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Pikasyuu
This thread might eventually turn into a literary work of art, what with the two of us bantering back and forth. It may go down in Matazone history as one of the most interesting, insightful, intelligent threads that any of us have ever seen - after all, what new thread, especially with that forumite's name in the title, isn't especially charged with potential?

But really, I just wanted to tell him his inbox was full.
You know how to delete those suckers, right?
Tarantio
Dear Inky,

I'm a mother of two, and my husband has just left me for another woman...

Oh, wait, that's not right...

*hopes this is in Daft*
LoLo
Dear Inky,

I met a girl today with a dog named Snow white princess mermaid.
Industrial Kybosh
o_O

You leave a computer for one solitary night, and suddenly you have your own damn thread. Thanks, sis. tongue.gif

My inbox should now have space, by the way. I've been keeping all my favourite old banter PMs, which pretty much makes it 50% old injokes that I can now barely comprehend, and 50% syuu-chat. I'll have to back those up someday...

Tara - One word of advice - 'threesome'. But not in front of the kids.

Lo - Quite an impressive moniker there, though i don't ever recall Snow White being a mermaid. Someone's getting their Disney in a mix. Was it a show dog? I'd be happier if it was a little mangey mutt, to be honest. They deserve overblown names to make up for the poor genetic hand they've been dealt.

On a dog note, my wife and I went to our old University stomping grounds in Bangor last weekend, and the only old friend we bumped into was a small dog called Ringo. He didn't remember us. Ignorant f@cker.
Phyllis
Dear InKy,

Approximately how many pigeons will fly out of your nose per minute if you have the pigeon flu?

Love,
Cand (who realizes that only those who were in Chester yesterday will fully appreciate this question, but is asking it anyway).
Industrial Kybosh
Don't dabble with the Chester pigeons, cand. They're a brutal bunch, not unlike the seagulls of Newquay. I've seen them team up and hunt down tourists with half-eaten sandwiches, attacking like a pack of grey, feathery, verminous raptors.

Not really. They're f@cking pigeons.

I think the answer to your question depends on the nature of the bird. Are these African or European pigeons?
Phyllis
I believe they are of the European variety, but a few of them seem to have been given growth hormones, if that makes a difference.
Industrial Kybosh
Pigeons of abiding hugeness, eh? A friend of mine started a collection of photos of large pigeons. He managed two. Says a lot about him, really.

I'll bet, with a good headwind, you could shift a good half dozen in one blow - the per minute rate depending entirely on your sneeze quantity. No accounting for feathers in the sinus afterward, though. Ugh - tickly and painful. Damn nose pigeons.
LoLo
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 6 2008, 12:45 AM) *
Lo - Quite an impressive moniker there, though i don't ever recall Snow White being a mermaid. Someone's getting their Disney in a mix. Was it a show dog? I'd be happier if it was a little mangey mutt, to be honest. They deserve overblown names to make up for the poor genetic hand they've been dealt.


It was a white chihuahua. So basically it's a small kind of funny looking yippy dog.
Industrial Kybosh
The name now seems appropriate for the boggly-eyed canine nutjob. I like those dogs. They amuse me, but I'd never like to own one. I don't like things in the house that make more noise than me. Other than my mad beefy hifi, of course. rawr...
Cath Sparrow
Dear Inky

I applogise for spamming your thread but I wanted to laugh at Cand's question. *proceeds with her rotflmao*
mooooooooooopo
Dear InKy,

When wandering around Chester with Cand and Cath and Spoon they plotted to throw me in the river to try and test this pigeon flu theory. Everyone knows that falling in the river Dee will give you the pigeon flu.

My question is: What is the best way to thwart a conspiracy to throw you in the river when outnumbered three to one?
Cath Sparrow
Dear Inky

I would like to point out that if moop hadn't mentioned the potions in his head and that his ear's were the pressure valve after the intial pigeon flu discussion the plotting would not have come about. So in sumary the plotting for the pushing of moops into the river Dee is actually all his own fault.
LoLo
Dear Inky,

How many is 29?
Industrial Kybosh
Seems much water- and fowl-based fun was had in Chester. I'm sorry I wasn't there to join in the plotting.

If Cath is correct, and you were indeed the architect of your own demise, moop, then my best suggestion would have been to seem very keen about the idea of taking a dip in the Dee. No sane person would want to enter those murky waters, so, having proven yourself to be several pigeons short of a full coop, the plotters three may be less inclined to be physically handling you - or, indeed, being within a three-mile radius of your plainlt-hatstand self.

The best way of proving yourself irretrievably insane in this instance, though, would be to launch youself into the Dee unaided, rendering the whole endeavour pointless. Hey, I never claimed my advice would be useful.

LoLo - as many as the much wood a woodchuck would chuck. If it could.
froggle-rock
Dear Inky,

What temperature is the interwebz? This question has been on my mind alot recently, and I'm stumped on how it would be measured, let alone going about measuring it.

Yours,

Curious Froggie
Industrial Kybosh
When you're about, froggie, considerably hotter. wink.gif

Interesting query. Does the internet have a temperature? Does it have a name? Opinions? Trousers? Does it have a weather system, and if it does, is Rihanna making it rain there too?

Maybe we should ask it one day. It does so much for us, and we don't as much so give it a Christmas card. Oh, how fickle we be.
Izzy
Dear Inky,

Why did the chicken *really* cross the road?
LoLo
Dear Inky and Syuu,

Do you like the fact that this thread has evolved from something other than letting Inky know that his inbox is full?
Tarantio
QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ Jul 8 2008, 12:31 PM) *
Dear Inky,

What temperature is the interwebz? This question has been on my mind alot recently, and I'm stumped on how it would be measured, let alone going about measuring it.

Yours,

Curious Froggie


Teh interwebs is H A W T. End of story. biggrin.gif
Pikasyuu
dear LoLo,
I knew it would happen.
LoLo
Dear Inky,

The bottom of my feet are an orangey brown color...I just thought I would share that.
Industrial Kybosh
Izzy - sadly, the true answer is lost to the mists of time. What we must now ask ourselves is, did the chicken truly cross the road? Which road, and who is this mysterious chicken? What could motivate common fowl to embark on a potentially dangerous cross-highway perambulation? I think you should ask Tara - he seems to be the chicken expert round these parts, judging by the Game forum.

LoLo - it's a fact of these forums that a thread will never stay as what it is, but metamorphose into what it was really supposed to be. Especially when syuu is involved. And thanks for sharing - I'm glad to hear that your career as a caramel-trampler is coming along nicely.

Tara - not a very scientific opinion, but probably true regardless. Hawtness is in abundance, especially when syuu is involved.
leopold
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 9 2008, 07:47 AM) *
Izzy - sadly, the true answer is lost to the mists of time. What we must now ask ourselves is, did the chicken truly cross the road? Which road, and who is this mysterious chicken? What could motivate common fowl to embark on a potentially dangerous cross-highway perambulation?

Actually, I can answer this one. It's a mistranslation from the original Hebrew. It's happened before; you know that bit in the bible about it being "easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle"? Well, apparently the word for "Camel" and the word for "Rope" are very similar, and the correct translation should've been "a rope passing through the eye of a needle".

Now you're wondering if I've simultaneously got religion and lost the plot all of a sudden, but bear with me.

Right, it also appears that the original zebra crossing was developed by the Jewish people many years ago. Once the designer finished, someone said, "You should call it a zebra crossing", to which the designer replied, "But why would a zebra cross the road?". This lead to a Jewish joke about zebras crossing roads and, ultimately, the scrapping of the idea of zebra crossings across the Middle East at that time. Unfortunately, the word "zebra" and the word "chicken" sound very similar*. Also, because zebras tend not to be indigenous to the UK, we decided that it was more likely to be "chicken". Even though we have zebra crossings.

So there you go. It's a joke that got lost in translation.

* Although it's entirely possible they aren't. But hey, prove me wrong tongue.gif
Industrial Kybosh
Fascinating, if true.

Lord, I love a good fact, even if its factiness is in any way in doubt. More please! And questions, should you have them.
froggle-rock
dry.gif


*blush*


Okies:


Dear Inky & Syuu,
What shape is the interwebs? -in which dimensions does it exist. Are there only theoretical dimensions we cannot prove? Because proving them would break the interwebs? Have either of you ever broken the interwebs? -If so, how?


Mo' Curious Froggie
Izzy
Dear Inky,

Banana who?
Daria
QUOTE (Izzy @ Jul 10 2008, 12:39 AM) *
Dear Inky,

Banana who?


Eric.
Ashbless
Dear Inky,

Eric who?
monkey_called_narth
Dear inky,

So you build this house, and all four walls have southern exposure.

Now what I'm getting at, is that it's freaking cold where you live.
LoLo
QUOTE (leopold @ Jul 9 2008, 01:40 AM) *
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 9 2008, 07:47 AM) *
Izzy - sadly, the true answer is lost to the mists of time. What we must now ask ourselves is, did the chicken truly cross the road? Which road, and who is this mysterious chicken? What could motivate common fowl to embark on a potentially dangerous cross-highway perambulation?

Actually, I can answer this one. It's a mistranslation from the original Hebrew. It's happened before; you know that bit in the bible about it being "easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle"? Well, apparently the word for "Camel" and the word for "Rope" are very similar, and the correct translation should've been "a rope passing through the eye of a needle".

Now you're wondering if I've simultaneously got religion and lost the plot all of a sudden, but bear with me.

Right, it also appears that the original zebra crossing was developed by the Jewish people many years ago. Once the designer finished, someone said, "You should call it a zebra crossing", to which the designer replied, "But why would a zebra cross the road?". This lead to a Jewish joke about zebras crossing roads and, ultimately, the scrapping of the idea of zebra crossings across the Middle East at that time. Unfortunately, the word "zebra" and the word "chicken" sound very similar*. Also, because zebras tend not to be indigenous to the UK, we decided that it was more likely to be "chicken". Even though we have zebra crossings.

So there you go. It's a joke that got lost in translation.

* Although it's entirely possible they aren't. But hey, prove me wrong tongue.gif


You know, before I went to England I had no idea what a zebra crossing was...here we call it a cross walk. Just found that interesting.

and now so it's not all spam.

Dear Inky,

How do you like to eat your spam?
froggle-rock
Dear Syuu & Inky,

Do you like green eggs and ham?

Yours, saliva tingly (spell check of: salivatingly)

Froggie
Pikasyuu
Dear Froggy -
Yes. My mother actually made me green eggs and ham when I was a kid - it was delicous. Sadly, I no longer eat meat, so I would have to eat green eggs and faux-ham.
Industrial Kybosh
MULTIPLE QUERY PILEUP!!! There ain't enough hours in the day, I tells ya...

Froggy - teh interwebs care not for your mortal concepts of shape, dimension, texture, saliva tingles and whatnot. However, if it was a bus, it would be blue and smell of happy. Furthermore, I do not like green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Frog-I-Am.

Izzy, Daria & Ashbless - care to tell the rest of the class what you're giggling about? I'm sure we'd all find it very interesting. And I hope you brought enough for everyone.

Monkey - yes, it is freaking cold, but filled with the warmth of human kindness. It's a chamed life on the Blue Happybus.

Lo - more interesting stuffs proving the old adage that we are but two nations separated by a common language. As for spam, I like to eat it in a box. I like to eat it with a fox.
Izzy
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 10 2008, 04:30 AM) *
Izzy, Daria & Ashbless - care to tell the rest of the class what you're giggling about? I'm sure we'd all find it very interesting. And I hope you brought enough for everyone.


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?!

...
froggle-rock
Dear Inky & Syuu,

If I were want to perform a act, sometimes referred to rug munching, to use it's proper term cunnilingus, though any cunning linguists might know some more popular terms *coughmontywytucough*, on to myself how many ribs would I need removed?

j0rs,

Kurious Fwaog



----------------
Listening to: Trouble Funk - Drop The Bomb
via FoxyTunes

QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 10 2008, 09:30 AM) *
Froggy - teh interwebs care not for your mortal concepts of shape, dimension, texture, saliva tingles and whatnot. However, if it was a bus, it would be blue and smell of happy. Furthermore, I do not like green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Frog-I-Am.



*cheers*
cheese is funny
Dear Inky,

Theres a zombie right behind you. Just thought you should know.

Sincerly,

The entire world.
Tarantio
QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ Jul 10 2008, 07:37 PM) *
Dear Inky & Syuu,

If I were want to perform a act, sometimes referred to rug munching, to use it's proper term cunnilingus, though any cunning linguists might know some more popular terms *coughmontywytucough*, on to myself how many ribs would I need removed?

j0rs,

Kurious Fwaog



----------------
Listening to: Trouble Funk - Drop The Bomb
via FoxyTunes

QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 10 2008, 09:30 AM) *

Froggy - teh interwebs care not for your mortal concepts of shape, dimension, texture, saliva tingles and whatnot. However, if it was a bus, it would be blue and smell of happy. Furthermore, I do not like green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Frog-I-Am.



*cheers*


Frogghey: I may be mistaken, but didn't Iggy Pop manage the feat with the bottom two ribs removed? Though in your case it may have to be a few more, what with a longer distance to travel and more in the way than Iggy ever had. tongue.gif

Anyways, just get someone else to do it, its easier all round wink.gif
froggle-rock
QUOTE (Tarantio @ Jul 11 2008, 01:24 AM) *
Frogghey: I may be mistaken, but didn't Iggy Pop manage the feat with the bottom two ribs removed? Though in your case it may have to be a few more, what with a longer distance to travel and more in the way than Iggy ever had. tongue.gif

Anyways, just get someone else to do it, its easier all round wink.gif


Sweetheart, I have no idea. Even though the interwebs is at my finger tips, I've come to know that many of internets is ball lochs ( dry.gif *sleepy yawn* >_> ). The rumor I heard was Prince, or The Artist. The someone else doing ti could be a long time coming *snicker* tongue.gif
gothictheysay
Hey, someone I know used to be able to do it to himself when he was younger until he almost slipped a spinal disc and decided it would probably be a good idea not to anymore...

I think it may be possible for some VERY flexible women without rib removal, but I guess I'll leave it to the InKy and Syuu masters.
hinsley
Marilyn manson did too didnt he?
Daria
Lulz.

Dear InKy. How many marbles could a swan eat?
leopold
Dear Inky,

You know that Friday feeling? Well, I'm not getting it today. Not at all. It feels worse than that Monday feeling. Make this stupid "worse than that Monday feeling" feeling go away!

Cheers,
Leo x
Industrial Kybosh
To all those obsessed with autocunnilingus - there are hundreds (thousands! millions!) of rumours abounding about slebs who've had bones removed to satisfy themselves. These are generally rock/pop stars including the three already mentioned, who, let's be honest, would never be short of a consenting partner to nosh on their privates. The rumours are probably about as true as the one about Keef Richards having his blood changed at a Swiss clinic in order to clean up after his massive heroin intake (viz. not at all).

However, I've never come across a story about a lady who can perform a similar feat, given that, as gothic has already pointed out, the distance is far too great. Perhaps I should pass this one over to my partner-in-filth, the ever-murky-minded syuu, especially as she has the necessary equipment. Also, I doubt I could go on with this topic without mentioning the phrase 'clam-lapping', which would probably get me a warning.

Izzy - '...' indeed. See me after class.

cheese - I know. They're all around me. I work in an office, for f@ck's sake. Braaaaaainnnnssss...

Daria - many, so long as it stayed land-bound. A water-bourne and marble-filled swan would not remain afloat for long, I fear. Nature's true marble-muncher is, as we all know, the hippo, especially if he is hungry hungry.

leo - as any pharmacist will tell you, Friday feeling can be regained with the correct application of a Crunchy. To be taken orally. Which brings us back to froggie's query...
leopold
Oh, orally! Tsk. I thought they said aurally . Great, so I've got a honeycomb-centred chocolate bar wedged in my shell-like, for no good reason at all. Now I look like a complete twit as well as being fed up.

Oh, just to add being pedantic to the list of things I'm going to be today... strictly speaking, these rock stars haven't indulged in autocunnilingus (unless there's something they aren't telling me) but instead it's autofellatio. And if they could really do that, why do they ever leave the house?
Industrial Kybosh
QUOTE (leopold @ Jul 11 2008, 11:56 AM) *
Oh, just to add being pedantic to the list of things I'm going to be today... strictly speaking, these rock stars haven't indulged in autocunnilingus (unless there's something they aren't telling me) but instead it's autofellatio. And if they could really do that, why do they ever leave the house?


True, leo, but the query was originally about self-licked ladyparts. The feat of licking one's own lollipop came up as a sidebar before I could get to the meat of the matter.

You're right, though - as Bill Hicks once said during a performance, if men could suck themselves off, all the ladies in the audience would be alone, watching an empty stage.

Now get that choccy out of your lughole and pay attention.
Mata
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 6 2008, 09:20 AM) *
[Chester pigeons] I've seen them team up and hunt down tourists with half-eaten sandwiches

Surely small rocks would be a more efficient hunting tool?

QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ Jul 9 2008, 08:31 PM) *
What shape is the interwebs?

Everyone knows it's grail shaped. It says so in Mona Lisa Overdrive, so it must be true.


QUOTE (syuu @ Jul 10 2008, 09:04 AM) *
Sadly, I no longer eat meat, so I would have to eat green eggs and faux-ham.

Fam? Haux?

QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 11 2008, 11:34 AM) *
I doubt I could go on with this topic without mentioning the phrase 'clam-lapping', which would probably get me a warning.

That was too tempting, and I've not warned anyone for ages, so I've given you a warning. Oh the power! biggrin.gif
leopold
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 11 2008, 12:10 PM) *
True, leo, but the query was originally about self-licked ladyparts. The feat of licking one's own lollipop came up as a sidebar before I could get to the meat of the matter.
But surely that IS the meat of the matter, if you catch my drift wink.gif
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Jul 11 2008, 12:10 PM) *
You're right, though - as Bill Hicks once said during a performance, if men could suck themselves off, all the ladies in the audience would be alone, watching an empty stage.
I recall that performance well. He was a very funny guy. Shame he died so young in a way. But then again, he could be a washed up and seriously unfunny hack today.
QUOTE (Mata @ Jul 11 2008, 01:18 PM) *
That was too tempting, and I've not warned anyone for ages, so I've given you a warning. Oh the power! biggrin.gif
I was going to do that myself, but I had to attend to a sugary snack embedded in my ear duct, as it was attracting wasps.
Cath Sparrow
QUOTE (Mata @ Jul 11 2008, 01:18 PM) *
That was too tempting, and I've not warned anyone for ages, so I've given you a warning. Oh the power! biggrin.gif


Hadn't considered it in the slightest honest gov! tongue.gif

Dear Inky

How can I turn this post around so it's not spam?
Industrial Kybosh
Wahoo! My first ever warning! I feel like such a rebel! Though I worry a little about the way in which you all lined up to have a go. That could have been painful...

Cath - simply put your spam into the form of a question, thereby making it relevant to the thread. Which you did. Well done.
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