Mata is a figment of my imagination, all of the internet is, and i'm looking like an idiot pressing my fingers into the air.

Mata touches me at night.

And I likes it!

I once got a card in the mail that said, "Have you seen me?" and it had a picture of Mick with a picture next to it of Mata that said, "Last seen with Mata Haggis."

Mata is Ville Valo.

Hey Ri... ready to smoke some man pole?

Mick, you're a bitch.

Although, that does explin why Mata's voice is so sexy.

Mata cheated on his GCSE's by writing out all his revision notes on his hand.

Mata steals scripts from self-hating screenwriteres and passes it off as his own.

Mata lives inside a giant crab in the middle of CRABLANDIA.

Mata spanks himself at night and he doesn't know why.

Mata enjoys HP printers printing out page after page of the online bible. It's his favourite hobby.

To stop him spanking you with a baseball bat most proberly

No he does that with his copy of Final Fantasy 7 diskcase. I really don't mind it.

If he doesn't have FF7, well then HE IS BLASPHEMING!!!111eleven!!!!11111111oneoneone12121121122121120239u4121211111!

Whenever people don't contribute enough, Mata sells his blood on the black market to make ends meet.

I've always wondered about that!!

Mata regularly plays (and more disgustingly, enjoys) Superman64.

Mata has a phobia of cotton wool.

Mata likes to indulge his hedonistic side by making raffia weavework baskets for the elderly.

I once saw a milk carton on the side of Matas face. It was stapled there.

Mata created the holoprogram that is the universe

Mata played Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat in the Broadway musical, CATS.

...but he didn't need a fake tail!

Mata was the one who told Hitler that the Jews were making fun of his 'tache behind his back. Thus inadvertidly causing the death of millions.

That's right, April Fools can kill.

Mata is actually Mr Silly from the Mr Men

Mata doesn't wash his hands after he pees.






And then he prepares food.

Mata made the Huggies jingle:

"I'm a big girl look what I can do,
I can wear big kid pants, too!"

Boy, does he owe us.

Mata regularly Burninates the Country Side.

Mata actually locks up small children and forces them to works on ideas for him to put up on the website.


"Uh-oh, Jimmy, you need THREE succeding ideas for food this year!"

Every September 23rd Mata walks out on the streets dressed in spandex tights and a large pink-colored afro wig, plie-ing whenever he comes to a street corner.

mata is subscribed to Barbie magazine

hehehe.

Will there be a 'Most Original/ Creative/ Weird Rumour' award?

Mata doesn't actually use paint in his artwork - he uses boogers.

There's actually a rather disturbing connection to our favourite site's well-thought-of host.

Mata, his name, can also sound like "Matter", which includes particles and atoms and other science rubbish, well atoms - minus the a, and with the letters moved a bit - is mots, which is French for words. The French, as we all know, eat frogs legs, snails, and small children. Well, snails are very slow, as are cars which aren't moving. Such cars are described as stationary. Very similar to stationery, I'm sure you are aware, which includes pens, pencils and rulers. Another ruler was Henry VIII, who cut the heads of some of his wives. Anthony HEAD played Giles in TV's Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Vampires could probably do with some dentistry work, perhaps using that little drill that goes buzzz. Like bees! Bees make honey, and that's where the dreadful link is found.

Mata -> Honey.

Coincedence?
I think not.

I have informed the authorities. But they put me on hold, so I left a message with their mum. They're gonna' call me back.

They're at swimming practice.

If there's an award for best rumour - I think Hobbes has just won it.

LMFAO

\o/

Yay

Mata voices all the characters on his web site. Sues is a figment of his imagination that he has us all believing in. A figment with a lovely voice but still a figment.

Mata is actually an albino rhesus monkey from the center of the Earth who invented the cell phone, linoleum, microfiber, blue-laser CDs, red laser CDs, graffiti, chrome spraypaint, spinner rims, the "bargain bin", "blue light specials" the catch phrase for Tums, dog sweaters, invisible ink, talking mounted fish, plastic flowers, DURGE, fake grass for mini putt-putt, and the flop TV show: Butt-ugly martians. (Total air time of Butt-Ugly Martians: 1 month. Total Episodes: 2. Ratings: VERY LOW.) Thanks for wasting a half hour of my life on that TV show, Mata.

OK (a bit off the point I know) I swear that Butt Ugly Martians aired as a cartoon series on CITV (UK) for around a full series. COrrect me if I'm wrong but I know I saw it advertised for more than two episodes.

OH... and Mata is actually a former blue Peter presenter who was kicked off the show for smoking pixie dust (funky coloured sherbert from pixie stix) thats how come Mr Snaffleburger is so convincing. Mata has been on the INSIDE of such a production and he likes playing with sticky back plastic

Sarah is actually based off of Mata's little cousin who demanded that he make a cartoon of her. That's why Sarah is evil.

You are correct.

Mata sang the infamous 'Bodyform' song.

Mata doesn't recycle 30% of his household waste, in brazen defiance of EU directives!

Mata recently wrote the following letter:

--------+--------+--------+--------

Dear Mr. Man Who Makes Polos,

Recently, I have discovered that all of the Polos I am buying have holes in the middle of them. All of them! I am shocked and astounded that you could have such an appalling quality-control system to allow this to happen. I feel it is my duty to let you know of this apparent mis-management.

I have worked out that approximately 1/3 of my Polos were missing, and therefore I would like a full refund for this missing proportion. This would go, I feel, some way towards relinquishing our perfect partnership (you, the mint-maker, me the mint-eater).

Eagerly anticipating your request,
-Mata

P.S. I only bought the original-flavour Polos, so the spearmint and fruit ones might be okay.

P.P.S. Besides, I'm getting a bit bored of mints - do you know anyone at Cadbury?

--------+--------+--------+--------


We must stop him, before he writes to "Mr. Man Who Makes Hula-Hoops"

Oh. Well, over in the US it only had 1 month of air time.

Mata's head a splode.

Mata picked up TRINKET. To use TRiNKET...

Once when he was a very small lad, Mata played doctor with the little girl down the lane... without a license!

mata changes the ladies and gents signs on public toilets

Mata regularly sets fire to igloos...

Think of the eskimos, Mata. Think of the eskimos!

Mata loves sporks.

Mata is cheap like crack (and Whitney Housten) *wonders if anyone is around who remembers that*

*remembers*

I am Mata's illegitimate child! Does that make me Fitzmata or Fitzhaggis?

Mata runs his life via a simple parser, akin to text adventures of the mid 1980's.

>LOOK
You are standing in your humble abode. A computer lies before you.
>EXAMINE COMPUTER
Many programs are currently running: Macromedia Flash, Microsoft Internet Explorer (currently on The Other Side Forums), Microsoft Calculator, and an "English 2 L33t Speak" Translator.
>CONTEMPLATE THE FUTURE OF SOCIETY
I don't understand "CONTEMPLATE"
>GET IDEAS
You pick up some ideas from the back of your mind and put them in your satchel.
>EXAMINE IDEAS
Twisted, surreal, occasionally obscene. Ideal really.
>MAKE ANIMATION
Time passes...

Mata drives in the middle lane even when the inside lane is completely empty

Mata bought several copies of Flash Professional, and he no longer needs walls- they are replaced by servers.

Mata logs into his forum under other names to answer his own questions.

Hey I do that - only kidding - hey I am actually mata !

Mata collects floppy drives; he has over 400 different ones. Beige ones, black ones, large ones, old ones.. *goes on forever*