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Full Version: Sometimes Life is Very Sad
The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Personal concerns
I am starting to go slowly insane. First of all, I have had a lot of loss in my life. My Grandfather, Great-Grandma, and dog all died within the span of less than 2 years when I was younger. Then, about a year ago, my Aunt died from cancer. Then, a couple of months ago, one of my Dad's best friends who is practically family was diagnosed with cancer. Last week, I found out my dog has cancer. Today my boyfriend (and best friend) of 9 months and I almost broke up. We have been fighting a lot lately, which is partly due to everything else going on in my life and his...but he wants 'time' for us to be just friends. We love eachother and aren't breaking up...but he wants to only be my best friend for awhile. He thinks he needs time to change and feels bad for hurting me and making the same mistakes over and over again, so he says for now he is going to stay faithful to me and just as much my best friend. But he won't let me tell anyone. (he is conflict aviodant and doesn't want word getting out and have people coming up to him and asking questions.) Plus, my mom and brother were driving me crazy before because they would never shut off the TV or radio about hurricane katrina, to the point where I had bad dreams about it. I am a very aware person and I do a lot of community service and I have traveled to Nicaragua to build a house there, so I have seen real poverty in a 3rd world country. I am worried about the fact that I know people have no jobs or a place to live all over the world, plus the genocide in Darfur, Sudan; plus the famine in Niger, plus the war in Iraq, plus aftermath of these hurricanes, plus everything in my own personal life and then some!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do anymore or how to handle all of this.
First if all I hope all things turn out for.
I don't really know what advice to give.
When things get to be to much for me, I head out to a church or something of like. Strangely enough even though I'm not of a certain religion it helps me alot. As long as you head into it not really caring about the religious implications of said place you can usually take part of any "sermon" ; be it baptist, buddhist or otherwise. They always have great messages. And I think the community feeling of being in a group of people like that is really nice and comforting.
To me it sounds like maybe you need to try and unwind. As terrible as they are, short of either giving money to charities or going over there yourself (neither of which should be underestimated, but both of which require a certain level of financial independence in your life), there isn't a lot that you can do to change the troubles around the world.

I lost two grandparents in a month when I was young, another when I was eighteen. A couple of years ago my two surviving elderly relatives died in a year, followed a while later by my childhood dog. Time has passed now, and it's sad that they're gone, but they had their time. I've lost friends, people my age and younger, in the past few years to suicide and illness. Those are sadder losses, I wish those people had been here longer, but their time is also now over.

We are the ones who are alive. Everything in our lives will come and go, and we have to learn to accept that. There's nothing wrong with mourning the losses, but after a while that time of mourning needs to end. Some families hang on to the memories of their dead relatives, letting them haunt their daily lives forever, and, in my personal opinion, I just don't think it's healthy. We need to keep living and look to the future. There is nothing more we can say to them, nothing about them that we can change, and so we need to move on. Grief is only useful for a while before it begins to damage you.

As a trial, if you have lots of photos of those that have gone all around you every day, try putting them away for a while. If you feel you really need them then you can get them out to look at them, but you might find it easier to stop thinking about them if you don't see the faces every day.

The relationship with your boyfriend is a different matter, and if there were a simple solution to relationship problems then I'd tell you, but there just isn't. If he wants time then maybe it's a good idea to take it. Spend time with yourself, sit in the garden if you have one, read some books (something you know you'll enjoy), paint pictures, go for a bike ride or just a walk around the neighbourhood, learn a martial art or how to play an instrument, learn to make websites, learn to juggle, learn another language from tapes from the library... There are lots of things that you can do that will help you feel like you're doing something good. Don't worry about the world, it can look after itself for a while.
Mata, your post made me cry. I have times when I feel like Craziness described, and your response seemed to make it all ok.
Sorry I made you cry, but I'm glad that it helped too! I hope that it's of some use to Craziness, it sounds like she's having a rough time of things.
It was a good type of cry smile.gif
we put the dog to sleep aunts unveiling is sunday unsure.gif
thanks closedeyes.gif
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