Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Problems. Self-harming pressure it goes on
The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Personal concerns
Marriegold
Their are so many problems going on at the same time I just want to end it the but the way I want to is not the answer. The problems are not that big I want talk to my bf aobut but I don't know what he would do. I keep cutting myself and I can't stop. I just started doing this and the more everything builds and the more problems that come the deeper I cut. If I told anyone I know their not that sort of people I would be completly out casted and they would be descusted in me. I the reasons arn't even that big but I just wnat to know if there is some one out their who will listen to me.

Let me know. Just need to talk.
Thank you XX
Marriegold
I am always being put down by family, friends and boyfriend nothing I do is right. When every one starts to hate me and gets angry at me I get angry at my self so I grab somthing and cut myslef after all the feeling of anger and self-hate go as if I punished myself. I feel better after and I like to feel pain and see myself cut I can't stop doing this. There are so many other problems going on all at the same time I need to tell some one. Do you think I could tell my boyfriend or would be not be such a good idea. What could happen if I told him what I have started to do and all the other problems. Won't go into too much detail.

Any advice?
Snugglebum the Destroyer
In my opinion, if you can't tell your boyfriend then who can you tell? One of the wonderful things about having a partner is that you can share your troubles with them.

Believe me, life can get so very hard at times. But it can and generally does get better. Things have a habit of all going wrong at the same time, which can make you feel absolutely hopeless. I try to look at these things one at a time, rather then lumping them all together and then having a panic.

If you really feel that you can't tell him then venting here isn't a bad idea. Lots of people to offer support and such like.
I_am_the_best
Building apon what Snugglebum said about bad things all happening at the same time. Once one bad thing happens, you become in a negative state of mind. It seems that you will pick out the bad things that have happened and pile them on to your problems so you become unhappier and unhappier. Try to also look at the more beautiful things in life. For example, look out the window at the clouds and try and find shapes in them.

I'll be happy to listen to your problems if you want. I hope that life starts getting better for you.
Marriegold
One of my problems. Family. Thank you so much for listening. smile.gif Much Appreciated XX
When I was younger my brother use to have anger issues and it felt like bulling in the house I live in. He uses to have to go on tablets that were prescribed once a day. It would work if he took them but he always spat them out when our parents weren't around and I was not that stupid I said nothing. He is not as bad as before but he is starting to go back to his old ways. I hope it doesn’t because we were hurt physically as well as mentally. For this reason I found that when I was younger it was safer to be Invisible but my parents have got too use to this (maybe that was my fault). I can never seem to get them to listen to me the only time they do is to shout at me because apparently I never work hard enough and I am doing badly in tests (not my fault I struggle from dyslexia). I am also getting told off for being in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend and it is a waste of half my life? Still don't understand that. I just couldn't bare the thought of my brother going back to his old ways scared me so much. I hate it when my parents put me down constantly more than what people do at my school. Also this is nothing but I hate hearing my parents argue every single day (mainly evening). The most support I have had for my dreams of going into performing arts Professionally when I am older (been doing different types of performing arts since I was 2 determined now) is my boyfriend and friends that have truly given me support I need and make me feel completely safe around them. I have always wanted to go to Collage and University I hate it when my whole family just laughs and tells my why do I want to do that. There is no point do I really want to do that. A lot of people don't make it (constantly reminded) and it's a waste of my money.
Quoth(The Raven)
Except for the abusive brother and the anti-college thing, you sound like a typical teen. Please don't think that I'm putting you down, because I'm not. I'm merely saying that there is a lot of pain to go around, and a lot of it gets heaped on us during this stage of our lives.

Find someone who will listen to your concerns. A teacher, a counselor, someone you trust. You need a support group. Friends, teachers, counselors, aunts, uncles... anyone who will offset the negatives your family seems to be inflicting on you.

And, remember, pain begets pain... all those who hurt you are hurting as well. There isn't much you can do about their pain, but you can refuse to accept the pain they try to foist off on you. And you can refuse to pass it on.

We're all here for you... twenty four hours a day (Well, not all of us, all the time, but you know what I mean... laugh.gif )... and, I think it's safe to say that we've all been there, to one degree or another...

Hang in there...
pgrmdave
You do need to find somebody to talk to, preferably a conselor, or an adult who is removed from the problems. I applaud you for striving for college, it is a worthwile decision. I hope that this thread makes things at least a little better.
Marriegold
I have told my boyfriend but I don't think that will do much, but i needed to talk to some one though. Thank you for the advice it has been great help. Is it possible to get Professional help with out my parents knowing? There really is more problems than just my family.

Thank you for listening. You have all been helpful and kind hope I can be back smile.gif XX
Jonman
Marriegold - I'd like to direct your attention to

this thread

It contains useful numbers for support and information groups. You can talk to them, and they'll be more likely to give you researched, accurate information than us.

That's not to say that you shouldn't post here at all. You should. It's just that we're a bunch of normal people, not trained professionals, so be prepared to take everything you read on here with a pinch of salt.
Astarael
We'll be here for you whenever you need us. There's always someone roaming and restless who'd like to talk. If your brother keeps returning to his violent and angry ways, get in touch with his doctor. Medical confidentiality means that the doctor couldn't tell your brother who told them about his problems. Maybe there's better medication for him, or counseling. We'll be here if you need us *hugs*. A school counselor might be able to help before or after school, and there are lots of free hotlines that could help you. The cutting is dangerous, and any release it gives you will vanish quickly. My cousin kept cutting herself, but she finally managed to get help from cousins and her friends, and she's feeling a lot better. You friends sound like great people, and I think they can help and support you in spite of your family. Good luck with the parents, and don't give up your goals when your family is being mean.
Kitty
It also seems that you dont trust yourself to talk to your boyfriend. Something I've learned recently is to just say stuff, even if you think it might be hurtfull or maybe stupid because you should be dealing with it and not whining. It helps alot to have the other person know what you're going through. And if need be, ask questions out of him. Things will get alot better between you two if you do that. And if not then maybe he's not the right person to be with.

Also, why do your parents say you're wasting your life on him?
porcelainwarrior
To address your question about seeking counselling you can absolutely do that without your parents knowing (that is presuming you're in the UK - not sure about the US). You don't even have to go to your GP, I didn't.

If you go to your school nurse s/he will be able to refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist for an initial assessment (this is really nothing to worry about, it's just to establish that you're not a serious danger to yourself or anyone else, and to assess what kind of help might be suitable for your problems) and then onto a counsellor or psychologist for therapy. The whole thing is entirely private and no-one has the right to approach your family unless you give them your express permission. There are also many informal "drop-in" centres across the country which offer support and counselling for mental health issues and most if not all will have a service for self-harmers as it's such a widespread problem now.

Again - I'm not sure of your location but in my experience the Child Mental Health Services in the UK are excellent and if you feel you are prepared to tackle your prolem proactively I would strongly urge you to approach someone.

I really hope you work things out and that you feel better soon - keep us posted OK? smile.gif
Marriegold
Thank you! For all your help and support it is much appreciated. I have found it to be a big help and I am harming less. smile.gif God bless you all.

Hi I have not been writing for some time but feel a need to again.
I have been ill for a couple of days and my family have finally started to take notice of me even though they don't talk to me much. They took me to the hospital and they have now only started to take notice and not ignore me so much when the hospital was making more of a bigger deal than what even I had expected.

What hurts though is that my Dad has completely ignored me and when my Mum was arguing with him he refused to take me to the Hospital and said he didn't have to, he had already made other plans. This is selfish of me to say but I can't help to feel angry and hurt as to why his friends are more important than his own daughter, I don't mean it to sound selfish. I woke up at night with extreme pains that keep coming and my Dad only came in because I was being too loud the rest of the time he tried to ignore me. I know I am fussing over nothing but I can't help to feel hurt emotionally by this.

The conversation I was having with my boyfriend took an unexpected and nasty twist, which made my stomach turn. He brought up the subject of my self-harming which was just a painful reminder with him telling me how I have no will power and went on from there. It then went on as to how there is no real reason to my self-harming. The more I tried to explain the less I can make some one understand. I then felt forced to go into more detail, which did not help I just sounded disturbed and felt awkward.

I know I am fussing over nothing and it's just general teenage stress but I can't help to feel hurt and angry by it all. Sorry to whine.

I am not sure what to do right now.
Fluffy
First of all, quite importantly, by no means are you fussing over nothing. If something hurts you, however small, it is most definitely not nothing. Some things are small hurts, some things are gaping wounds, but either way, it's something.

Now then, as far as doing poorly in school goes, try not to listen to those who discourage you. Just be yourself, and take things slowly, a little bit at a time, at your own pace, everything will surely turn out all right. Also, reach for your dreams, anyone who tells you that it's a waste of time to pursue your dreams is sadly mistaken.

As well, it's all right to be weak-willed, to be defeated. That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What's important is that you get up and try again every single time you fall down. As Tohru Honda says, "Never give up!" Eventually, you'll be able to completely stop cutting yourself, with the help of people of course. Humans are social animals, we can't make it on our own. Also, hopefully, the cutting stops sooner rather than later, as that can't be healthy.

Nonetheless, remember, it's okay to be defeated, be yourself, never give up, get help from anyone who will provide it, do your best to achieve your goals, don't let the critics get to you, and you are not fussing over nothing. I'm sorry that I could not be of more help. However, being unwise, untrained, inexperienced, young, and poor at writing as I am, all I can really offer are these words and my good wishes, both of which you have to their fullest extent. I honestly hope things work out for you.

P.S. Sorry I can't help with the brother problem, I have no experience with anything similar.

P.P.S. Please, also, work slowly at not being so tough on yourself. I know what it's like to dislike yourself, but remember, we here at matazone like you, and so does your boyfriend, and your friends, and, I'm sure, deep down, your family.

P.P.P.S. You're not whining, either.

P.P.P.P.S. (sorry about all the postscripts) You are not being selfish. It gets annoying if it's done all the time, but it's 100% all right to ask for what you want sometimes, especially from your own father.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.