Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: The Matabar (go to page one for virtual bar!!)
The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Daft
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52
Daria
Mmmm.. Noodles.

What happened to the jukebox? I seem to remember something to do with space cannons, hell and JimiJimi being turned into a crab.
JimiJimi
I also remember that. I still have the scars.

Colin: No, those are the scars from when you went to sleep on the hob whilst boiling milk in a pan.
That_Guy
Well, until you can sort out the Mystery of the Missing Jukebox, I've got something that might help with our little musical dilemma.

*Reaches deep into pocket, pulls out small cockroach with a tiny banjo, puts insect musician on stool*

Cockroach: I am se cock-a-roach dat pleys se ban-joh.

That_Guy: Yeah, sure, whatever. Just start playing.

*Cockroach plays 'Cotton-Ey'd Joe*
JimiJimi
Wow. He's pretty good.

What nationality is he? I can't quite place his accent...

At least, not from reading a sample of his speech over the internet.
Daria
Wouldn't La Cucuracha be more befitting?

Bartender, I'll have another- less head this time please. We aren't in Holland.
That_Guy
Huh. I've never really given it any thought.

Cockroach: I am seh cock-a-roach uf seh aym-beeg-yoo-ous* origin.

That_Guy: What?

*Cockroach plays La Cucuracha*

*Means "ambiguous"
JimiJimi
I'm just counting how long it is before someone puts their drink down on him accidentally.
Izzy
*chugs coke* There's no one in the kiddy bar...*storms into the regular bar*.

Bartender: Oh, no you don't!
Izzy: Hey... I wanna go! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna! *throws fit*. *drinks more coke*
JimiJimi
Psst, Izzy! Go to the top left corner of the kiddy bar, and prise off the slightly discoloured floorboard. Underneath is a keypad. Type in the year Margaret Thatcher became Prime Minister, and the small door will open. Inside is a coloured keyhole, with three different colour keys above. Insert the key which is 16697995 in hexadecimal. The next door will open. Inside is a small monster who will ask you three questions. Poke him in the eyes with a pencil, and the next door shall open. Inside is a stick of dynamite. Close all the doors, replace the floorboard, and nail it back down. Then realise that you forgot to take out the dynamite. Remove the floorboard, and do the challenges again. Take out dynamite. Close all doors, replace and nail down floorboard. Move dynamite to the area of wall which the kid's jukebox covers. It is a slightly lighter shade of blue then the rest of the walls in the kid's bar. Place dynamite on ground by wall. Light fuse. Leg it. Wait for boom. Run back. A tunnel should have been uncovered, and a large portion of floor blown away. Crawl through this tunnel, and I will meet you in the boxing ring where the tunnel ends. Then, come in the bar, and make sure the barkeep isn't looking.

Or, you could just slip the barkeep a fiver and walk in the front door.
Ashbless
Ye great Gods!
The chain on the front doors has been severed with a bolt cutter and the Teapot Inn is reopen.
*peers in at the drunken looneys and singing cockroach*

Not going back, not wearing those heels, can't make me.
FLEE, RUN AWAY

*vanishes off down the street*
Daria
I think we need to get a live band in here- to replace the cockroach. He is getting on my nerves...
That_Guy
Oh, c'mon! This is quality Arthropodian music here!

Although the prospect of a full band sounds interesting. A CYBORG band!
Izzy
QUOTE (JimiJimi @ Sep 30 2006, 05:01 PM) *
Or, you could just slip the barkeep a fiver and walk in the front door.

Right, I think I'll do that. *Meets you in boxing ring*. Now what?
Daria
"And in the blue corner, we have Izzy! 12 years of age, 5 foot two of height and a 4.3 on the tenacity scale..."


"In the red corner, we have... we have..."
*whispers*
"What the hell happened to JimmiJimmi?"
*get's handed a piece of paper from That Guy*

"Bob the 'roach! Aging in at 3 weeks he is an old man in the boxing ring, 2 inches in length and 4.9 tenacity."


"Ok guys, I want this to be a clean fight, Izzy- no shots under the belt."

"Ding ding"
Izzy
*crosses arms* "That's 5'2" and 3/4 inches thank you" *Steps on the roach* Nothing *steps again* "Why won't you die??"
*Bob 'roach climbs into Izzy's nose* *Izzy faints*
"Ding ding, we have a winner!"
______________________________________________________
*Two hours later*
News reporter: Izzy, how do you feel now that you have lost to a roach?
Izzy:...No comment. Rematch!
News reporter: I'm sorry to tell you this, but Bob 'roach has retired from boxing"
Izzy: Nooooo! My championship belt went bye-bye! *cries*
News reporter: *Takes photos*
Daria
*everything slows down and a naked American Indian guy appears from one side of the bar. The opening rofs of The Doors- The End come floating across the room and the Indian beckons Izzy...*
Izzy
*runs away screaming*
Daria
Pssst... you're meant to follow the Naked American Indian guy to find out the meaning in your life.
Izzy
Oh...*hands the Naked American Indian guys some shorts and follows him*
JimiJimi
*Looks at drink*

Whoa, this stuff must be strong.

Wait... this is just orange juice!
Daria
*Jim Morrison passes JimiJimi another drink and goes out the back to do some tidying up*

... was that....

Couldn't have been...
Izzy
^ But it was...
JimiJimi
Beh. Who cares what it was. I didn't have to pay for a drink, and for once it's not the purple stuff.
Moosh
As she's nearest, I think Becky should go look if Jim Morrison's still where he should be.

And can I have a drink, don't mind what it is, as long as it's not the purple stuff.
Izzy
*slightly drunk* Here ya go! *hands CM another drink*
Daria
QUOTE (CheeseMoose @ Oct 14 2006, 01:56 PM) *
As she's nearest, I think Becky should go look if Jim Morrison's still where he should be.

*toddles off to the back room to see if he has moved from where she last saw him*

....


Hours Later

*Walks into the bar, John Wayne styley, shirt inside out and back to front, hair toussled*


Errrrrrr.... Yeah. It was Jim Morrison. I didn't realise the time machine had been fixed.

I'll have a Martini Rosso please.
JimiJimi
*Steps up onto podium, taps the mic, and walks back off again in the opposite direction*
That_Guy
...

*looks around*

*pulls out giant inflatable maul*

Heh heh heh...
Moosh
QUOTE (That_Guy @ Oct 19 2006, 02:58 AM) *
...

*looks around*

*pulls out giant inflatable maul*

Heh heh heh...

A Maul? As in the defensive manouver in rugby?
That_Guy
Actually, I meant maul, as in a hammer with a long handle and a large head. You could also call it a "warhammer".
Izzy
*pulls out plastic sword* That Guy, I challenge thee to a duel!
JimiJimi
Where's the glove-slapping?
That_Guy
I accept!

*swings maul*

*Maul hits Izzy on side of head*
*Squeeeeeeeeeenk!*
Izzy
*jumps back*
*grabs chair and throws it in front of That Guy*
*jumps on and over chair and attacks That Guy from above*
Fear me!
Daria
*pushes stool back a little, leans against the wall and starts taking bets*

Does this scene remind anyone else of the Vocational Guidence Counsellor and the Accountant Lion Taming sketch? I think it was the mention of the chair.
Izzy
*trips over chair that was pushed back a little*
Moosh
QUOTE (Daria @ Oct 20 2006, 12:11 AM) *
*pushes stool back a little, leans against the wall and starts taking bets*

Does this scene remind anyone else of the Vocational Guidence Counsellor and the Accountant Lion Taming sketch? I think it was the mention of the chair.


Dammit Becky, get out of my head.
Daria
Hehehehe- NEVER!
*twiddles newly aquired moustache in a devious way*
That_Guy
Ha ha ha!

*grabs onto hanging bar light, launches self over Izzy*
Arrgh!
*Swings giant hammer at Izzy, misses*
Bum.
*Smashes into stack of empty bottles*
Izzy
*flips over onto stomach and jumps up*
*Sees That Guy in the bottles in laughs*
*Walks over, gives him and hand up, holds onto that hand and hits him in the face with the sword*
I_am_the_best
Since when did this place get so violent? Is there no policy against this kinda thing?

*gets self a drink and tries to relax despite all the crazy ninja-ing going on*
JimiJimi
QUOTE (I_am_the_best @ Oct 22 2006, 07:34 PM) *
Since when did this place get so violent? Is there no policy against this kinda thing?

Since when does anybody adhere to policy? I wouldn't be surprised if there was a 'no drinking' policy.
Daria
Shhh... Once you suggest something, it happens. Bad space-time malarky.
That_Guy
So you're telling me that if I suggested that someone graft a titanium blade onto my forearm, it would happen?

...And would this also work with people giving me corn dogs?
Daria
Yes and yes.

Mmm, meat on a stick. Could life get any finer-

Y/N
JimiJimi
Wow. I haven't had a corn dog for at least a decade.

I'm sure I can get one from eBay.
Ashbless
*Approaches newly padlocked front doors, examines beautiful example of the locksmiths art and takes bolt cutters to bike chain holding it together*

*Enters dusty bar, finds old work uniform of short skirt and high heels, sets up a fire in the fireplace, adds uniform to fire, pokes Colin to reactivate him*

Ash: Oy, lazybot, help me clean this and I'll tell you a secret.
Colin: *lights blinking slowly* No.
Ash: Please?
Colin: *whirring noise of thought* Okay. If I get a corn dog.
Ash: Done.

*Phones supplier* Yes, no, not likely, oh come on...Baby Duck is not champagne. Yes, Canadians drink it but that doesn't mean...fine, include a case. Yes I want the same sushi place to supply. No, no mystery meat in the sausage rolls this time. Named meat and not named 'Puss.' Don't make me send Colin. Happy New Year to you as well.

A busy time passes.

*Looks over Bar in satisfaction.* There. Ready anybody who's keen to celebrate virtual this New Years.
*Colin hovers, holding a case of corn dogs it found in the storeroom under the trapdoor, then fades like a cheshire cat leaving a few blinking lights in a smiley for last*

Happy New Year to all. Luck and prosperity in 2007!
Izzy
Happy New Year! *buys everyone in bar a pint of beer or a drink of their preference*
SPEAKERfortheLOST
I wonder the implications of posting here...

after all this time...

I wonder if I might interest someone in joining the normal crowd...
Ashbless
The crowd at this bar was never normal.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.