Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Passion Of The Heart
The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Creations
fire_dragon
Like…
Sweet, sweet sugar
So luscious and crisp
Grapefruit sweetens my every breath
Windy crystalness
Freezing your face
Frost forming on your every breath
The delicious passionfruit
In the candied sunset
Glowing in the sun
The spirits of our souls are flying
Playing
Free in the moonlight
Giddy like a star
Tired like the sun at last fading
Sleep buried deep into every child
But, when morning comes
Shadows quietly recede
Back from whence they came
Forever
Mata
That's a good poem.

With that in mind, please regard this as constructive criticism: it needs punctuation. Have you ever read a poem without a fullstop at the end? I'm only saying this because I think there's a lot of strength in what you already have.
acid_rain_child
Mata's right. Poetry, of course, doesn't have any rules, so not using punctuation is a-okay. In fact, you can make a poem more pronounced and unique by not using punctuation. It can be an element of THAT specific poem. But I think you tend not to ever use punctuation in your poetry.

Punctuation has a very good, important role in poetry. Colons, semi-colons, periods, exclamation marks, question marks, commas and the lack there of can change the meaning of something completely. Interpretation is a huge part of reading poetry, and it's up to the poet to lead the reader along in the direction they want the reader to go.

The spirits of our souls are flying,
Playing,
Free in the moonlight.

(You're flying AND playing freely.)

The spirits of our souls are flying!
Playing,
Free in the moonlight!

(You're really, really happy.)

The spirits of our souls are flying;
Playing
Free in the moonlight.

(Flying is synonymous with playing.)

The spirits of our souls are flying:
Playing
Free in the moonlight.

(This is how you fly in the moonlight.)

Crazy what a comma can do.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.