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Every year about this time I'm pondering.
I have a good friend that I've known about 14 years now. She has a great kid with a minor failing - he never bothers to thank anyone for what they give him. For years this kid has received cards and something (usually money) at Christmas and his birthday from me. I rank as an Aunt although there is no blood tie. ( I very briefly dated his Uncle 14 years ago, should that count? tongue.gif ) She herself hasn't bothered with so much as a quick e-mail in nearly two years.

I am very short of funds right now. It'll change now that I'm employed again but a month off work can really make a dent in the savings account.

Should I, once again, send this kid (not really a kid as he's now turning 13) some birthday cash or just not bother? I'm really considering not doing anything this year. Well, maybe Christmas.

What think you?
Sir Psycho Sexy
If he doesn't appreciate what you send, just send a card, write a little message, he may appreciate what he had now it's gone. It almost comes down to this: What's the point in showing you care if he doesn't show he cares back. My cousin never bothers sending thank you cards to aunts and uncles after birthdays and christmas, some of them have stopped sending her cards/presents now.

Edit: apparently that Quote button carries cross-threads...weird
What on earth does the quote have to do with the post, SPS?
Anyway, if the kid or his mom hasn't so much as said hello or thanks in two years, a quick birthday card should suffice. When you give someone a gift, you expect some polite thank-yous, maybe a thank-you card if it was an especially spiffy or expensive present. You are not obligated to give gifts that you feel are not appreciated to someone that you barely even know well. If he whines to you about not getting the money, tell him to suck it up and maybe give him some money next year if he apologizes and talks to you more.
I agree with SPS and Astareal, if he doesnt appreciate it why send it? Try sending him just a card so they atleast know you remember them and didnt decide to forget about them. Maybe you'll get a reply this year, who knows.

I've never really thought about sending thank-yous to the people that send me cards with or without money on birthdays/holidays. I always thought it was really nice and it made me smile, but I also think its just something they do. So I guess I should start sending thank you cards back to people.... hmm blink.gif Whoops.
QUOTE (Astarael @ Oct 30 2005, 12:48 PM)
You are not obligated to give gifts that you feel are not appreciated to someone that you barely even know well.

I know him fairly well. I spun him around in his car seat as a baby. biggrin.gif I've also visited almost every year as long as they were close enough to do so. I'm also sure he likes getting something from his Aunty Ash. I just get a bit irritated that he doesn't even drop a 'thanks I got the money' e-mail.

Maybe the post office has a whole stack of old birthday cards he never received? huh.gif Nahhh. biggrin.gif

So send a birthday card anyway, hmm? Okay. I like this plan. I'm excited about this plan. This is the plan I will carry out. laugh.gif
Card'll be a couple days late by snail mail though. dry.gif
You could ask him if he likes the cards you send him tongue.gif Or write a letter to go along with the card to encourage him to reply.
Ah, definitely send a card with a nice letter if you're actually fond of him. Perhaps he'll get the hint and be more appreciative of free money from the loving auntie in the future. If he's not then it's just his loss.
Gifts aren't sent because you want to receive a thank you. Gifts aren't sent out of obligation. They are sent out of genuine care for the person. Since you care about the person, I would suggest that you send out at least a card.

On the other hand, gratitude is nice to receive, and he has been a bit rude not giving any. He should know better, or his parents should teach him better.
I agree with prgmdave. You should send something out of care for the person not out of desire to recieve something in return. So the real question should be, has this person or these people slipped so far out of your life that you odn't feel it's really something you need to do anymore?
What irritates me is because I have always sent something I now feel that it's something I'm obligated to do. I now have to do it or I'm a bad friend/pseudoaunt. It bothers me that it now feels like an obligation rather than something that I do because I really care about my nearly nephew.

As for a small thankyou, you are right. It's not the reason to gift. On the other hand, it is nice to get occasionally and does make me feel that I'm appreciated. Plus it lets me know it's in his hands and not some thieving postal employees'. Which does happen - if very rarely.
The road runs both way. You give gifts becasue you care and the recipient thanks you because they care about your feelings and respect the fact that you spent the time/money to give them something. A card is fine to send out of love, but the money shouldn't be necessary to show that you care about him.
When my family is in this sort of situation (person they haven't seen in ages but should really send a pressie) we send lottery tickets. Just one. Cost a quid and could be the winning one.

If not though I do agree with the letter idea, or maybe an invite to come and stay for a weekend, if you really like the kid?
Silver Star Angel of Da Towers
As been said before, just send him a quick, simple card. I don't think you should spend too much if it isn't appreciated.
The birthday card came back yesterday marked return to sender.
Are you kidding? If you're sure that you didn't accidentally get the wrong address (did they move?) or send an offensive card, then this is a problem. It implies that your pseudo-nephew doesn't care about a token of your affection for him if it's not a token with money attached. This seems extremely rude to me. Lots of people only get money at brithdays from parents and grandparents without aunts, uncles, or cousins so much as sending an e-mail. It's the practice of most my friend's families, in fact. We accept that not all of our relatives and friends have the money to send gifts or money all the time. If your pseudo-nephew doesn't understand this, he needs a major reality check.
If he has moved, disregard the rant. laugh.gif
The card was unopened so he had no way of knowing there was money or no money. Unless he's here on Matazone. tongue.gif

I imagine they moved.
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