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According to, Polyamary means: ' participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships '

That sounds similar to Polygamy: 'mating pattern in which a single individual mates with more than one individual of the opposite sex.'

But it has a key difference, the word 'loving'. Basically in a Polyamaric relationship, it means to be in intimate relations with multiple partners, it infact doesn't need to even include sex (but it's safe to say it usually would).

To sum it up, it means to be in love with someone in a romantic way, with more than one person at the same time. It has even led to cases of three way marriages with three people all getting married together (obviously not legally recognised).

Do you guys think it's possible for someone to love two or more people at the same time? I don't mean the kind of love you have for families and friends, I mean romantic love.

I encountered the term Polyamary on wikipedia today (here's the link) and it reminded me of a documentry on couples that go beyond mere Polygamistic sexual encounters that move onto full fledged multi person romantic loving relationships.

Do you guys think it's a way anyone can feel? Or maybe it's more like people's sexuality, the majority don't feel that way, but some people do? Or maybe that it's an invention of people trying to make their sexual activities feel more important and substantial?

As normal.. I haven't really formed an opinion yet as I post this.. but I will probably get back to this post later when I have.
Usurper MrTeapot
In western relationships perhaps not. But there are some examples of Polyandry working in other places.

For example there is the Nyinba, who live in a very rugged area of the Tibetan Himalayas. There it is the practice for a woman to have several husbands, as opposed to the man having many wives which is far more common.

Usually these husbands are all brothers too. Its the custom of keeping the family together (also there is no way to prove that a child is someone's so they have no more ownership over it than anyone else), keeping land together and (by only having one person who can pop one out) a good way of keeping the population down to a level that can be supported.

It seems very odd to me, but it works extremely well.

Then you've got to define what love is, which is difficult, but if you're leaving the Hollywood Love in Western relationships and moving over to Nepal its quite different, love is more towards family and union than towards just that one person. So naturally she would love all three brothers equally, and they her.
Loving more than one person at the same time is possible, but being able to maintain a relaitonship with both parties is very difficult, for the most part.

It takes a huge amount of trust, and a distinct lack of jealousy on the parts of the multiple partners, and the person loving them must invest twice as much into the relationship as he/she would normally, so that both parties can be satisfied.

In short: love is easy; relationships, not so much.
Me and Mrs Jonman know quite a few polyamourous folk back in Seattle. Yeah, it can work, but it seems (to me) be be a more 'difficult' form of relationship than a couple.

Think of all the potential problems that can crop up in a traditional non-poly couple (e.g. jealousy, growing apart, infidelity), then think of how much more scope there is when there 3 people (or more) involved.

It's my opinion that poly relationships can work just fine, but only if all the involved parties are completely honest with each other all the time. Much the same as my opinion about non-poly relationships, to be honest, but even more so. The more people there are involved, the more potential there is for misunderstandings.

Technically, polyamoury actually seems far more 'natural' to me than not. Lets face it, even when we're madly in love with someone, and committed to them 112%, it doesn't stop you from being attracted (or even infatuated) with other people.

Which leads me onto....

There's different styles of polyamory as well - the type where there's a committed couple who include others in their sex life, but not in their 'love', there's 'groups', where instead of a couple, you have three (or more) people involved in the same relationship (we knew a poly set of 3 people, a bisexual guy married to a straight woman, who (collectively) were also with a gay guy), and many many more (we knew one set, Woman A was married to Man A, but was also involved with Man B. Woman B was involved with Man A). It seemed to work exceptionally well for them.
Museum Girl
Personally I think it's possible because love is love and I don't think you can confine it by saying you can only ever love one person at a time. It' s really a western mindset (and fairly recent as up until recently it was accepted that men could love their wives and misstresses symaltaneously) and very restrictive.

There's different levels it can work on, maybe you love one person more, and that would be ok if they had another partner (like A and B are together in love and C and D are also in love and the two couples also love the other couple but not as much as their partner), but if there are only three of you within a relationship it would have problems if two people valued each other more than the third.

So yeah I think polyamory is very real but hard to make work, eispecially if one or more are insecure people.
It would be exceptionally difficult to maintain, and it's not the type of relationship I could handle easily, but polyandry is possible with utter honesty and communication between all the people involved. Trying to balance all the emotional needs among the group would be stressful at times, and any relationship problems are magnified when more people are involved. In the end, it's a tricky but likely very rewarding type of relationship.
QUOTE (Witless @ Mar 28 2006, 10:46 AM)
Do you guys think it's possible for someone to love two or more people at the same time? I don't mean the kind of love you have for families and friends, I mean romantic love.

Personally I don't think I could. I have been in lust with more than one person at a time but never in love. I tend to love wholly and completely and don't see other people when I'm in love with someone. I love Ed and can't imagine myself with anyone else. That doesn't mean to say that I don't perv over good looking men/women but I don't actively look for it or act on it.

I guess it's up to the individual.
Well here is an odd thing.

Today, I found out that I am a child from a polyamarous relationship.
Yes, it is just that.
I won't bore you with the details, but basicaly my mum married Man one, as she was in love with him. But she was also in love with Man Two. Man One was very very good friends with Man Two, as Man Two was almost like a mutual friend between Man One and my mother. There was just sex involved with his relationship with my mother- but Man One knew, and was ok with this.

Turns out, I look different and act a little different to my 3 other siblings (two older, one younger) because there is a very very uber huge large possibility that Man Two is actually my biological father.

The world is a funny place.
A pair of stories Daria reminded me of:

One friend of mine did the whole polyamory thing for a long time. She had a pregnancy scare and I was one of the potential fathers. She wasn't pregnant (thank GOD!). Similarly, another friend of mine did the polyamory thing. She got pregnant and did not know who the father was. She had it narrowed down to three, then two and then one after she had the baby.

I tried the whole polyamory thing. Frankly, I can't do it. it lead to a lot of heartache and jealousy and a very unpleasent pregnancy scare, not to mention having given up quality for numbers and me not forgiving myself and my boys never letting me live it down.

I have a friend who defines "the whole polyamory thing." She and her boyfriend moved in with a third chick who continued dating outside the relationship for a while. My friend at one point dated him, another guy and another girl. It's at the point to where if he passes (he has cancer), her first child will be his (biologically), assuming she marries her other boyfriend. This is twisted, even by my standards.

In any case, my current romantic situation won't really allow for it. My girlfriend is, as she put it, greedy and doesn't want to share me (and to be honest, I don't want to be shared). The furthest we'll go is talking about the guys we find mutually attractive and make jokes about having sex with a specific pair of other guys, but that's it. I could get into a relationship with my ex-fiancÚ (the older Matazonians may remember hearing about her) that would be mildly polyamorous, but that's not what I'm wanting at this point in my life.

I figure that if one can handle it, go for it; it's your choice. As for me, I'll stick with monogamy, thank you very much.
Are you sure those first two examples were polyamory Ri or just having an open relationship where you go out with other people?

From what I know of polyamory it's not about having an open relationship, it's about having a faithful relationship between more than 2 people, such as 3 people all being in a committed relationship together.

Personally I don't think I could do it and forming reasons why other than I just don't think I could, doesn't seem to be coming to mind. If it works for other people though then that's cool for them.
I think this maybe echoing what people before have said.
But after thinking about it some, I do think think it's possible.. even easy to fall in love with more than one person. That's not the problem part.

The problem comes in having a relationship with multiple people it seems like. With only two people relationships are hard work enough, adding a third person adds that much more intensity. I guess that's why even amongst the people open minded enough to try.. they seem to struggle even after a short space of time.

Though.. I think with maturity enough it would work for some. But I definately know I don't think I'd cope in that situation.
I am still coming to terms with it all. It's a rather odd situation to find yourself caught up in- especially as you had no say in the matter. It obviouslyworked for my parents- and only didn't when business matters got in the way and created a rift.
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