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Righteous
These are about some people I've known over the last few years. I can't find the courage to perform these without fear of crying or flat-out breaking down. I figured I'd start of small, so here goes.

The Promiscuous Mindset
by Tragick the Clown

I want attention from people.
I want cheap comfort
I want to have sex with as many people as possible.
I don't care if I feel empty.
I don't care if there's no love involved.
I don't care.
I want to sleep with random people.
I want to feel like I have power.
I want to feel in control.
I want to be used.
I want to not care about the people I sleep with.
I want to have sex to quell pain only to feel more pain to quell again.
I want to delude myself into believing that I'm loved.
I want to forget that I've been hurt.
I just want to feel human affection, regardless of what it is or whom it's from.

Here's the other one.

Slut
by Tragick the Clown

Touch me. I need to feel your skin.
Give me some time to take my pain away.
Take me. I belong to you.
Give me some time to forget who I am.

Abuse my flesh and let me belong.
Slip me a taste of forgetfulness.
Let the lust empower me.
Let the lust thrill me.
Let the lust betray me.
Let the lust destroy me.

Leave me, walk right out that door.
Youíre not important, but never was I.
Forget me. I donít want your name.
Let me fade. Iíll forget you too.

Cure my lust with pain.
Cure my pain with lust.
Cure my lust with pain.
Cure my pain with lust.

Abuse my flesh and let me belong.
Slip me a taste of forgetfulness.
Let the lust empower me.
Let the lust thrill me.
Let the lust betray me.
Let the lust destroy me.

Fill my heart with dreams and dust.
Lie and say you love me, too.
Let the lust excite me.
Let the lust exalt me.
Let the lust murder me.
Let the lust kill me.

Cure my lust with pain.
Cure my pain with lust.
Cure my lust with pain.
Cure my pain with lust.

So yeah...

EDIT: Maybe it would have sounded better if I put "Mature Content Herein" instead. Can one of the mods change that?
Kitty
I'm not sure what kind of response you're looking for, but umm....

As far as poetry goes it didnt really have the flow, but not all poems do. If one is a song I'm sure it sounds really good as a song though.

I like the wording. Its raw and it doesnt hide anything. Alot of times when I write I cover things up and try to pretend that they're not there and its good that not everyone does that.
Righteous
Regarding the poem, I didn't want a flow. I wanted more of a repetative stream of conciousness.

I didn't want either to be remotely enigmatic. I wanted them hard and painful and shocking.
Kitty
I can see why you'd want it to be hard and painful, acctually.


I think I use to write alot of my poems that way and its a cool way to represent what you're feeling, just hard and raw. Its nice and shocking. I'm ranting about nothing....

But yeah, if you feel this way you seem pretty comfortable with feeling this way, that could possibly dangerous and.... I worry about my fellow forumites =(
Righteous
Comfortable with wat? What I've illustrated? No, I'm not comfortable with it. If anything, I'd like to numb to it, or at least be able to sing the song and read the poem without crying or look at it without feeling like complete Hell. And who should worry and why?

That said, here's another one that's painful for me that I stumbled upon.

The Loyal One
by Tragick the Clown

You came in and stole her heart
Just to use her feeble flesh.
You will never see her pain
Or the tears run down her face.
Anguish, three times the agony.
I watched you tear her soul apart.
Whatever reasons that you could give
Could not excuse your sadistic game.

Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you hurt someone I love?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you cross the loyal one?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you hurt someone I love?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you cross the loyal one?!

Tampering with her tainted heart.
I canít believe what you have done.
You injured a part of my soul
Someone whose valueís uncomparable.
Time will show what you have caused.
You had better wish for the best.
The pain you caused could make her strong.
Until then, know that you are marked.

Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you hurt someone I love?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you cross the loyal one?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you hurt someone I love?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you cross the loyal one?!

Liar. User. Abuser. Betrayer. Why did you hurt someone I love?
Liar. User. Abuser. Betrayer. Why did you cross the loyal one?
Liar. User. Abuser. Betrayer. Why did you hurt someone I love?
Liar. User. Abuser. Betrayer Why did you cross the loyal one?

Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you hurt someone I love?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you cross the loyal one?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you hurt someone I love?!
Liar! User! Abuser! Betrayer! Why did you cross the loyal one?!

Why did you cross...
Why did you cross...
Why did you cross...
The loyal one.

There will be an instrumental section somewhere in there and yes, it is neccessary for me to scream the chorus that much.
depressed lonely crazy person
I like the first one very much, It really touches base with the way I feel at some point most days;.
I didn't like the secord one to me it was a smidge repetitive and I don't much like the word lust it seems a little bleeding heart to me.
And the last one is just the titchyest bit generic in the way that most angry youths have written somthing to that effect though I have no doubt that it's a nesesary and meaningfull step for them and you.
Kitty
I was just saying I'd worry cuz its not a good way to feel. And if people feel bad for long enough without being able to change it its bad. Not that you're not working on changing it, I'm just saying....

I agree with DLCP with writing these things being a necissary step, because thats how it is for me and seems to be for other people
Righteous
The reason a lot of it seems repetative is that I have a lot of instrumental stuff planned out that I can't describe with words ("DA DA-DA du nu nu DA DA-DA with a nyow-wow-wow-wow lead thing going"). I like really long songs.

"Loyal One" is about a friend of mine who was used by multiple guys (the "Slut" song was taken from our collective experiences). It hurt me on so many undescribable levels.

And the reason I say "lust" and use sexual imagry the way I do is because when you're in a situation like that, it's all you think about. Your life becomes a constant quest to get laid.

That and I like systematic repetativeness and songs that refer to themselves.

And thanks, y'all, this is strangely threrputic.
Astarael
I liked all of these, really. They're harsh, but it seems that you meant them to be blunt and painful. If writing this makes you feel better, then go ahead and let it out. Bottling things up is unhealthy (though I do because I don't like sharing) and maybe this will let you move past the feelings. Releasing your feelings by crying, screaming, or whatever can help you move away from the pain and feel a bit more whole. Anyway, I think this will sound good with some strong instrumental sections and a good bit of screaming.
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