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Pikasyuu
Communication problem between you and your significant other? She says it's all 'fine', and you don't know what 'fine' means? You've come to the right (or very wrong) place!

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a sex/marriage counselor. Now I can live out my dream here. So come one, come all, and I'll try to solve your romance issues!*


*not guaranteed to work 100% >_>
LoLo
I like have this imaginary relationship with this like guy who like barely knows I exist, but in my head we're all hot and heavy. How do I get my freak on out of my imagination and stuff? biggrin.gif
Pikasyuu
By sneaking up behind the actual guy and giving him a hard, quick slap on the rear. I assure you, he will know you exist.

And maybe after that, you can be hot and heavy outside of your imagination! You'd be surprised how many men like spankings.
Novander
Same question, but with the genders reversed.
LoLo
QUOTE (Novander @ May 18 2008, 01:39 PM) *
Same question, but with the genders reversed.


Women like being spanked too. dry.gif >_>
Novander
yet a lot fewer sexual harassment cases start with a girl spanking a guy.
Pikasyuu
You are on the right track, though, a lot of women are very drawn to the aggressive approach in males. If you are a male, (and completely offended by the sexism of the frequency of sexual harassment suits) and you plan on using the patented spanking method, make sure there is a crowd of other, similar looking men for you to run into if it all goes sour. If not, success! You've found yourself a spanking lover and you will probably live happily ever after.

But, if you want to go for a more toned down approach, you could always leer at her from afar and spank your own bottom.
leopold
QUOTE (syuu @ May 18 2008, 10:37 PM) *
But, if you want to go for a more toned down approach, you could always leer at her from afar and spank your own bottom.

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

/me falls off chair

And I guess the sight of some bloke leering and indulging in a little self flagellation is bound to draw the attention of your lady of choice. And quite possibly the local constabulary...
Pikasyuu
It is! And should you be arrested for sexual harassment in any way, shape, or form, there's bound to be a female officer among them that you could show your teeth to and wink at. My personal favorite move for any young man trying to pick up a lady of the law is to lick his index and thumb and circle his nipple in the most lewd way possible. It's a guaranteed ice breaker - you'll be on your way to your first romantic outing before you know it!

That, and it's a wonderful story for the many, many babies you'll inevitably have.
leopold
Hmmm, you clearly haven't seen the female officers where I live. With the overwhelming possibility of getting battered by tooled up and drunk teenagers, the average female officer tends to be a bit, erm... how can I put this politely? No, it's not possible without using the words "manatee", "largesse" or "beard". If you've seen The Fifth Element, think Sergeant Iceborg (played by Julie T Wallace) and you're in the ballpark. She'd be the cute one.

Anyway, Syuu, how come you're not doing it for real? It's not too late, you know.
Pikasyuu
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA. jsahgdjadhd. Leo, you crack me up sometimes.

Anyway, because, I don't like officer ladies. Schoolgirl ladies are more up my alley, yanno?

edit: as a note, I was going to alter your custom status to say 'syuu is the mod', but I can't! Blast! Thwarted again!
leopold
QUOTE (syuu @ May 19 2008, 10:34 AM) *
Schoolgirl ladies are more up my alley, yanno?

Erm, are you allowed to say that here? Now I've got that image in my head, and it's not helping that I've got Orgasm Addict playing either.

Ah, and you'll never be able to pwn my status because I AM THE MOD tongue.gif
Pikasyuu
I think so..it's perfectly normal, and this is daft.

Phaw, we should have a banhammer battle. It would be epic. Skimpy suits and huge hammers and a screaming audience - is there anything better?
leopold
If I were stood opposite you in a skimpy suit, I wouldn't need the banhammer, the sight of me in a skimpy suit would send you running for the hills!

And anyway, I think my banhammer is in the garage somewhere.
Pikasyuu
It so would not - it may immobilize me from the sheer power of your modliness, but I certainly wouldn't run!

You'd better get it out of the garage, or what else will you be armed with?

On topic: Uhh, movies make great date spots! Yeah!
Mutilation
What's the best way of getting him on his own without him feeling threatened?

The toilet doesn't seem like the best idea.
Pikasyuu
Some kind of hidden rope sitting in a large patch of grass attached to a tree branch usually works. Once he steps onto the rope, his ankle will become ensnared and he will be flung, helpless, into the air. Most men find this romantic, as it is a wonderful take on the direct approach - and he can't feel threatened until the rope actually catches!

If you aren't this creative, a basement usually works. Be sure to write 'You are safe' and 'I love you!' on the walls in some kind of dark red or brown marker.
froggle-rock
What to do when you start feeling broody and the other half goes for defcon 1 at the mention of it all?
Pikasyuu
In that instance, you have a serious communication problem. Your partner needs to be able to listen to you if you're feeling upset. I'm not saying break up with them, but explain to them that these are important feelings/thoughts you have and that you aren't a nuclear reactor just because you're a little bit broody. Tell him the ideal way you'd like to be treated when you're feeling like that (for example: when I'm upset/emo/whatever, I usually just need a hug and/or to be listened to) and show him how it's no cause for alarm or exploding brains.
Roadkillgerbil
Dear Syuu,

I have many relationship problems.

The first is that I just can't seem to find a nice girl to settle down with. My boyfriends don't understand that I really need the female bodies companionship and I get so lonely with just them. One boyfriend even has a wife but he just won't share! I can't understand how he is so selfish. sad.gif

This may be linked to my other problem. My partners keep telling me how unfeminine I am. I just can't seem to live up to their expectations of a 'proper' woman. I've never managed to break crockery during an argument, I don't get PMS and take less than 10 mins to get ready to go out. I've tried hiding in the bathroom pretending I'm still doing my make-up but I get so bored. They tell me they don't mind, but I can see in their eyes that they would prefer someone who is more feminine.

Finally, my new pulling gear hasn't been delivered yet.

I'm at the end of my teather (or washing basket). Please help.

Yours

Distressed Gerbil

Also, I may have been reading too many "Dear Miriam's" during my coffee breaks. smile.gif
Sir Psycho Sexy
Is it better to decide whether you actually like someone enough before, or after you've slept with the? Should alcohol be involved in the process at all?
Pikasyuu
Roadkill - It's hard to find people willing to share their significant others when monogamy is the typical dating style for a large majority. Have you tried the swingers scene? It also shouldn't matter that someone doesn't find you 'feminine' enough. Should you find someone you like and find worthy of your time in the dating-sense, you should demand nothing less than them loving you for who you are. There might be a lot of hit and miss, but eventually, you'll get a hit.

SPS - Before, and no. But getting drunk and exploring other people that way can be fun. Just be careful of the feelings of others.
Calantyr
Dear syuu,

How do I attract someone without deep-rooted psychological issues for a change?

Sincerely,

Cal.
Pikasyuu
Dear Cala,

You don't.
Best settle for someone with the mildest deep rooted psychological issue you can find. If you prepare for them some evil bread or a lot of vicodin, your time with them may be greatly enhanced and you'll be on your way to having babies in no time! S/he, on the other hand, may be on their way to catatonia. Better for you!
Calantyr
Dear syuu,

You replace Cal's long-term future happiness with sadness. Thankee!

Regards,

Cal

wink.gif
voices_in_my_head
Syuu,

How should one go about asking for a date, if the potential date-ee is extremely, extremely shy and quiet?

Also what is the ettiquete for telling one that you're interested in dating that "[their] mother, quite frankly, scares the living S**t out of [you]"?
( to put it in exact terms with my thought process)

with love,
Chelsey
Industrial Kybosh
QUOTE (syuu @ May 19 2008, 11:49 AM) *
If you aren't this creative, a basement usually works. Be sure to write 'You are safe' and 'I love you!' on the walls in some kind of dark red or brown marker.


Oh, now you're just stealing my best moves. Shame on you. Back in your basement with Morrissey...
Pikasyuu
QUOTE
Syuu,

How should one go about asking for a date, if the potential date-ee is extremely, extremely shy and quiet?

Also what is the ettiquete for telling one that you're interested in dating that "[their] mother, quite frankly, scares the living S**t out of [you]"?
( to put it in exact terms with my thought process)

with love,
Chelsey


When asking out someone who is very shy, you're best off going with the subtle yet romantic yet smile-producing route - slip them a letter, a trail of letters, hide the letters somewhere they'll stumble upon them, something like that. Be creative and cute.

Uh, you tell them [their] mother, quite frankly, scares the living s**t out of you. Honesty's the best policy, especially with crazy mothers. In all seriousness though, you're best off following that up explaining that you will still respect her and that she can't be all bad if she popped (boyfriend/girlfriend) out.

QUOTE
Oh, now you're just stealing my best moves. Shame on you. Back in your basement with Morrissey...


Zzz, anyone who gives advice without drawing from their own experiences is a sham. Morrissey said he was tired and wanted a shower. I left him to himself for a few.
Ashbless
Dear Dating Guru,

Is a week to short for a first date? Any ideas on what to do to liven up long drives through the Canadian countryside?

Yours,
2 weeks to holiday.
Pikasyuu
QUOTE
Dear Dating Guru,

Is a week to short for a first date? Any ideas on what to do to liven up long drives through the Canadian countryside?

Yours,
2 weeks to holiday.


Never. The length of the time slots in which a couple takes their steps is entirely up to that couple - not society. Do I think everyone is suited to be married within two weeks of meeting? No, but some very lucky couples do, and it works out for them. If one week is good for the two of you and you have reasons to back it up (even fluttery heart reasons!) then that's good enough for me.

Now, tips for livening up long drives:
- Road games (although families with young children do that)
- Kinky road games
- Good ol' conversation
- Music/discussion on what music you're listening to

Just whatever keeps the two of you interacting. I didn't include the sexual option because some people, err, well, it can end tragically.
If you're just driving by yourself, then enjoy your boredom. wink.gif
LoLo
QUOTE (syuu @ May 30 2008, 09:10 AM) *
QUOTE
Dear Dating Guru,

Is a week to short for a first date? Any ideas on what to do to liven up long drives through the Canadian countryside?

Yours,
2 weeks to holiday.


Never. The length of the time slots in which a couple takes their steps is entirely up to that couple - not society. Do I think everyone is suited to be married within two weeks of meeting? No, but some very lucky couples do, and it works out for them. If one week is good for the two of you and you have reasons to back it up (even fluttery heart reasons!) then that's good enough for me.

Now, tips for livening up long drives:
- Road games (although families with young children do that)
- Kinky road games
- Good ol' conversation
- Music/discussion on what music you're listening to

Just whatever keeps the two of you interacting. I didn't include the sexual option because some people, err, well, it can end tragically.
If you're just driving by yourself, then enjoy your boredom. wink.gif


CB Radio to talk to truckers....and if you are doing the sexual thing, perhaps on the side of the road if you don't want to crash.....it lets you know via the truckers if people are aware of why your vehicle is a rocking.
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
Dearest Aunt Syuu,

I am currently considering moving half way (it's more like all of the way - Norwich to Wolverhampton) across the country to be with my boyfriend of about 8 months. Is this wise considering that I am a veggie and he is an avid meat eater?

snoo
Industrial Kybosh
I'll field this one...

Love can transcend dietary preference. My wife is a veggie, like yourself, whereas I remain a lover of the meatier side of the menu. Furthermore, she can't stick spicy food, whereas I will happily munch on chillies, curries and the like.

My diet has altered since we started dating, largely because she is a teriffic cook and loves making food for other people, but I still eat meat.

This is entirely down to you as the veggie. Will you be happy with a carniverous other half? Will you be able to resist the urge to try and change him? If he's shown an interest in your vegetable-munching ways, then capitalise on it by all means, but don't expect him to put aside the steak overnight.

Relationships are always about compromise in the end - it's just a matter of knowing when the compromise is worth making, or when you're just too different to be compatible.
Daria
Ditto what InKy says. Wytu and I have happily lived together for 18 months- his favourite food is some kind of greasy chicken and my favourite foods are vegetarian wholefoods. We've come to an understanding that he won't eat chicken burgers and kebab every day, and I won't hide chickpeas in everything I cook. And hey- we'd only been going out three months before living together. You two will be awesome.
Phyllis
I think the bigger issue is this: will you be able to tell your parents that you're living with Paul if the two of you move in together? tongue.gif

I don't see the meat/veggie thing being a problem. You are the fussiest eater to ever fuss, so even if he was a vegetarian you'd probably still eat separate meals a lot of the time. I know that I would have to eat something other than snoo food if I lived with you. My tastebuds would get bored and long for spicy things!

If he tries to kiss you with gross meaty breath or something, just bludgeon him with a tin of chickpeas. If you put it into a sock it makes it a lot easier to swing...
Calantyr
Dear the Syuu,

I have started going out with someone who is the definition of perfect. However she also reads the Matazone forums.

Should I continue to ask for advice from time to time?

In consternation,

Cal
Faerieryn
Matazonians have the best advice!!!!!
Raven-Mad
Dear Cal,

I think you should keep asking questions, so i can tease you about them when i see you...... x
Calantyr
Dear Raven,

Somehow I knew I'd regret posting that.... tongue.gif

X
Mata
Dear Raven,

What embarassing details can you share about Cal? biggrin.gif
Industrial Kybosh
Dear Cal,

What embarassing details can you share about Raven?

Hey, I'm all for equality, me...
Novander
Dear Syuu

I recently asked a girl I like if she'd go for a drink with me. She seemed favourable then unsure then unfavourable and now I really have no idea what's going on or how anyone should feel about anything or whats my name and who are you people and what happened to my pants.

Anyway, my question is this: is time travel possible and if not, can I sue for emotional damages?
Pikasyuu
Novander,
Yes. As a woman, if you are emotionally slippery or tend to change your mind often, it is your responsibility to handle that and/or explain it to anyone who has to deal with that. I am such a person, and so, I have little sympathy for other women who give one answer, change their minds, etc etc. Sue her!
Raven-Mad
QUOTE (Mata @ Jun 6 2008, 01:26 PM) *
Dear Raven,

What embarassing details can you share about Cal? biggrin.gif



I don't kiss and tell!!
Industrial Kybosh
So there's been kissing... wink.gif
Raven-Mad
That is all i'm telling on!!!

Unless your willing to offer something good for the info!!
Novander
Dear Syuu

It seems things are starting to change. Wandering around outside a great many women seemed to be after me. Obviously quite drunk, as they were stumbling and moaning a lot, but still; I literally had to fight them off.

Yet I am not feeling attractive. It was quite clear these women cared nothing for my body and were only concerned with my brains.

So my question is this: I consider myself an intelligent person and naturally want a partner to recognise and appreciate this intelligence. Is it wrong that I-

Hold on; seems they followed me back here. I can hear them hammering at the door. brb - just got to go tell them I'm not interested.
Mata
Nov, I suggest trying to beat them off with a cricket bat. Chainsaws might work too, if they get very enthusiastic.
Pikasyuu
Nov,
They are zombies. Douse them in kerosene and throw on a match. You..haven't been back, though, so I can only assume they've already gotten you.

/me picks some brain from her teeth

Sigh.
Mata
Dear Syuu,

My palms never seem to produce dates. If there any good way of telling which seeds are the male and female of the genus before planting them?

Yours horticulturally,

Mata
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