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I_am_the_best
I wrote two poems in the early hours of the morning through sheer boredom. I don't like them because I don't think that they're very descriptive or anything. They're quite boring really. They're open to critique or whatever you want to say really.

My clock
When all is black
And night has dawned,
It's just me and my clock
Who're still awake.

The moons pale face
Welcomes my dreams,
But the fetters of ticking time
Keep me awake.

Like a childs blanket
I cherish my clock,
Working me through
The sleepless nights.

And the pendulum swings,
The night trickles away,
Each swing terminates
Another glinting star.

Soon the night's gone,
The city's awake,
But still me and my clock
Are plodding on with life.

Snow

It fell, as silent, pure as hope,
Like dust settling on nights deep cloak,
But in our human, wound-up world,
Where we live-enveloped in our own business,
It went unnoticed and trickled down the drain.

It fell, as silent, pure as hope,
Stars- hard to hold but I'm content just to watch.
But as it reached the ground once more
It became engulfed in puffs of factories fatal waste.
Now, it's mere grey sludge, pushed aside by hastey commuters.

It fell, as silent, pure as hope,
Tiny angels of gleaming snow.
And when morning drew back her golden locks
Innocence excelled, squeels of joy rang out!
But I looked out of my window next morning, it was gone.
oscarhilton
bravo! Very very good. I have a clock in my room but i wouldn't say i cherish it smile.gif

i thought your dad took your clock away because you liddend to the radio or something????? oh well VERY VERY GOOD POEM!!!
I_am_the_best
He took away the multi-tasking clock. But not the one that just is a clock. It ticks very loudly, but it's nice to look at it and see how much of the night you've managed to work through. smile.gif
Apollyon
I like the clock one. Parts of it are a bit boring, and could use some rewording (don't ask me how, I'm not very good at that kind of thing). But there are two stanzas that are awesome!

QUOTE
The moons pale face
Welcomes my dreams,
But the fetters of ticking time
Keep me awake.

and
QUOTE
And the pendulum swings,
The night trickles away,
Each swing terminates
Another glinting star.


Although other parts I didn't like so much, those two parts are excellent! laugh.gif
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