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Quoth(The Raven)
*Kittens come racing in, chasing after a group of Hamsters. Hamsters and kittens catch sight of animated corn chips at the same time, and skid to a halt. Hamsters look at kittens. Kittens look at Hamsters.*

Maverick: Truce?
Hamster #1: Truce.

*Hamsters and Kittens pounce on Cornchips, who flee in terror. It's all over in seconds. only crumbs remain of corn chip bandits.*

Maverick: Tag! You're it!
Hamster #1: Gotta catch us, first...

*Kittens chase Hamsters out of Matabar*

Ashbless (Yawning): I must have fallen asleep. Did I miss anything?
SPEAKERfortheLOST
Nah, you didnt miss anything... *voice trails off*

Now where did I put my towel...

*looks up and sees a bit of towel protruding from the ceiling of the Matabar*

Oh. I see...

Maverick!

*looka around and sees Maverick flying to me*

would you please get that for me?

Maverick: MEOW!

*Maverick flies to the bit of towel and grabs it in his teeth and pulls*

Quoth: What are you doing?

Seeing what my cat can do...

*Maverick pulls and you see bits of plaster start to fall and cracks appear where the hole in the ceiling was*

Quoth: maybe we should move from here...

*CRASH!*

Maverick: MEOW!!

Good job Maverick!

*Maverick brings towel to me*

*I wipe my mouth*

*Maverick chases after the hamsters again*
JimiJimi
Right, now I'm confused. I'm trapped in plaster under the floorboards, found a bowl of nachos containing a hamster, and now I've seen some dancing corn chips accusing me of eating and putting cheese on their comrades. Would it be wise for me to try and get out of here?

*Pushes and punches floor above him*

Hmm... If I didn't know better I'd swear that a cat had just tried to pull a towel out of the ceiling resulting in rubble falling and preventing any possible method of escape for me. Well, I just hope the elves will let me out when they come to fix the ceiling.

*Whistles*
SPEAKERfortheLOST
QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Jun 8 2005, 11:21 AM)
Right, now I'm confused. I'm trapped in plaster under the floorboards, found a bowl of nachos containing a hamster, and now I've seen some dancing corn chips accusing me of eating and putting cheese on their comrades. Would it be wise for me to try and get out of here?

*Pushes and punches floor above him*

Hmm... If I didn't know better I'd swear that a cat had just tried to pull a towel out of the ceiling resulting in rubble falling and preventing any possible method of escape for me. Well, I just hope the elves will let me out when they come to fix the ceiling.

*Whistles*
*


dont forget, you also have a towel
JimiJimi
Ah yes. Care to explain?
SPEAKERfortheLOST
just remember what the guide says...

Just about the most massively useful thing any interstellar Hitchhiker can carry. For one thing it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth on the cold moons of Jaglan Beta, sunbathe on it on the marble beaches of Santraginus Five, huddle beneath it for protection from the Arcturan Megagnats as you sleep beneath the stars of Kakrafoon, use it to sail a miniraft down the slpow heavy river Moth, wet it for use in hand to hand combat, wrap it round your head to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, and even dry yourself off with it if it still seems clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

And it also helps to dislodge floorboards that just happen to be closed over you...

just thought you should know!
JimiJimi
Yes... but why did you open the floorboards to give me something to help open the floorboards, then closing the floorboards again?

Meh, I'll try it. I don't trust those elves.

*Jimi shoves towel into floorboards*

Come on, fit damnit! Rrgh, ah, rrrrrgh... THERE! In. Now, PULL!

...

.....

.......

Well, that helped immensely.

Hello? Hello? Anyone know I'm down here except speaker, voices and quoth, and preferably someone who can help me...

And please could you remove all kittens and hamsters from the area whilst getting me out.

And whatever happened to Pretzel?
Moosh
QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Jun 8 2005, 06:47 PM)
Hello? Hello? Anyone know I'm down here except speaker, voices and quoth, and preferably someone who can help me...

And please could you remove all kittens and hamsters from the area whilst getting me out.

And whatever happened to Pretzel?
*


Well I'm not speaker, voices or quoth. I probably can't help you, I have no control over kittens or hamsters but I do know what happened to Pretzel.

2 out of 4 ain't bad is it?

Okay lets try to get you out

*Offers hand to Jimi*

*Jimi grasps hand and CM pulls*

*Jimi is pulled out of floorboards and into wall of bar*

Oops

And Pretzel, for anyone who wants to know, is currently on a World Tour and should be getting back shortly
JimiJimi
And now my face is stuck in a wall.

*Jimi pushes self off wall, only to find his skull showing*

Well that's the first time I've ever seen anyone's face stick into a wall...

*Jimi peels face from wall*

Anybody got any glue?
voices_in_my_head
*goes over to kittens, whispers somthing in their ear while pointing at Jimi*

*kitten nods*

Maverick: on the count of three, guys: 1..2.. THREE!
*Kittens fly out, in bombing formation, And begin to surround Jimi*
JimiJimi
Oh no... PLEASE no...

I've just escaped from being plastered under the floorboards with some homocidal corn chips and a towel, just been mashed into a wall and now I have no face.

And what do you do? You get kittens on me. Go on, do your worst, drink the goo from my head! Although on second thoughts, please don't.

*Narrowly avoids heat-seeking missile*

Damnit, won't that thing leave me alone?
SPEAKERfortheLOST
er.. sorry bout that...

uh... wait... ever try using the towel to catch the missile?

in anycase.. *pulls a PDA out of pocket, punches a few buttons, and you hear a distant bang*

there is that better Jimi?
voices_in_my_head
*kittens grab Jimi's arms and legs, and fly out the door*

Lucky. The kittens just love you...
SPEAKERfortheLOST
wow... i didnt know that Jimi was that easy to lift...

anyway, where did I put my drink...

oh well...

*goes over to the drink dispenser, presses a few buttons, a pangalactic gargleblaster appears, and chugs it*

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*heavy panting*

wow that was... good...

*orders another and chugs it too*

OHHH GOD!!!!

that was... amazing...

*wobbles over to bar stool and sits down*

wow... funny colors....

*slumps over bar*
voices_in_my_head
QUOTE (SPEAKERfortheLOST @ Jun 8 2005, 07:55 PM)
wow... i didnt know that Jimi was that easy to lift...
*

I wouldn't say "lift" it was more of "dragged".
SPEAKERfortheLOST
ah...

now i understand...

what were we talking about again?

*slumps over bar again*
voices_in_my_head
*drags speaker over to the couch*

Now, while your sleeping...

*begins shaving off Speaker's Eyebrows*
SPEAKERfortheLOST
ACK!!!

I'm not asleep!

*squirms*

when your done, get me another drink... make that two!
JimiJimi
Stop that! Where are you taking me? And why have you got weeks worth of supplies?

And why is that one holding a blunt instrument resembling some kind of gardening tool?

Oh, it's a scythe!

*Hugs Blackadder script book*
arachnidoc17
*walks out with camcorder* Hey, look everyone! I'm shooting a documentary of the Matabar!

...Pay no attention to the camera, it makes it look too artificial.

EDIT: Day one: I've forgotten my wallet, so I'll have to lay down my hat and dance for spare change. Jimi has gone totally insane. Maybe it was those chips?
SPEAKERfortheLOST
DUDE! I had this wierd dream last night... I dreampt that I passed out here last night and had my eyebrows saved off...

*gets up and realizes that he did pass out here last night*

wha...?!?!

*reaches hand up to eyebrow and feels nothing*

ACK!

WIMH! what the (censored word)?!!?!?!?!??!!

oy!

*walks over to wall and smashes head against it*

*turns around*

thats the last time I do that...
Ashbless
*pulls out a deck of cards and starts to show the kittens how to play poker*
Do we need the cigar burning in the ashtray?
Yes, it's important to have to cigar burning. It creates proper atmosphere and you can watch the smoke. Remember if it pools at the center of the table - fold out.
Do I smoke the cigar?
No. Cigar smoke isn't too good for cats.

I have all the one's. Is that good? says Maverick.
*pot with toy mouse, smarties, and bewildered looking corn chip is passed to Maverick.*
SPEAKERfortheLOST
*walks over to watch the card game*

Amazing... he's as good at this as I am...

*sniff*

It makes me proud...

*goes and orders a new drink from the machine and out comes a very very tall black russian*

Cheers!

*takes a big draft of the drink*

*wlks back over, drink in hand, and watchs the game more*
JimiJimi
Guys, the kittens are still holding onto me... can they let go now? I'm stuck underneath a table with my limbs being held by various cats while I'm staring at chewing gum and listening to kittens trying to learn how to play poker.

*The kittens let go and Jimi falls to the floor.*

Ow.

You know, that's probably the first time I've controlled myself in a long time. It always seems to be Quoth or Speaker or Voices who control me... Any particular reason? Or are you just distracting me while you build some super atomic bomb?

*Jimi crawls out from under the table, unnoticed. He goes off to hide under the beer taps, where he will spend the time leading up to his next post cutting the cords to the beer taps and sucking all the beery goodness out of them. Jimi hereby removes the right of any person or persons to control him before his next post in the bar. People, kittens and or hamsters may come and attack him with various sorts of firearm and weaponary, but Jimi will not be affected until his next post.*

Finally, I am in noone else's control until my next post! I'm free!

*Jimi attempts to stand up but instead whacks his head on the bar top above him. He takes no notice but carries on drinking beery goodness.*
voices_in_my_head
QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Jun 9 2005, 03:02 PM)
Any particular reason? Or are you just distracting me while you build some super atomic bomb?
*

... unsure.gif where would you get that Idea?

That's it. Who told him?
Moosh
QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Jun 9 2005, 05:01 PM)
*Hugs Blackadder script book*
*


Yay! Finally, someone esle who has it!

QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Jun 9 2005, 08:02 PM)
*Jimi hereby removes the right of any person or persons to control him before his next post in the bar. People, kittens and or hamsters may come and attack him with various sorts of firearm and weaponary, but Jimi will not be affected until his next post.*

Finally, I am in noone else's control until my next post! I'm free!
*


Don't you know you don't have the right to remove the right of any person to control you? Didn't you read your contract? It clearly states that:

"Any person or person unspecified (heretofor and whereafter to be referred to as 'persons') may, if they do so wish, but not at the unsolicited express or implicit wish of any other person or persons unspecified (heretofor and whereafter reffered to as 'the other dudes'), unless they do so wish to, therefore agreeing with the other dudes, control the doings, and/or the speech, including the content and the language style or actual language (see Clause 6, Paragraph XIV, Sub-Paragraph G), of the person known by the name of, and heretofor and whereafter knwon as, 'JimiJimi'. Any attempt by JimiJimi to curtail to rights of persons to control the doings and/or speech of himself, of their own accord or at the express or implied wish of other dudes, will result in him being, voluntarily or involuntarily, taken and used as a toy or plaything for any kitten, cat, winged cat/kitten, dragon, duck, draguk or other animal that wishes to use JimiJimi as a toy or plaything, not limited to any one of the animals listed above."

Could it be much simpler?

I didn't tell him about the SAB

PS. if anyone has any problems with the spelling in the contract, please go and ask Guppy about it. It's not my problem, I blame my just completed 3 day, Pink Floyd, Espresso and Black Books marathon.
SPEAKERfortheLOST
ARG.... you beat me to posting the contract....

*watches as Maverick repeatedly cleans out all the other cats at the poker table*

Hmmm.... I wonder if Vegas has anything against Poker playing cats? I must look into this....

*wanders off, pulling a PDA out of his pocket*
Quoth(The Raven)
QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Jun 9 2005, 03:02 PM)
Guys, the kittens are still holding onto me... can they let go now? I'm stuck underneath a table with my limbs being held by various cats while I'm staring at chewing gum and listening to kittens trying to learn how to play poker.

*The kittens let go and Jimi falls to the floor.*

Ow.

You know, that's probably the first time I've controlled myself in a long time. It always seems to be Quoth or Speaker or Voices who control me... Any particular reason? Or are you just distracting me while you build some super atomic bomb?

*Jimi crawls out from under the table, unnoticed. He goes off to hide under the beer taps, where he will spend the time leading up to his next post cutting the cords to the beer taps and sucking all the beery goodness out of them. Jimi hereby removes the right of any person or persons to control him before his next post in the bar. People, kittens and or hamsters may come and attack him with various sorts of firearm and weaponary, but Jimi will not be affected until his next post.*

Finally, I am in noone else's control until my next post! I'm free!

*Jimi attempts to stand up but instead whacks his head on the bar top above him. He takes no notice but carries on drinking beery goodness.*
*


Dude! If you needed a rest you should just have said so... okay, why not put yourself under a protection spell... the spell book is tucked inside your Black Adder book...
SPEAKERfortheLOST
*pushes a few buttons on PDA and closes it*

*walks over to Maverick and leans close to his ear and whispers something*

Maverick: Oh, really?

Yep!

Maverick: So... when do we go?

Well... I dont kow yet... have to find out when the next one is...

Meverick: Well do tell me when the next Cat Poker Tournament is...

OK

*Walks over to drink machine and pushes buttons and a Rum Runner appears*

*walks over to barstool and sits down, watching the scenery*

*quietly Quoth sneaks up behind VIMH and suddenly duct tapes her to the ceiling*

*sips drink*

kool
arachnidoc17
Wow, so harassing Jimi is a legitimate business now?
SPEAKERfortheLOST
QUOTE (arachnidoc17 @ Jun 9 2005, 08:45 PM)
Wow, so harassing Jimi is a legitimate business now?
*



always was
Quoth(The Raven)
*Gwen the flying (Mama) Cat comes soaring in, lugging a small cloth bag behind her... she lands near the poker table...*

Lilith: Uh, oh!

Gwen, glaring at Ashbless: Quoth told me what you were doing... Shame!

*Gwen starts rooting through the bag*

Ashbless: uhm...

Gwen: how many time have I told you kids...

*Pulls out tiny 'pit boss' visor*

Gwen: If you're going to play a game, always use the proper equipment...

*Puts visor on Maverick*

Maverick: Aw, Mom!

Gwen: I have visors here, for everyone. Eye protection is so important...

*Kittens roll eyes, as Gwen fits each one with a visor. Then, Gwen looks at table disapprovingly*

Gwen: you call this poker? Where are the potato chips? And the playing cards with Naked women on them?

Ashbless: Gwen!

Gwen: Hey, it's not MY anatomy being lampooned, lady...
Quoth(The Raven)
QUOTE (SPEAKERfortheLOST @ Jun 9 2005, 07:43 PM)
*pushes a few buttons on PDA and closes it*

*walks over to Maverick and leans close to his ear and whispers something*

Maverick: Oh, really?

Yep!

Maverick: So... when do we go?

Well... I dont kow yet... have to find out when the next one is...

Meverick: Well do tell me when the next Cat Poker Tournament is...

OK

*Walks over to drink machine and pushes buttons and a Rum Runner appears*

*walks over to barstool and sits down, watching the scenery*

*quietly Quoth sneaks up behind VIMH and suddenly duct tapes her to the ceiling*

*sips drink*

kool
*


Hmmmm. Obviously an imposter... even though I've been keeping an eye on the situation, long distance, I haven't been to the bar in person all night... I prefer to let my little friends interact with you lot... 'tis lots safer...
SPEAKERfortheLOST
*watches they increasingly fun game of Poker unfold*

wow... i didnt know cats could do that...

*watches as Maverick pulls a very evil sleight of paw trick*

kool... definately my cat...

*plays with a deck of cards*

hmmmm.... i wonder....

*sees how many under deals he can pull off in a row*

kool...

*puts the cards away, picks up drink, and walks over to watch the game more closely*
SPEAKERfortheLOST
QUOTE (Quoth(The Raven) @ Jun 9 2005, 08:58 PM)
QUOTE (SPEAKERfortheLOST @ Jun 9 2005, 07:43 PM)
*pushes a few buttons on PDA and closes it*

*walks over to Maverick and leans close to his ear and whispers something*

Maverick: Oh, really?

Yep!

Maverick: So... when do we go?

Well... I dont kow yet... have to find out when the next one is...

Meverick: Well do tell me when the next Cat Poker Tournament is...

OK

*Walks over to drink machine and pushes buttons and a Rum Runner appears*

*walks over to barstool and sits down, watching the scenery*

*quietly Quoth sneaks up behind VIMH and suddenly duct tapes her to the ceiling*

*sips drink*

kool
*


Hmmmm. Obviously an imposter... even though I've been keeping an eye on the situation, long distance, I haven't been to the bar in person all night... I prefer to let my little friends interact with you lot... 'tis lots safer...
*




hmmm.... that would explain soooooo much!
Quoth(The Raven)
QUOTE (SPEAKERfortheLOST @ Jun 9 2005, 08:02 PM)
QUOTE (Quoth(The Raven) @ Jun 9 2005, 08:58 PM)
QUOTE (SPEAKERfortheLOST @ Jun 9 2005, 07:43 PM)
*pushes a few buttons on PDA and closes it*

*walks over to Maverick and leans close to his ear and whispers something*

Maverick: Oh, really?

Yep!

Maverick: So... when do we go?

Well... I dont kow yet... have to find out when the next one is...

Meverick: Well do tell me when the next Cat Poker Tournament is...

OK

*Walks over to drink machine and pushes buttons and a Rum Runner appears*

*walks over to barstool and sits down, watching the scenery*

*quietly Quoth sneaks up behind VIMH and suddenly duct tapes her to the ceiling*

*sips drink*

kool
*


Hmmmm. Obviously an imposter... even though I've been keeping an eye on the situation, long distance, I haven't been to the bar in person all night... I prefer to let my little friends interact with you lot... 'tis lots safer...
*




hmmm.... that would explain soooooo much!
*



Hey, it's not that I'm anti-social... I'm only Half omnipotent being... takes a lot to hurt me, but in the weirdness that is the Matabar... It's possible! ph34r.gif
Quoth(The Raven)
*Watches Tumbleweed roll through Matabar*

Uhm, was it something i said?

*Kittens desert card game to chase tumbleweed*
SPEAKERfortheLOST
*whistle, whistle high, whistle low*

hey, stranger...

there is only room here for one of us...

*walks over to the long lane that suddenly appears out of nowhere and faces Quoth*

are you ready stranger?

on the count of three, draw!
Quoth(The Raven)
Anime or Western style? tongue.gif
SPEAKERfortheLOST
Anime
Quoth(The Raven)
*Draws cute kid, with big eyes, no nose, and funky hair. Shows Speaker...*

Beat that.
SPEAKERfortheLOST
*draws a picturesque girl with the face of Cand, the body of VIMH, and the general look of a goddess*

HA!
Quoth(The Raven)
*Arthur the Dragon flies in, and lands on hidden button, installed by elves... Trap door opens, and speaker falls into hole in the floor...*

Thanks, Arthur!

"anytime, boss!"

(To Speaker):Buh bye! time to retire for the night, Arthur!

*Quoth and Arthur dissapear in a puff of purple smoke...*

Speaker(From hole): I knew there was a reason I didn't trust those Elves!
SPEAKERfortheLOST
*suddenly remembers the towel around my neck*

AHA!

*throws one end of towel around the reinforcement bar in the trap door and grabs it to pull himself up*

EERRGGG! HA!

*takes a deep breath, and then wraps towel around fist and starts puching at the trap door, slowly making progress in making a hole through it*

this might take a while...

*keeps punching eventually making a large enough hole to squeeze through*

OK... on the count of three...

1...

2...

3...

*throws himself up through the hole*
voices_in_my_head
Aww...the kittens look so cute in the poker visors...

*walks towards kittens*

What the....!

*falls through trap door hole*

And I dont' Even have a towel...
arachnidoc17
*Attempts to comment on something, but instead slumps and orders a cold one*
JimiJimi
QUOTE (CheeseMoose @ Jun 9 2005, 09:48 PM)
Don't you know you don't have the right to remove the right of any person to control you? Didn't you read your contract? It clearly states that:

"Any person or person unspecified (heretofor and whereafter to be referred to as 'persons') may, if they do so wish, but not at the unsolicited express or implicit wish of any other person or persons unspecified (heretofor and whereafter reffered to as 'the other dudes'), unless they do so wish to, therefore agreeing with the other dudes, control the doings, and/or the speech, including the content and the language style or actual language (see Clause 6, Paragraph XIV, Sub-Paragraph G), of the person known by the name of, and heretofor and whereafter knwon as, 'JimiJimi'. Any attempt by JimiJimi to curtail to rights of persons to control the doings and/or speech of himself, of their own accord or at the express or implied wish of other dudes, will result in him being, voluntarily or involuntarily, taken and used as a toy or plaything for any kitten, cat, winged cat/kitten, dragon, duck, draguk or other animal that wishes to use JimiJimi as a toy or plaything, not limited to any one of the animals listed above."

Could it be much simpler?

blink.gif

*Gets out from under beer tap place and stretches*

After much drinking I eventually worked out which beer was which (although I have now forgotten), and I have pretty much sucked most of them dry. I've reconnected all the pipes and now all I have to do is sit down in this chair to prevent injury.

Hmm... I think there's still some of the stuff which came from the red pipe and the blue pipe, and a little stuff from the green pipe.

*Jimi stumbles about blindly*

Ooh looky here, a trapdoor!

*Jumps down hole*

You now have the right to control me again.

*Thud*
Ashbless
*glances over, pulls out little book written in Elvish with Matabar on the cover, flips through it, reads something and grins evily*

All right then, ante up!

*As one, six kittens pounce and haul Ashbless (aka Aunty Ash) up to the ceiling while Mama cat gets busy with ductape. Finally Keegan, with a evil grin, stuffs the golden snitch into Ashbless's mouth*

Mmmnnmm. Gurgleffmmm!

*Ashbless spits out snitch and laughs*
JimiJimi
*Looks up from hole*

The hell is going on up there?

Oh sorry, voices, I didn't see you there.

Any plans?

I have a grappling hook, a long length of rope, a jetpack and a ladder but I can't think of someway to combine them all to make some sort of super escape method.

*Jimi pokes head out of top of hole*

And it's fairly deep, too.
voices_in_my_head
oh...yeah... it might be pretty hard to get out of here...

You just stay here, Jimi...I'll go get help.

*climbs up ladder*

Remember - Don't Move. I'm getting help...
*closes and locks trap door*

*sits down at the bar*
unsure.gif What? he'll figure it out sooner or later...
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