale doesn't exist.

Mata tried to sue Matalan for stealing his name, they couldn't afford it.

Mata is part of Jesus' imagination.

Mata like to give abecedarian insults.

Mata's blood alcohol is 98%, which sort-of makes him a walking fermentation tank.

He has taken advantage of this, and now sells "Matabeer (That home-brewed taste)".