I was going to cut him open to check this evening, but Sues wouldn't let me. He's 'got to her' in the X Files sense.

He does alien autopsies in his kitchen. Jonman knows, he's seen that kitchen.

Mata clubs baby seals.
He also started the War of 1812.

Mata smells of vanilla and cinnamon. And he gives good hugs.

Mata pays off forumites to support his regime with sugar-coated lies.

Technically, according to another Daft thread, that makes Mata my grandfather.

Mata isn't *really* the age he pretends to be - he kidnaps the best scientists in the world and keeps them in his basement to come up with perfect non-aging formulas. If these scientists don't work, Mata does the feeding chain thing with their pets!

mata is a communist and brain washes little children to do his evil deeds... such as free aniumals from zoo's *shoves penguin back in the freezer*

Mata is a *dundunDUN* bloodsucking hermaphroditic rheissus monkey with green scales and small hands that smell like cabbage! Run for your lives!!!!

Pfft. Where's the fun in that?

He stoops that low... *shakes head sadly*

I heard that he's made of Blu-Tack, and won't play with the Play-Doh girls and boys.

Mata is not actually Mata but another man of the same name.

Mata was seen entertaining small children at the Calgary Stampede.

Mata makes the best parrot burgers around, but to get the parrots to make the burgers he steals them from people's homes and the local pet place.

Nevermind this post. I'm being silly. This is an edit by the way.

I know for sure that, before eating the puppies, Mata has sex with them, records the entire sessions and post the videos in another site. I accidentaly found out when I was searching in Google and wrote by mistake "Mata sickporn puppies videos full size"

By mistake?!

Perhaps we should be starting rumours about Kurruskita.

Mata's blind in all five of his eyes, by the way.

I heard that Mata's hair isn't really his own. In the late Seventies he kidnapped Soviet leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, scalped him and transplanted Gorbachev's hair onto his own bald head, leaving Gorbachev nothing but a blood-red mark and a perfectly smooth scalp.

Mata is actually a clone of Walt Disney.

Mata is employed by the Umbrella Corporation to manufacture viruses that turn humans into zombies.

My friend's cousin's former wife's exboyfriend's college roomate knew a guy who lived in the apartment next to a guy whose sister saw Mata peel his skin off revealing his real visage: that of Mr. Snaffelburger!

That's also his real voice.

Mata's made of candy.

And he can fly.

Mata is human...



. ...no, even I don't believe that one.

Mata once kidnapped one of the Andrex puppies and trained it to kill! He dispatched several old ladies with aforementioned puppy before it joined a union and demanded better pay and a dental plan. The puppy was later buried in several secret locations.

Fal xXx

Mata stole the crown jewels and actually did kill James Bond when he came to stop him.

Revealingly, Mata's name is an anagram of "I Like Pet Purée for Breakfast"

(if you add some letters, and change some others)

Coincedence? I think not!

Mata uses text speak when he poses as UKspecialsauce in AOL chatrooms.

Mata's made from recycled cans, plastic bottles, and biology textbooks

Mata invented the microchip (with a little help from some little green men) but refused to take credit for it as this would have menat revealing his secret- he is actually the missing midget member of girls aloud

If you click the right combination of hyperlinks in the forum, it tickles Mata and he giggles like a girl.

I thought they were criminal justice books that he was made out of.

Them too...

But only because he wrote them all himself.

Mata came to me rescue once when I was slightly lost in Winchester, he came running down the road, took be back to his house, found out where my hotel was (on the internet) and walked me half way there in the rain then went back home and finished cooking dinner for sues.

Better Mata?

Mata has brainwashed quite a few people including CommieBastard and now, apparently, Sir Psycho Sexy.

It's a known fact that Mata is in no way affilliated with the government or the mafia.

Psst. Hey Mata, don't worry I won't give anything away.

There was a girl who my little sister's best friend's child minder used to mind, who's pa said he heard from his postie, who'd just returned form Niger on holiday, that the one of the chamber maids told her that she'd hear the story of a man from England named Mata who helpes little old ladies carry thier shopping home.- BUT he that he only does it to steal their chocolate digestives and moth balls!

*gasps* NO Way! Let this be a lesson to everyone. Nobody should allow their grandmother's to go shopping unattended!! Please don't let this happen to little old ladies near you!

Mata stole my socks. The one with the cows on them.

What an evil bar steward.

mata stole the source code for half life to which delayed it so long.

I'm sure you all knew that Mata is personally responsible for global warming. And the greenhouse effect. And the election of GWB.

Did I mention he was a freemason?

Forever Unknown spotted Mata tending bar in London. She said he wasn't doing it very well. Probably giving people the wrong drinks and tripping the wait staff while they tried to carry full trays.

True true true. Apart from the lies.

Mata makes awesome animations and is a font of wisdom and can be counted on to keep a level head when everyone else is running around like chickens with their heads chopped off.

Also I heard that he sucks the skins off peanuts in grocery stores and spits them back into the bag without buying them.

Mata s actually Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

*shudders* Let's not get ugly now

Mata likes to dress up in his mothers clothing and dance around the living room on a regular basis. I saw him do it once.

Mata is actually EVERY famous Britis person ever. Keith Richards and Queen Elizabeth included.

Mata pimps out bunnies when he's short on cash.

Lolo, it's so good that you have photograpic evidance. I need to go use photoshop, bum, I mean go to the photo shop and er, yeah 'develope' some pictures.

(By the way , big laughts at all the rumors, making me smile. He he he.)

Okay, here's a nicer one:

On a good day, Mata can bench press 310 US pounds and deadlift 550.

And Jaq, we all knew that. That's not a rumor; that's common sense. Mata is officially the chillest person on the planet. That is unless you step on his foot executing a chain reaction causing to him to change into a giant, rabid purple dog that searches the UK landscape for bunnies and kitties. Then he's not terrebly chill.

Mata's dad makes all the animations.

Upon finding out that I knew of his AIM/text speak exploits, Mata changed his AIM names to SexyGothBloke and lgg4ever and still uses text speak hardcore.

*sharp intake of breath* Oo Ri! That's getting pretty low! Pimping bunnies is one thing (and possibly true, I'm not commenting without my lawyer present) but using text speak... Never!

I've heard that when I'm asleep I sneak into offices and move folders from the filing cabinets back into the filing trays.