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Aislinn Faye
As some of you might know I recently gave birth to a handsome baby boy. And I also have a 3-year-old daughter. Completely overwhelming, and to make matters worse my mother is living here and she's been here for almost a year-and-a-half, and she's completely dependent on the T.V. for sleep, and she sleeps in our daughter's room because that's the only place that we can put her. Now my kid has to go to sleep with the T.V. on, and it's driving me crazy, and any time I try to talk to my mom about it she (being the self-centered person she is) blows up and screams "Okay, fine!! I said I'd be leaving in May but if you want me out now FINE!" "-Sigh- Mom this has nothing to do with you it's just--" "No...Samantha it has everything to do with me" and that's about the time I tune her out because she goes on and on and on and jumps to completely different cowpoop that we're not even discussing at the moment which is another thing I'm pissed about.
And my mom and I get into it about my daughter's raising which I find to be completely toe-stepping to the extreme. She's always telling me "make a game out of it". Like, make a game out of brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, getting dressed, taking medicine, cleaning up. And somethings I do make a game out of...but anytime Aislinn protests about anything my mom runs in there "Damnit Samantha just make a game out of it and get it done with" Well...there are two things wrong with that....I'm not gonna make a game out of everything because everything is not a game and I'm her parent not her GM. If I make everything into a game then she will expect everything to be a game and be sadly disappointed the older she gets. The second thing wrong is that with my kid, if it takes her 30 minutes to brush her teeth because I tell her to open her mouth and she doesn't and then she gets a time out bla bla, then so be it. Mom boasts "I had no problem brushing her teeth because 'I made a game out of it'". Well mom doesn't also have a 1-month-old who's screaming to be fed/held/bla bla.


aldkjfa;lgt;lhagairhadfgljhjadhjkshd (sorry, this just really irritates me and I can't talk to my husband about it because it irritates him, too)


Okay, to sum that up I have an issue with my mom.



Next thing, is...1/2 the year I'm a single parent and feel like a damned widow because my husband is out to sea. So, no phone calls 2 letters at best and maybe 12 emails. It's a big stress on all of us and I'm the most stressed I think because I'll be here all by myself with TWO kids. Granted Aislinn will be moved back up to 5 days a week of daycare so I can retain some sanity (which sounds horrible). It's just that, Aislinn won't listen because she's got three different people she can play against, I have no energy sometimes to deal with it and I end up yelling at her and then we both feel bad. And recently I've been flying off the handle at her disobedience, yelling and all. You shouldn't yell at your kids, I can only imagine that it must be frightening. And i feel so guilty because Joey is always eating or crying or wanting to be held that I don't feel like I get any quality time with Aislinn. I mean Joseph (my husband) ofcourse helps a great deal with the baby so I can play with Aislinn one-on-one, but he's not here all the time, and I'm just so blah right now. I dunno....I think I'm just stressed because he's going out to sea soon and I'll be all alone, but I've been used to it, but with only one child....now I have two to worry about. I can't say "Hey, can you go play soccer with her while I feed him" or "Can you take him so I can pitch to Aislinn?" I just feel so overwhelmed and under resourced. And don't even get me started on the house...it's a complete mess, and now i know why The Sims have "Room" as one of the things that effects their moods. I've been trying to get a hold of my cousin to come clean my house because she owes me money and I figured that she doesn't have the money and I don't feel like cleaning my own house so it's a win/win. But she's been avoiding my calls so I haven't even got to discuss the idea with her...I know, I sound uber lazy. Blah, well... I do feel a lot better now that I've gotten all this off my chest.. whew...


So if you guys have any advice of anything that might help me...I'd really really appreciate it.
leopold
Advice - the easiest thing to give, the hardest thing to follow.

Right, we'll tackle the easy one first: You're on your own with two small children. It's hard work, I grant you. It doesn't help having a three-year old in the mix, they do tend to be a touch selfish (largely because they've discovered the concept of "self" by then) and she will be a pain in the bum. Nothing you can do there. Bear in mind, you've just introduced another young one to the family, so she's probably feeling put out. Just try to figure out some way of giving her some one-on-one time, that's probably all she needs right now. Yes, I know it's not easy to do, but bear with it. Find a bit of time, just to do something or other for a half hour, she'll feel more secure about you being there for her and should calm down a bit. I find that with my younger ones, they shout because they want you to notice them.

Also, be mindful that kids pick up on tension and can make them very anxious, which brings me on to the harder one: Your mother. Theoretically, this is dead easy - she's living in YOUR house and should abide by YOUR rules. No doubt she pulled the same stunt on you as a teenager under her roof. The hard part is telling her. So you need to broach it with a "Mum, we need to talk." Hopefully, her mum instinct will kick in and she may be more receptive. Do this when the kids are in bed, so you won't be interrupted.

You need to tell her that you don't want your daughter's sleep being disturbed by the TV. This'll have knock-on effects on her health if she's not sleeping properly, plus you probably don't want her to see late night programming at her young age.

You need to ask her, whilst she's living there, to be more helpful around the house and not just pass comment and/or judgment.

if your mum gets stroppy, then stay calm. Let her shout until she stops. Whatever she says, don't rise to it. VERY IMPORTANT!!! Once she realises she's not getting you to rise to her, she'll stop. Keep calm, tell her that this is your home and your rules. If she doesn't like it, tell her you think it'd be better if she left. Maybe you don't, but think of it like this: if you had a friend over and they behaved this badly, would you let them stay? Probably not.

There's the chance your mum might play the guilt trip card. Don't fall for it. I've been there myself, you end up running a marathon just to get a sniff of forgiveness for something you didn't do in the first place. If she tries it on, tell her you aren't going to be made to feel guilty for doing her a favour and putting her up in your home.

Finally, you need some you time. When the kids are in bed, put your feet up, have a soothing drink and read a light book or watch something on TV you enjoy. Being a parent doesn't mean you cease to exist. A little rest now and again helps more than you might think. Take it from someone with four of the little angels!
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