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The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Daft
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Moosh
*Sneaks in, takes control of Matabar controls*

*lifts off and puts back down in Salford*

ahh... that's better, no more west midlands accents
Ashbless
*Stomach a bit woozy from the ups and downs, Ash looks out the window again.
Gore Ave. and Gore Crescent.*

Well, at least there are trees. Have you landed us in some sort of park?

53"29'.15 N and 2"18'05 W
Moosh
I was aiming for outside the Lowry, I seem to have missed a bit but it's pretty close. Ah well.
JimiJimi
No more West Midland accents? Have you got a problem with my voice?

*The bar jolts and Jimi is sent flying onto the controls*

Whoa!

*The bar takes off at speed and shuttles through the air, people being thrown around and smacked against walls*

*Jimi get sucked out a window but manages to hold on to the ledge*

For crying out loud help!

*Sirens and red lights fill the bar, along with the gushing noise of wind, Jimi's yelling and people holding onto things for fear of being sucked out too*

*Suddenly, without warning, the bar stops a few inches above the ground.*

Urrgh...

*Jimi pulls himself up, soaked from the waist downwards*

Colin: Where the hell are we?

CM: 8958'56.54" north by 6032'34.51" west.

Maverick: The strange, strange point where all the Google Earth satellite images meet.

Jimi: Wow...

*Colin zips to the window and fixes it with a bit of sprayey stuff*

*Colin then moves over to the flight console, presses a button and watches it fold away into the wall, before plugging in what looks like a big box with a keyboard and a big ticker tape reel*

Colin: Teleportation device. Should stop that happening again.

Jimi: I think I dropped my legs out there...
Ashbless
*Types in new coordinates*

*Bar gently flies oversea to the U.S. (3658′25.88″n, 10132′49.54″W) *

Mata's right, that is a bit odd.

*People look confused*

Colin? Could you replace a section of dancefloor with transparent material?

Colin: I'm on it.
Jimmy-von-Lucidious
*Jimmy awakens, somewhat dazed and confused he takes in everything with bleary eyes*

What the?

*Stevie the magic turtle flies around and around the bar on a massive cheese high*

*Jimmy snatches up note pad and pen and begins scrawling exhausted notes*

America? What why? Can't we go to Canada or New Zealand? Or perhaps Alpha Cntauri Prime? I heard they have really amazing Aurora this time of year, not to mention it's coming up to the Great Interstellar Awakening Festival... or at least that's what Stevie implied.

*Stevie the magic turtle belches a contented flame*
JimiJimi
*Jimi looks down*

Jimi: Ah! Lots of pac-mans!

Colin: Or is it pac-men?

Jimi: Huh?

*Colin shakes his head, and flies up to the ceiling to change a lightbulb*

Jimi: Bloody robot. All he ever does is burn things!

*A fire breaks out on the ceiling*

Jimi: Dangit!

Colin: Not true! That's my first fire in, ooh, five months?
Ashbless
*Tumbleweed blows through the empty bar.*
I think the shine on the bar taps must have blinded them. What do you think, Colin?
Um, Colin?

*Colinless bar remains free of Colin.*

Off with JimiJimi again.

*Hangs up apron and wanders out for a cup of coffee.*
JimiJimi
*Jimi pokes head through door*

Ooh, noone here.

*Jimi walks behind bar and starts talking*

What will it be sir? Two pints. Coming right up, sir. Here you go sir. There you go, keep the change. You sure sir? Yes, I like this pub, barkeep. No, no, have the change, here, sir. Oh, thank you very much.

*Colin pokes head in door and sees Jimi pretending to be barman before hovering off again*
tv with legs
im back!! and to celebrate my return, ive brought brownies!!! here, have as many as you want

they are specail brownies. doc stil hasnt paid his rent lmao >.<

...
<.<
>.>
OOGA BOOGA BOO!!!
*jimi jimi screams in terror and runs*
JimiJimi
*Jimi looks round corner and sees TWL still there*

Your ooga booga boos can't scare me, your gonna get the scaring of a lifetime!

...

...

Yeah!

...

...

*Jimi gets self drink*
arachnidoc17
*Looks at TWL, wide-eyed*

Shhhh!

*whispers* Don't say that so loudly around the staff! They might tell Ash!
JimiJimi
*Jimi takes brownie into newly-founded testing lab*

Hmm...

Well, it appears to be a perfectly normal brownie.

*Doc takes one*

Containing just a little cyanide.

*Doc spits it out again*
voices_in_my_head
QUOTE (tv with legs @ Sep 29 2005, 04:27 PM)
doc stil hasnt paid his rent lmao >.<
*

Hey... that's right....

*turns toward Doc and holds her hand out*
tv with legs
aha!!! those brownies were made with chocolate superlax!!!!
doc:>.<*groans*
jimi:what? *eats more*
JimiJimi
Jimi: Hmm, I'm feeling one helluva bowel movement. Colin?

*Colin flies in*

Jimi: Could you perform some quick surgery and take the brownies out of my stomach?

Colin: Why?

Jimi: Because dying of cyanide poisoning whilst crapping myself isn't quite how I'd like to die.

Colin: I can tell you how you will die if you want...

Jimi: No! That would ruin the suspense!
tv with legs
that cyanide is SOOPA LAX!!!
prepare for the biggest bowel battle in history!!!
tickets only 5.99
JimiJimi
Colin, could you stitch my legs back on? I gotta run!

*Colin uses crazy spray to stick legs back on and un-gangreenify the area*

Thanks!

*Jimi runs off in the direction of the toilets*

Faster! FASTER!

*Only to be caught short by his top half and bottom half being ripped apart by the biggest bowel movement in recorded history*

Ahh!

*SPLAT*

*Jimi's top half slowly slides down the window*
oscarhilton
*enters the matabar*

Mmmmm.... marrow
tv with legs
doc:hmmm i feel all tingley inside
jimis remains: thats your bowel movement. RUN *thinks* nevermind, stay;]
doc:okay*eats more brownies*
Moosh
I think we can move on from talk of bowel movements, after all, this is a high-class establishment. At least, that's what it said on the door.

Anyway, to take our minds away from recent events, lets go to sunny Jamaica!

18,25'04.59" 77,05'00.14
JimiJimi
Yeah, that's great an' all, but could someone scoop me off the window? The sun's in my eyes...

Ow! It burns!

Hmm, now what was it my mother told me about looking directly at the sun?

Whoops, too late, I've gone blind.
arachnidoc17
*sigh*

I better be getting a pink slip for this.

So, how much do I owe this place?
Ashbless
With the patents of yours that we've been selling on the sly, and the way your research launched the floating Bar (neatly avoiding taxes), we may owe you money Doc. unsure.gif

Why do you think I haven't pushed the issue? laugh.gif
arachnidoc17
Bah, that's okay. As long as I get to tinker around in the Storage room, I'm happy.


Do people really buy those patents? Wow.
JimiJimi
*Jimi somehow appears outside the bar and walks in the bar*

Don't ask how I just managed to walk on thin air above Jamaica, but looks at today's headlines! 'Mad Doc's inventions are declared stolen'! Apparently some Doc has been stealing all these inventions from dead people and patenting them, and now he faces a long prison sentence, and this place called 'The Matabar' has to pay a huge fine for using this flying building technology that the Doc stole from... hey, wait...

*Jimi notices the evil glance Doc is shooting at him*

Ashbless: Ahem, so, about this rent...
Ashbless
...we'll let the Boss sort it out when he returns.

As for the fines, well they can try to collect them evil.gif they just have to find us and prove jurisdiction first.

*Sets up a round of drinks*

Nice clean up job Colin. Very neat stitching on JimiJimi. He only looks like death half-warmed over.

*JimiJimi narrowly misses heat seeking missle*

And he's generating his own body heat again.
oscarhilton
what does one do in the matabar?

*lookes around*

OOH! vertual ski-ball!
JimiJimi
Virtual virtual ski-ball!


Jimi: Hey Colin, do you think you could install some weapons into the bar just in case the police decide to come chase up our asses?

Colin: Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.

Jimi: Thanks.

*Colin comes back about a second before he goes to start the job*

Jimi: What the...?

Colin: Oh yeah, I installed a time vortex too.

Jimi: Ah.
arachnidoc17
Hey, Marconi got away with it until 1943, how come I only get this long?

Besides, I don't remember stealing any plans for a bone-jellifying ray.



Doc: A time vortex? Is that safe? Couldn't that, say, create a rip in the fabric of space and time?

Jimi: Oh, and this coming from the man who sold the patent of a machine that turns bones into gelatin.

Doc: I'll be quiet.
JimiJimi
*Jimi looks out the window*

Jimi: Hey, it's a flying bar that looks just like ours!

*Past-Jimi looks out the window of the other bar*

Past-Jimi: Hey, it's a flying bar that looks just like ours!

Jimi: Colin, what have I told you about creating echoes of the past?

Colin: Sorry...

Past-Jimi: Colin, what have I told you about...

Jimi: And you can shut up!
tv with legs
<.<
>.>
*throws suasages at both jimis*
biggrin.gif tongue.gif
neener neener
JimiJimi
Jimi: Hmm, that kinda sucks. If we crash into them we create a nice little paradox.

Colin: Ooh.

*There is a loud wailing noise, and another bar appears out the other window*

Future-Jimi: Wow, would you look at that.

*After about 20 seconds, normal Jimi responds*

Jimi: Wow, would you look at that.

*Soon after, Past-Jimi talks aswell*

Past-Jimi: Wow, would you look at that.

Colin: Ah! Another version of Jimi!

*Colin fires laser beam right into the skull of Future-Jimi, who falls to the floor, on fire*

Jimi: Oh thanks Colin. That was really considerate.

Colin: What do you mean?

Jimi: Wait, and you'll see.

Jimi: ...

Jimi: Hang on, any second now...


...


...


*A laser beam comes from Past-Colin right into the skull of Jimi. He falls to the floor, on fire*
tv with legs
*goes to super market to buy tons of sausage*
neener neener ;D
*builds a sausage shooting gun taking the shape of a nazi flak gun*
aha!! die die die!!!
*jimis start flying*
dies dies dies!!
*shoots jimis*
hehehe>.>
JimiJimi
*Jimi lifts his head up off the floor*

I don't think there's much point in that. You're wasting perfectly good sausage.

Although, come to think of it, you're not.

*Jimi picks up nicely cooked sausages from his burning back and eats them*
uninspired pizza guy
How many future/past jimi's can there be?
this could get messy. Remindes me of the future echo's in Red Dwarf.
JimiJimi
Don't worry, you have a temporal echo aswell.

*Future-UPG waves at UPG. UPG waves back, and is then greeted by Past-UPG waving at him*
Moosh
*walks up to Ashbless*

I went back in time and became a member of bar staff. I claim 11 months back pay and so do these other four versions of myself from different times.
JimiJimi
Jimi: CM, those are brooms with faces drawn on.

CM: Shh!

*A meteor slams into the Future-bar*

Colin: And I calculate that we have about 20 seconds to live.

Jimi: Well, do something!
Ashbless
*Colin flies into action building a replica Matabar mockup that is smashed by a random meteor.*

*Applause by random patrons.*
JimiJimi
*Jimi throws confetti in the air*

Oh wait, sorry, that was acid.

*Colin collects acid to sell to random hippies*
Ashbless
Colin? Could you disable the time jumps? The multiple realities are a little wearing. Though I did manage to pay multiple Cheesemooses (Cheesemeese?) with the same paycheck multiple times.

If you want to integrate it into your own systems fine but take it off the main Bar.

Don't make me track down another reality generator! evil.gif
Ashbless
In honour of my county. I present Thanksgiving dinner.

*Winged monkeys, borrowed from Mata's army in training, wheel in carts from the kitchen laden with a wonderful turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Plates are handed around to all patrons. There's enough to easily stuff yourself into a semi-stupor with.*

I'm thankful for the bunch of loonat....great people who visit the forums and make it a excellent place.

Happy Thanksgiving. biggrin.gif
Moosh
Wooo! Food!

Cheers Ash. And don't worry about the multiple pay cheques, the bank accepted them.
JimiJimi
*All replicas of the bar disappear into vortexes of time*

Jimi: Nice work there, Colin.

Colin: What was?

Jimi: Fixing the whole duplicate thing.

Colin: No, that wasn't me. Those were black holes, not wormholes.

Jimi: Ah. So you're saying that we've got about ten seconds to live before we're sucked into one?

Colin: Yeah.

Jimi: ...

Colin: JUST KIDDING! Man, you should have seen the look on your face!
voices_in_my_head
Hmm.... Quoth hasn't posted here lately...
Don't tell me that we're going to have to rescue another person from Real Life©!
funky fairy
Hi everyone, did anyone miss their favourite fairy???????????????
Moosh
Yay! Funky's back. Was it a conincedence that you disappeared when Colin put the time vortex in and reappeared when he removed it?
funky fairy
Aw you missed me Cheesemoose!! I don't know where I was, I have found my way back under my own steam. Colin has had me all this time!!!!
JimiJimi
*Colin check to make sure no one's looking, before teleporting himself to what we can only guess is the robot arcade*

*Jimi slurps loudly at his drink*
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