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Quoth(The Raven)
I once got my thumb stuck in a paper cutter -between the paper and the Bale... Panicked, and pull my hand out, tearing off the nail... Could've been worse, I suppose, but wasn't pleasant... sad.gif
Feyliya
Never microwave your retainer.
-Me, several years ago when my braces first came off.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE
Never microwave your retainer.


I'd really like to know WHY you were microwaving it? Cold gums? biggrin.gif
Tarantio
some sort of vengeance, I should think.
Hobbes
QUOTE (Righteous @ Oct 24 2004, 02:37 AM)
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 23 2004, 08:54 PM)
QUOTE
My friend CJ: I sincerely hope none of you will ever be in this situation, but if you're driving in a car with three other guys carrying a combined amount of about an ounce and a half of pot and get pulled over, don't be the only one who eats the stash. Poor CJ.


Okay - you have altogether far too many dope related stories. biggrin.gif
*


Yeah, I noticed that, but most of the mess-ups my friends and I have are drug-related. There's more opportunity to mess up when your intoxicated.
*



I'm sure there's a lesson to be learnt here...
Feyliya
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 24 2004, 09:19 PM)
QUOTE
Never microwave your retainer.


I'd really like to know WHY you were microwaving it? Cold gums? biggrin.gif
*



Well, I couldn't eat with the retainer in my mouth so I would take it out and set it nearby. This one time I took it out and set it on my dinner plate. Then, upon cutting into my chicken I discovered that it was only half-cooked (gotta love my mother's cooking). So, like any normal person would do, I stuck my plate in the microwave and zapped it for a couple of minutes.

My orthodontist now adds "don't microwave the thing" to his list of things to tell the kiddies when he gives them their equipment. Right along with "don't wash it in the dishwasher" and "don't leave it anywhere near the stove".
Tarantio
QUOTE (Feyliya @ Oct 25 2004, 05:48 PM)
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 24 2004, 09:19 PM)
QUOTE
Never microwave your retainer.


I'd really like to know WHY you were microwaving it? Cold gums? biggrin.gif
*



Well, I couldn't eat with the retainer in my mouth so I would take it out and set it nearby. This one time I took it out and set it on my dinner plate. Then, upon cutting into my chicken I discovered that it was only half-cooked (gotta love my mother's cooking). So, like any normal person would do, I stuck my plate in the microwave and zapped it for a couple of minutes.

My orthodontist now adds "don't microwave the thing" to his list of things to tell the kiddies when he gives them their equipment. Right along with "don't wash it in the dishwasher" and "don't leave it anywhere near the stove".

*



They weren't by any chance anything to do with you, were they?
Feyliya
QUOTE (Tarantio @ Oct 25 2004, 05:51 PM)
QUOTE (Feyliya @ Oct 25 2004, 05:48 PM)
Well, I couldn't eat with the retainer in my mouth so I would take it out and set it nearby.  This one time I took it out and set it on my dinner plate.  Then, upon cutting into my chicken I discovered that it was only half-cooked (gotta love my mother's cooking).  So, like any normal person would do, I stuck my plate in the microwave and zapped it for a couple of minutes.

My orthodontist now adds "don't microwave the thing" to his list of things to tell the kiddies when he gives them their equipment.  Right along with "don't wash it in the dishwasher" and "don't leave it anywhere near the stove".

*


They weren't by any chance anything to do with you, were they?
*



No, no, not me. Some other geniuses who came before.
Tarantio
still, you would think the guy would learn to put a general warning on them or something. Like my personal favourite, that should be put on all expensive/sensitive equipment:

"Not to be used by idiots. Smart people, don't do stupid things with these."
Faerieryn
I stil think the classics for warnings are:

"may contain nuts"- On a packet of peanuts

"This suit does not enable you to fly" On a child's superman costume

"Do not try to stop blade with hands, feet or genetailia" - On a chainsaw!!
exceptional1709
"If you are incapable of reading or understanding any warnings on packaging, do not use product"- on a bottle of bleach.

Do not pour water on a light bulb to see if it goes out. If you do, do not wait five hours before you tell somebody that you received a 240v shock and were hurled across the room- me, aged 3.

Do not forget to have breakfast on the first morning of school, get really hungry and pass out halfway through your second lesson- me, aged 13.

Do not stick a metal fork in the electric toaster to get the burnt toast out- my sister, aged 11.

Do not put your bare feet on the floor under your desk without looking first. You might just tread on a wasp OUCH- me, just now.
Wyvern
No matter how good the music Never allow random strangers or friends to pogo round with you on their shoulders in an olde style pub with low beams!
Equally never allow those previously mentioned persons to play catch with small person, no matter HOW GOOD they say they are...believe me it ends painfully...everytime! ( yes I was daft enough not to learn from the first attempt or the second!)

Another useful tip having heated sugar in a metal bowl in the oven for making jam Do Not try and remove it from oven Before putting on oven gloves...also a painful activity! Yes me again!

Try to avoid pushing bits of tissue into gas fires to see if the flames are real then place them on livingroom carpet to see if gas fire flames burn...my dear sibling aged 2 bless him!

See its not always me..but yes I suppose mostly it is! laugh.gif
mooooooooooopo
Do not drop the bread maker onto somebodys head - The instructions on my housemates breadmaker
Hobbes
QUOTE (Faerieryn @ Oct 25 2004, 07:56 PM)
I stil think the classics for warnings are:
"may contain nuts"- On a packet of peanuts
*


Squirrels, too.

A ha ha!
lygophilia
Always check your sandwhiches for wasps or any other insect before taking a bite when eating outside. Especially when you're allergic. It stung my lip, and I ate it. I was thinking, "Gee, this is crunchy..." huh.gif Then my lip swelled up.

Do not bang on little areas on a playground set, for it might be a wasp's home who wants vengeance. Stung my arm. It swelled up to the size of a regular person's arm from the top of my arm to below my elbow. Below that it got really instantly thin again. tongue.gif
mooooooooooopo
When you hear a buzzing noise behind you don't blindly grab at the source of the buzzing - Me when somehow catching a wasp behing my back without even looking aged 15ish

In addtition to the above if wasps can't get away after stinging you then they tend to sting you repeatedly - Me at the same time as above after not opening my hand despite the fact that it hurt (and wondering why it hurt)
Feyliya
When you know you have trouble feeling pain, have someone else fish the oozing, gooey, cheesie tortilla out of the microwave oven for you. Otherwise you end up with your knuckles burnt clear through.

Ouchies...
El Nino
Now I know where to put it I've remembered another "D'oh" from when I was a kid.

I was out with the parents at a fort and I decided to climb into this tank that was on display there. I missed my footing. Landed on my head, on the track. I cant remember how many stitches I got.
Righteous
Me: Don't smoke when you have a cold. Hell, don't smoke at all ever.

Me: Don't go to lunch with nine other people and expect to get back to university in in hour and a half.
Pab
If you are 4 or 5 years old and learning to read, NEVER assume "Ladies" is actually "Laddies" when going to a public toilet. And the fact that the "Laddies" toilets had a sink so much at the right height that it might as well have been a urinal is no excuse. The look on that womans face ...
mooooooooooopo
When you go out for a meal to celebrate handing in a group coursework/project thing make sure you have actually handed the whole thing in first - Me and my coursework group, upon discovering just how hard it is to convince lecturers to let you hand in part of your coursework even only half an hour late.

PS. We did manage to convince him in the end though smile.gif.
Artemisia
I enjoy this one....this summer, a friend got one of those mini drip-style coffee makers- it only makes 6 cups at most. He told me that after much trial and error and more than one pot of overflowed coffee, he had finally figured out that x cups of water would just fill and not overflow the pot. He then got out the measuring cup to fill up the machine. I just stared at him. I took away the measuring cup and said, why don't you just measure using the coffee pot itself?* If you want a full pot, then don't put more than a full pot of water in! He just stared at me and looked like he wanted to smack himself in the forehead. He's a genius, but sometimes the obvious things totally escape the best of us.

*Now I realize the measuring cup would make sense if he was concerned about the proportion of coffee grounds to water for the perfect cup....but that simply wasn't the case!
Righteous
Me: If you go into the city, an hour away, make sure you have a ride home.
Medae
When my boyfriend was little he put an egg in the microwave without puncturing it first, and 'lo, it exploded, busting the microwave. His mom came downstairs that morning to find a deserted kitchen, because all the kids were hiding in fear. Thankfully, she was waiting for the opportunity to get a new microwave wink.gif
Twitching
I'm officially kidnapping Medae and claiming her as my noob!

On topic: Yes, but Med, I know your boyfriend. I seriously doubt that's the only do'h experience he's had. laugh.gif tongue.gif

If you go to put your arm around someone, make sure you know where their boobs are so you don't accidentally grope them. - My friend Mike. And my boob. laugh.gif
Industrial Kybosh
Don't trim your pubic hair in the shower with big scissors. Especially if you are very short sighted. And a man. I wear my scar with shame...

Furthermore, if working in a shop putting stock out, don't stack cardboard boxes full of CDs and DVDs more than two boxes high, and if you really must, don't carry the bottom box by the handles. The almighty crashing sound after the weak cardboard handles snap off if your idiot hands and the items you were carefully transporting begin to relocate themselves all over the shop floor is almost guaranteed to grab the attention of all the customers, and often elicit a greeting colloquially known as 'spaz face' from your co-workers.

Unlike the former, I refuse to learn my lesson from the latter.

[EDIT]

A final word of warning to those thinking of attending a cocktail party - stick to your own drinks, and DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, offer to finish off the drinks of people who do not like what they have. Just because it is the same as yours does not mean it counts as one drink - you are actually putting enough booze into your system to fell a large yak. Also, having a spliff beforehand is a feeble idea, unless creating pavement art with your stomach contents is your idea of a fun night.

Again, I doubt I will ever learn my lesson.
Medae
Indeed. Friend Mike and your boob had a 30 second intimate moment. Well... for one or the other at least lol.

Both Mike and I took turns fighting with a screw cap that covered a monitor plug-- the damned thing wouldn't come off. I think at one point we were using tweezers... so after a while we gave up and I was abscently fiddling with it and it suddenly slipped off. For the prior 20 minutes we'd been twisting it the wrong way. dry.gif
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE
Don't trim your pubic hair in the shower with big scissors. Especially if you are very short sighted. And a man. I wear my scar with shame...


What the hell is wrong with you man?? blink.gif biggrin.gif
Righteous
Someone that went to school with my cousin: If you go to Catholic school and like to give head, don't let the school find out about it or you could be suspended.
Industrial Kybosh
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Nov 13 2004, 03:39 PM)
QUOTE
Don't trim your pubic hair in the shower with big scissors. Especially if you are very short sighted. And a man. I wear my scar with shame...


What the hell is wrong with you man?? blink.gif biggrin.gif
*



I tell you, the quest for a neat trouser hedge is fraught with danger...
Righteous
Me: Watch out who you go to hug because it could be the wrong person. Not good!
Asenyth
Don't litter! Especially when there is a cop behind you that you haven't noticed because like an idiot you didn't look and your driver, well, your driver doesn't have a license. Wish us good luck in court today!
Righteous
Me: When you go out to party, do your best to remember where you were, what you did and who you were with. People might start asking questions the next day.

Me: If you're woken up by a buddy calling you, don't ask whomever calls, "Dubyu tee eff went on last night, man?" You will be made fun of.
Twitching
Oo I've just remembered one.

Me (when I was about 11): If you've got a bed with a canopy, do not put your floor lamp right next to the canopy. And if you do, don't leave the room. My mother came in to find the lamp had actually burnt a hole in the canopy. blink.gif

Mantra: I will not burn my house down. I will not burn my house down.
voices_in_my_head
When being babysat by a twelve-year old, tell her that your microwave is 500watts more than hers. BEFORE making popcorn.-me,age 7

Cats with sharp claws DO NOT like being suprised.-suprise! me!

Never walk up behind a goose or a horse.-my sister

don't tell someone that you have been ice skating before-when you haven't- me
Black-Wings
Ok... never make tea when you are just wearing a towel.. I mean.. call me dumb... but the towel was falling off me and in my attempt to save face... i quickly grabbed it and the hot spoon went smack on my chin and I had to wear a large red spoon shaped scar on my chin for several weeks blink.gif
Righteous
My brother: If your older brother is bigger and stronger than you and is on the phone with his girlfriend and hasn't been in a good mood all day, do not put disgusting pictures you've printed off the Internet on a stick and shove them in his face and not expect him to lose his temper.

Me: Do not take said pictures, roll them up, set them ablaze, light your cigarette and leave them in an ashtray if said ashtray is close to the door. The den still smells like buring paper.
Feyliya
*bumpage*

Be sure to check the veggie drawer in the fridge occasionally. You may not put things there often, but you do every now and then......

I'll just leave that at that....
CommieBastard
Don't swallow batteries. Me, aged seven or eight or so. I had to be X-rayed every single day to make sure it wasn't leaking battery acid inside me, until the battery... um... came out in the usual way.
Righteous
My friend: Watch who you sleep with and use protection. You may end up pregnant.
Moosh
My Uncle: When being visited by family, ensure that toddler nephew (me) doesn't eat do much he is sick in your CD player
artist.unknown
Don't put paper products on an electric burner for at least another hour after you've cooked something on it. Hint: it stays hot.
Erin
i've done soooo many stupid things that i cant even count them all. one time i washed my earrings in the dishwasher..bad idea..the silver coloring came off. Also one time i was lazy and washed my hoodie with a big pack of gum in the front pocket...eww..sticky...gross..filthy..nasty..untouchable. Once i went to sleep with a very sharp knife in my hand. My bed was a wreck..all i got was a 3 inch cut down my wrist...i didnt even notice it until i woke up! i've done plenty stupid stuff. laugh.gif
Righteous
My buddy Jon: DOn't say you can take four shots of vodkha and five and a half Smirnoff malts just because you weigh 290.
Feyliya
Don't drink 3 high-quality, high-alcohol content, 1 1/2 size long island iced teas and a scotch, all on an empty stomach and within an hour's time, even if the drinks are free. It leads to you babbling things you don't really mean at your boss and passing out on the bathroom floor.

Randy, just before Christmas, the night of his company Christmas party.
Quoth(The Raven)
Never back out of a garage with the car door open... It can be expensive... Not to mention, embarrassing...
Righteous
Me: If you can, don't co-own an intellectual property with a whiney bitch of a brother, especially if he wants to go one way and you another.
zivane
Uhm...

don't use forks within an inch of an electrical socket (me, age 3ish)
don't ever go to private school in north florida (me, age 12-15)
don't select a recipe involving alcohol on your first time cooking (me again, age 17)
don't put live hedgehogs in the microwave thinking they are a filipino food your mother cooks, hedgehogs explode after about twenty minutes (my friend Lauren, age 11)
don't, under any circumstance, travel in italy alone if you're a girl (me, age 18) although it does get you free wine and gelato
don't attend college for a semester and decide it sucks and start abusing their study abroad program to no end, you will not graduate within 5 years (me, currently) although you get TONS of credit for doing jack shit
don't snowboard without socks, gloves, and a scarf in -9 celsius indoor snowboarding park(me, last weekend with Gerben)
don't attempt a snowboard park if you've not snowboarded within the past 5 years - stick to the basic slope (me, again, last weekend)
don't allow crazy English guys to buy you drinks when you've never gotten drunk before - you will end up looking like a slut and causing their girlfriends to break up with them on Valentine's Day (me, Wednesday night before Valentine's Day this past February)
don't ever work for a comic book store and claim you actually like dressing up like a neko-school-girl - the owner will make you stand on ladders a lot "dusting" (me, age 16 - 17) although it does get you tons of free stuff...

the best excuse for going around to every starbucks in northern florida with a video camera and trying to be throw out of them all with several friends is "i went to an arts school"

actually, the above statement works well if you end up in any awkward situation in north florida (crazy DA kids <3)
Righteous
Me: If a chick friend of yours is liked by three guys, don't have her over when all three are over as well.
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