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Feyliya
The other day I was out shopping with my little cousin and something she said just made this spring full-fledged into my head. I can't even remember quite what it was, something about dragons for lunch. But anyway, I just had to write this down. I was thinking half a stanza on each page, and that the pictures could be watercolor-types with lots of bright pastels. I'm not quite sure of the title...maybe I'll do something different with it. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to add more to the poem. Sooo....what do you think? Children's book worthy?




One day I was sick, at home in my bed
Then mommy walked in and rubbed my forehead
She said, "I must work, but I want you to see
a good little friend that my mom gave to me."

She went to the hallway then pulled through the door
a large cardboard box, then she sat on the floor
She opened the flaps then she pulled out with glee
A little stuffed dragon she handed to me.

She smiled and she said with a laugh in her voice,
"Once I was sick and my mom had no choice.
She had to go work, from eight until three,
but when she came home she gave Larry to me."

"I spent all week sick, at home with the flu.
Larry gave me good dreams, maybe you'll get some, too."
Then she tucked me in tight and she fixed me some tea
And she left for work waving at Larry and me.

So I cuddled the cat and I drank up my drink
Then I looked down at Larry and started to think
My mommy loves Larry and so he must be
the king of all dragons, belonging to me!

I laid down to sleep with the cat on my feet,
My head on my pillow, the blankets so neat
I closed tight my eyes and I began to see
The dreamworld of dragons, home to King Larry

I saw dragons at dinner, dragons at lunch,
Dragons at supper and breakfast and brunch!
Dragons at picnics and dragons at tea,
Dragons were everywhere, good gracious me!

There were dragons at school and dragons at play
there were dragons who worked at their job every day
There were dragons who lived in the air and the sea
They were living together harmoniously

Blue dragons played with green dragons, too
Red dragons held hands with ones that were blue
The young helped the old, they did not flee
and the old taugh the young quite happily.

So happy a place, I wanted to stay
But mommy came home from her long work day.
She crept up the steps and she sat down by me
Then she gave me a hug and a sugar cookie.

She said "Did you dream?" with a twinkling eye
I laughed and said "Yes, and I didn't even try!"
Just dreams, though, I thought a little sadly,
Then Larry lifted his head and winked right at me!

The End
Dreams On Hiatus
Aw that's really cute! Definately children's book worthy. I love the imagry and the carefree sense of the narrative poem. Well done! biggrin.gif
Feyliya
Thank you! I appreciate feedback!

I've deffinitely decided to add more to the poem. 24 pages just doesn't seem like enough to me. And I need to change the last two stanzas a bit, but I'm not quite sure how at the moment. The part in the second to last stanza with the sugar cookie just seems a little forced, and the last stanza isn't quite as good as I wanted it. But then again, I was a little tired and out of it when I wrote those two parts, so it's a touch surprising they fit the rhyme scheme at all!
Quoth(The Raven)
I like it! A good idea, especially if you could get the publisher to include a tiny stuffed dragon, with each book. That would really sell it, I think...
saucy_tara
I love it!! Don't forget to get it copyrighted Fey.
I_am_the_best
Wow, that's really good!

QUOTE
I love it!! Don't forget to get it copyrighted Fey.


Or wouldn't it be easier just to post it to yourself?
Feyliya
QUOTE (I_am_the_best @ Jan 14 2005, 12:48 PM)
Wow, that's really good!

QUOTE
I love it!! Don't forget to get it copyrighted Fey.


Or wouldn't it be easier just to post it to yourself?
*



Yes, it is, and I have done so. I'm so glad mailing it to yourself stands up in court! biggrin.gif The posts on this site also hold up, so I'm well covered!
elphaba2
Aw, I love this poem! I could definitely see this as a kiddie's book. I would buy it. Um. For my cousin, I mean. *shifty eyes* I wouldn't frame it and read it every night.
Wyvern
That sounds great as a childrens book hun.

I can see some of the scenes in my head already, are you going to do the illustrations yourself too?
exceptional1709
Oh wow! I would have LOVED something like that when I was little! biggrin.gif
Feyliya
QUOTE (Wyvern @ Jan 16 2005, 01:34 PM)
That sounds great as a childrens book hun.

I can see some of the scenes in my head already, are you going to do the illustrations yourself too?
*


Oh nonononononononooooooo! I can't draw worth BEANS! Seriously.

Now I just have to find an agent. Submitting it myself to publishers just isn't worth it, I've found, and a good agent knows all the ropes and can do initial editing and such, too.
Sir Maxerpopple
If you would like to lenghten it, I would maybe expand on stanzas 6 through 9. It could be longer, because your set up is lengthy, which is fine. But stanzas 6 through 9 sounded a lot like the books my sister has (she is two). The rhyming at times is a wee bit odd, but nothing that takes away from the book (I doubt a reader in the target demographic would care). Could use some tweaking, but I can imagine my sister pulling out that book and handing it to someone to read to her.
QUOTE
Oh nonononononononooooooo! I can't draw worth BEANS! Seriously.
Neither could Saint Exupery, and people worship him. He wrote the little prince.
gothictheysay
QUOTE
Neither could Saint Exupery, and people worship him. He wrote the little prince.


I loved that book, but I haven't seen it for ages! *goes off to find on amazon*

/spam, but it's cute, fey smile.gif
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
wow!

It's awesome! I love dragons and would've loved it when I was little! I'd buy a copy if I had someone to give it to, who I knew wouldn't drool on it or rip the pages... I'm a bit possessive about books I like. I have a book called "silly Dinosaurs" it's awesome and if anyone does anything to it I swear I'll cry!

Does posting something really stand up in court as copywriting? I'm guessing you have to send it recorded mail and keep the reciept and such?

But whee! <3 love it!

*SMEXES* wink.gif
Feyliya
QUOTE (Sir Maxerpopple @ Jan 17 2005, 09:30 AM)
If you would like to lenghten it, I would maybe expand on stanzas 6 through 9.  It could be longer, because your set up is lengthy, which is fine.  But stanzas 6 through 9 sounded a lot like the books my sister has (she is two).  The rhyming at times is a wee bit odd, but nothing that takes away from the book (I doubt a reader in the target demographic would care).  Could use some tweaking, but I can imagine my sister pulling out that book and handing it to someone to read to her.
QUOTE
Oh nonononononononooooooo! I can't draw worth BEANS! Seriously.
Neither could Saint Exupery, and people worship him. He wrote the little prince.
*



Those are the stanzas I'm going to expound on. I also plan on going back and trying to tweak the odd rhymes so that they match. I wish I had my big book of rhymes with me in Seattle. It would make this so much easier! rolleyes.gif

And I can't draw anywhere near as well as Saint-Exupery. I can draw little details very well, like hands and birds's talons, but when it comes to the whole picture or human faces, I really stink.
Feyliya
QUOTE (snoo @ Jan 17 2005, 12:50 PM)
Does posting something really stand up in court as copywriting? I'm guessing you have to send it recorded mail and keep the reciept and such?

But whee! <3 love it!

*SMEXES* wink.gif
*


The only thing that you have to prove in court is that you had the idea and the basic outline of the work before the other person did. So you can mail yourself the work normal post and have it stand up in court because of the postmark they put on the envelope. As long as the seal doesn't get tampered with, it stands. The postings here on the forum work as well because each post here has the date and time and (as far as I know) cannot be tampered with.

*SMEXES BACK* wink.gif
Jaq
That's a really sweet poem, I can definitely see it as a children's book. I might have someone who would illustrate it for you, if you're interested

QUOTE (Feyliya @ Jan 18 2005, 10:21 AM)
The postings here on the forum work as well because each post here has the date and time and (as far as I know) cannot be tampered with.

*SMEXES BACK*  wink.gif

*



Actually, you can go back and edit posts weeks or months later, so I don't know if that would hold up in court, but I'd think that it's more difficult to edit a thread title.
Feyliya
QUOTE (Jaq @ Jan 18 2005, 05:20 AM)
That's a really sweet poem, I can definitely see it as a children's book.  I might have someone who would illustrate it for you, if you're interested

Actually, you can go back and edit posts weeks or months later, so I don't know if that would hold up in court, but I'd think that it's more difficult to edit a thread title.
*


Ohhh! Ohhh!! Please! Deffinitely interested! ::loses all coherence she's so excited::

Awh dangit, I forgot you can edit posts! But it shows if you've edited the post if it's been long enough after the post is made. Past 5 minutes, I think. So it should hold up, I hope. Not that I think anyone will steal this, it's just good to have your ass-ets covered and all. wink.gif
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