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The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Daft
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arachnidoc17
*bounds out of storage room*

Well then. I need to make a trip to the hardware store.

*small bag of orange glowey stuff drops out of back pocket*
JimiJimi
Ooh, is the robot the size of a small melon, can hover, spherical, and can I call it Colin?

And is he always ecstatically happy becuase he's had his circuits tampered with and is now in a completely happy logic loop?

Or have I been reading too much Douglas Adams?
arachnidoc17
Orange glowey bag: No more Restaurant at the edge of the universe for you.
JimiJimi
I don't know what the hell that last post is on about. What orange glowey bag?
arachnidoc17
*sigh*
Jimi, look at the post at the top of the page.

Suddenly I feel like an idiot.
JimiJimi
I did, but I couldn't work out why you randomly stuck the orange glowey bag into that other post. Can it talk?
arachnidoc17
QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Jun 20 2005, 03:43 PM)
I did, but I couldn't work out why you randomly stuck the orange glowey bag into that other post. Can it talk?
*

Sure.
Well, I Do have sort of a crazy-lab-thingie goin' on behind that door, don't I?
JimiJimi
Lo there bag.
arachnidoc17
Bag: Lo. Nice weather.
JimiJimi
Guess so.

So... you're a talking bag.
arachnidoc17
Not really, I'm actually the contents of this bag. I'm also orange and glowy.
JimiJimi
So how's that working out for ya?
arachnidoc17
Pretty good so far. Hard to move around though.
JimiJimi
I bet it is.

Now just orange, but glooooooweeeeeey...

...

...

Hey, did you just try to brainwash me into your glooooowiiiiiiineeeeess...

...

...

To get see what the space is about.

I like a teh zoo.
arachnidoc17
*walks back in with big bags of power tools and such, notices orange glowey bag*
GAH!

*picks up and chucks bag back into storage room*

That was... just... the... floor... cleaner. Yeah.

*picks up bags and hustles them into storage room*
JimiJimi
*Snaps out of it*

I do believe I just snapped out of something.
arachnidoc17
The snapping was most definitely out.
JimiJimi
I think you would be correct in that assumption.
arachnidoc17
Oh my, it seems I have run out of things to say to carry on this pointless conversation.
JimiJimi
DId we ever decide if the robot gets called Colin?
voices_in_my_head
*stands, watching arachnidoc's and Jimi's conversation for a minute*
huh.gif

Is there any reason behind this pointless conversation?
JimiJimi
Why the hell not.
arachnidoc17
Oh, it's really only a divers- i mean PLEASANT CONVERSATION WITH GOOD OLD JIMI HERE.
voices_in_my_head
oh... Well, as long as it wasn't a divirsion or anything....
JimiJimi
*Cough*

*Hides small pokey kinfe behind back*

*Tries to stop self laughing*
Ashbless
*starts programming the repair elves into the speed dial of the phone*

We're going to owe the bar to them in repairs before too long. sad.gif

*wanders into the Boss's office to check on B.I.C.*
*scribbles note about charging rent on the storage room and pins it to his shirt*
*locks door behind her as she wanders back into main bar*

JimiJimi - the floor cleaning robot could be called Colin, if you like.
arachnidoc17
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Jun 21 2005, 06:58 PM)
We're going to owe the bar to them in repairs before too long.  sad.gif

*


That's okay, I can always do the fixing 'round here!

*ponders*

Er, nevermind.
JimiJimi
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Jun 21 2005, 11:58 PM)
JimiJimi - the floor cleaning robot could be called Colin, if you like.
*

Woo!

QUOTE (Ashbless @ Jun 21 2005, 11:58 PM)
*starts programming the repair elves into the speed dial of the phone*

We're going to owe the bar to them in repairs before too long.  sad.gif
*

Indeed.

*Runs up to a wall and randomly starts kicking it*

*Unexpectedly, the wall caves in. Even more unexpectedly is that behind that wall lies a small alien doing a little dance*

*He stops and looks startled at Jimi, but before long carries on dancing*
Quoth(The Raven)
*Alien stops dancing, and marches over to the Bar*
Alien: Hey, Arthur! Long time no see!
Arthur (Grimacing, menaceingly): Not nearly long enough, Clive.
Clive: Aw, don't be like that, Arthur! Can't we let bygones be bygones?
*Clive slips a cigar into Arthur's mouth, and lights it. Arthur spits out cigar, which lands at JimiJimi's feet*
Arthur: You're not going to get me with that old gag...
*JimiJimi looks at Cigar*
JimiJimi: This can't be good...
*Cigar explodes, creating a massive *Bang*, and filling the bar with smoke...*
Ashbless
*flips a switch under the bar, industrial fans kick in and clear the smoke.*
*Clive the alien is caught with his hand in the till.*

Clive: Heh, just a little joke right?

*Ashbless grabs him by the collar and starts walking to Guppy's corner by the door. Guppy does a very poor imitation of cute puppy begging in the shop window.*

Ash: B.I.C. and the staff here at Matabar have a poor opinion of thieves, yes?
Clive: *squirming* Oy! Just a joke! really. Don't let it eat me!

*Walks past a dejected looking Guppy and bodily fires Clive the alien out the door*
*Pats Colin the floor cleaning 'bot as she walks back in, dusting off her hands*

Don't we have a bouncer around here? I thought the Boss fellow hired on a replacement while DHG was on enforced vacation. *mutters*
JimiJimi
*Wakes up with half of face missing*

It'll heal up.

*Colin walks by*

Lo there Colin.

*Colin bubbles merrily and continues on his way*
voices_in_my_head
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Jun 23 2005, 11:41 AM)
Don't we have a bouncer around here?  I thought the Boss fellow hired on a replacement while DHG was on enforced vacation. *mutters*
*


Hmm... He seems to have dissapered. I don't know if it's because he forgot, or because of me.

Oh well. can't you hire the kittens to do it? Between the six of them, I think they'll make pretty good bouncers... And Emma could help!
arachnidoc17
You know what would be a really good tune right now?

This.

Well, in MY time zone anyway.
Quoth(The Raven)
*Arthur the Pendragon is snoozing in comfy chair by the fire, after being treated for an allergic reaction (He ate a hamster who had had a chocolate malted...). Gwen the flying cat finds him, and drapes a cover over him, before flying to the bar.*

Gwen: White wine spritzer with a twist of catnip, please.
arachnidoc17
Hm. This place looks a bit musty. *dashes in to storage room, dives back out with broom in hand* *begins sweeping floor*


EDIT: Sadly, this is a bit of an obsessive compulsion for me in real life, if the ground's a bit untidy around me and there's a broom nearby I have the urge to sweep the floors. ,'8(
JimiJimi
That music makes everything seem like the bars in Shenmue.

I don't think I've ever been to a bar in England that merits that sort of music.

*Colins flies up to a random person in the bar and starts making bubbling noises whilst rubbing someone's leg*
Ashbless
*captures Colin*

Elves. Think they're funny with the bugs in the programming. This should be cleaning the floor and not begging for crisps from the customers.
At least, I hope it was begging for crisps. blink.gif

*Opens panel, shakes out a few butterflies, closes up the panel. Gives Colin a quick polish with a bar cloth, a couple crisps and then releases him back into the bar. *
JimiJimi
He wasn't begging for crisps, he's just been put into an infinite logic loop making him constantly ecstatically happy, so he likes everything. Especially rubbing against people's legs. And currently he's frothing away and enjoying his time upside down on the ceiling.

(Consult your nearest copy of Mostly Harmless)
arachnidoc17
...Well then.
Quoth(The Raven)
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Jun 24 2005, 12:53 PM)
*captures Colin*

Elves.  Think they're funny with the bugs in the programming.  This should be cleaning the floor and not begging for crisps from the customers.
At least, I hope it was begging for crisps.  blink.gif

*Opens panel, shakes out a few butterflies, closes up the panel.  Gives Colin a quick polish with a bar cloth, a couple crisps and then releases him back into the bar. *
*


The bugs in the program were butterflies? Well, the Elves ARE a bit literal...
JimiJimi
QUOTE
He squatted over the robot and held it between his knees. The towel was still covering all of its sensory mechanisms, but Ford had now got its logic circuits exposed. The robot was whirring grungily and pettishly, but it could only fidget, it couldn't actually move. Using the prising tool, Ford eased a small chip out from its socket. As soon as it came out, the robot went quiet and just sat there in a coma.

The chip Ford had taken out was the one which contained the instructions for all the conditions that had to be fulfilled in order for the robot to feel happy. The robot would be happy when a tiny electrical charge from a point just to the left of the chip reached another point just to the right of the chip. The chip determined whether the charge got there or not.

Ford pulled out a small length of wire that had been threaded into the towel. He dug one end of it into the top left hole of the chip socket and the other into the bottom right hole.

That was all it took. Now the robot would be happy whatever happened.

Ford quickly stood up and whisked the towel away. The robot rose ecstatically into the air, pursuing a kind of wriggly path.

It turned and saw Ford.

`Mr Prefect, sir! I'm so happy to see you!'

`Good to see you, little fella,' said Ford.

The robot rapidly reported back to its central control that everything was now for the best in this best of all possible worlds, the alarms rapidly quelled themselves, and life returned to normal.

Mostly Harmless, Douglas Adams.

There you go, that's how Colin got so ecstatically happy.

QUOTE
Ford thought it needed a name and decided to call it Emily Saunders, after a girl he had very fond memories of. Then he thought that Emily Saunders was an absurd name for a security robot, and decided to call it Colin instead, after Emily's dog.

Mostly Harmless, Douglas Adams.

And that's how Colin got his name.
Ashbless
Colin happy is great but Colin doing it's cleaning job and happy would be optimum.

*Colin burbles happily and turns lazy circles on a nearby wall, ignoring the dust, which only makes him feel happy inside. *

Hmmm. dry.gif

*Ash shrugs, gets cleaning suplies from under the trapdoor and starts with the cleaning bit.*

*Colin burbles happily*
arachnidoc17
Meh. *leans against a wall and falls asleep*
Ashbless
*quietly kicks the couch and gets the other staff member to help carry the sleeping Arachnidoc into the storeroom. Locates the webbing in the shape of a hammock and gently lifts him in*

*glances around at the weirdly glowing / pinging machines of unknown function*
*decides she really doesn't want to know*
*motions her fellow staff member out of the room and gently closes door behind her. Locks it to keep Arachnidoc safe from the bar and the bar safe from Arachnidoc. *
I'm sure he's got the spare key or a work around. smile.gif

*Looks around. Tosses a foam rubber beer bottle at JimiJimi's head, as he's kicking another wall in search of aliens. Refills some drinks.*

*Quits for the day and heads out into the forum*
JimiJimi
Hmm... Foam rubber beer, eh?

*Colin reluctantly (but happily) droops down from the ceiling and begins (happily) cleaning, which he sees as a rivetingly exciting task*

*Jimi tips some bins over for Colin to clear up. Colin shows his appreciation for this action, and merrily continues clearing up the rubbish, before excitedly brushing it over into a corner, then contentedly zaps it with his laser eyes, thrillingly making it disappear. Colin then zips back up to the ceiling and continues frothing until more cleaning is required*
arachnidoc17
*wakes up*
How in blazes did I end up here?

Bah, nevermind.
*starts up whizzy supercomputers*
Daria
*creeps into the bar for the first time*

*coughs quietly*...

Hello?

Anyone?

Can I have a Guinness please?
arachnidoc17
*shouts through door*
You might want to ask the bartender for one, I don't know how reliable the other bargoers are at supplying alcohol.
Daria
*helps herself*
No worries biggrin.gif

Now where is that jukebox.... dry.gif

*goes over and puts on some random record that just happens to be Nancy Sinatra, These Boots*

huh.gif
Ashbless
*comes in shaking rain off an umbrella*

Hi Daria. Glad you could make it.

*phones in the weekly booze order. Feeds Guppy very carefully, tosses wee fishes up in the air for the flying cats and refills the beer nuts.*

*Feeds Colin a few crisps and gives him a bit of oil to sip*
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