Contrary to popular belief, you cannot gain acceptance to the Guild of Wizardry by setting Mata on fire.

Mata enjoys long evenings on the beach chasing butterflies.

You also cannot gain entry to the Guild of Mata by setting a wizard on fire. As I found out to my cost.

When you open a packet of Jaffa Cakes it is Mata who makes you eat them all before you realise that you're doing it.

Y'know when you walk out to the kitchen daydreaming and when you get there you don't remember what you went there for? Mata hypnotised you to do it.

Mata co-wrote The Meaning Of Liff.

Mata is in fact the guy who taught Houdini his tricks

Mata uses the Indian Rope Trick to get rid of people he doesn't like very much.

"Do you want to be in my magic trick? All you gotta' is climb up this rope..."

It was Mata who really ate all the Jaffa Cakes,

Mata steals all the drinks with "freindly bacteria" and replaces it with evil bacteria.

Mata created asexual reproduction.

Whenever you flip through the TV guide and see the words "Paid Prog", don't get mad at the TV guide company, get mad at Mata. He put them up to it.

Mata taught Johnny Depp everything he knows

... about starfish.

*tee hee* *spam*

1+1= Mata

Mata's the reason they 'killed off' Jack in Pirates 2, and that Barbossa came back.

Sorry if this happened to be a spoiler for someone, but you should really know this by now.

Ick. I had forgotten about that awful cheesy ending...

Anyway, Mata is the reason that caffiene free coffee even exist.

And caffiene free soda. *sighs*

Alcohol free rubbing alcohol.

Mata ran my grandma over with a reindeer.

Mata's favorite hobby is beating old lady's dogs to death with their walking sticks.

Mata is busy blocking up every chimney.

Mata's the Grinch's evil twin.

Mata's become so cynical these days,
he doesn't know how it started but it won't go away.
See the lines around his eyes?
See the sarcasm in his smile?

You'd better smile (smile!).

Contrary to popular belief, Big Brother isn't watching you - it's Mata.

Mata lives in the North Pole, and spends all year in a factory with hundreds of elves. They make millions of toys that all the good girls and boys across the world will receive on one special day: Christmas Day!

Santa lives next door, and he ain't best pleased.

The idea of putting the tree inside and the lights outside around this time of year is actually taken from a drunken idea of Mata's.

Mata, therefore, allows me to drink coffee and not die.

Yeah but where's the fun in it if there's no risk?

Mata drinks those disgusting protein shakes when he thinks that no one is looking.

I heard Mata makes toys, shows them to children and sets fire to them while laughing manically!

Sarah told me that Julie told her that Mary's sister's boyfriend's ex saw Mata on the London Eye eating green Jello calling his alien mothership! (*whispers* Mata doesn't even like green Jello!)

Mata doesn't believe in Father Christmas.

Mata believes such a man exist/ed but he chooses to not believe he is the son of God.

Mata likes to eat coconut pie on Fridays.

Mata hid the spare bulb.

Mata invented Viagra, Its original alchemical purpose was to "Keep you up all night..... posting on matazone"

awed by bryden's ability to type with that.

Mata is the reason you see less and less traditional christmas cake being made. His first effort, dumping on brandy or port, being unsuccessful in making the fruitcake block edible he's moved on to more, hemhem, permanent solutions.

Mata hypnotized the dog to steal the chocolate orange!

Mata makes Cava so so drinkable.


Mmmmmmata says it's just mmmmmagical.

Mata is a teletubby!

Alstan, that rocks.

Oh, and Mata is responsible for hang-overs. A hangover is your brain mourning for the memories that Mata came and stole during the night. That's why sometimes you can't remember what happened. But he can only steal ones that have been sufficiently marinated in alcohol. That's why you only remember up until you drink a certain amount.

Mata doesn't care for apathy.

Mata hacks into peoples webcams.

Very rarely - I mean, how often do you see a dog with a walking stick?


The vanilla ones are really tasty and surprisingly satisfying. They have yet to give me the body of the person on the tin though... Except for one day when I turned into the Slim Fast woman. That was odd.


I can take it or leave it.

Mata was built by text speak lovers, he turned on his creators and created Matazone.co.uk

Mata steals tokens from small children in arcades. You should be ashamed!

Mata made me do it.

Mata invented the telephone.

Mata got really angry when someone then invented cell/mobile phones.

So Mata wrote the manuals for mobile phones.