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Well, that sure as hell sounds like DHG.

Quoth, is there any anti-kitten-bitey-third-theory-of-relativity-heat-seeking-missile spell? Because this is all really annoying. Just a second ago my beer bottle tried to eat me.

And while I'm on the subject I'll have a Beck's.
QUOTE (surewhynot @ May 17 2005, 08:38 PM)
thank you do you have a job application?

For kitten sitter or to work in the Matabar?

PM Because I Can and ask if you'd like a job here. I think we've an opening for a bouncer. biggrin.gif If he says yea then he'll add your name to the post at the beginning of the thread. Voila that simple.

*nets Orb and launches it towards the hamster run - kittens fly off in pursuit. Black and white lands on Ashbless' shoulder and gets her ears rubbed.*
*ducks through Weyr entrance avoiding tattered poster remnants and props self against bar*
I'll have something strong, whatever you have just make it strong!
It's taken weeks to get all those scuttlers back in one place and asleep, Im making the most of it!

*Rummages in pocket and tosses guppy a few strips of Peri Peri Biltong before gnawing a piece with a hunger born of weeks having to compete with hungry scuttlers*
QUOTE (Ashbless @ May 18 2005, 01:27 PM)
QUOTE (surewhynot @ May 17 2005, 08:38 PM)
thank you do you have a job application?

For kitten sitter or to work in the Matabar?

I wouldn't trust him around small animals if I were you biggrin.gif

I'll help babysit the kittens, if Emma doesn't get jealous...
I seem to think Quoth has them up for adoption. Name and claim them in the Name the Kittens thread.

*Serves Wyvern a Vietnamese bean shake. Two beans, green jelly and coconut milk with shaved ice - very tasty. *

Food and drink all in one. biggrin.gif
Scuttlers got loose, did they? Or did they get into the beverage?

*hamsters wander through for coffee refills after carefully noting the position of the winged kittens*
*ominous gadgets and whirrs in storage room*
Baw-haw-haw-haw-haw! Finally! A slurpee machine with FOUR flavors! Bow down, inferior gas stations of only THREE, or on occasion two! *manialcal laughter*
Yeah, DHG was kinda cool.
Ooh! What flavours?

They don't kill me in any way, do they?
No, actually, they don't.

Well, theres blueberry,
and Lemonade.

EDIT: A free round of slushees for everyone as celebration!
Woo! Slushees!

I'll have... blueberry.

*Narrowly avoids blueberry slushee-seeking missile*
Dear Because I Can,

Did I pass the test?
Ooo, was it the test of the six-inch heels and tippy tray full of shooters? I hated that one. I failed in very amusing fashion.

*Rigs up kitten basket near the fireplace with enough room for two full grown flying cats. Kittens immediately fly to check it out. Keegan says: "It's really mine?" The kittens immediately use it as a home base from which to dive bomb JimiJimi*

Um, sorry about that.

*Tidies up bar and refreshes peoples drinks*
QUOTE (Ashbless @ May 27 2005, 01:44 PM)
Ooo, was it the test of the six-inch heels and tippy tray full of shooters?  I hated that one.  I failed in very amusing fashion.

You got to use six-inch heels on that test!? I had to use eight-inch heels!
And I can barely walk on flat shoes....

Which reminds me: I work here!
*wanders off to tidy up the kid's bar*
El Nino
QUOTE (surewhynot @ May 27 2005, 12:39 AM)
Dear Because I Can,

Did I pass the test?

I suppose we could do with a bouncer. You're hired.

*Pours drinks for surewhynot and himself*
The Boss fellow! ohmy.gif Should I try and look busy? tongue.gif

*hugs B.I.C.*

Welcome back boss. How goes life?
Apparently life is very busy. Too busy to check Matazone.

ohmy.gif Do you think the Zonee aliens mentioned by Fairyn got him? ohmy.gif

*shrugs. Refills drinks. Carefully feeds Guppy, goldfish in their tank, and sets out food for the flying kittens*

Awww. Four sleeping flying kittens in the basket. Aren't they cute?
Loki and Pineapple must be with their people.

*wanders out again*
Okay! I'm on night shift then....

*stands at counter, waiting for costumers*


Ah, screw it.
*hangs up 'serve yourself' sign above the bar, and tells Emma to work as the bar's watchduck for the night.*
*Enters bar...*


*Spots duck...*


*Walks over to duck...*


*Gets bitten by duck*


*Rips tape off mouth*

*Comes into the bar and lets out a purr/call for the kittens. All six come out of the funniest places. Little Grey looks a bit disapproving.*

Voila, little ones, a genuine snitch.

*Holds up a little gold ball, which promply grows small wings and begins to hover*
*Cats ignore it as one and start a six way game of tag near the ceiling instead.*

Hmph, cats! dry.gif
*Emma jumps up, grabs the ball in her beak, and wadles off out of the door*

That's strange, Jimi, I could swear that bite on your leg looks like a duck bite...

Do you sell tetanus shots here?

*Jimi falls over*
El Nino
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Jun 3 2005, 02:25 AM)
Apparently life is very busy.  Too busy to check Matazone.

ohmy.gif Do you think the Zonee aliens mentioned by Fairyn got him?  ohmy.gif

I only really have time to visit here about once a week. Zonee aliens indeed.
*bright light suddenly surrounds me and I float upward* What the!!! Urk.
QUOTE (voices_in_my_head @ Jun 3 2005, 05:27 PM)
*Emma jumps up, grabs the ball in her beak, and wadles off out of the door*

That's strange, Jimi, I could swear that bite on your leg looks like a duck bite...

*Emma finds herself caught in the doorway as Magical Trevor of Tribe Wyvern has enchanted the snitch to stay in the Matabar. She opens her beak to complain "Quack" and the snitch launches itself up away near the rafters*

Eep! B.I.C.!

*Ashbless grabs his legs and finds herself floating off as well*

Um, help!? HELP!!
*ties anchor to ashbless's leg*
that ought to work.
Quoth(The Raven)
*Tobias walks in, wearing a little black suit jacket, white shirt and tie... and wearing dark glasses... he hands Emma a bundle of cloth, and brandishes a BFG, while she shrugs into her MIB suitlet.*

"Where's mine?" Emma quacks.

*Tobias hands her a tiny gun*

"Not the noisy Cricket! You promised me a real weapon, this time!"

*Tobias sighs, and pulls out a gun bigger than his own*

"That's what I'm Talkin' about!" Emma quacks, preparing to receive the weapon...

*Tobias hands over the gun. Emma collapses under the weight...*
*sits on barstool in the corner, waiting for the fun to begin...*
Oh bugger, ducks and dragons with frickin' guns?

I'd better leave before they start shooting me...
*uses the force*

you will not leave. you will stay. you will watch the fun.
Quoth(The Raven)
*Emma the duck, struggling to get out from under her gun, accidently sets off the 'automatic fire' option. The gun begins firing, and pitching about the room from the recoil, dragging a hapless Emma along behind it...*

"Heeeeeeelp!" Emma quacks, as she circles the ceiling for the third time...

*Patrons duck beneath tables, chairs, or whatever else is handy...*
*Energy blasts pursue JimiJimi as he tries to make it out the door. He almost makes it when one hits him square in the upper back.*

"Oh, Hell," JimiJimi says, falling flat on his face, "Not again!" *Dies*

*Light beams pulling at BIC and Ashbless suddenly fail, as a random shot punches a hole in the ceiling...*

*An alien face looks down through hole... and blinks*

"Ducks with Rayguns?! They don't pay me enough for this! I'm outta here!"

*Alien face dissapears, just as another random blast shoots through the hole...*

(Muffled alien voice): "!@#%^&*!"

*Tobias flies up, and disarms Emma the Duck, shutting off the raygun*

*BIC and Ashbless fall heavily to the floor*

BIC: "Well, that was... interesting..."

*JimiJimi Moans* "Anyone get the license number of that tank?"
*peers over the top of an overturned table*

is it safe to come out yet?



can i live now?
*Stands up from behind bar*

*sigh* I don't get payed enough for this job.

*Emma wadles out the door, muttering something about Taking care of PQM instead*
Quoth(The Raven)
*JimiJimi stands up, unsteadily, and dusts himself off*

*Kittens begin slowly emerging from hiding places*

Maverick: Wow. Can we do that again?

JimiJimi groans, and falls over.
*stands up and surveys the damage*

*looks down*

wow... i didnt know we could get to china that way...

*Maverick flys over and lands on shoulder*

Ok... next time warn me first... I'd like to stand behind a couple of nebulas before you do that again...

*wipes brow*

Someone get me a drink!

*sits down on one of the few chairs left intact*
Your going to have to get your own drink... I've got some cleaning to do before the boss shows up...

Oh, and Quoth, you wouldn't mind hiring someone to fix that hole in the floor would you?

*begins clearing away dust*
*Picks herself up, dusts of bits of ceiling and floor*

*Places order at local hardware for boards, nails, paint, etc.*
*Places order for more bottles to replace broken ones*
*Places order at pet store for more dragon, komodo dragon, duck and kitten chow*

*Picks up broom and helps reassemble the Matabar* dry.gif laugh.gif
Quoth(The Raven)
*Doors blast open, as boom box blares out, "The boys are back in town". The Elves have arrived!*
*Lead elf motions to his assistant, making a slashing motion across his neck. Assistant shuts off boom box, and sets it on the floor*

Lead Elf: 'ere, this th' place wot 'ad the Alien invasion?

Ashbless: Well, if you call one Alien, who got shot up by a duck, P*ssed in his pants, then legged it outta here, an invasion... Yeah, I guess we had an invasion...

Lead Elf: Right-o. Please sign this work order, and we'll get right to work...

*He motions to gang of eight elves standing around the doors*

LE: you lot, get to it!

Ashbless: You're not going to 'accidently' install another Space warp, are you?

LE (Checking clipboard): No Space warps, today. I did have a cancelation on a musical Bidet... plays, "Lady of Spain"...

Ashbless: I don't think so...

LE: How about a talking toilet? Sixteen phrases, including, "Corn? When did you have corn?", and, "That reminds me... you need to call a plumber..."

Ashbless: No.

LE: I also have a mixed drink dispenser... It can make anything from Apple Martinis to Zanzibar Sunsets... 1003 different drinks in all...

Ashbless: Can it make Pangalactic Gargleblasters?

LE (Checks invoice): Yep. in four varieties, including extra zuugleberries...

Ashbless: Sold!
Quoth(The Raven)
Lead Elf: All done. The bar is restored to it's normal, chaotic state. If you ever want to renovate this dump inta something decent, give us a call...
*Elves exit*
Ashbless: Cheeky.
*Goes over to new drink dispenser, programs it for a Pangalactic Gargleblaster. Sips drink*
Ashbless: Bloody Marvelous! *Passes out*
*moves ashbless to the couch, and Makes sure that the kittens aren't going to pounce on her*

Thanks, Quoth... but I still don't trust them...
*Hazily wakes up, unaware the elves have plastered over him and he is now stuck in plaster under the floorboards*



Ooh, nachos...


I appear to be under the floor...

And covered in plaster.

And I think my face has melted.
*stands up and walks over to the drink dispenser, orders a pangalactic gargleblaster, chugs it, screams bloody murder, and goes to find Maverick*


Where are you Maverick?

*wanders round the bar looking for Maverick*

*sits down*

Where did I see him last... Oh ya, on my shoulder, then...

*looks up to shoulder*


*pulls Maverick off my shoulder and lays him in my lap*

Now why did we come here agian?
unsure.gif does anyone else hear the floorboards talking?
Just me? And I could have sworn it sounded like Jimi...

Maybe I should stop drinking so much coffee.

No, I don't think I will....and do we have a coffee machine around here?
Why, We don't! Muhahahahaha!
*scampers off to behind the storage room*
*ominous electricity cracks and whirring gears*
*quietly scratches behind Maverick's ears*

would someone please tell me if they see Jimi, I need to talk to him...

anyone here know how to make a Pina-Colada?

Do we even have the blender for such?

*too tired to get up, just sits and quietly scratches behind Maverick's ears*
*Muffled shouting*

I'm down here in the bloody floorboards!

Damnit, how come this only ever happens to me...

Wow, there's a whole bowl of nachos in here!

Hey, there's a hamster in this bowl... how are you doing little buddy? You get trapped in here too?

Hey, don't you run away from me! Damn, how come you have an escape route and I don't? And quit stealing my nachos!

Mmm... cheesy nachos...

OW... great, now I'm being trodden on.

Ah well, I guess there's nothing to do but - *dies*
i could've sworn i heard Jimi just then...

oh well...

I smell nachos. Anyone want some nachos?

*get up and walks over to the mysterious nacho machine in the wall*


AH, I know what I want..

*presses a few buttons*

*a bowl materializes on the spot filled with nachos covered in Cheddar Cheese and Jalapenos*

*takes a bite* MMmmmm.... Cheezy!

*Gives a nacho to Maverick* MEOW!

*sits down with Maverick, eating nachos*
Quoth(The Raven)
*Corn chips in Bowl begin protesting, and swimming about. JimiJimi comes to, and realises that he'd been eating living corn chips... or at least, recently drowned cornchips. JimiJimi gets violently ill.*

*Small band of corn chips, compleat with arms and legs, and dressed as Mexican Bandits, approach JimiJimi*

Bandit #1: Why you drown our friends in cheese sauce, eh? You know what we do to peoples who drown our friends?

JimiJimi: It's finally happened. The cheese has finally slipped off my cracker...
*puts ear down to floorboard*

I Really could have sworn that I heard Jimi in there...

*Pries back floor board*
oh, It's just Jimi...talking to a chip...
*lays floor board back down*

blink.gif Wait a minute...

Does anyone mind calling those nice men in white coats for me?

Edit- For Ashbless:

biggrin.gif I think the kittens might actuly try qudditch now...
*picks up phone and goes to dial*

er... whats the number?

oh well...

*dials a number*


Ya I'd like to order a large pizza with everything on it.


You dont deliver to the Matabar?!?!?!


*slams the phone down*

hey guys... stop messing around...

we need to go all 'West Side Story' on the pizza joint's a**!!

*starts snapping my fingers*
Quoth(The Raven)
*Corn chip bandits squeeze up, out of floor boards, aiming tiny guns at VIMH*

Chip Bandit #1: we are the CCL: The corn chip liberation movement. You will open up your Nacho dispenser, and release all your hostages. Do it now, and no one gets hurt!

*VIMH considers this strange turn of events for a moment*

VIMH: Uhm, No.

*VIMH steps on Chip Bandit #1*

Chip Bandit #1: Medic!
*keeps snapping fingers*

*Maverick tries to snap his paws to no avail*

*walks over to the loose floorboard, picks it up, and starts talking to Jimi...*

hey, er, heres your towel...

*holds towel out to Jimi*

Jimi: huh?

*drops towel on Jimi and puts floorboard back*

thats better...

*keeps snapping fingers*
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