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i can't do it. i can't feel good about the way i look. yea, yea, "it doesn't matter how you look in the outside, it only matters they way you look on the inside". but i am pretty on the inside. its just that nobody realizes it, i guess... i'm sort of quiet in my classes now, because i moved and it's being really hard for me to get my confidence back. if you think about it, most people's attitudes reflect on how they look... i mean seriously, the pretty girl wouldn't be so conceided if she wasn't pretty, right? and if she wasn't conceided (spell check?) she wouldn't have such an attitude, right? i really need help. there's people that would say i'm pretty, there's people that would say i'm ugly... i'm sort of in between and i have no idea or strategy to get some self-esteem.
can somebody help me? i'd really appreciate it...
Don't pay attention to what other people think of you. It matters what you think of you. I got this from some BS MTV show, but every morning, go to the mirror and tell yourself you look pretty ten times. And you have to mean it every single one of those ten times.

And yeah, attitude counts, not prettyfulness. If someone tells you you look ugly, either walk away, or be all like "I wouldn't be talking. You don't look too swell yourself."
QUOTE (Izzy @ Feb 7 2007, 07:16 PM) *
It matters what you think of you.

That's kinda it. Everyone keeps telling me that but... I just keep denying it and I can't stop it. it's like something else has a control of me. This little voice in my head... >.<kinda hard to explain.
Speaking as a fairly average looking guy, what worked for me was to choose to act a certain way. I decided that there was no point in being afraid of doing things, and talking to new people, so I just went out and worked on getting good at knowing people. After a while I found that the belief that other people had in me, that I was basically a pretty decent guy, really helped my self-confidence.

Everyone worries about their looks, I know I do, but the weird thing is that our friends all accept us just the way we are and don't even think about things that we think are blindingly hideous. Spots are a classic example: people often say 'I've got a huge spot on my chin' and no-one else had paid any attention to it.

In some ways it's counter-productive to try to change into some idealised form of yourself. Try and get out, talk to people, make friends, and then you find that you naturally blossom...

Which I guess leads us on to 'making friends'. Well... That's a tricky one. Don't force it, and always be prepared to listen - those are both a good start. There's a weird thing about human psychology that's not very well known: we assume that if we do favours for people then they are more likely to like us, but it works in reverse. If people do you a small favour then they find they have more time for you. It's all about consistency of behaviour - once a person has made even the slightest movement in one direction (e.g. liking a person enough to do them a favour) then they are naturally inclined to continue that way. This means that a person you have asked the time to will be more likely to have a conversation with you than someone who didn't tell you the time. It's weird, but it works.

Of course, we would all love to have great self-esteem without the need for peer-approval, and sometimes in our lives we will have that. That takes a lot of guts and it's sometimes better to try and find people that you get on with while you develop.
I am not really one to talk about self esteem in the looks department because I have so little there, but I just feel like adding a bit on the part that you say where the conceited girls have more self esteem. Have you thought in on that point a bit?

I remember girls like you are describing from when I was in high school and thinking that they were filled with self esteem. Some of them are some of them aren't. Really think about it for a minute. If those girls really thought that they were gorgeous and beautiful on the outside would they spend hours covering up their faces with make up to make themselves look good? My friend does this and refuses to go outside if she doesn't have her make up perfect, or hair done just right. She does this because she thinks unless she has these things to doll her up she is ugly. That's not really the mindset of a person with high self esteem is it?

On the point of them being mean because they have confidence...well that right there is something to tell you that they more than likely don't have self confidence. People who are mean to others just to be that way, usually do things like that to elevate themselves in their own head. They have insecurities enough to make them feel bad enough that they have to knock other people down to feel better about themselves.

So I guess what I'm saying is don't feel like you're less of a person because you think other people have more confidence in themselves. The reality of things is most people, especially at a teenage age (which I'm assuming you are) really feel unsure about themselves, everybody just handles it in a different way.
Boring long story time...

When I was about twelve, I was shy, introverted and looked like a boy. I had short hair (thanks to my mother's decision because I wouldn't let her brush my hair), I was short, fat and had no breasts to talk of. I was also more intelligent than most of those around me (they seem to have all overtaken me now biggrin.gif ). Understandably, I used to get bullied- alot. Luckily for me, my older brother and sister went to my highschool so if I was having problems I could go talk to them.

The February before the July of my 13th birthday, my parents broke up rather messily. It affected me pretty badly and I would find myself at school crying my eyes out just because someone said hello to me. I knew this was pretty ridiculous and that it couldn't go on this way so I changed. I created this secure shell of sarcasm, cynicysm and wit- using my intelligence to make people laugh instead of being berated for knowing all the answers in class. I grew my hair longer, I decided to introduce myself as Becky instead of Becca and I grew up. I was still fat, I was still terribly insecure yet I had all these people who hadn't paid me much attention before because I had been too shy to talk to them, now being my friends.
Fastforward to me being sixteen or so. I was still fat but having fun being Becky with her extroverted personality. I was in love with a friend of mine and, due to the fact that I had asked him out three times to no avail, I knew it was just one sided. I had never had a boyfriend, never been asked out- never even been kissed. The self esteem or lack thereof, was still a big issue and there would still be times when I would wish I had the same body as one of my friends, or I was thinner and more good looking.
I went to a music festival when I was 17 and met this guy. He was quite a bit older than me, pretty good looking (in my eyes) and was a playwrite. We met entirely by accident and spent most of the festival together. He was my first kiss and I was in complete and utter bewilderment that this guy could like me. ME! In the end, nothing more materialised because of the age gap, and I spent the rest of my summer wishing I was older.
That chance encounter started the ball rolling on my self esteem. I decided that I wanted to lose weight and became determined at it. I lost three dress sizes from my top half and two from my bottom half just from eating less and noticing when I was hungry (much less than I originally thought I was when I ate).
I went out with an incredible guy, with whom I spent the best summer ever with last year and I am now in a happy stable relationship with a different guy (just as incredible happy.gif) who is helping me get through a lot of issues I have with my parents, their divorce and a load of other stuff I have been bottling up since I was 12.
I still get moments when I am getting ready to go out and I just want to cry. I think I look so awful and that everything I own makes me look fat.
I'm now 5' 6", I wear big army boots, velvet jackets and 60's minidresses. I know I am a nice person (excusing a few unintended slip-ups) and I know that I am loved. Looking back on it, I wouldn't change a thing as I wouldn't have had the experiences I did, met the friends I have and loved the people I did- but I can see that creating an extrovert shell only worked for me in the short term. Those who know me well enough can see straight through it and can almost read my mind.

I guess, after all that, what I am trying to say is that you will get over your lack of self esteem in time. You shouldn't feel you have to be any different, although I'm sure however much you repeat to yourself "I am beautiful", you will still want to look like someone else. I know I do.
Well done if you managed to get through reading all that- it took me an age to write!
PM me if you feel the need.
^ I didn't find that story boring. *doesn't really have anything to add, sorry*
Meh? When people say im ugly i just think, thats not afencive (spell check), and walk away because i know the people who love me will never think im ugly biggrin.gif

(dont say candyman 10 times infront of a mirrow tongue.gif )
I have days when I hate my body and days when I love it. I have very low self esteem but this manifests itself as me being extrovert about stuff mainly. I'm extrovert because I'm introvert. I'm better than I used to be. As a teenager I had really low self esteem. I can singly put my convicted that I have a big bum down to a holiday I went on with my family when my brother commented that I had a huge bum in grey cycling shorts I was wearing. EVERYONE has a large bum in cycling shorts but being an insecure 15 year old I was convinced he was right. Thanks! dry.gif

I'm still not 100% confident about my body but, like I said, good days and bad wink.gif
QUOTE (little twit @ Feb 22 2007, 02:47 AM) *
(dont say candyman 10 times infront of a mirrow tongue.gif )

Bloody Mary owns teh candyman.

Your post really struck a chord with me due to the fact that I have very much the same doubts as you.
I was very ill with an unknown virus for a few months and i stopped eating and lost about a stone and a half in wieght.Because i was so ill i didnt really go out much so became...well scared to go out and have social interaction. I was quite depressed and would be on the verge of tears almost constantly. I became much more introverted and found it hard to connect socially in big groups anymore - and this still lingers. When i got better, i put all the weight back on and a bit more so still have issues with the way i look.
But i got really annoyed with the 'new me' so i surrounded myself with just a few close friends. They didnt care about how i looked, they just thought i looked like This helped me come to terms with it on some level and although i still have crippling body problems my confidence grew gradually with time.
When you are in class or not in class just remember that you are intelligent and thoughtful. Nobody gives a damn about how you look and if they do then theyre obviously not good for your psyche. Take pride in the fact that you recognise the superficiality of the 'pretty girl' and smile! After all a smile transforms a face.
QUOTE (Mata @ Feb 11 2007, 04:03 PM) *
Spots are a classic example: people often say 'I've got a huge spot on my chin' and no-one else had paid any attention to it.

...Have you? O.o I'd never noticed >.>

Anyway, I don't know if it will help you, but this is what I've done to try and help mith my self esteem.
Now, I'm quite a large lady, and I have been for as much of my memory as I can remember. I've never had too much confidence, and never liked the way I looked. But I've found that have an "F**k you" attitude to the way we're all supposed to look like super models really helps. Of course I'd ideally like to be thinner, for many reason, but if I can have moment of contentness with the way I look, I'm happy. I used to hate looking at myself, in photos, mirrors, etc, but I've also found that if I highlight the bits I do like, it's not so bad! I didn't used to like makeup, as it was boring, but I found BarryM who do the most INCREDIBLE colours of eyeshadows, and lipstick and nail varnish, etc. I just had to spend money buying these things. It makes me feel a bit more confident knowing at least some of me looks pretty, whether I think so or not! Also, the more I forced myself to actually look at myself, the more I found it wasn't so bad. I think most of my issues were in how I thought I looked, rather than in how I actually look. I'm still not so good on the social aspect, but I'm glad Mr Fuzzy made me go to the pub more often as the new people I've met who I wouldn't have had the courage to talk to before are now really good friends, or I'm hoping will be good friends the more I get to talk to them! So even if you don't have much confidence, pretend you do! If you look like you are, you'll start feeling it a bit more smile.gif
Hope that helped at all ^^
Rykan is actually a really good example: when I first met her she seemed nice, but she was so quiet that it was hard to feel that you'd really talked with her. Over a few months she relaxed and just chatted about random stuff that interested her, and we all (at the pub that we regularly went to) got to know her and became firm friends. Since that time I've seen her go into a couple of new social situations and the difference in her confidence is incredible. It's a classic case of 'be yourself and you'll find people who want to be around you'.
Sadly it took me getting older to gain self esteem. In my teenage years I both felt both physically and emotionally 'strange' and felt really crap about it.

Now I still feel strange, but I feel pretty good about it now. When I need to know what a 'normal' person would say or do, I can just note what the myriad of people I'd call normal do and say. However, when people seem to need someone a little peculiar (especially true at uni and work (my old job was in the creative industry)), they used to basically have to come to me.

Uniqueness feels like more and more of a gift. I think everyone's unique, but they hide they're uniqueness a lot. Tis a shame really.. perhaps more people need to have no friends in their youth. Then they'll never conform smile.gif.

Heh.. what odd advice to give.

Anyways, stuff gets better, with some luck and wisdom, they'll get better sooner rather than later.
Judging for the picture, you´re pretty, and judging for the first post, they way it had been written and the phrase styles, your problem possibly is not quite being pretty or not, it´s about being accepted, and how the others areound you deal with yourself.

Now, I could say it matterns not, and you have to feel good with yourself and all, but I wont.

The problem is, part of being well with yourself has to do with a feeling of belonguing, and that involves others and society in general.

For what I´ve read, you seem to be very intelligent, and I risk say, a person attached to books. This might pose a problem, because society, in general, tend to shun those of above average inteligence. Stupidity brings charisma, intelligence, on the other hand, brings isolacionism and introvertism.

Think about movies: evil geniuses against muscular heroes abound. Why? because people fear those who are better than them. They know, even in their limited minds, that no one can lift a train, or pour rays from their eyes. But they also know that some can, and do surpass them when it comes to reason.

So, good news, you´re pretty. Bad news, you´re way too smart for the average person. You can fake your intelligence down, to please others, it will work, but then again, it would go against your senseof belonguing on a different way.

In Brazil, a poet (and diplomat) once said "I drink beacuse it makes people around me more interesting".

Not that I encourage drinking to obliviate one´s mind. But it serves to illustrate my p.o.v.

Cheer up, and lets set up a chess board now ^^

Pronunciation: i-'stEm
Function: noun
1 archaic : WORTH, VALUE
3 : the regard in which one is held; especially : high regard <the esteem we all feel for her>

So self esteem would be the worth and value we feel we have both to ourselves and I imagine society, and the opinion of and judgement of ourselves.
Its a tricky one, theres 2 ways of looking at it,

1) You can judge yourself in a vacuum, by this I mean you can look at yourself as a personality and your moral compass and assess wether this is who you want to be, If it is then theres nothing to stop you from affirming to yourself that you have worth and value to yourself which leads to a judgement and opinion of yourself that are positive.
Try sitting down and writing a list of things that you like about yourself, try to think of goals that you have set yourself and reached/are on the way to reaching.

2) (and this ones a bit more tricky) you can judge yourself as part of a community/society. For this one, start by thinking about friends and family that you like, Try writing a list of reasons why you like those people. then try matching those traits against traits that you think you have. You'll probably be suprised by how many of the traits you like in others you share with them. Now if you share those traits and they are traits that you look for in people doesn't it make sense that others are looking for those traits in friends too. If that's the case you've now got a list of reasons why you might be valuable to others.
Hope this helps
in other words, #2 involves the above mentioned sense of belonguing. but yes, dependin on one´s personality lists can be very helpful. I find them limiting, in a sense. Everytime I tried to list anything, I ended up spending way too much time with the list, to make it complete enough, organized enough, good enough in general to rely on them.
screw what everyone else thinks!
Do you like how you look?
If not, then thats why you should quit letting people put their impossible standards in your head. not the most lovely thing on earth..but I think i look pretty nice..and if people say otherwise..thats their loss.. smile.gif
-The Duchess-
Forget everyone else, you won't always be surrounded by them... Everyone's idea of beauty is different. There will always be people that think you're ugly BUT that also means that there will always be an equal amount of people who think you're pretty. Take Wayne Rooney, a lot of people call him ugly but he has Coleen obviously she doesn't think he's that hideous.

As long as you're happy with you that's all that matters and if you're happy with you, other people will be too.
Silver Star Angel of Da Towers
I'm going to be honest. Of course people are going to judge you based on your appearance. But there's a trick.

If you appear confident, then people will be eager to talk to you and then they'll see how fantastic you are on the inside. For example, instead of wearing an old, crusty sweatshirt to school, get a good fitting long sleeved shirt. Wear your favorite jeans and some nice shoes. Then, stand up straight and look dignified.

In class, if the teacher asks a question, ANSWER IT. Even if you're unsure, take a chance. If you participate in class discussions, people will notice you and want to talk to you more.

Me, I'm certainly not the sexiest female on Earth, but each day I do my best to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I'd definitely agree that having confidence in yourself is the key (even if you're just pretending to start off with). There's a funny thing about psyhiology: if you smile, your brain releases chemicals that make you happier. I'm not saying that you should go around hiding the way you feel, but try to deliberately use more positive and confident body language and you'll feel more confident inside - this worked for me when I was a teenager.

I'm not so sure about the idea of changing the way you dress to a different style. It can help, but if you're a person who feels good in baggy clothes (or whatever style) then just get the best outfits for you and totally rock them. Looking tidy works for some people, but on others it just seems weird, so experiment and find something that makes you feel good.
QUOTE (Mata @ Jul 4 2007, 12:51 PM) *
I'm not so sure about the idea of changing the way you dress to a different style. It can help, but if you're a person who feels good in baggy clothes (or whatever style) then just get the best outfits for you and totally rock them.

Last night, I went to my mom's boyfriend's house with her to sleep over, and he has a daughter a few months younger than me. We're total opposites, but pretty much totally get along, as long as it doesn't come to clothes or music. Her friend Jesse asked if she could sleep over, and her dad says yes. So after sitting there doing nothing, they ask me if they can do my hair and stuff, put me into some of Sarah's clothes, and do a fashion so. HELL NO. Then they offer to pay me. Heh. So we do all this stupid make-uppy stuff, they do my hair, put me into this pink shirt, jeans, and high heels. "Okay, go look in the mirror, you look really pretty" ... Dude, I looked freaking stupid. They give me $10 (Jesse still owes me 10, btw) and send me out. My mom and Roger are sitting in the living room, and Sarah and Jesse introduce me, blah blah. "OMG, you look so pretty, omg, omg.. blah blah" I'm like, no, I don't. I look like a moron. I go back into Sarah's room, take a shower to wash all this glittery stuff off, and change back into my regular clothes. Eventually, we fall asleep.

The next morning, I'm driving home with my mom, and I go "Did I really look pretty last night?" Yes, you did. "I don't see how though.. those clothes and stuff looked so stupid." Honey, it doesn't matter, if you're comfortable in an inside out Ramones shirt, a pair of jeans, and some goofy hat, that's what you should wear. You still look pretty. "Whatever. And my shirt's not inside out" Yes it is.

Okay, the point wasn't to bore you to death with some story of what I did last last night, it's me telling you that people can dress you up however they want, and if you're not comfortable, you won't think it looks good, and won't wear it. So, it's exactly like what Mata said, but with a story of me dressing up and getting cash. Yay for $. biggrin.gif
QUOTE (Radaga @ Mar 27 2007, 02:41 AM) *
For what I´ve read, you seem to be very intelligent...This might pose a problem, because society, in general, tend to shun those of above average inteligence.

When the teachers asks a question, and you're one of the few people in the class who knows the answer, which you get correct, and then someone mutters 'Nerd!' You should always ignore that, (it happens to me sometimes), because if you think about it, the only reason someone would say that is because they aren't very smart, and they know that your smarter than them, so they try and turn it around by making it seem like a bad thing.
So in reality, someone calling a nerd is them just saying, "Hey! You're smart and I'm not!" So you can, in a way, take it as a bit of a compliment happy.gif
Being smart is nothing to be ashamed of, but it might mean that you're more prone to noticing the ups and downs of life. I could be wrong, but most people seem to troll along through their lives in a state of general oblivion. Who knows, maybe on their death beds they regret it, maybe they aren't aware of all the things that they've missed. People with brains and the will to use them (the latter is probably more important than the former) tend to notice the greatest and worst things in life. That's not always nice, but at least it's living.

On a side note, I don't think that being really smart is necessarily the most important factor. Just be curious about life and it gets a lot more interesting. Be curious about people and it becomes easier to make friends (nearly everyone likes people to be interested in them), be curious about the world and you get the best experiences, and be curious about learning and you will use your brain to its best abilities. The last point I think is really important: I consider myself to be averagely intelligent, but highly trained to use what I've got due to a bit of luck early in life and a huge amount of determination later in life. Curiosity is also a very attractive quality in people, but that's not something to worry about just yet.
A very long post so a medal to anyone that reads the whole thing!

This is going to be an odd post, because I wasn't thinking about this topic when I thought about this.. but it fits well. I'll attempt to make what I am about to say understandable because it's a fairly odd way I look at myself and other people.

I always think of self esteem and self confidence as two seperate things. Self confidence is like a long term thing that changes fairly slowly. It's how you feel about yourself generally if you're being 100% honest with yourself. Other people can only indirectly effect it by making you believe what they say, if you ignore them, your self confidence is safe. But same is also true of the opposite, sometimes when your confidence is low, not even friends encouragement can reach a person.

Then there's self esteem.. it's a lot more short term, and far more flimsy. It's up and down from one hour to the next in some people and for others it's eternally high or forever low. It effects people's belief in themselves and their ability to get something done or have something happen for them. It's way more easily manipulated by people around in a lot of people. Subtle comments, off hand remarks, everything seem to just get absorbed by your ego and mess with your self esteem both positively an negatively.

Now they're similar and linked but in my mind they're seperate. If your confidence is low and your self esteem's feeling high then you get in that state where you're feeling hyper vunerable to people's comments even though you're functioning well it's a hard thing to spot because you seem fine and it's only secretly that you feel not so great about yourself. Even if your better judgement knows for 100% sure that what someone else is saying is a load of nonsense it doesn't seem to matter you still take it onboard. It's like any old person off the street could walk up to you and say what they think about you, and it would effect how you felt.

Then there's the opposite, high confidence and low self esteem. It's that time life's ok, but you've had a really crappy day/week/month. That's a little better because you're less likely to think there's anything inherently wrong with yourself for all the crappy things going wrong, but you're still likely going to feel horrible about the unfairness and feel a little trapped by how things are going.

Reason I think it's interesting to look at it that way is because depending on what's going on in your head chooses how to help yourself out of it. If it's just recently self esteem's been low then you probably already realise that anyone making you feel bad is talking nonsense and shouldn't be bothering you, it's just getting to you more so lately because you're not feeling on top of your game.

If that's the case then I'd say just do something to cheer yourself up, once your moods better you'll be in a better shape to ignore and laugh off the comments

If your confidence is feeling a little low though then chances are you partially believe what they say or how they make you feel, and are justifying your belief with statements like "I'm not blind I understand the way world works". Which is kind of hard to just dismiss when you have it etched into your brain.

If your confidence low it is the case it's harder.. I know I had it strong when I was younger. It's about changing your perspective. You're thinking in a certain way, and when you look around you can see justifications for it everywhere like,
"If I look fine then why is it that the more different people look than me, the more the way they are approved".

It's about changing perspective I guess. Looking at everything about yourself in a different way. There's no right or wrong way to do it. You could try thinking something like "I'm going to assume I look amazing today" and then justify it. I think you'll be suprised that you suddenly can when you start from the assumption that you do look amazing rather than the assumption that it's an uncertain thing. Sounds cheesy I suppose, but then most positive happy things often sound cheesy and uncool these days (woo.. I am sounding like an old man).

It's hard to change how you think of yourself really, you are you, so by all rights you know yourself better than anyone else. So by that logic if you believe something about yourself and someone else disagrees, you should know better than them right? It's a horrible logic really because it's so very rational, so it's hard to dispel.

*presses the rewind button in his own mind to back when he was Crazy's age*

If I were in your shoes I think the best I could do would be to imagine someone else that has different looks, and a different personality to yourself. Imagine that they're jealous of you (sounds superficial but keep reading), and then imagine why they think that. It's a great way of seeing your own strengths and character when low confidence causes you to lose sight of them. It helps me a lot when I feel myself starting to waver, or maybe there's another way you can suddenly find all these things about yourself (both physically and mentally) that you hadn't really understood or considered before. I still do to this day even though I feel confident about myself.

The annoying irony is that when you discover your reasons for feeling good about who you are, the moment you look back at yourself before you did. You feel silly that you ever felt that way! And to make matters worse you will come across as one of those cheesy people that say things like "it's not what outside that matters it's what inside". The statements may have some truth, but I can guarentee few people will actually listen to it. Oh well!

Anyways that was a very confusing post to write.. so I imagine it was even more difficult to understand so infact 3 medals to anyone that reads the whole thing and understands it!

PS. If all else fails, have ice cream. If there were only more ice cream shared out across the world world peace would be declared tomorrow.

PPS. People that don't like ice cream share 99.999999% of their personality profile with Adolf Hitler! (complete fact).
I deserve medals! And icecream.
{Gothic Angel}
Joining MZ is usually a pretty good way to boost your self esteem. Within 6 months and one meet, you'll reach the stage where you're walking through London wearing a floor length leather trenchcoat with a crazy neon-clad lady of colour and a scary woman in a tea dress and velvet jacket, singing musical songs with a petite schoolteacher, and not giving a flying f**k what anyone else thinks of how you look wink.gif

I could add more to this, but I'd just be repeating what everyone else said. Confidence comes with age as well (she says, with her wordly wisdom of 19 years). Sooner or later, you look at everyone else in the world and realise that when you're staring at them, *you're* not thinking they look terrible, so why would they think that about you?
Hey! I'll have you know I was wearing a skirt and army boots! (I left the dress at home wink.gif).

And who's scary? *grins*
Jen is right, though. Matazonians are an awesome confidence boost. You just have to simply look at them in their floor length leather jackets and feel better about yourself biggrin.gif

In all seriousness, this place is an excellent mode of meeting awesome people who are so sage and wise that you can't help wondering how they got to be so.
I'm not sure that without Matazone, I would have met the Mharis or the Montys or the Daves of the world.
{Gothic Angel}
And the Jens! biggrin.gif
biggrin.gif I'm glad I've built a little refuge that encourages people to find out who they are inside. That was the reason I started these forums, and it's the reason I'm so protective of them.

Witless makes a good point about the difference between external and internal confidence (self esteem v.s self confidence, in my reading of things). Personally I think that you can chose to behave certain ways externally and these have an impact on your internal self. Technically it's supposed to happen the other way around, but it's too easy to get dragged into just doing the same thing over and over again that way. It takes will power, but I sincerely believe that changing your behaviour externally can change your internal thought processes.
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