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craziness
i just found out that my ex, who i dated for 10 months, lied to me about his age. (we have been broken up for 3 months.) last night i got a bunch of crazy messages from him on the answering machine and my dad went over to his house at one in the morning and brought him back to my house. he confessed to me that he has been lieing to me about his age for over a year. I am almost 16.... i thought he was 18. but he is 22.
i dont know what to do and i never would have dated him if i knew he was that much older than me. i am scared that he could have been lieing about other things and i am worried about my personal health and safety. i also feel incredibly used, lied to, taken advantage of, etc...
just to top it off, i had to tell my parents about all of the erm...stuff that went on between the two of us, which was pretty embarassing. they are not mad at me and are supporting me and im going to the doctor on wednesday to get tested for whatever the hell weird diseases he could have given me.
i probably will be fine but im really upset and worried and scared.
MistressAlti
What a jerk! Don't worry crazi, the doctors will make sure you're physically fine. Mentally, though, ouch. That really sucks to trust someone and find out they're not who they said they were.

Are you or your parents considering legal action at all? I don't know what the age requirements actually are for giving consent, but given the age difference that might be a possibility.
bryden42
As much as the guy is obviously a jerk of the highest order, the question I would ask here is what does this change about the time you spent together? I agree totally that this is a betrayal but have you thought about the fact that there was something about this guy that attracted you, something that was sufficient to keep you together for 10 months, something that wasn't dependant on age. If this was not a pleasant time together then look at why (not just the age gap) and take that on board when entering any future realationships. I suppose what i am saying is that you should chalk it up to experience, take this bad experience and use it for future good.

Whilst I agree that the precautions that you are taking are wise ones please bear in mind that diseases are caught from not using protection, not just age. Did you use protection whilst with him? did he say that he had used protection in the past? (I do understand that trust is now an issue). Maybe a further discussion with him about his past sexual encounters is now in order.

If this has really shaken you I might also suggest councelling.

You have my sympathies
bryden42
my most sincere appologies , i have just reread your post, i thoght that you said that you were sixteen, when what you said was that you were nearly sixteen , this changes things considerably, I would very much suggest taking legal action as this person has broken the law.
Kitty
It also depends on where she's living. Many places in the US the age of consent is 18, not 16.

I also agree with Bryden. Dont think that everything was a waste with him and that everything was a lie. There was probably something there between you two, and I think you've probably learned alot from the relationship (and not that you shouldnt trust people or that you should do a full background check on them). I just came out of a rough relationship and for a while I was regretting the whole thing, then after a while I realized a whole bunch of great things happened and it shouldnt all come down to "that was a horrible relationship"
craziness
i didnt have sex with him...although we did other stuff... but the chances of me actually having any STDs are highly unlikely. i doubt that i do, its just that consitering he lied to me, my entire family, and all of my friends about his age for a year, im kind of scared that anything he said could have been a lie.
we liked eachother and got along well, and actually, his petty lies were what caused the relationship to end. however, i never would have dated him if i knew he was that old. therefore, the entire relationship was essentially based on a lie.
i definitly learned a lot from the relationship, and it was by no means a total waste of time. it just scares the hell out of me that he could lie to me for so long and it not even occur to me and my entire circle of friends and family.
he was 4 years older than i thought, and a 6 year age difference is much more substansial than a 2 year one, especially as a teenager.
where i live the age of consent is 17. however, i dont think i am going to take any legal action against him. he is an illegal alien, which explains how he managed to get away with this. where i live, we have a LOT of illegal aliens...so it doesnt even seem like a big deal. if i did take action against him, he would most likely be deported. my family and friends all liked him and thought he was a geniuniely nice guy. they felt bad for him, since his family was so far away. he is not malicious, he just wants to be someone he is not. all of his friends are younger and none of them know how old he is. this man appears in every way to be a teenager. he looks and acts like one, and is friends with all teenagers. he is incredibly immature because he has no family life. i'm not standing up for him, just trying to explain who he is.
i already had some trust issues due to past events (my "best friend" stopped talking to me because somebody else didnt like me and it really hurt me a couple of years ago) and i had trusted this guy for a long time. i am so lucky though, because i have a family and friends who are here to back me up and love me that i can trust in.
thanks for your support guys
oxym0ronical
QUOTE
all of his friends are younger and none of them know how old he is. this man appears in every way to be a teenager. he looks and acts like one, and is friends with all teenagers.


That part bothers me. Maybe it's just me, but at his age, he shouldn't be acting like a teenager, and he definitely shouldn't exclusively be hanging around with them. Like you said, 6 years is a big difference when you're a teen. He may be immature, but he's still 22 and there are still laws against him dating someone your age. I think his friends have a right to know how old he really is - especially the girls.
Jonman
QUOTE (Kitty @ Dec 31 2005, 11:15 PM)
I also agree with Bryden. Dont think that everything was a waste with him and that everything was a lie. There was probably something there between you two, and I think you've probably learned alot from the relationship (and not that you shouldnt trust people or that you should do a full background check on them). I just came out of a rough relationship and for a while I was regretting the whole thing, then after a while I realized a whole bunch of great things happened and it shouldnt all come down to "that was a horrible relationship"
*



Not that I'm belitting what happened to you in any way, but this is exactly what I thought when I read your first post.

Every cloud really does have a silver lining. You can learn something from every crappy thing that happens to you, every crappy relationship you come out of, and every crapy thing that someone does to you.

Every time you're dumped, you can learn a little more about yourself, about how you interact with people, and about what it is you're really looking for in a partner. Every time you dump someone, you can learn a little more about how you deal with people.

The (fortunately) few difficult breakups I've had in the past have taught me a huge amount about myself, and I've gone into the next relationship (eventually) a much more self-aware and confident person.
craziness
i got my test results back today
everything is fine.
i also want to restate once again that i defintly DID get something out of the relationship and i DONT think it was a total waste.
but thanks for lookin out for me either way
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