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The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Daft
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tv with legs
the NAUGHTY corner
*follows colin*
*pops quietly into the Matabar*

psssssssst.... Colin!

Colin: huh? wah?

*whispering* don't say anything! I have a way to fix that paintjob... for a price... all you have to do is forsake Jimi... and come over to my side, the other side...

Colin: *robot whisper* sir... i just might do it...

*whispering* do it soon, and then we will fix that paintjob....

*Tisiphone (my kitten) flys in hastily*

Tisiphone: Help! The sporks are threatening to revolt!

Silvermoon: *sniff* Is that rum I smell on your breath?

Tisiphone: Uh, maybe...what of it?
*walks into the room after months of being way too busy and checks everything out*
uninspired pizza guy
Hey Tisiphone, isnt it well know that flying kittens cant have a blood/alchohol(sp) reading higher than 3.5?
Jimi: Colin?

Colin: Yes sir!

Jimi: Were you just talking to speaker?

Colin: Err... I definately didn't say I was going to join his side and remove this paintjob...

*Jimi raises an eyebrow*
*duct tapes Jimi to the ceilng with UberTapeTM*

Ok... Colin, here is your chance!

Colin: I don't know! I can't decide! Wait!

Look! Do you or Don't you want to get rid of that paintjob?!?!?!?!?!

Colin: well... yes! yes i do!

Good! Now here's your chance! Go for it!
*Jimi wriggles an arm free and fires Circuit Jammer 2000*

*Colin freezes, plummets to the ground and smashes*

Ooh... err... bugger...

I can fix that! Just let me down!


*applies more UberTapeTM*

you shall never be free of me!!!!

*picks up Colin*

Poor, poor Colin... He sacrificed himself so that Jimi's rule over him would end....

All Hail the Martyr Colin!
Hooray! Free martinis for everyone! Especially me!
*Jimi growls*

Argh! Let me down!

*Applies acid*

What? It's barely done anything at all! It's only succeeded in burning my skin! Agh! Aaaagh!

*Jimi uses random powers he bought off a guy for a toothpick and a shoe on the ceiling, and a hole burns in it*

*Jimi jumps up through the hole, onto the roof, where he is immediately blown away and left to fall the few thousand feet below him*


Flippin' 'ell!
tv with legs
*pulls out duck tape from hell*
anouncer: the duck tape from hell is the strongest duck tape in the universe, stringer than any kind of tape there is, and impenatreble from anything. made from the depths of hell by the torchered souls themselves. you can actually hear the tape scream.
TWL: umm, tahts anof mr.anouncer dude.
anouncer:but i__
TWL:__but you are annoying
anouncer: what, i just wanted to
TWL: you know what, SHUT UP!!
TWL:*shoots fireball at anouncer*god i hate him, reminds me of mario*shudders*
*ducts tape everyone with hellish duct tape.*
muwahahah, i win!!
and yall can never escape, its invunerable from anything!




*A few hours later, Jimi wakes up on someone's roof*

Eugh... I can't feel my legs...

*Jimi sits up and sees legs a few yards away*

Ah. That's not good.

*Jimi shuffles over to legs and stuffs them in pocket*





Oh wait, aha, I kinda destroyed him didn't I...

I'm sure I'll think of something.


Doo doo doo doo doo do dooooo... Doo doo doo doo doo do dooooo... dooooo...
Quoth(The Raven)
*JimiJimi takes his legs out of his pocket, then clicks the heels together three times*

JimiJimi: There's no place like the Matabar, There's no place like the Matabar, there's no place...

*JimiJimi fades out of existance. Just then, he passes out from lack of blood. Before he blacks out, the Matabar starts swimming into view... a ticked off Colin is gathering his bits and pieces, prepping for reassembly... again.*

Colin(Grumbling): I don't know why I hang out with that guy... everytime he's about, my warrenty gets voided...
*Peeks in to matabar curiously, cautiously... Sneaks in without drawing too much attention and sits in a dark corner taking notes of the unfolding strangeness*

*Stevie the magic turtle stumbles out of Jimmy's pocket and falls to his lap. It belches a little yellow flame and falls asleep*
Jimi and Jimmy? Bloody hell, today marks the end of comprehension in the Matabar.

*Jimi shoots Jimmy a confused glance, and starts to whisper to Colin*

Jimi: Hey Colin, who's that guy?

Colin: I'm not talking to you.

Jimi: What? Why not?

Colin: ...

Jimi: Colin!

Colin: Can I hear someone?

Jimi: Oh fine, you can have your pirate hat back.

Colin: Yay!
*Stevie awakens and stares up at Jimi and yawns belching out a little yellow flame*

*Jimmy looks at Jimi a little unsure and scrawls notes faster. Uncertainty turns to awe as a scotch and dry materializes at his elbow*
Jimi: *Whispering* Flaming turtle?

Colin: Apparently so.

Jimi: Is there any kind of scan or... I dunno, test you can run to see what it is?

Colin: Nope.

Jimi: Right. Wait, what? You can teleport to the deepest reaches of space and not know what that turtle thing is?

Colin: Well, it looks quite a lot like a turtle if that helps.

Jimi: No. No it doesn't.

Colin: Alrighty then.
*Opens door, casualy slips past all the commotion and sits down at the bar*
Hey Jimmy, Jimi, Colin.
*turns round to order drink, notices lack of barman*
Fine, I'll get it myself....

*Reaches round and grabs a Becks*
*Notices Jimmy, Jimi and Colin staring*
Oh, sorry biggrin.gif What will you guys have?
Jimi: I'll have a Beck's too, if that's alright. Colin?

Colin: Do they have any of that crunchy black stuff?

Jimi: You mean crisps and oil?

Colin: That's the one.
*reaches round again and gets another becks, a bag of crips and a can of oil*
*Pulls out of pocket an interesting contraption involving a mouse's excersise wheel, a mouse and a shakey thingy*
Won't be a minute Colin!
*puts crips and oil into the top of the shakey thing and closes the lid. Puts mouse into wheel and gets it running. Shakey thing... shakes*

*looks at watch and hums...*

*stops wheel (mouse goes flying) takes lid off of shakey thing and pours the oily crunchy mess into a bowl*
There you go Colin. Oh, and here's your beer Jimi
*passes both along the bar*

*Jimmy furiously writes notes*
Colin: Ooh, cheese and oilon.

Jimi: That was terrible.

Colin: What was?

Jimi: Oh, sorry, I thought it was a joke...

*At the other end of the bar, Jimmy is mumbling while scribbling*

Jimmy: *Scribble* ...I thought it was a joke. There.
*walks in the Matabar with a six-pack of store-brand soda*

Arachnidoc: Consume mass quantities!

Colin: You aren't one of the Coneheads.

Arachnidoc: Oh. Right. Who is this Jimmy fellow and what is he writing?
Quoth(The Raven)
QUOTE (arachnidoc17 @ Sep 11 2005, 08:00 PM)
*walks in the Matabar with a six-pack of store-brand soda*

Tell me it's grape or orange, something store brands do well...anything but Cola or Rootbeer... yech. laugh.gif
*Stevie lifts in to the air and winks out of the plane with a shimmer*

More cheese *Jimmy mutters and continues scribbling notes and diagrams*

*Jimmy looks up noticing for the first time strangers passing him strange glances*
I'm documenting occurrences... Oh and the turtle, yes he is some what of a mystery, he sort of just found me. He doesn't talk much but he likes to hunt for cheese in other dimensions and roast marshmallows.

*A platter of cheeses and assorted nibblies appear on a near by table, Stevie among the goodies devouring and cooking*

Jimmy: Hmmm I wouldn't touch any of that if I were any of you people, Stevie can be a little irritable when it comes to sharing.
*Jimi, noticing a cheese eating turtle on the end of his table, moves onto another table*

Colin: He's a turtle that likes cheese.

Jimi: Yes, Colin. I figured.

Colin: Only trying to help..
*Hears a clatter on the door and turns round*

Errr.. Guys...

*The Luggage kicks its way through the door, sits in the middle of the floor, and opens its lid. Rincewind meekly steps out. A kangaroo can be seen in the dust in his hat*

Rincewind- "where are we now?!"

*Luggage looks sheepish*

*Jimmy takes notes*

*Rincewind pulls out map from under hat and jabs at a certain point*

"You took a left instead of a right, here!"

*lid of The luggage opens, and Rincewind steps back inside. It takes a big step back and runs through the hole in the door*

Okay... huh.gif
*Matthew turns from the bar to survey the dishevelled wizard and his toothy


*The librarian peers over the top of the bar sucking his lower lip and hands Matthew
a beer... *

" Oook? "
Colin productions present... dun dun dun dun... the Matabar, a daily... err... the daily life, yeah! Dun dun dun dun DUN!

Starring, Colin the robot! Jimi! Jimmy! Quoth! Err... Stevie the turtle! And many more!

Dun dun dun DUUUN!

Colin: Here is Jimi sat at a table. He is drinking what appears to be beer.

Jimi: Bugger off.

Colin: Over here is a flame belching turtle, and here is a very suspicious storage room.

*A voice comes from the storage room*

Voice: Oh, bugger off, Colin.

Colin: And here is a talking lime and a small man in a glass.

Man: Hi there.

Lime: Did you have my consent before you started filming me? I very much think not. Mr. Lawyer!

*Another lime comes from nowhere*

Lawyer: You called?

Colin: Err... the end! IhopeyouenjoyedtheshowIgottagonowbye! Arrgh!


Jimi: Colin, put my camera back where it came from, and before you ask, no I am not going to represent you in court.
Can't you just blur his... er... whatever it is that talking limes have out?
*Ashbless snaps fingers and Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville starts playing on the jukebox. She takes out a blender and gives the limes a speculative look. Limes look nervous and decide to check out the Pub instead*


*Dials the repair elves about the Luggage shaped hole*

Darn Trunkie. biggrin.gif
*Luggage walks back into the Matabar. Ashbless looks very nervous*

Um, I was only joking?

*Luggage continues slow advance. Guppy takes one look and decides his kennel is calling.*

Would you like some nice crisps? Um unsure.gif no?

*Ashbless quickly pours a beer and puts it into the path of the travelling trunk with a few open packets of crisps.*

Rincewind? I can have potatoes ready very quickly if you'll call off Luggage. Please? Loads of butter! Sour cream and the rest the toppings!

*Climbs onto the bar and eyes the ceiling's upside down pinball machine as a possible point of refuge.*
*Stevie the transdimensional magic turtle falls asleep on the platter of cheese*

*Jimmy scrawls notes and does a quickly sketch* Truly amazing I never expected to actually see one. I wonder if it could be harnessed for world domination...

*Jimmy presses against a window starring out into much strangeness he doesn't comprehend* Wow that guy looks just like me that handsome devil.

*Handsome devil spontaneously combusts* Maybe someone should help it... *Jimmy scrawls notes*
*Colin watches intently as Stevie the turtle gets up and blasts off to another dimension*

*Colin does a few mental calculations before blasting off himself*

*A split second later, he reappears, covered in sea-weed*

Whoops, I just spent 170 years at the bottom of the ocean before I could get a dead shrimp out of my main logic circuits. Won't be a moment.

*Colin blasts off again*

Jimi: Damnit Colin, I had some cheese right here if you wanted some.

*Jimi pulls out three trays covered with piles upon piles of cheeses*
Maybe the luggage would like cheese.

*Jimmy produces moldy chunk of cheese from his pocket and wonders over to the luggage*

*Luggage stamps feet contemptuously*

For something that spent millions of years petrified in the side of a mountain you're kind of picky! That’s from my personal stash.
*Colin reappears*

Jimi: Wow Colin, it's been two days, where the hell did you go? And what happened to your paint job?!

Colin: Well, yes, the thing about that...

Jimi: You'd better have a good explanation...

Colin: I don't think you'd look much better if you'd just spent 2 million years trudging through prehistoric earth chasing after a cheese eating fire breathing turtle before being captured by said turtle and blasted off in a small capsule hurtling to the far outer regions of our universe and beyond for another 370 million with noone to talk to now would you?

*Jimi raises an eyebrow*

Colin: ...that and I spent two days down the arcade.

Jimi: Ah.
*Jimmy scrawls notes*

Amazing just amazing.

*A crazed grin streatches over Jimmy's face and a short manic cackle comes forth and he scrawls more notes*

It's all coming together now it's only a matter of time till I have everything for the worlds greatest novel ever seen!

*Jimmy stares at Colin and Jimi intensely and goes and sits in a dark corner*

Did they hear me?
*Colin looks up, before what was interpreted as an excited grin spread over his face*

Colin: Wow! Pinball!

*Colin turns upside down and flies to the ceiling*

Colin: Aww, the ball keeps hitting the glass... one sec...

*Everyone in the bar is flung up to the ceiling, complete with painful wails and cries*

Colin: Yes!

*Lights, buzzes and bells begin to come from the pinball table*

Jimi: Urrgh... I can't feel my legs...

*Jimi notices legs still sticking out of pocket*

Jimi: Oh yeah.
*small light on pager on Ashbless's hip begins to flash*

blink.gif blink.gif blink.gif

COLIN! Cleaning alert! The Boss is back.

*Colin returns normal gravity and Bar patrons again crash to what is normally known as the floor*

*Ashbless and Voices race around sweeping and tidying, Colin polishes everything including a bewildered Luggage and a few kittens that fly too close*
Argh my head! *Jimmy says as he rubs his knee soothingly*

What, what is everyone doing *Jimmy says dazed and confused*

*Jimmy crawls under table and collapses*

*Stevie the transdimensional magic turtle appears, curls up with Jimmy and falls asleep*
*Jimi crawls along floor to legs*

Bloody hell Colin, wouldn't it have been easier just to stick it to the ground instead? Geez...

*Jimi picks up legs and puts them in jacket pocket*

Ooh, they've gone green... Voices, what was that stuff you used when I hacked off your leg? Or was it your arm? I don't remember.
Some of Quoth's magic cream and regenerator, guarenteed for good growth and healthy scale.
*passes it over to JimiJimi from where it was left behind the bar*

unsure.gif Um, probably not scale. I'm mostly certain it'll produce skin on non-reptiles. She originally made it up for the pendragons I believe.

Colin? Did you check the Inn's rooms upstairs? The Boss is likely to wander in anytime and I want it to look good.

*Keegan and Maverick, from the cat basket by the fireplace, notice JimiJimi has cheese. JimiJimi aquires a few feline new bestest friends. Stevie also vanishes from where he is and reappears on the table by the cheese platter. Slowly Stevie stretches out his neck and snags a piece of gouda.*
*Mumbles something about cute bunnies and fluffy ducklings and dribbles on the floor*

*Jimmy clutches subconsciously for his pen and pad*
*Jimi seems engrossed in conversation*

Jimi: So I says to 'em, I says, 'Rabies! Rrrrrabies!', but did they listen? Nuh-uh, they went out into the woods and got bitten by a rabid dog. Of course, I had the last laugh and kicked them over afterwards.

Jimi: Are you even listening to me?

Maverick: Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Riveting story.

Keegan: Riveting.

*A hamster falls from the ceiling, and looks up to where several other hamsters are considering other ways of descent*

Hamster: Aloha.
*Yawns theatrically in corner*

The place looks presentable, the weaponry is at least temporarily hidden and even the flying cats are behaving themselves. *glances over at sleeping, cheese-stuffed cats* No sign of the Boss.

*taps fingers on bar*

Maybe we should land for a bit? Check out where we are?
*Hamster walks across table and takes a piece of eDam. (I always thought it should be spelt like that)*

*Jimi gets up and looks out of window*

Yes. Yes I'm sure that's a brilliant idea.

*Maverick looks up and raises an eyebrow at Jimi*

Well, if you like getting impaled on giant spikes that's fine with me. The bar is currently flying at 48°51'28.94 north by 2°17'34.70 east.
I don't think my old high school french is quite up to the task of explaining to the gendarmes of Paris what I think we're playing at. Let's fly North a bit and then land.

Another small pub on the corner is unlikely to be remarked on in England or Scotland, yes?
Colin: I never knew you could fly the Matabar!

Jimi: I read the manual.

Colin: No, I meant I didn't think it was possible to fly the Matabar.

Jimi: Well... it is.

Colin: And you're flying it.

Jimi: Yup.

*Colin gets out crash helmet and quickly installs airbags*

Jimi: Ooh, this looks like a nice spot. I'm bringing us in to land.

Colin: Who the hell made you Captain?

Jimi: Well, I thought that I should get a turn at wearing the hat!

Colin: What hat?

Jimi: This one!

*Jimi holds up a hat made out of newspaper with Captain scribbled on it*

*Colin makes as much of a sigh as is possible with no lungs*

Keegan: Where are we?

Jimi: 52°29'20.06 north by 1°54'30.99 west. It's a nice empty spot in Birmingham.

Keegan: Birmingham! Are you sure?

Jimi: Why not?

Maverick: Well, weren't you born there?

*Jimi raises an eyebrow*

Jimi: What are you trying to say?

Keegan: Oh, nothing, nothing...

*The Matabar descends*
On a street for the passing trade, a large U shaped building to the NW and a block of flats on our other side. *peers out window*

What am I looking at JimiJimi?

*Makes out a signpost - Great Hampton St. and Harford St.*
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