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trunks_girl26
Goodbye

Goodbye
On first dissection
It seems friendly enough.
The bye is sweetened
With the good
As honey in milk.
But with closer inspection
One realizes
All the ‘good’ is
Is a mockery.
A twisted paradox
Of tantrical
Practices shot with
The bitter taste of
Something akin to
Sour milk.
This leaves the wisher
Of such ‘good’ byes
Confused as to the receiver’s
Emotions.
Resentment?
Bitter tears of lost love
And forgotten beauty?
Or pure intent?
With love so strong it
Threatens to tear them both apart?
The ambiguity is startling
Of this bye. And what once
Was meant as a well-wishing
Word, becomes drenched in
Unanswered prayers
And broken dreams.
pgrmdave
I like the sentiment, but this isn't a poem.

Goodbye: On first dissection tt seems friendly enough. The bye is sweetened with the good as honey in milk. But with closer inspection, one realizes all the ‘good’ is, is a mockery. A twisted paradox of oxymoranical practices shot with the bitter taste of something akin to sour milk. This leaves the wisher of such ‘good’ byes confused as to the receiver’s emotions. Resentment? Bitter tears of lost love and forgotten beauty? Or pure intent? With love so strong it threatens to tear them both apart? The ambiguity is startling of this bye. And what once was meant as a well-wishing word, becomes drenched in unanswered prayers and broken dreams.


This is prose, albeit poetic, hidden within gratuitous use of the 'enter' key. As prose, it is not bad. However, it seems at times textbooky and at other times emotional. I think that this poem would be best served by a very textbook sound for most of the poem, with a shift to emotional at the end.
trunks_girl26
shh....you ruined my secret......I like the enter key

The enter key and I have a deal: I use it a certain number of times per month, and it doesn't start an enter key revolt. I was filling my quota.

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Quoth(The Raven)
very heartfelt prose... as poetry, it needs to be tighter. As a mini essay, though, it's great. But, I should talk... I can't write poetry to save my life!
rainbowclogs
Love it!! Amazing xx
trunks_girl26
Aww, thanks!
Apollyon
How very interesting what others think of your poem. It would make a nice essay, but I think it is fine as a poem also. It isn't just that you put a lot of different lines (or maybe it is?), aren't the "enters" supposed to be, like, poetic pauses? I think that makes it a poem.
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