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MisterJ
Well, about a year ago, if you asked me, I would surely tell you that I was straight, no questions asked. But now though, over time, it has become apparent that I like guys. I still think girls are hot, but over the last few months, I have surprised myself. Starting a while ago, i would sometimes randomly have a faint homosexual fantasy, but immediately dismiss it. As I started to think more about everything, I started to change more. I would eventually get to the point where I wouldn't mind thinking about men every now and then. Over the past few months, I have accepted the way I am and I don't really have any problems with it. Currently, I seem to have a small crush on one of my closest friends. As for him, I am actually confused, because I'm pretty sure he seems straight, but there is a really small likelihood that he has similar feeling towards me. I say this because of his actions sometimes. Like when we joke around, just his persistence and expression make me think that maybe it isn't really a joke to him. Well, I guess that's what I would hope for anyway.
I just really needed to put this out somewhere, because I haven't been able to tell anyone, including my family.
I do have a close friend, that I would have a small chance of opening up to, but he lives halfway across the country and I just feel that if I tell him, it'll just be too hard to face him in reality when he visits. And that I may lose him as a friend due to awkwardness.
As time passes, I really don't know what my future will hold. It could be something that will just phase out, but again, it could be real. It sure as hell feels real. And I'm happy with it I guess.

I just wanted to get some relief by telling a group of people that I feel I can trust. As for my friends, I really do hope to tell them eventually. Any comments will be appreciated. smile.gif
Roadkillgerbil
Ok, well it doesn't seem to me that you're really asking for advice, more just a chat (please correct me if I'm wrong). This is a Good Thing 'cos I really should never give out relationship advice.

I'm bi and also have no problem with this. While I was growing up, people would occassionally discuss the issue and I would never say that I was gay, straight or bi. As far as I was concerned, I would sleep with anyone I found sexually attractive. Their gender didn't actually matter. The fact that, at that point, I'd never found a woman attractive was irrelevant.

Because of that, I never really had the whole 'coming out' thing. My mother was a little surprised when I introduced what she had assumed was my new housemate as my girlfriend, but it was never a big deal. I think I was lucky with that. Now, I barely think about it. I was talking to my new boss 3 weeks or so after getting my current boss and the conversation went around to being late. I mentioned that my ex-girlfriend always made us late. He hadn't known I was bi but, because it just came up in conversation, rather than me 'coming out' to him, there was no issue or surprise really.

Even it does phase in and out, that doesn't mean it's not real. Sometimes I really miss having a woman I'm close to (I don't currently have a girlfriend) but I can go months without seeing a woman I'm attracted to (as in interested in, rather than just finding them aesthetically pleasing).

At the end of the day, crushes are fun. I really love that feeling. If I were you, I'd just be enjoying this. Then again, I am aware it's a lot more socially acceptable for women to be homosexual or bi than it is for women.
MisterJ
Yeah, you are right, not really looking for advice so much, but just would like to here what others have to say, and also just to be able to tell someone.

Anyway, thanks for for your response! smile.gif
Pikasyuu
I think you should take the plunge and tell some of your closest friends, or the people that live near you that you hold dear. You don't need to hold up a bisexual/gay banner, but if you lose a friend due to their opinion of your sexual orientation, what kind of friend were they in the first place? This is a rip the bandage off thing. It's so scary leading up to it, and you may feel so ridiculously nervous and self conscious, but in the best scenario, they will love you just as much as they always have and see you no differently.

I had very little trouble coming out to friends and family. I would usually just say casually, "I'm bisexual", and I'd get weird looks and things like that, but eventually people began to accept that that was who I was and nothing at all had actually changed about me - I was open to dating women as well as men, what's the huge deal? If people think about it in the right way, someone going through a struggle with their sexual orientation needs nothing but support and encouragement that they aren't becoming a different person in the eyes of the people they want respect and friendship from the most. It certainly doesn't change their lives one way or another, unless you want to pursue a relationship. If you do, and they don't know about it at all, I'd suggest simply explaining your orientation before dropping the "Ilikeyou" bomb. Being told your friend is gay/bi and that they have an attraction to you all in one day can be overwhelming. Just take it slow and remember, you are you, you will always be you. You are not GAY or BISEXUAL, you are JeddyB, and you have blahblah hair color and you are blahblah tall, and you are gay/bisexual. It doesn't define who you are, it's just a detail.

*massive hugs* Good luck!
Roadkillgerbil
QUOTE (syuu @ May 9 2008, 07:10 AM) *
You are not GAY or BISEXUAL, you are JeddyB, and you have blahblah hair color and you are blahblah tall, and you are gay/bisexual. It doesn't define who you are, it's just a detail.


Well said! I wish more people approached it like this. For many, it becomes a defining feature. It must be thrust in the face of those around them at all times, regardless of how appropriate the setting. I don't talk about how I have sex with men at the dinner table with my parents. Why should I talk about sex with women?

Though, imagining my grandparents' faces if I did that at their place does make it almost worth doing. laugh.gif
freedom
well i was the same for years i said i was straight but after my son died i decided to sort my life out for good and get my self happy and in a place i felt i fitted

i have always had thorts of women but hid it ignored it and wouldn't act on it so i thort about how i felt and eventual found a woman that i got on with i spent 3 years with her it wasn't a good realationship but that isn't the point here i knew from that day onwards that i was BI

i am happy with who i am and my friends excepted it as well at that time i lived in a tiny village with 30 houses in the middle of wales and i thort i would be out cast from my home but i wasn't they were brill they asked questions as people do but cos i had sorted it out and i knew for sure they were brill

over here it isn't that gay friendly had the normal bull that goes with it but it didn't really bother me for once i felt complete and even thou i am with a man now who knows i am BI i am still happy and it is all done to my little boy who died with out that happening i think i would have carried on unhappy and never feeling i fitted anywhere in life

keep your chin up there is nothing wrong with how you feel and eventually you will tell friends and family be prepare for questions they will ask as they only care and will won't to know you aren't just doing it or have been pressured into it

parents will sometimes find it hard to hear this so give them time don't except too much too soon give them time and all will come clear in the end
MisterJ
Thank you all very much for your support.
I do know, thanks to you, feel really inspired. It made me think, so what if I told him I'm not straight? (the crush thing can hold off for now :b ) The more I think about it, I don't really think that it will be that bad. In fact it would be great. Well, it isn't going to happen tomorrow, but I'm now quite positive it is going to happen eventually. I think that over the semester holidays would probably be good. I can just sorta talk to him about it and discuss it and everything.
Thanks again.
I_am_the_best
(Sorry if this goes against what people have said and makes you confused... but it's just a thought.)

Are you sure it's not just a 'phase'? If you tell you friends and family 'I'm bi', then next year you decide it was just a teenage experimentation thing it might be a little awkward. That said, I reckon everyone's a little bit bi inside, so good luck with your friend.
elphaba2
QUOTE (I_am_the_best @ May 9 2008, 12:20 PM) *
(Sorry if this goes against what people have said and makes you confused... but it's just a thought.)

Are you sure it's not just a 'phase'? If you tell you friends and family 'I'm bi', then next year you decide it was just a teenage experimentation thing it might be a little awkward. That said, I reckon everyone's a little bit bi inside, so good luck with your friend.

I was sort of thinking the same thing. I have a couple friends (ladies) who jokingly flirt with other ladies (inc. me) and on occasion I've thought about the idea. Usually I realize that I'm not sexually attracted to them. Those "confusing" thoughts are usually admiration, a desire to emulate, etc--but in confusing zones of friendship, as in "Well jesus, you have an amazing rack." That's me, though, so I have no idea what your brain situation is. I think the concern that IATB mentioned is like not wanting to be like the boy at my school who came out as "bi-curious" on some Wednesday or another, and then a month-and-a-half later as gay, and then back to straight come winter. Sexuality is a pretty weighty thing when it comes to coming out, so I don't think you necessarilly have to tell all your friends and family the minute you start having a thought or two about los hombres. Have a hint here and there that you're open to the idea, maybe, but no need for a ticker tape parade and a triumphant burst from the closet, methinks.
MisterJ
Yeah, you're right. Besides even if I do work up the courage to tell my friend over the semester holidays, that's like a quarter of a year away, so I think I'll have plenty of time to think about it and everything. And besides, it's comfy in here with all the old clothes and whatnot. :b .
I don't really feel like I'm just going through a phase, but it's best to be safe. smile.gif
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