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leopold
Okay, so last summer we had a truly dreadful bout of weather, spanning from mid-May right through till August. Which coincided with Rihanna having one of the longest stays at number 1 in the UK charts in history (not just for her, but throughout history) with her song "Umbrella".

Now it could just be coincidence, but the week she got to number 1 was the week it started raining. And it stopped the week she dropped off the top spot. Three months of rain! Gah, what a washout that was.

On the radio this morning I heard her new single, which includes the words "rain" and "sprinklers" which is more than enough for me to seriously consider getting together a posse to prevent her single getting to the top of the charts and thus allowing me the luxury of being able to use my garden and not just watch it get ridiculously waterlogged.

So, are we gonna do this or whut?
gothictheysay
OMG IT'S THE LEGENDARY LEOPOLD

wow
Industrial Kybosh
I think that the sheer irritating awfulness of that bleeding song is reason enough to wad the woman's mouth up with cotton wool and lock her in the basement. Who really thought that 'umbrella-ella-ella-ay-ay' was anything approaching a decent chorus? Feh...
Daria
I've not actually heard the song >_> (Umbrella or her new one)

I lived in a bubble of Brixton magic last summer. No radio- only CDs. It was awesome, and sounded like Eagles Of Death Metal, Radio 4's Gotham! and DFA 1979.
Considering we had 2" of hail on July 3rd, I think she should be disposed of. In the dryest way possible.
dancing hamster guy
Have you heard it?! I don't think we have to worry about it getting to number 1...
Mata
Judging by the rubbish that ends up selling in huge amounts every week, I suspect that there is no such thing as a song too awful to hit the charts.

Then again, I think I too also managed to completely avoid that song, principally by working ridiculous hours every day and being so permanently fixed to my iRiver that I now have a space in my torso where I can slot it in and it recharges if I bounce up and down. My music last summer was mostly semi-obscure Dark Wave tracks from Germany by bands with names like Blutengel.
Pikasyuu
Maybe she is some kind of epic weather-witch.

I dunno, Rhianna's music seems to be a lot of hit and miss - even as far as the charts go. Also, Mata, does that mean that if we ever meet and my mp3 player dies, I can just use you to charge it?
Industrial Kybosh
QUOTE (syuu @ May 15 2008, 04:13 PM) *
Also, Mata, does that mean that if we ever meet and my mp3 player dies, I can just use you to charge it?


Only if you can keep him bouncing.

...

I'm sure you'd try and find a way.

I couldn't avoid 'Umbrella', as I was working for Vodafone at the time, and the office always had Radio 1 on. I almost fell in love with Jo Whiley, as she was the only DJ who put on anything remotely interesting - and she's hardly brilliant.

So glad it's just me and the Zen nowadays...

/me schnuggles against keyboard and drifts off to Broadcast...
leopold
QUOTE (dancing hamster guy @ May 15 2008, 01:05 PM) *
Have you heard it?! I don't think we have to worry about it getting to number 1...

Yes, I've heard it all right, and normally I'd agree with you. But we already had that godawful Basshunter track get to number 1 this year and frankly if that turgid dog's egg of a tune can hit that spot then anything can. In comparison, this song is like being caressed by a warm and gentle summer breeze whilst you sit sipping on a cold beer. Instead of working.

Anyway, I'm taking no chances. Rihanna needs to be taken out before she does any more damage. And if we can include Basshunter in there in some way, so much the better.
CrazyFooIAintGettinOnNoPlane
somehow I don't think I've heard this song either (except for just now when I looked it up on youtube out of curiosity) but my friend insists I must have heard it many many times since last summer I had to endure the radio for several weeks while I was working... huh.gif

so yeah.. the umbrella song is so bad it gave me amnesia!
CommieBastard
I rather liked Umbrella, but I've been informed that this is because I don't listen to the radio, and thus heard it once and only once. Nodded along, thought 'this is pretty good', never heard it again. Good times.
elphaba2
Yeah, I heard it once, in pretty awesome conditions (at a party in Ghana dancing for hours with a cute boy and lots of friends). I thought it was pretty good, and then promptly forgot about it, only to return stateside and hear people hating all over it.

If she's a weather witch though? Off with her head.
leopold
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ May 15 2008, 05:53 PM) *
I rather liked Umbrella, but I've been informed that this is because I don't listen to the radio, and thus heard it once and only once. Nodded along, thought 'this is pretty good', never heard it again. Good times.

ohmy.gif

Dude! I thought you had taste! How on earth could you think a chorus going "Umbrella, ella, ella, ey, ey, ey" could be anything but dross?

Blimey. I'm Gobsmacked. It's like when we found out Rock Hudson was gay all over again...
gothictheysay
Can we get rid of Fergie too? I don't think what she does should be considered singing. I *think* I know what this song is but I'd rather not thing about it hard enough to actually remember it. I don't think I had any idea what she was saying, and wouldn't have guessed "umbrella" of all things.
hinsley
heres the song on youtube....

CAUTION!!! DO NOT CLICK ON THIS IF YOU HAVE EARS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8Az0qxQMxM
Oni Usagi
Yeah that song is bad. Sooooo boring. I'm inclined to agree that you should boycott.

On the other hand.


*wanders off to listen to Break it Off cause you reminded me of it.*
leopold
Okay, now Hins has put up the link to the vid on YouTube and Oni has given us his official seal of approval (almost) so now there's no excuse.

Ban Rihanna!

Now all we need is a banner. A Ban Rihanna Banner biggrin.gif
froggle-rock
Maybe she'll get sponsorship by a sprinkler company this year, and not an umbrella one.

Hi leopold, you're like the infamous uncle who went off traveling before I was born and so never knew, but often heard about. happy.gif Wibbs.
leopold
Infamous? Why? What did I do?? huh.gif

Meh, better infamous than forgotten, I suppose. Anyway, hello there funked out frog. Now you've met me, you can bask in my infamy and tell your grandchildren one day that I addressed you personally.

I could get used to this reverence biggrin.gif

But, dear frog... what an absolute mint find that link is! One more reason to ban Rihanna, were more reasons needed.
hinsley
OMG really what is with that?! and who would buy one?!?! one of those is $50!!!!!!!! WHY?



Leo, no one could forget you!!!
leopold
Oh, good Jesus, have you seen the blurb on these things?

QUOTE
New umbrella styles and designs carefully chosen by Rihanna, the multi-talented artist whose hit song, UMBRELLA, has captivated audiences worldwide.


laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

I can really see Rihanna there, choosing brollys. "I really like this umbrella, ella, ella, ey, ey, ey, and I really like this umbrella, ella, ella, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey."

But why in the name of all things sacred would we need a brolly that opens and closes at the push of a button? Is it really so hard to operate one?
hinsley
QUOTE (leopold @ May 20 2008, 11:13 AM) *
But why in the name of all things sacred would we need a brolly that opens and closes at the push of a button? Is it really so hard to operate one?



Isnt it obvious? She needs to open her umbrella (ella, ay, ay) very quickly when it rains cause she is actually a robot sent to ruin our summers and jsut generally annoy us all.
leopold
But, if she's a robot designed to cause our summer to be rubbish then surely she'd have been made to be waterproof? Or at least water resistant. Didn't she get wet in the video?

Mind, the robot theory would certainly explain why she's silver when naked...



Now if she showed up in the Wizard of Oz, I'm sure Tin Man might just forget why he was following the yellow brick road.

Tin Man: Uh oh, I'm stiffening up again.
Dorothy: Oh no! Do you need some oil?
Tin Man: No, Dorothy, I just need to be alone for a few minutes.
Lion: Don't worry, he'll be fine.
Dorothy: Do you really think so? Will he?
Scarecrow: Yeah, sure thing. I think that robot Rihanna has gotten to him.
Dorothy: Well, I think it's good that he can oil himself now.
-Lion and Scarecrow look on bemused
Dorothy: Well, that was the oil can in his pocket, wasn't it?

Oh great, now I've just broken the unspoken rule about inferred robotic onanism. Damn that Rihanna mad.gif
leopold
Oi, check it out! This is the official Ban Rihanna avatar!



I'm working on a banner as well. I did one in flash if you want to see it, but I can't use it in my siggy. Very annoying. So now it's going to be a static one, which is a bit of a pain in the bottom...

So yeah, show your appreciation for the cause! Just don't all go linking it cos it's running on my own personal, private, personal server at home and my connection speed is marginally slower than a tired snail going uphill.
hinsley
he he ilooked at your flash one, thought the sos was gonna mean spawn of satan lmfao! it dint... biggrin.gif

anyway no she's not waterproof and she doesnt understand that people are, so its her plan to destry us all!!! or at least get some money from her crazy umbrella scheme....

the video was a lie i tell you, A LIE!
leopold
Spawn of Satan... I hadn't thought of that one. Oh well, I've done the avatar now, what can I do?
mooooooooooopo
Witches are harder to burn when they can get rain on demand. sad.gif

Umbrella gets worse if you keep hearing it as 'Under my arm gorilla...illa...illa'. Just sharin' the pain. >_>
leopold
Underarm gorilla? Well, that's something that your average deodorant won't take care of... But tell me, does this gorilla do any drumming? You might be able to pacify it with a little Phil Collins.

Okay, this is all getting a bit weird now.

Remember: Save Our Summer! Ban Rihanna NOW!

ps. In case Rihanna's lawyers are reading, I don't want to ban her forever, just between the months of May and August.
leopold
So far nearly two thirds of all Matazonians polled believe that Rihanna should be banned. And that Whitney Houston is cheap like crack. Sounds like good numbers to me!

Anyway, I'm not gonna keep bumping this thread. You all know what you need to do.

BAN RIHANNA NOW!!!
ravein
I say beat her with a umbrella, then ban her.
mooooooooooopo
Is the Whitney vote there as a control sample? To prove that nobody is lying?
michael1384
Yes. Ban Rihanna, not because she's a whitch or a robot or even a robot whitch, but because all her songs are annoying.
leopold
Okay, I'm not supposed to be here, but it seems like some people aren't getting this one. We need this weather witch banning, and with immediate effect.

Last week the weather here was warm and pleasant. Not hugely sunny or hot, but nice for May. Then on Sunday, the day that it was announced that Rihanna had made number 1 in the charts, we had very strong winds.

Monday, more strong winds, which apparently were blowing big old rain clouds over.

Tuesday, strong winds and rain.

Today it's raining proper style. It's grey and overcast and cold. Like November.

How much more proof do we need?? Get that message out there!

Plus, she knocked the frankly excellent Ting Tings "That's Not My Name" off the top, so there's another reason to get her banned.
michael1384
Curse her!!! She's ruining 'summer'! mad.gif
Industrial Kybosh
QUOTE (leopold @ May 28 2008, 11:21 AM) *
Plus, she knocked the frankly excellent Ting Tings "That's Not My Name" off the top, so there's another reason to get her banned.


That was number one? Triffic! I love that song.

Damn Rihanna and all the stands for. Damn her eyes!
leopold
Yes, it was... the Singles Chart shows it as being there last week, and that godawful Rihanna at number 2, which probably explains why it was getting colder last week.

Anyway, not all bad, the Ting Tings album is on the top slot and it's a belter! I've practically had it on repeat play since I got it. I think I said it before elsewhere, the singles aren't the best songs on the album.

Oh, back on topic, the sun has actually managed to creep through today, it's warming up and it's stopped raining. The banning thing seems to be working!

Keep banning, people!
hinsley
*bans.... alot*

hopefully it will be sunny for you tomorrow!!! how many bans does it take to make it sunny?

i actually posted the other day here but its strangly gone missing..... how very odd!

ya know, im jsut gonna say it here due to not wanting to spam anywhere else (not sayin i WANT to spam your thread, but, well..... i am)

i magically got to the bo selecta thread earlier and i was soooooo tempted to bump it. do you know how much restraint it took not to!?!?! omg.....

so yeah anyway.... ban her!!! its much too cold and the thunder scares my dog...

if you wont ban her for us, ban her for my dog!!!!!!!
leopold
Spoke too soon... it rained again last night and today is all overcast. Gah!

Hins, in answer to your question, we need lots of bannage in perpetuity throughout the universe. Or until September. We don't need that miserable Rihanna on top for another week. My ears couldn't stand it.
leopold
We need to keep the banning up, people! She's still at number 1 and the weather, whilst dry right now, is not exactly sunshiney and lovely. Plus on Sunday it rained like, erm... Well, I can't think of an appropriate metaphor, but rest assured it rained a lot. Enough to postpone washing the car, re-varnishing the garden furniture and mowing the lawn. Enough to warrant a houseful of bored kids trashing the place. Enough to prevent me taking a walk and getting some much needed exercise.

Come on, let everyone know that there are better records to buy. Such as the Ting Tings (at number 2) or Duffy (number 3) which are not only nicer on the old lug holes but will actually improve your life immeasurably!*



*Not guaranteed.
leopold
It started raining at approximately 23:00 (BST) last night and it's not stopped.

BAN! BAN!! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!
Industrial Kybosh
A change of tactic may be required. Instead of focussing on banning Rihanna, how about bringing back some classic summer tunes?

I've begun my attack with a spin of The Thrills' 'Big Sur', and will listen to some Supergrass later. We will reverse this trend...
leopold
Sounds like a plan, old bean!

Okay, so I've got Mungo Jerry "In The Summertime". Which unfortunately appears to advocate drink-driving. Hmmm...

Oh, the Isley Brothers "Summer Breeze", now that's a nice tune.

And Will Smith "Summertime". Cheesy, but it does the job. I heard it in the radio whilst driving a few weeks ago and the sun came out. Not bad for early April.

And of course the Eurovision song from years past, Katrina And The Waves "Walking On Sunshine".

Okay, so there's nothing especially esoteric in my list, but who says the sun listens to independent labels??
Raven-Mad
Don't ban Rihanna.... Her tunes are catchy!!!! I enjoy listening to her....
leopold
You think "Take A Bow" is catchy?? You must be raving mad!


Oh, wait, you are...


Anyways, I just don't want her to be number one this summer, I'd like some sunshine and dryness and bees and, ooh, all that stuff that goes with a nice summer. Although I'd happily forego the wasps.
Raven-Mad
If you forgo the bees as well, i'll join the ban as i hate chasing the massive buggers from the office as the MEN are all to scared to do it.....

don't stop the music was the catchy one... take a bow is a bit slow (forgot she sang out take a bow)
leopold
Ban bees? Are you raving mad?? Oh, wait, I've done that one already...

If you're chasing massive bees then they are either bumble bees, which aren't aggressive, or you have killer bees, which you're probably best leaving alone. We can ban killer bees. I can put in a request with the Bee Council to ask them to stop flying into your office. Or you can just tell those weak men in your office to grow a spine, it's only a bee for flips sake!!

Don't Stop The Music - I liked that one, and I didn't mind it getting to number one at the time because it was February / March and I sort of expect it to rain then.
Raven-Mad
QUOTE (leopold @ Jun 3 2008, 12:25 PM) *
Ban bees? Are you raving mad?? Oh, wait, I've done that one already...

If you're chasing massive bees then they are either bumble bees, which aren't aggressive, or you have killer bees, which you're probably best leaving alone. We can ban killer bees. I can put in a request with the Bee Council to ask them to stop flying into your office. Or you can just tell those weak men in your office to grow a spine, it's only a bee for flips sake!!


But these bees are massive.... the size of my big toe..... I have to pounce on them with a glass and use a folder to get them upstairs and out the door.... All the blokes run in the other direction..... I don't bees ever since one sat in my mouth when i was 5 and would not move....
Mata
Why did you have your mouth open for bees to land in it?

Yep, the huge bees are bumble bees. They die if they sting you, so they're not nearly as keen to do it as wasps (the chavs of the insect world).

It's easy to spot the killer bees. They have tiny viking helmets and axes. Also, instead of buzzing they sing drinking songs and pillaging.
Raven-Mad
i think i was screaming at my cousin and one popped in to visit!! Like a bumble bee holiday....
leopold
According to this bumble bee source, bumble bees don't actually die if they sting, it's only honey bees have that problem. But they're still pretty placid creatures and take some serious aggravation to wind them up.

Raven, how are these bees getting into your office in the first place? Is there some sort of plant that attracts them? Is there a nest nearby? Is a window being left open?

Oh dear, now this thread appears to have been derailed as well...
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