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Izzy
okay, so since the beggining of the school year, I've had this friend called Diana. Except for the fact that we didn't have any classes together, we were practicly inseparatable. After school, we'd call each other around 4, and get off the phone around 6 or 7. We agreed with basiclly everything, were in the same band, and in short terms, were bestfriends. Bestfriends until yesterday morning, when I got off the school bus, walked to my first period class, and saw her sitting outside on a pic nic table, crying. I asked her why she was crying and she, barely able to speak said "My parents said I'm not allowed to hang out with you anymore". Then she showed me her arm, which had the word "HATE" engraved, done with a knife. Then she said "I know you told me not to do it,and that its a bad habit and stuff...but I wanted to". As it turns out, her parents think I made her do it, that I'm a bad influence on her, and therefor, we are not allowed to hang out together anymore.To make matters worse, my mom will be getting a phone call by Diana's parents telling her I cut myself. sad.gif . Right when she told me that, I litterly had to run to the bathroom to throw up. After that, my day didn't get any better. I didn't tell my teachers I threw up (didn't want to get stuck at home with my mom), so I was in school all day. I got called to the assistint principles office, about some lunch incident a few days ago (missed all of 2nd period smile.gif), and then when it was lunch time, went off looking for Diana. I thought it was weird that she wasn't at our lunch table, and even weirder that she wasn't anywhere! So I went around asking some kids in her previous class where she was. I got two really rude answers. One was "In counseling because of you" and the other "Of dealing with her physco problems". I knew I woudln't get the chance to talk to her during lunch, and went back to our table to talk to my other friends. Then when lunch was over, I went to my last class of the day. When that was over I went to My homeroom teachers classroom (where Diana was) and sat down next to her and asked her about her theropy lunch thing. She said she mostly talked about her parents, but I was included in the conversation. She didn't tell the therapist much about me, but enough to make me worry. Anyways, now this friendship is over, and I dunno what to do. Today is a school holiday, and I have no one to spend it with. And about the thing with the phonecall to my mom, I've tried telling her about my bad habits (havn't been able to yet), but I've heard what she says about other people who cut themselves (from articles I've downloaded and showed to her) and I don't think I want her to call me what she calls them...A sicko...

This doesn't really require a reply.
Dani
QUOTE (devils_daughter @ Apr 21 2006, 02:36 PM) *
okay, so since the beggining of the school year, I've had this friend called Diana. Except for the fact that we didn't have any classes together, we were practicly inseparatable. After school, we'd call each other around 4, and get off the phone around 6 or 7. We agreed with basiclly everything, were in the same band, and in short terms, were bestfriends. Bestfriends until yesterday morning, when I got off the school bus, walked to my first period class, and saw her sitting outside on a pic nic table, crying. I asked her why she was crying and she, barely able to speak said "My parents said I'm not allowed to hang out with you anymore". Then she showed me her arm, which had the word "HATE" engraved, done with a knife. Then she said "I know you told me not to do it,and that its a bad habit and stuff...but I wanted to". As it turns out, her parents think I made her do it, that I'm a bad influence on her, and therefor, we are not allowed to hang out together anymore.To make matters worse, my mom will be getting a phone call by Diana's parents telling her I cut myself. :( . Right when she told me that, I litterly had to run to the bathroom to throw up. After that, my day didn't get any better. I didn't tell my teachers I threw up (didn't want to get stuck at home with my mom), so I was in school all day. I got called to the assistint principles office, about some lunch incident a few days ago (missed all of 2nd period :)), and then when it was lunch time, went off looking for Diana. I thought it was weird that she wasn't at our lunch table, and even weirder that she wasn't anywhere! So I went around asking some kids in her previous class where she was. I got two really rude answers. One was "In counseling because of you" and the other "Of dealing with her physco problems". I knew I woudln't get the chance to talk to her during lunch, and went back to our table to talk to my other friends. Then when lunch was over, I went to my last class of the day. When that was over I went to My homeroom teachers classroom (where Diana was) and sat down next to her and asked her about her theropy lunch thing. She said she mostly talked about her parents, but I was included in the conversation. She didn't tell the therapist much about me, but enough to make me worry. Anyways, now this friendship is over, and I dunno what to do. Today is a school holiday, and I have no one to spend it with. And about the thing with the phonecall to my mom, I've tried telling her about my bad habits (havn't been able to yet), but I've heard what she says about other people who cut themselves (from articles I've downloaded and showed to her) and I don't think I want her to call me what she calls them...A sicko...

This doesn't really require a reply.

Yeah when my mom said i couldn't hang out with Izzy any more i was crushed she is on of the few people that under stand me and yet i can't hang with her ( LOUD SOBS) please give us some advice on what to do
Izzy
^ Yay Diana! Welcome to the forms *hugs* I thought I'd never be able to talk to you again.
Ign355
although my advice my not be good or even helpful at all im try. If both of you are good friends and like to hand out and do stuff togethor then nothing could tear you two apart..and when you two hang out at school how's your parents gonna know that you two are hanging out.. and one thing you two may not be able to hang out at each others houses but whose to say both you cant hang out anywhere else.. and so what if your parents do find out, i'd say screw them.. because sometime parents dont know whats good or not for their kids
Izzy
^ I havn't told my mom yet, and don't plan to. When she asks why Dani doesn't call anymore I'll say she's grounded. I'm good at getting around most things. It just really sucks cause, like, there's about 2 minutes between classes, (more like 30 seconds, but they say 2 min) and you can't really talk during that time. During lunch, well, lately the cafeteria/ pic nic area has been on silent lunch, and I really don't want to be, as the lunch ladies call it "the first example" to go to Ms. Principle's office again. There's always the time at the end of the day before they call second set of buses though. biggrin.gif. But at the moment, my biggest fear would be for Dani's mom to call the school and have us separated 24/7. mad.gif
Ign355
"if" and only if the school tries to do that, its is actually against the law, even if for some unforseen reason dani's mom puts a restraining order on you to keep away from you, Dani would have to consent and agree to have the restraining order put upon you and sign it and everything.. but if you two are how you say you are then that wont be a problem smile.gif . like a said in earlier
QUOTE
and one thing you two may not be able to hang out at each others houses but whose to say both you cant hang out anywhere else.
how would your parents find out unless they like folowed both you around nonstop. But there is always malls and skateparks and parks, or even just walking around the block is something you two can do to hang out togethor
Izzy
^ Yeah. We can't walk around the block, cause well, we live fairly far away from each other, but we were thinking of meeting up at Vans soon. Our original idea was to go the Y Dance tonight, but I can't go cause it's one of those things where parents sign you in, and my mom works til after it ends tonight (yay!). But my main concern is what we're going to do over the summer holidays, which are coming up.

Oh, and I just realized this....the band. As of about a month ago, we've been drummerless, and now with Dani gone, we need a new bass guitarist.... sad.gif Everything is slowly (kinda quickly) falling apart....
Ign355
well as for the summer i dont know what i can say about that except plan plan plan plan and know and set a schedule and make sure your friend you plan that schedule with you friend so that both of you can meet up and hang out somethwhere or do something... or even when both your parents are not home call and talk to eachother, but my point is no matter what parents are really really oblivious to these kinda things, oh and on thing is both of you could get a job at the same place and work togethor, the may help. And as for the band thing that really really sucks sad.gif im sorry to hear that..but like i said above if you plan and plan both of you and your band can find a way to hang out togethor and practice smile.gif ..hopefully..
Izzy
Jobs?!?!Are you feeling okay Leach? Heh, I wouldn't be able to get a job even if I wanted one. 1: Not old enough 2: Mom doesn't think I'm responsible enough. And either way, the only job I have half a chance of getting a being a jonior counselor at the Y...Boring!

Not like it matters, I'm gonna get sent off to summer camp like I always do, while my mom goes and enjoys herself. Camp Winona here I come.....sad.gif
Ign355
blink.gif ...lol that really bites, is she really gonna send you there? because that has got to be one of the most pathetic places to send anyone at all.. but i cant really help you there at all..but suggest if you go maybe your friends will come along with you?...and if both you keep pushing and pushing to hang out togethor and still be friends eventually the parents will give up and give in, because is both you really wanna do stuff togethor that bad then there is really nothing you parents can do to seperate both you....unless like you or she moves away ohmy.gif ..but i think thats a little extreme over a little something like what your friends did
Faerieryn
This sounds like a really difficult situation guys and I think you should be sitting down discussing it with your parents. Unless you are almost considered adults by the system theings will no doubt get worse before they get better. I do agree that this is completely unfair. No matter how much influence a person has over another (and I'm not saying that you caused this Izzy) there is only one person who has control over you and that is you. Your friend's parents need to understand that there is obviously more to this incident of self harming than just peer pressure or influence from a friend. As a teacher I have come across many people who have self harmed in one way or another and the result is never good. They have harmed themselves for a variety of reasons, from repressed sexuality to depression but none of them have ever cited "a friend told me to" as a reason for their habit. If your friend has started self harming then she may need you more than ever now. May I sugget the following:
1) Both you and your friend write letters to your parents explaining (without getting too emotional) how much you need your friendship, why you self harm (or try to say why anyway) and how separating you is making you feel.
2) Give copies of the letters to your therapist or teacher you trust if you aren't seeing a therapist. In fact I would suggest that you write these letters under supervision so that you can proove that neither of you have influenced the other
3) Ignore your friends when they say you have caused this. If what you say about your friend is true, that you have the same opinions about things, then you may have told her how you feel and she may have agreed with you but YOU DID NOT SAY "HEY LETS CARVE WORD INTO OUR ARMS WITH PEN KNIVES- IT'LL LOOK REALLY COOL" to her. It was her decision to do this.

You must try and tell your parents about how you feel about this. Whilst seeing each other without parental support may be a short term answer it will not solve the true issue and may result in one or the other of you leaving the school/ moving away. You need to convince your parents that you will help each other with this and that your freidnship is a positive thing that will only minimise your recovery chances if it is taken away from you

Hope I've been some help.
Don't give up
Ryn
Izzy
Letters would be a good idea. I haven't seen the school therapist yet, but thinking things over I might consider it. It's been about 3 days now since Dani's parents threatened to call my mom, and they haven't called yet, so I'm not too worried about that (anymore). I don't think explaining (or trying) why I self harm to my mom would help at all. She'll probaly say something like "Get over it" or, "I was your age once, you don't see me cutting myself". It doesn't help at all that me and my mom got in a HUGE fight yesterday. We went to this store to get some new clothes for when we're going to Germany, and I didn't like a thing in it. My aunt and cousin were also in the store with us. So my cousin found like 100 things he wanted to buy, while I found 0. Somehow me not wanting to buy anything made my mom really mad. So when we got back home she started yelling at me, saying "Why do you have to be so difficult? Look, Dominic found so much stuff he wanted to buy, and you didn't even try!" And a few mean and angry setences later.."Look at you! You look like you walked in off the streets! Your jeans are ripped, your hair is messy...God! I blame you!" Her exact words. That could really piss you off. I hadn't said anything at this point, but then I couldn't hold back. I said "Well, at least I wasn't the stupid teenager fooling around!" Then I ran upstairs to my room, slammed the door, and cried. I haven't been able to stop crying lately.

Then today she made a second attempt to buy clothes for me (grr...same exact store). After another failed attempt, we got back in the car, and then I realised we were passing the Florida Mall. She saw me grinning and knew almost exactly what I was thinking. "Don't even think about go to Hot Topic, you are not wearing those clothes to Germany. I might as well leave you here, you'll just embarass me" So I asked if we could go inside for like 5 minutes, and she got even madder. She starting yelling about how much she hated the store, and didn't agree with its clothing. I suggested that she could wait outside, and then starting cursing in German.

I don't think she'd be any happier if I told her I self-harmed...
Dani
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT
monkey_called_narth
im sorry that your relationship is being stressed, and im sure that if you really try you can get threw this. me and Becki had the same problem from the time we were 13-17 for me... 12-16 for her. ours was becasue of self mutilisation and smoking pot. we both fought our way threw the self mutlisation, but we still smoke pot.

as for cutting yourselfs... it really isnt the best thing to do, from experience i used it as a means to concentrate the anger i felt for myself and the way i looked, and after my mom died i wrote "mom" in big letters on my ankle. the other ankel has "hilary" sprawled accross it. the way i got over cutting myself was to use a rubber band. when ever i got angry and felt the need to cut myself i would snap myself with the rubber band as hard and as man times as possible. i suppose im still relying on inflicting pain to myself, but atleast this way there arnt any marks. i still wear the same blue rubber band around my wrist that i have worn for the past 5 years, and i still cut every 6 mounths or so whenever i cant avoid it. the rubber band has cut down on my self mutliation significantly over the past years. i definatly recomend it.

Becki stoped cutting becasue she "found god". i think hes just rediculiose, but whatever works.
Izzy
I don't cut myself nearly as much as I used to, and only do it now when something bad happens. I've heard people say something about ice, but I've got no clue what to do with the ice....Me and my mom were yelling at each other so bad yesterday, so I went upstairs to my room, sat down on my bed, opened my coffin thingy (it's like a box) got my knife out, but instead of cutting myself with it, I just layed it at the other side of the bed, and stared at it...
Dani
I don't cut that much i only did it 3 times even than only one was big and it wasn't even bleeding when i did it but i miss my old socal life now that my parents intervinde it hasn't been the same!!!
Izzy
^ Not to mention that Bill,Mathew,Rodnesha, and all the other fags that hate me blame me for how different you are this year from last year. mad.gif
monkey_called_narth
QUOTE (devils_daughter @ Apr 24 2006, 02:53 PM) *
I don't cut myself nearly as much as I used to, and only do it now when something bad happens. I've heard people say something about ice, but I've got no clue what to do with the ice....Me and my mom were yelling at each other so bad yesterday, so I went upstairs to my room, sat down on my bed, opened my coffin thingy (it's like a box) got my knife out, but instead of cutting myself with it, I just layed it at the other side of the bed, and stared at it...



you pput it under your tounge or at other places and it creats a burning sensation. its anouther thing to do that doesnt leave marks. i dont reccomend it at all, its kinnda stupid really. it was on a list of things the health clinic gave me to do in order to wean myself from cutting. do the rubber band thing, even if you dont cut that often. i was a pretty seriouse cutter for a long time, and every time somting goes wrong i want to cut myself. dont get addicted to it like i did, its hard to stop once you really get started.
Izzy
Yeah, I've heard that from lots of people. I not too addicted to it...
Dani
yet i think it's too late for me now every time some thing gose wrong i want to cut :(
Izzy
^How's the rubber band thing going?You were walking around with one on your wrist today.
Dani
Yea it's working good what about you i saw you with one too how is it going for you
Izzy
Well, the one you gave me is so freaken huge it keeps slipping off my wrist, so I had to put it on my ankle. Daniel and Alex are having lots of fun pulling it when I'm not paying attention mad.gif....
Dani
Hey, don't get mad at my boyfriend But, it must be really fun rolleyes.gif wink.gif
Izzy
Well, tell him to stop pulling the rubber band, stabbing me with his pencil, and hitting the needle I put in my skin!!!!!!!!!!
Dani
QUOTE (devils_daughter @ May 8 2006, 04:19 PM) *
Well, tell him to stop pulling the rubber band, stabbing me with his pencil, and hitting the needle I put in my skin!!!!!!!!!!

the needle in wich you shouldn't have put there. And it is funny biggrin.gif
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