Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Your Bi/homosexuality...
The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > The Issues Forum
Pages: 1, 2, 3
PsychWardMike
For those applicable, did you always know? What triggered it?

My bisexuality really dawned on me when I was fourteen when I realized the gay jokes that I made with my friend weren't just jokes. From then on, I'm happily out of the closet though currently in a relationship with a woman.
Asenyth
When I first started becoming attracted to people I was in the fourth grade or so. I was first attracted to females, but having being quite sheltered as a child (I didn't know what 'gay' was until I was a few years older, or that I could even be gay until much later after that.) I never really went through on these feelings. I'm happy to say now that I am attracted to both men, women, and especially cross-dressing men, but I prefer to have realtionships with men because I feel more comfortable around them.
MistressAlti
I was always kind of a boy growing up, so it doesn't really shock me that by the time I reached a point of sexual awareness, that I discovered I liked girls the way boys did too. I didn't realize it wasn't normal and that I was expressedly "bisexual" until age 13ish. Didn't really acknowledge it until age 17.
Phyllis
One of the first crushes I can remember having was on one of my female friends. My best friend, at the time. That went on for about 5 years before I finally decided it wasn't worth liking someone who isn't gonna like you back (she's very straight). I guess I was about....10 when I first started wanting to just hang around her all the time, then around 12 when I thought about other stuff involving her, so the first two years were pretty innocent.

I always knew I liked boys as well, though. It's probably safe to say I have a bit of a preference for them. *shrugs*
CommieBastard
mood: political
music: Rush - Afterimage


Bisexual... don't like that word. I realise that it's technically accurate, but with today's obsession with identity politics, it groups me with a political and social group with which I have absolutely no wish to be associated. It doesn't just mean I'm attracted to both sexes, it means I'm a de facto member of a something I don't like.

So, when did I realise I was attracted not just to girls? Funnily enough, the Internet helped. Since I managed to escape my school as the only social arena available to me, almost all my friends have been girls. All my close friendships have been - actually, until then I don't think I really had any close friends. Getting off track... but around then was when I figured it out. Wasn't really an epiphany, just a sort of slow realisation. It didn't seem particularly important at the time. My life hasn't really changed as a result.
porcelainwarrior
I was pretty old before I realised I was attracted to girls as well as guys. Erm maybe about 12 when I got my first inkling but I was a little sheltered and I didn't really know what gay or bi was until I was at least 13/14 even though as a kid of about 10/11 one of my mum's friends lived in our spare room for around a year and she was a lesbian, not to mention the fact that one of my gran's closest friends (my auntie Mo) was gay. I think cause I sorta grew up with it no-one thought to tell me specifically how their relationships worked.

When I did start to experiment with girls you can imagine the reaction I got from guys around me. They heard the rumours about me and one of my friends who I got unfortunately drunk with when I was 16 and immediately assumed we were sl*ts who would put on lesbian sideshows whenever asked. This kinda put me off and I've only ever had proper lovey relationships with guys. Damn teenage boys.
Melphis
I was 13 when I went to summer camp and got a crush on one of the girls. I'm catholic so I denied it for a while but now I'm out and happy about it
markslut
TGism started around 16-17 (wasn't brave enough to wear out untill recently - might take it further but need more time to make up my mind first)
Also now considering trying a guy sometime smile.gif
saucy_tara
QUOTE (Melphis @ Jan 16 2005, 09:29 PM)
I was 13 when I went to summer camp and got a crush on one of the girls. I'm catholic so I denied it for a while but now I'm out and happy about it
*

Good for you!! I went to an all girls Roman Catholic convent school and I *think* that my realisation that I was attracted to girls started there smile.gif
It was always drummed into us that boys were bad and nasty and girls were good, I think all girl schools, particularly highly religious ones, breed more than their fair share of girly fun biggrin.gif
Sir Psycho Sexy
QUOTE (Melphis @ Jan 16 2005, 09:29 PM)
I was 13 when I went to summer camp and got a crush on one of the girls. I'm catholic so I denied it for a while but now I'm out and happy about it
*


Interesting first post there wink.gif

I tried the whole bisexual thing a while ago, started quite young, early teens til' mid-late teens, then the attraction just disappeared, can't say I'm sad or that it particularly bothers me. I get gayed at (flirted with by guys), and thats kinda flattering tongue.gif
Mata
*laughs* I like the way that Porce. says that she discovered it late, around 13/14!

I had assumed that I wasn't really interested in either gender until I was 18, possibly because I had no strong preference for men or women. When I was 18 I ws pounced on by a girl and that started things off. I assumed for a brief time that this meant I was straight, but gave up on the idea pretty quickly.

Six months later I'd finally made some friends that weren't straight (bear in mind this is nearly a decade ago and meeting like-minded people through the internet wasn't an option for me) and I ended up kissing a guy at a party. It was nice but for some reason really scared me. It was enough for me to figure out that I was bi though, so I was 19 by that point. I went off to university, dated a woman for a while, did some things with men, dated another woman, then started dating Sues. That all took about four years, and now I've been dating Sues for nearly five years.

As with most of the other people on here, I think I find relationships with the opposite gender easier. I suspect that there is residual guilt from being a moderately strong Christian for a couple of years as a child (before figuring out that there was far too much politics in religion that I didn't agree with, which seemed to be distorting the meaning of the teachings). I also think that it's related to social and family pressure.

The final reason for generally dating women is the strongest though; I'm generally quite a close observer of people, and I often don't like the way men behave in relationships so for that reason I have some trust issues there. There have been a couple of guys that I would have dated, but one I missed the chance and another got offered a job he couldn't refuse just after we started together. I've no regrets, I'm having a great time with Sues, but like everyone I do sometimes wonder what path my life could have taken if things had gone differently!
CommieBastard
Mata: you say in your post that you dated some women but only "did some things with men". Have you never had a lasting relationship with a man?

Just wondering...
PsychWardMike
Commie: you say it groups you into a group of people that you don't like. Would it be a safe assumption (oh the irony of that phrase!) that you mean sex crazed dogs willing to hump anything and not able to commit to anything?

If so, I must say that I agree with you. If not, please clarify.

I myself have never been in a good relationship with a man. I've fooled around, but when it comes to making a good emotional connection, it seems that I can't quite do it. But then again, I've always had very fruity gay guys as boyfriends and that lends itself to us not working as I've got a somewhat coarse, gruff, and abrasive personality (read: I try to be a classic man when I can) at times and don't do well with the more... flamboyant men. I'd like a boyfriend that I can get really into. Hang out with and be in love with, you know?
CommieBastard
QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ Jan 18 2005, 02:36 AM)
Commie: you say it groups you into a group of people that you don't like.  Would it be a safe assumption (oh the irony of that phrase!) that you mean sex crazed dogs willing to hump anything and not able to commit to anything?

If so, I must say that I agree with you.  If not, please clarify.
*


Partly, yes. Not just that, though. It's a lot of things. Gay pride parades. The actions of any gay rights group, no matter how much I agree with them in principle. NAMBLA. The whole thing, any generalisation straights and gays make about "gay people". I don't want to be included in that. I don't want a whole mass of preconceptions forced upon me.
PsychWardMike
Yes!

No labels! Only self!
CommieBastard
I mean, I'm not a rabid anti-label-person or anything. When I call myself a liberal, it may be labelling, but it's accurate labelling. "Gay", though, creates in unnumbered ways a category that shouldn't even exist.
Mata
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Jan 18 2005, 02:27 AM)
Mata: you say in your post that you dated some women but only "did some things with men". Have you never had a lasting relationship with a man?

Just wondering...

Sadly, the one relationship with a man that I believed could have been lasting was the one interrupted by his job moving continents. We'd only just started out so who knows what would have happened, it might have been great, it might have fizzled in two weeks! I'm still really good friends with him and we meet up when I'm in the US.

I've done enough to know that I don't have a problem with the physical side of things, but I think my major issue is with trust. Having kissed a person who seemed like a very nice guy transform into a person who doesn't want to take 'no' for an answer when he was turned on... Well, that diminished my faith in men a bit! (That was someone else.)
PsychWardMike
Yes, well we men are far from perfect, yeah? Though in all seriousness, that stuff isn't cool, man.
MistressAlti
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Jan 17 2005, 08:51 PM)
Partly, yes. Not just that, though. It's a lot of things. Gay pride parades. The actions of any gay rights group, no matter how much I agree with them in principle. NAMBLA. The whole thing, any generalisation straights and gays make about "gay people". I don't want to be included in that. I don't want a whole mass of preconceptions forced upon me.
*


I feel you completely there. I loosely attend the GLBTF student group at my campus, but I go mostly because I have friends that are members. The whole pro-active gay thing just is so odd to me. I don't see any more reason to be proud of being bisexual than I do of being white, or female. It's just a predisposition instead of some sort of accomplishment that I want to push into people's faces. Plus I, too, have difficulty reconciling myself and my behavior with the stereotypes, even some of the stereotypes I get from the gay community are pretty harsh. So I understand what you mean, I'm not really a stand-up-and-scream "We're Here, We're Queer!" type either.
PsychWardMike
Yes, well I don't hang with the whole gay pride thing, though I'd like for everyone to get along. Militant gays are as bad as everyone else radical, and it alienates people.

It bugs me that I've been discriminated by gay guys and girls for being bisexual. Rather hypocritical.

And to Commie: yeah. I hear that.
Tigersong
QUOTE (MistressAlti @ Jan 19 2005, 04:06 PM)
The whole pro-active gay thing just is so odd to me. I don't see any more reason to be proud of being bisexual than I do of being white, or female.
*


I think it's just reactionary pride. I mean, most homo and bisexual people have lived in a society that tells them they are evil, though thankfully that's changing, but there's still a lot of residual societal guilt around the whole issue. In order to try and reconcile that, people want to be seen, to be heard, so that they can be accepted as just another part of society.

Ironic, no? In order to be accepted as normal, one has to make oneself more than normal.
pgrmdave
It's similar to the women's rights movement of the sixties and seventies. A way of swinging the pendulum back to the center.
Polocrunch
The trouble is that, like feminism, it can seem to swing the pendulum back the other way in its exuberance to obtain equality. You don't see heterosexuals or men leading 'Straight Pride' parades or 'Men's Rights' organisations because they never were oppressed in the same way, but goddamn if it isn't irritating and denigrating to the quieter members of the female and homosexual parts of the populations.
froggle-rock
Hmm, I'm just curious to know what people's thoughts on Black History Month are? Should there be a White History Month too?
PsychWardMike
True equality would mean no history months, but equal celebration of history throughout the year. No special treatment for anyone jus0t as there is no discrimination against anyone. There is true equality.
CommieBastard
It always seems slightly odd that there's a Black History Month, just because of this category called "Black History". What is that? The history of Africa (except white Africans), the Carribean, the aboriginal tribes of Australia and everyone else whose skin colour is darker that a certain shade? There's plenty of "black" people all over the world with very different cultures and histories.
pgrmdave
The problem with wanting no discrimination, even positive, is that it igonores the fact that there is discrimination that is negative. We try to balance it out, rather than simply ignore it.
valerie
With regards to realising I wasn't straight, I guess I had the same initial reactions as Mata, assuming that as I wasn't attracted to the opposite gender, I wasn't really attracted to anyone in *that* way.

At my first University, I was heavily into the gay scene, being both president of one of the largest LGB societies in the country and chair of the student 'gay politics' campaigning committee. I used to do all the pride things, mostly, I realise now, as a reaction to all of the assumptions that people make about gay people, rather than any other reason.

I am out and comfortable being myself now. No labels - in fact I refuse to self define, but if pressed I would go with Bisexual. I have never had a 'relationship' with a man, but dont fall in love with people because of the gender that they are. You never know what is going to happen or who you will meet.
CommieBastard
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Jan 21 2005, 08:45 PM)
The problem with wanting no discrimination, even positive, is that it igonores the fact that there is discrimination that is negative.  We try to balance it out, rather than simply ignore it.
*


It doesn't work like that. Discrimination isn't a number. You can't go the other way and try to push it back into neutral. That makes as much sense, really, as committing hate crimes against white heterosexual males in order to "balance things out".

You can't end discrimination against one group by discriminating against another. Two wrongs don't make a right.
believe
You know, it seems like people would get a lot further if they took morality out of some of these debates. 'Yes, you do (or don't) approve, thats fine. Thats not the issue, the issue is the people that aren't being helped or hurt and thats what has to be addressed'. Then again, I feel that way about religious issues. That the 'hot' political ones take over the issues. People seem to end up arguing so much about the agenda's or extremist pushed issues that the real dilemna's of the people being discriminated against or hurt get lost in the shuffle.

Its not like people have to think you're right. What does it matter if they don't? You can still help people and change the problems that are causing real and serious harm. The Southern Poverty Law Center is a brilliant example.
trunks_girl26
I don't think you can take morality out of debates, because really, what else can you base these debates on than your own morals? There's nothing else to compare it to- not really anyway. We base our morals on our experiences, and since we can't experience things the same way that others do (as they have previous experiences to build upon) all we have is our own morals. And of course there'll be arguing, but that's natural. Who likes to have their view of the world challenged? Besides, by being able to learn about others morals (even it's through an argument) we're able to expand our views on issues. And that's really the point of a discussion, isn't it?

And once again, the extremest always has the loudest voice. Maybe it's because they're the most passionate (granted, also crazy) about the issue. Doesn't make it right, but don't you think if the middle man really wanted to, he could find a way to voice his opinion? I imagine the Southern Poverty Law Center is a good example of that.
CommieBastard
QUOTE (believe @ Jan 28 2005, 12:49 AM)
You know, it seems like people would get a lot further if they took morality out of some of these debates. 'Yes, you do (or don't) approve, thats fine. Thats not the issue, the issue is the people that aren't being helped or hurt and thats what has to be addressed'.
*


But what about the debates that are moral debates? The "whether or not you approve, stay out of my affairs" argument can hardly be applied to rape and murder, can it?
believe
trunks_girl: I don't mean we should forget whatever our moral reasoning is. Or that we shouldn't try to learn about others. I'm all for education. Education is a good, happy thing. So is empathy. wink.gif I'd love for people to have rational, reasonable discussion about their viewpoints.

However, I don't think its always possible to agree. If you believe something based for example on your religion (or whatever your reasoning is) and the other person doesn't, well.. people can end up going around in circles. "You're wrong! No, you're wrong!" ect. For cases like that, I think it might be better to focus on the issues, whether then who's right or wrong. Because, who's right and who's wrong is subjective and can't really be proven.

Like whether you approve of any sex outside of marriage or not, for example. People go around in circles about this a hell of a lot. Both sides aren't likely to disappear or instantly agree. So instead of focusing on who's morality is superior, they might get further if they focused on what the issue is. The issue in that case is that teenagers/people need to be protected and unwanted pregnancies are better prevented, ect.

I like moral debates, personally, I just don't think they should necessarily highjack the issue at hand. Especially when its something that there's not likely to be any agreement about.

Commie-Bastard: Nope, that has legal and moral implications, besides. wink.gif And like I said, I don't want to wipe out moral debates. I just think some specific policy issues would get further it it wasn't taken out of a 'who's right, who's wrong' context. There just isn't always a right and a wrong. A gay rights activist isn't wrong from wanting to wipe out homophobia and live their live in peace. A christian isn't wrong for not wanting their child to be taught something that goes against a religious belief. Those kind of moral debates just seem to go around in circles sometimes, which is more what prompted that idea.
Prince Aries
For my knowing that I was attracted almost exclusively to men, there was no real time for knowing....I always knew. The one thing I am really glad I avoided during my adolescence was trying to discover what "being gay" was all about. I see a lot of people from my old school and such who hide what they are. And when they FINALLY decide to release that, they're so caught up trying to "finally" be gay, they , in the end, really do nothing then push that stereotype forward and just continue to cause my discrimination for the rest of us, who are simply, men attracted to other men.

I generally tend to use the term "gay" simply to explain, in the simplest of terms so as not to confuse others, that I am pretty much an all man show. To sit there and say "I am attracted to, date, and etc men but I do not rule out female possibilities" would cause people to say "oh you're bi" and the answer to that question is a resounding NO. I am not.

Am I making sense here? It's really late for me tongue.gif

Personally, the way I see it is this: You are you. Everyone is their own person. Whatever floats your boat, fine. I don't label people who prefer red wine over white, etc. I see no reason to truly label people who prefer men to women and etc.

</pointless ramble>
Pixelgoth
I'm still not entirely sure what my "label" should be. I was reading Ed's copy of ZOO on Friday (it's amusing occasionally) and someone made the comment that if you are doing something and it feels good what does it matter whether you're doing it with a same or different sex?! Personally as long as you're not hurting someone with your actions (unless you're/they're into that wink.gif) then do what you want laugh.gif

I have tried a few different bisexual things (3some, etc.) but wouldn't class myself as bisexual or hetero. I'm know I'm not just a lesbian as I love men too much biggrin.gif

I'm going to leave my "discovery date" open for now biggrin.gif
Erin
i had to edit this. i feel it didnt sound good. lol. i lied about being bi for not very long. i've been bi for a year..but..yeah..i came out with it then. My bestfriend got it out of me..but hell..she's bi too..so it didnt freek her out. tongue.gif biggrin.gif
MistressAlti
QUOTE (Erin @ Feb 27 2005, 06:32 PM)
ehhh..i'm Bi. I came out of the closet ehhh..yesterday. First person i told was Ri, i think. I did some thinking that maybe the reason i used to be so homophobic is so i could sheild myself from ever beleiving i was bi...i've been wondering if i'm bi for years..and i think i am.  wink.gif i like both genders equally ..it is personality that matters to me ( now that i'm single i can't like one over the other really..).  wink.gif  cool.gif  Yep, and thats the story of my life..or a part of it atleast.
*


Congratulations on your coming-out smile.gif
PsychWardMike
Aye, Congratulations. It certainly leads to a lot of fun and a lot of good times, right? (Can I get an Amen from the bisexual community?) But be careful - though it's wrong, society oft looks down on bisexuals as deviants, even moreso than gays. And to make things worse, a large portion of the gay community looks down on bisexuals for not aligning to their, the homosexual, cause full on. It's all rather stupid, but it's true.

Anyway, congratulations! Welcome to the club! Your information packet and tee shirt will be arriving in a few days.
Mata
Congratulations!

I'd offer the same to anyone who has realised that they are competely heterosexual too. Self-knowledge is always good. This is just the start of things though, so good luck with the rest of the path. Sometimes it's harder to know that it's true than it is to accept it yourself.
Righteous
A bit late in the conversation, but I came out as bi last week. I had known for a while, but kept pushing it down and ignoring it for fear of rejection from my friends (though I think they figured it out beforehand). It was quite unplanned as the guys were talking about something (I was high; I don't remember) when my brother's girlfriend said something akin to, "Well, he hasn't done anything with a guy." I clammed up and Rick quickly put two and two together. He's freaked out by it still (as are a lot of my friends), but he'll deal. They still llove me and accept me and I'm happy for that. smile.gif

I've yet to tell my folks and really don't plan to unless and until I have a boyfriend.
foggypuddles
Currently I think I'm beginning to realise my bisexuality. I'm 14 and had a couple of dreams about one of my friends (who is a girl) a few months ago which freaked me out. But now I've come to terms with it and am pretty sure that I'm bisexual. I think that it's not the looks or gender I go for, but more the personality, but I also find that I like men who look somewhat like girls. This is the first time I've told anyone this, man it feels good to get it out! smile.gif

I also think that it was triggered by the internet. Before I started going on it so much, then I used to see it as a bad thing but then I just realised that there's nothing wrong with it....
Polocrunch
That's the great thing about Matazone - everyone talks about sex and sexuality very freely, when in real life they might never be able to get things about them off their chests. Hurrah, and welcome.
PsychWardMike
Ri Man, Congrats. Welcome to the club, brother. As to puddly poo, congrats to you too. Bisexuality is a lot of fun, man. I'm Mike and I'm an equal opportunity employer!
Righteous
[spam]
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Mar 25 2005, 05:49 PM)
That's the great thing about Matazone - everyone talks about sex and sexuality very freely, when in real life they might never be able to get things about them off their chests. Hurrah, and welcome.
*

Well, this does happen to be one of the most accepting, open, legitimately caring communities pretty much anywhere.
[/spam]
eleraama
QUOTE
I myself have never been in a good relationship with a man.

Thanks, Mike.... (Just kidding!)

Anyway, I don't know that I personally woke up one morning and was like 'I'm bi'. It was really gradual. I had interest in both, and then when Mike and I declared a relationship openly (oh, you should have seen the looks I got at school *cough jeremy byrd cough*...), then I figured that I maight as well be decidedly bi.

For me, it's also partially an intellectual decision; I don't know where (ir if) I will find love, and so why limit myself? There is beauty in everything, not just opposite gendered humans.

EDIT: I remember when Mike announced being bi... We were at his house (our group of friends) and maybe watching Dogma, when he was like 'I'm bi, does anyone care?' and no one said anything. Not an awkward silence, but an accepting one. And I think that my friends thought I was closet (or undiscovered) gay/ bi; I'm a little too... (I suppose you could say feminine, but that's not what I mean) to be straight.
PsychWardMike
Hell. I'm sorry, Sweetie. I take that back... eleraama was a sweetheart and we had a lot of good times. However, we were both a little bit (or at least, I was) too afraid of my parents figuring it out to be completely comfortable.
zivane
I've known since I started chasing other girls in kindergarten and preffered to play doctor with them instead of boys. Didn't know what it was at the time... when I was eleven-ish, my mum finally told me that our neighbours were gay (lesbians), and I was like, mum, I like boys and girls. She's like, well, that's good sweetie. It really doesn't mean anything except that you love everyone.

Well, I figured it out eventually it was called bi sexual. But nowadays, I am just attracted to people, not their gender. I rarely ever recognise it and I personally don't think I'm either male or female, some odd mixture. At least in the head. The body shows otherwise. Grr.
Pikasyuu
Uh, I'm not sure - I think on some level always, really, since I started watching porn and realized I liked women just as much. I'm also in a relationship with a girl -- see: Hyperion and syuu are dirty lesbos. but I've also had a four year long relationship thing with a guy, so the entire bisexual thing is completely even. I call it equal opportunity employing.
Silver Star Angel of Da Towers
I am very glad to have found this topic... I certainly need it right now. The thing is, is that I'm starting to doubt that I am perfectly straight. I keep having dreams in which I am attracted to women, and I wonder if that may have any real life connotation. I'm not telling anyone as of now, because I'm still not sure. unsure.gif
Righteous
Yeah, don't jump on the bi bandwagon. Everyone's thinking that because you feel a little bit for the same gender you're automatically bi. No human is completely gay or straight, but that diesn't mean you need to jump into a whole new category.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.