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raech_mad_cow

hey, i don't want people to judge me on what i'm about to say..but i really need some help. I'll start at the begginning:
My life has been a mess from the start...i've had one suicide attempt because i was raped by my supposed 'boyfriend', had to deal with my childish parents...i've never gotten on well with my mum because she is so like me and because she is really self centred. Whenever i ring up, either upset or happy she always rambles on about her new boyfriend and her fantastic life, which im happy she has, but at the same time all i can think is, "i just want my mum?". After that i became severly anorexic and i've also been self-harming at this point.

I had counselling for three years after all this, my mum found the counselling too hard to do with me, so it felt to me that i was left to sort my anorexia out on my own...which i did, no problems as of yet.

However...now i am 19, i moved away from home to study nursing. At this point i was happy with my past...felt i had dealt with my deamons. But things went wrong again...as soon as i moved out my mum left my dad and moved into a flat on her own...i'm glad shes happy i really am, but my poor dad?

Now i have been diagnosed with manic- depression, and i am in turmoil. I cant do my course because i just cant get up in the morning, i feel suicidal all the time and i feel i just cant move on with my life. I've tried anti-depressants, counselling..everything. I just want it all to stop...

Should i just stop moaning and try harder to move on with my life? I really need some advice...i cant handle this depression. i cry constantly...especially at night.


thanks
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PsychWardMike
Suicide is a very permanent solution to a problem that needs only be temporary. I'd reccomend finding a new therapist, going back on the anti-depressants, and maybe moving or transferring to a different school just to change your setting (if, of course, that's at all possible.) I'd also PM a member on this forum named Righteous. He's hands down the most knowledgable on this sort of thing.

Apart from that, I don't have much to say. Maybe religion? Eiher way, this is one of the better places on the internet to come to for help, but none of us are professionals and this case definitely requires professional assistance. I wish you the best of luck.
Kitty
Yeah, PWM pretty much said what I would have said. Changing things around a bit can help you feel alot better sometimes, it gets you away from things that would have reminded you alot about your mom and all the things you hate.
As for anti depressants, they'll probably help. But I know that sometimes it takes exparimenting to find one that acctually works as an anti-depressant and not a depressant. Silly chemicals.
Try to find something to do to keep your mind off of things. Every once in a while a little escape can go a long way.

Good luck!
raech_mad_cow

Thanks guys...it means a lot to get a response so quickly.
I think i'm definitely gonna go back to therapy..but it just takes ages to be reffered properly to a therapist! Unbelievably long...
As with regards to my course i think i'm going to have to leave it, or try and buy myself some time out. As much as i think i should stick at it, i'm just not happy...and i guess a lot of people would just get out of something if they felt the way i do. It's just hard to buy myself some time because with nursing you have to do so many hours a week at the hospital as well as uni but i dont know whether im just being weak?
As for the anti-depressants i'm gonna wait a few days more without them, a week maximum and see if the fog lifts.
But thank you, i understand you're not professionals, but its nice to have support.
Hope you guys are happy....
Thanks


Raech
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Righteous
A few things:

It's good that you're asking for help. This shows that you're actually trying to better your situation instead of just holding it all in. You sound like you're constructively dealing with your past.

Second (and please forgive the language, but I'm using it for a reason) IF YOU ARE BIPOLAR, DO NOT USE ANTIDEPRESSANTS! THEY WILL FUCK YOU UP! I have four miserable years of my life under my belt from Prozac and Zoloft and then another two from Effexor. Not only do these keep you in a (sometimes dangerous) manic state, they have severe (often painful or embarassing) side effects. I could relate horror stories, but my cousin's make mine look like a walk in the park.

If you're going to go on meds, lithium works wonders for me and my family. Another drug on the market (that doesn't work at all for my family) is Depakote, but it's worked well for plenty of people with bipolar disorder.

Regarding your mum, I see it like this: She wants to go her own way, with or without you or your pop. Let her do that. If she'd rather go on about how spectacular things are instead of ask her daughter how her day went, then you can tell where her priorities lie.

I know things aren't easy, but you have to hang in there. Lay off the drugs. Lay off the sex. Lay off the booze. Lay off the self mutilation. That's about all I can give right now. I sent you my contact info, so feel free to contact me whenever you want.

Oh, and thanks for volunteering me, Mickey. tongue.gif j/k
PsychWardMike
Hey, if it wasn't you, I'd have found someone else with the proper means to help her, and since you seem the person with the most experience on the matter, you won! Yay for you! laugh.gif
Mata
This is a bit of a long shot, but it might be worth a go: have you tried talking to other people on your course about this? Maybe a few discreet questions might find that some of the things that you are facing are more common problems that you think. I'd just like to point out now that I'm definitely not saying that your problems are just like everyone else's, because these things are always from very personal situations, it's just that I've known quite a lot of nursing students and they very often seem to have faced (or are facing) difficulties in their lives. I think nursing calls to people who have had bad experiences because they want to protect others from going through the same thing.

Well, it's just a thought, as we've said before, we're not professionals, but sometimes help can be closer than you think. I know that you can get through this! Feel free to post in this section of the forums about this for as long as it helps you. You might not always get a lot of replies, sometimes it's hard to know what to say, but sometimes it's helps to know that there are people out there who care enough to read.

Ri makes a very good point: not all drugs are equal. If you feel that one really isn't working for you then don't wait around to see if things improve, get it changed and try something else.
raech_mad_cow
Hey,
Thanks for the personal details, it really does mean a lot that you even replied!!
You are so right about the anti depressants, they already have f***** me up!! I realised that and got straight off them, being kept at a constant manic state really doesnt help. I'm seeing my doctor on friday morning and im gonna see what else he can suggest.
Right now i just feel totally lost, i feel like i cant think straight, like nothing makes sense...and im thinking that its because of those stupid pills.
Thank you so much!!
Your support is awesome no matter how small. laugh.gif
I'll let u know how it all goes.
Raech
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raech_mad_cow
Mata, its not a long shot...us nursing students really do want to try and protect others in some way, shape and form.
My university has offered me a lot of help, so i may not actually have to leave my course. laugh.gif
Thanks
Raech
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Mata
'Good to hear that your university is being helpful. I had some bad times during my degree and the staff at my university bent over backwards to help me. They really were great, and it makes a huge difference to know that you're dealing with people who actually care about you.
raech_mad_cow
Hey, can i ask what subject you studied and where?

i've been told that the university will help me a lot because we are so short of nurses...and because the course is so unbelievably hard!

Raech
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