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I_am_the_best
I have started this thread for two reasons:
a) I felt that we needed a corresponding thread to the 'would like to know what a girl likes to see in a girl' thread.
b ) I have a huge crush on my boy mate and don't know what to do because I'm scared to ruin the friendship. I also don't know if he likes me in that way, sometimes I see him just staring at me then he looks away when I look his way. But it's not as if I'm pretty. He's just a really kind, friendly person, and very huggable.

So yeah, what does a guy see in a girl and how can I try and move the friendship further?
Righteous
I still know jack about relationships, but I'll try.

I don't really have a set rubric when it comes to chicks. I have my own concept of attractive and it has a wide range of things. When it comes to personality, I'd like a chick who's kind, intelligent, has a sense of humor, appreciates art in it's many forms, doesn't mind that I smoke (I actually wouldn't mind a chick who smokes), can hang out, won't try to change me, appreciates my music, is spiritual, understands I need alone time.

A lot of guys have similar tastes in women, often the big ones being kindness, intelligence, humor, appreciation of his music (or whatever) and understanding alone time.

Why don't you just ask him flat out? "Let's date. Come on. It'll be fun." All it takes is some courage.
PsychWardMike
Alright, I can tell you what I dig in a chick.

1) Good musical tastes. Music says a lot about girls - if they're really into Jessica Simpson or those kind of people, I tend to find their substance overall lacking. However, if a girl were to listen to... jazz or Mozart, that shows a lot of class and depth in personality. That doesn't mean that one can't enjoy pop or rap - having a good time is equally important - but as much as I hate to admit it, style and substance need to work hand in hand.

2) Mind. Simple - if I can't have a conversation with you, I won't bother with a relationship. Period.

3) Spirit - this isn't a must, but a similar belief system tends to make a relationship easier.

4) Body. I won't lie to you; guys notice if a girl has a particularly nice set of tits. It's a fact of life. Sure, we're pigs and all that jazz, but it's true. It's not extremely high on the list, but it's true.

5) Similar interests. Yeah, this kind of goes along with point 1, but whatcha gonna do? A little contrast is nice (and necessary!) to a healthy relationship, but ther ehas to be some common ground as well.

6) Someone who's a good lover. Here we go - the down and dirty nitty gritty sex. If you put on an air of sexual confidence, guys'll eat out of your hand. If you're good in the sack, that's a definite plus.

Anyway, those are just a few randome things bopping around my brain. As for hooking up with that mate of yours, I'd say talk to him about it. Ask him out to something kind of casual. Don't worry too much about breaking the friendship, but be careful. Have a good time!
froggle-rock
I would have to say, from my experiance that pheramones play a huge part in how attracted I am to a person. So keep smelly wink.gif
little_bear
Pour moi, it would follow thus:

> Personality - If you're boring, sorry, but you're a no-no. I get enough boringness from myself, and I don't want it in a relationship.

> Smarts - Should I enter into a relationship with a girl, I'd want her to be reasonably intelligent, just so we can engage in stimulating conversation.

> Fun - I'd want to be able to have a laugh with a girl. Also, naughtiness is always funny. As in nod-nod-wink-wink naughtiness. IfyouknowwhatImean.

> Body - Yeah, shallow I know, but lets face it, that's what a guy looks for along with all the other points. If a girl has a cracking arse or a great rack then it's simply more and more bonus points. It's not vitally important, but it's definitely a factor.

> Someone who I can get along with - If a girl is annoying, or selfish, or arrogant, then sorry, but nuh uh.

As for the guy you like, I say go for it. Gauge the situation carefully. But, personally, I would go for it so I have no regrets.
saucy_tara
Think about what you want/like in a guy, then you'll probably know what he wants from you :-)
Snugglebum the Destroyer
With all due respect, to every man that ever was... biggrin.gif

Men are far more visually attracted then woman. So genenrally, for a bloke to even engage with you, they need to be physically attracted.

However, that is very short lived. Looking good is all well and good but if you want to conduct a relationship then they look at much more. Just being yourself relly does work for men.
Usurper MrTeapot
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Apr 1 2005, 11:31 PM)
Men are far more visually attracted then woman.  So genenrally, for a bloke to even engage with you, they need to be physically attracted.
*


Pfft engage. Hmm wait... Damn!

Ok so it is well known that looks are important but right next to that a guy wants someone with simular interests or lifestyle to himself. I'm not sure many 'alternative' people would like to go out with a 'chav' no matter how good looking she might be. If he likes what you like then you've got a good chance.
Erin
guys tend to be more shallow than chicks...they like thin girls with a nice body usually. And they like girls that are really smart usually. And they like girls that are into the same stuff they like. thats all i know..since i'm not a guy. But...i am bi and i like chicks that are cool, sweet, and kind of pretty..thats really all i care about laugh.gif
Righteous
I don't know about thin. I'm always afraid of losing my balance during sex and crushing the girl if she's terribly skinny. As of late, I have been attracted to smaller-framed women, though only to a certain point. As silly as it sounds, I need something on a chick that I can bite.

Don't be psychotic about your appearence. I mean, yeah look nice and take care of yourself, but if a guy doesn't like you because of your appearence, than you shouldn't be wasting your time with him.

As long as your a decent, likeable person, you should be able to get a guy. There's a lid to every pot, as someone once told me. And as for your mate, don't push it or give reason for him to feel weird and you'll be good.
I_am_the_best
I haven't really had a chance to talk to him yet and when I do get a chance it may take a while as I'm not the most corageous of people. But thanks for all the great advice! smile.gif

(Also, what do you think about that kinda 'rule' that only guys can make the first move? Or is that just completely stupid?)
Moosh
Bit late but i thought I'd drop in my tuppenceworth

1) Musical Tastes. I cannot get along with people who just like pop or rap or things like that. They have to appreciate bands with superior technical skill

2) They have to be able to accept me for what I am and not try to change me. Yes I have little wierd traits but that's who I am. Like it or lump it

3) Intelligence. Preferably around the same level as myself, too much deviation either way and conversation become impossible

4) Bitchiness (lack of). I really hate it when people bitch about others behind their backs. Sure I insult people but at least I say it to their face

5) Sense of humour. Nuff said

6) Body. As the others have said, sure it's shallow but that's what we do. On the other hand, they can't be too obsessed with their appearence

and as for the 'guy makes the first move' thing. Screw it. If you want him go for it
Forever Unknown
QUOTE
I'm always afraid of losing my balance during sex


Where are you having sex?!? Top of tall buildings? Cliffs? Old wooden bridges above molten lava?

Really is the funniest image ever. Just suddenly 'Oof!' *splat*

Sorry. Spam.
saucy_tara
Go for it!!! There is no reason on this earth why women should not make the first move.
If I want someone I have no hesitation in letting them know...Assert your womanhood!!!!
little_bear
QUOTE (I_am_the_best @ Apr 2 2005, 10:38 PM)
(Also, what do you think about that kinda 'rule' that only guys can make the first move? Or is that just completely stupid?)
*

Worst. Unwritten. Rule. Ever.
trunks_girl26
QUOTE (I_am_the_best @ Apr 2 2005, 09:38 PM)
I haven't really had a chance to talk to him yet and when I do get a chance it may take a while as I'm not the most corageous of people. But thanks for all the great advice! smile.gif

(Also, what do you think about that kinda 'rule' that only guys can make the first move? Or is that just completely stupid?)
*


Ditto to Bear and Tara. I've missed my fair share of guys because I had thought they'd be braver than myself, and would ask me out.

Guys are just as nervous about doing it as girls are. Just ease on in, and go for it!

Good luck!
Usurper MrTeapot
On that note treat a man like a bee or a wasp. They're probably just as afraid of them as they are you, so if they get defensive and try to sting you...well just ask him out, trust us.
Righteous
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Apr 2 2005, 05:00 PM)
Where are you having sex?!? Top of tall buildings? Cliffs? Old wooden bridges above molten lava?
*

I'm referring to sex in standard places (well, not always, but not that extreme). I'm just afraid my arm or something might give out and my fatness will squish my partner. If I have a chick that isn't tiny and can support me, then I don't have to worry.

And don't be afraid to make the first move. I've missed out on a few chicks multiple occasions for not making a move at all and it sucks (that and it would have been nice had the other person done something to let me know she was into me).
froggle-rock
QUOTE (CheeseMoose @ Apr 2 2005, 09:53 PM)
1) Musical Tastes. I cannot get along with people who just like pop or rap or things like that. They have to appreciate bands with superior technical skill
*


*bangs head against key board*

hgjhjguyyu


I say go for it, make the first move. Feel good about yourself, and don't let the fear of rejection prevent you.
Righteous
I wouldn't mind a chick who 100% gets how I'll listen to Bush, Mushroomhead, Philler, Green Day, Godsmack, (old) Sugar Ray, Cold, (old) 311, The Prodigy, Sevendust, Orgy, Avenged Sevenfold, Eve 6 and Staind in one day dispite the range of sound. Hell, my friends don't even get it.

And to be fair, rap isn't always simple and takes actual effort (well, not always, but I'd say the same with a lot of pseudo-metal bands). My friends marvelled at how I could do the rap from "Bwomp" perfectly way before they even had the words down. Now that they have it down, I pride myself on rapping it at 2x speed as well as being able to freestyle and rap songs I learned in middle school perfectly.

I've put guys at my high school to shame, me a gothed-out fat kid. Not that it really means anything, but little talents like that deserve appreciation, dammit.

[spam]
Now, next time you listen to "Jackolantern's Weather," look at my pic on the family album and imagine it coming from me. I can match Hexum and Matinez word for word.
[/spam]
Tarantio
Problem with most guys is that they're all egotistical maniacs and think they can get any girl they want if they put their mind to it, which is a bunch of cow dung, and it makes guys who might normally be nice people come across as stupid, aloof and possibly even posh, when they're really just putting on a stupid act. However, women have been designed to counter this by being evil enough to be able to readily appeal to a guy's ego when they first meet, and thus seem to be in the sway of the guy, when really its the girl thats getting her way.
In short, make the guy feel comfortable, then make him feel good, then make him feel wanted (if necessary make this last one very clear indeed, but don't go disgracing yourself wink.gif), the end result of which will be someone who ends up being yours completely (hopefully) and also happy and comfortable to be himself around you. The downside of this is that he'll be himself around you... which means you have to put up with a guy, rather than being rewarded with a "man".
This mythical creature is the one who doesn't need people to play to his ego (either because its swollen enough on its own or, rarer still he doesn't have one), ans thus will see any girl for what they are and will appreciate them without the girl having to go to extreme measures to "capture" him. Unfortuately again, these are exceedingly rare and the ones with the egos are the mainstay of the bunch and tend towards women that look as if they could fit through a letter box if they tried...

So yeah, relationships suck. Good luck though!
Moosh
QUOTE (Righteous @ Apr 3 2005, 06:51 AM)
And to be fair, rap isn't always simple and takes actual effort (well, not always, but I'd say the same with a lot of pseudo-metal bands).
*


True, but the majority of popular "gangsta" rap music (Eminem, Snoop Dogg, Dr Dre etc.) is complete and utter crap. Real rap music is fine and does require some skill, the artist can be respected.

I don't like music because of the genre or whatever, I like music mainly because of the skill of the artist. I apreiciate good rap music, same as I appreiciate good Jazz, Rock, Metal or Classical music. Unfortunatly there is a shortage of good rap music around.
Righteous
I wouldn't mind a chick who doesn't listen to the same stuff my little sister does. There's an overabundence of people raised on top 40 and it annoys me.
Polocrunch
I have to say, I am feeling very discriminated against in both of these threads. I shall have to start an equal opportunities thread somewhere...
Righteous
WHy is that, crunchy one?
Moosh
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Apr 3 2005, 05:37 PM)
I have to say, I am feeling very discriminated against in both of these threads. I shall have to start an equal opportunities thread somewhere...
*


No-ones stopping you starting your own 'What a Guy looks for in a Guy' thread Polo
Jonman
One of two things:

Either

( A ): Someone who will sleep with them.

or

( B ): Someone who they can respect, enjoy spending time with, envisage a future with, and will sleep with them.

We're really that simple. It's either pussy, or pussy and a wedding ring.
Polocrunch
QUOTE (CheeseMoose @ Apr 3 2005, 04:41 PM)
No-ones stopping you starting your own 'What a Guy looks for in a Guy' thread Polo
*


Oh, the dilemma: should I start another pointless thread or should I let rampant bigotry run riot in the forums? Eh, thread overkill would offend my sensibilities more than a thoughtlessly-worded thread title. tongue.gif
believe
*Offers Polo a chocolate biscuit to soothe the pain*
/spam
Usurper MrTeapot
QUOTE (believe @ Apr 3 2005, 09:53 PM)
*Offers Polo a chocolate biscuit to soothe the pain*
/spam
*


Nah. *offers Polo a gorgeous man too soothe the pain*
believe
A gorgeous man bearing chocolate biscuits? tongue.gif
Polocrunch
O Believe! Marry me!
Calantyr
Great personality. Seriously. Someone you can talk to for hours.
Similar interests, outlook on life, and sense of humour. A sharp mind truly is an incredible turn on.

Looks are of course an issue. Tits, arse, of course we look for these things. It would be false to say otherwise.

I suppose it comes down to what you are looking for. Someone to bang for the night, or someone you genuinely consider spending a large ammount of time with smile.gif

But regardless, THEY MUST ENJOY A NICE CUP OF TEA!
*nods*
LoLo
QUOTE (Jonman @ Apr 3 2005, 09:05 AM)
We're really that simple. It's either pussy, or pussy and a wedding ring.
*


So blunt, but so refreshing to hear err read.
sjbbandgeek
The only advice I can offer is that you should never overdo anything. Some of my biggest turn offs are talking too much, wearing too much makeup, and needing to be an attention whore (that sounded better than needing too musch attention).
believe
QUOTE
O Believe! Marry me!


Sure. Do I get the 25 cent plastic ring as proof of devotion? tongue.gif
PsychWardMike
Pfft. Believe, I'd shell out the fifty cents for one of the really classy rings for you.
Polocrunch
QUOTE (believe @ Apr 5 2005, 08:38 AM)
QUOTE
O Believe! Marry me!


Sure. Do I get the 25 cent plastic ring as proof of devotion? tongue.gif
*



Ugh! No! The marriage is totally off!
believe
PsychWardMike: Aw. You say the spiffiest things. *gives his very own snickerdoodle* And you're right! Clearly I deserve better.

Polo: S'okay. Its likely better this way, before you found out I'm a barbarian that doesn't even drink tea.
uuu
two cents

you should do it, unsure, not knowing even what you want you should be an assertive woman, you should not be ashamed at all and iff you are wrong just enjoy going through that, you will have learned. But I hope you are on the mark and this is the only time you ever try to pick someone up and all of your days are full of love hereforward. Besides you sort of need to figure out what you are doing and there is no other way to do that but to dive in...swim! swim! swim!
arachnidoc17
And, of course, if you're going to talk about equal rights, don't be afraid to cough up half of the dinner bill.
PsychWardMike
Deal. With. It.

It's Jonman, he's a mod, he can do that. If you're so thin skinned that you can't deal with pussy (which is decidedly better than many other words for the female anatomy) then mayhaps you shouldn't be on this thread.

And I'm inclined to agree with himm, many times.
pgrmdave
I look for a willingness to learn, a desire to explore, and a general open-mindedness about one's world. I've found that most other good traits come from these.
Mata
I think the point Jon was making was that men are quite crude in their desires, so used crude words to illustrate it. Rude-nearly-offensive words are generally accpeted on the forums as long as they are being used in the correct context, in this case the context was to emphasise the frequently shallow desires of men. He could have said something else, but that wouldn't have conveyed the point as efficiently.

Equally, change the anatomical structures and the gender and I think Jon's post might be quite accurate for women too.

Like many people here, I look for a person that I can talk with. I also look for sobriety for the start of relationships: to clarify, I will kiss people for the first time while one or both of us are drunk, but I will not have sex with a person for the first time while drunk. I'm not sure why this is, but I think it's largely to do with ensuring complete consensuality. If a person is sober then there's no way that they could claim that their actions were influenced by anything else. It's sad that I've got this hang-up, but it's also pretty sensible too I think.
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
QUOTE (Mata @ May 11 2005, 05:31 PM)
If a person is sober then there's no way that they could claim that their actions were influenced by anything else. It's sad that I've got this hang-up, but it's also pretty sensible too I think.
*


I don't think that in itself it is sad that you have the hang up, I think what is sad is that in our society it is a really sensible hang up to have.
Some people will do anything for a bit of publicity and a wadge of cash... it's sick.
surewhynot
i dont care about physicle apperence.....as long as they have an opion
Mata
QUOTE (snoo @ May 11 2005, 08:54 PM)
I don't think that in itself it is sad that you have the hang up, I think what is sad is that in our society it is a really sensible hang up to have.
Some people will do anything for a bit of publicity and a wadge of cash... it's sick.
*

I don't think I'm quite in line for celebrity stalking just yet! Good luck to anyone who's daft enough to think that I've got money! biggrin.gif

But seriously, there are some messed up people out there who would rather deny that they did something consenually, albeit while drunk, than admit that they enjoyed themself. I think it's probably a branch of paranoia, but I think it stems from the social situation. To me the accusation of rape is one of the most serious things a person could do. I've had a man be rather more forceful in his approaches to me than I would have liked (and I ended up having to be a little forceful in my rebuttal, nothing happened in the end, but it did give me an insight into how persistent men can be) so I make absolutely sure that anyone I'm doing anything with is completely on the same track. Once you're in a long-term relationship this becomes easier, but if I ever become single again then I'll be back to sober sex!

Surewhynot: does physical appearence not matter to you _at all_? I'd be lying if I said that, as would the majority of people. There have been people in the past who I thought weren't very attractive physically until I got to know them and their personality changed the way I viewed them, and this has gone in the opposite direction too, but physical appearence did make a difference to my first impressions. I've met some very beautiful-looking people who internally were very ugly, and very quickly I did not find them attractive at all!
Jonman
QUOTE (Mata @ May 11 2005, 06:31 PM)
I think the point Jon was making was that men are quite crude in their desires, so used crude words to illustrate it. Rude-nearly-offensive words are generally accpeted on the forums as long as they are being used in the correct context, in this case the context was to emphasise the frequently shallow desires of men. He could have said something else, but that wouldn't have conveyed the point as efficiently.
*


Precisely. Go out in any British city centre of a Friday night. Find a club, and you'll see what I mean. Blokes on the prowl for some action. It's shallow, it's deplorable, but it's the way that alot of the country thinks.

A lot. I mean, when you meet someone you're interested in, that interest is often largely driven by the desire to see the insides of their clothes. That is what pulls people together. Once you're together, you then start thinking about the future, and marriage etc. The first time you meet someone that you're interested in, do you think "I'm going to marry this person", or do you think "I'm going to shag this person".

The former is a frankly scary thought on a first date. The latter is ordinary.

Don't get me wrong, my wife means the world to me, but it took me 8 months to decide I was going to marry her. By contrast, it was a matter of hours before I decided that I'd like to sleep with her.
Paranoid
Blunt, yes; honest, definitely.

I don't mean to sound insulting but it's a bit naive to not realise the mindset of the majority of people, male or not. Do you think those groups of women out in the clubs with miniskirts and knee high boots are looking for a life partner? Actually, considering the stupidity of most of them, they probably are and think that's the way they'll find one. unsure.gif

Back on the subject of what people look for; I like women who i 'click' with, in film/musical tastes, in intelligence and, um, randomness, I guess.

I actually showed my present girlfriend a bunch of matazone stuff cool.gif and her liking them showed me she had a similar sense of humour to me.
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
QUOTE (Jonman @ May 12 2005, 11:45 AM)
I mean, when you meet someone you're interested in, that interest is often largely driven by the desire to see the insides of their clothes.
*


So we should all walk around with our clothes on inside out??

/spam
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