Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Bipolar Disorder
The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Personal concerns
Pikasyuu
most people who are close with me on here know that i have bipolar disorder - i was diagnosed by four doctors, but ignored it and denied medication for a long time because my family has a walk it off mentality. recently i began taking depakote (which is also prescribed for epilepsy and severe migraines) and noticed the most dramatic difference in my life. it's amazing once you find something that truly works for you, and i'm grateful to my doctor for turning me on to it. well, i lost medical insurance the second i graduated, which was about two weeks ago, and i haven't been able to fill my prescription. as a former alcoholic, i'm noticing its absence mostly in that area - i feel the need to drink a lot more to stave off the depression phases. i just slipped into one this week. it's a very marked difference from blowing all my money on things i don't need, and now, naturally, being broke and sleeping constantly.

this thread is for anyone who suspects they may have bipolar disorder or is suffering from it. don't ever feel like you don't have somewhere to go or somewhere to turn to, because i know a lot of people have been impacted by this. if you ever need to talk, feel free to come here.
Industrial Kybosh
QUOTE (syuu @ Mar 24 2010, 07:42 AM) *
don't ever feel like you don't have somewhere to go or somewhere to turn to


Likewise, sis.

*hugs*
Pikasyuu
aw, i'm lucky and i have some pretty decent friends who can put up with catastrophic amounts of ridiculous. :) but yes, matazone is one big blanket of lerv.
Pikasyuu
another thing is this: i want to have kids. it's a big priority in my life that i have children at some point. but..you can't take bipolar medication while pregnant, so what worries me is that i'll have to deal with huge hormonal changes unmedicated and am almost guaranteed postpartum depression. if anyone knows of a drug you can take while expecting, that would be nice. smile.gif
Witless
Well this isn't really answering your question since I know nothing about about mood and psychological helping medication, nor anything about what you can and can't take while pregnant. Pregnancy in my world is normally a precursor to me not seeing a friend much any more.

But I do have people in my 'real life' world with Bipolar disorder. I'll say this much, regardless of how many times they say to me, or seem to feel that they are having such a bad affect on other people, as one of their friends it doesn't feel all that bad to on the receiving and as my friends seem to think it feels. Maybe you have a different experience Syuu, but my friends seem to feel like they (two of them) are the constant pain in the arse that is difficult to deal with.

I would take time with them over 99% of other people any day of the week. Yeah, they have some mood shifts that can sometimes make things difficult (occasional extreme hermitting being a particularly big one), but the idea that I feel like I am around a mine field of emotions is pretty far from how I feel. That's more like how they probably think I feel about them.

We've never met beyond late night mIRC (seriously, late night mIRC-ing with uno needs to come back) and random tipsy skype a couple of times, but I'd still count you as someone I'd rather spend time with than 99% of people.

So if it's any consolation, even un-medicated, you'll not escape having awesome relationships with people.
Phyllis
QUOTE (syuu @ Mar 25 2010, 04:36 AM) *
another thing is this: i want to have kids. it's a big priority in my life that i have children at some point. but..you can't take bipolar medication while pregnant, so what worries me is that i'll have to deal with huge hormonal changes unmedicated and am almost guaranteed postpartum depression. if anyone knows of a drug you can take while expecting, that would be nice. smile.gif

If memory serves, lithium is generally recommended during pregnancy for bipolar women. The most important thing is, of course, to attempt to plan ahead when you think you might want to get pregnant, so you can go about switching meds and seeing how it works for you and all that good stuff. There are some risks to the baby, but I think they can be managed with careful monitoring of lithium levels.

Aha, looks like that psychology degree wasn't totally useless:

QUOTE
The three most commonly used mood stabilizers are all teratogenic. The least risk may occur with lithium (0.1%) versus valproate (2 to 5%) or carbamazepine (1 to 3%). These risks must be weighed against the up to 50% chance of relapse with medication discontinuation. (From this site about the pros/cons of lithium and other mood stabilizers during pregnancy.)


I'm sorry you aren't able to fill your prescription, Katii. sad.gif Not having medical insurance seriously sucks. I don't really have any advice on that front, only Internet hugs and sympathy.
Pikasyuu
QUOTE
But I do have people in my 'real life' world with Bipolar disorder. I'll say this much, regardless of how many times they say to me, or seem to feel that they are having such a bad affect on other people, as one of their friends it doesn't feel all that bad to on the receiving and as my friends seem to think it feels. Maybe you have a different experience Syuu, but my friends seem to feel like they (two of them) are the constant pain in the arse that is difficult to deal with.

I would take time with them over 99% of other people any day of the week. Yeah, they have some mood shifts that can sometimes make things difficult (occasional extreme hermitting being a particularly big one), but the idea that I feel like I am around a mine field of emotions is pretty far from how I feel. That's more like how they probably think I feel about them.

We've never met beyond late night mIRC (seriously, late night mIRC-ing with uno needs to come back) and random tipsy skype a couple of times, but I'd still count you as someone I'd rather spend time with than 99% of people.


THIS is why you need a facebook!
On to actual material - ironically enough, two nights ago when i wrote this, i went on what i saw as an obnoxious whining spree on a close friend of mine for two-ish hours, and he was very nice about it. i apologized when i saw him around yesterday because i'd felt like a complete moron. for all of the whining i do, i always regret it. it's just not acceptable in the circles i grew up in to complain very much, and every time i do complain to someone, it's like the absolute worst thing i could do. and embarrassing, to boot, so it's interesting that you say that we aren't as irritating as we see ourselves. good to know.

and likewise. you're an awesome kindred spirit and i wish i got to hang around with you - when i'm not in my hermit phases..

QUOTE
If memory serves, lithium is generally recommended during pregnancy for bipolar women. The most important thing is, of course, to attempt to plan ahead when you think you might want to get pregnant, so you can go about switching meds and seeing how it works for you and all that good stuff. There are some risks to the baby, but I think they can be managed with careful monitoring of lithium levels.


i'm only afraid of lithium because of its potential to turn a person into a zombie. but as someone else pointed out to me, better than nothing! thanks, cand. :)

another thing helping me through this is that we CAN afford tramadol, which is an antidepressant/opiate synthetic hybrid, and probably one of my favorite things on the planet.
Phyllis
QUOTE (syuu @ Mar 25 2010, 10:42 PM) *
for all of the whining i do, i always regret it. it's just not acceptable in the circles i grew up in to complain very much, and every time i do complain to someone, it's like the absolute worst thing i could do. and embarrassing, to boot

Oh, my dear Katii. I am going to quote some stuff that a very clever lady said to me not long ago:

QUOTE (Katii when I was being a Whiny McWhinerson)
go ahead and vent! see, it's a lot less annoying (see: not at all) when you care about the person.
you're amazing and you always will be. sometimes i don't think you fully comprehend the comforting effect you can have on people. i've never had a problem i couldn't go to you with, and i've never had a conversation where i didn't walk away feeling better than i did before. you're absolutely brilliant.


How's that for using your own words against you? wink.gif I know it's definitely hard to feel that way when you're the one who is cringing because you're doing the whining, but it's true.
Pikasyuu
oh geez, i just got put in my place. tou'che, cand, you sweet lady. that was very kind of you. ;o;
voices_in_my_head
A slightly random comment, but still on the topic of Bipolar -

Syuu, does it bug you that Bipolar is such a missunderstood mental illness? I realise this every time someone finds out that I have Bipolar. The common conception of it seems to be some crazy person who, at the drop of a hat, switches from being super-nice and sweet to being absoulutely muderous with rage. EVERY time someone finds out I'm bipolar they get this look of fear and worry. Then I have to explain to them that I'm not going to freak out on them randomly. At worst, I'll get sad randomly and ask them to take me home. tongue.gif
Pikasyuu
YES! so so so so so much!! i hate when people say 's/he's bipolar' because that s/he simply got upset or has a bad temper. and i could slap katy perry for furthering that stereotype. i try to explain what it actually is and that there are different varieties of bipolar disorder to try and raise awareness. i love that you said this, because i haven't found very many people who understand why that irks me so much.
voices_in_my_head
Eugh, it's sooo obnoxious.

"I'm bipolar, actually."
*worried look*
"Um, I'm not going to flip out on your or anything."
*Blank stare*
"I'm a type 1 manic deppressive, so I don't really have the whole anger issue."
*Confused look*
"I'm on medication for it anyway."
*Relieved look* "Oh, Thank god!"

It's like...Really? Even though I just went through explaining to you that most of the hollywood portrayals (if not ALL of the Hollywood Portrayals) of Bipolar disorder are vastly misinformed, you still act like I'm some crazed lunitic until I explain that the good Drs of the world have 'cured' my "crazy".

I mean, what are people expecting? For me to go into a long, detailed story about how I was very misunderstood and sent to a mental hospital, where I learned (through an emotional montage, of course) much about myself and the world around me, only to walk out completely cured, spreading my inspirational story one person at a time? And then, maybe the credits roll and there's a DVD bonus feature where I discuss how difficult it was, as an actress, to get inside the mind of an "insane" person. Oh, and in the end of the movie I marry a handsome hero (Played by Jared Leto, preferably) who cares for me even through my sudden spouts of anger. Yep.
Because that is what it's really like.


*cough*
Sorry. Bit of a rant there.

Ughhhhhhh.
vicrawr
I'm sorry you've both had those experiences. I can only hope in the future you'll only meet educated individuals. And if not, you at least have the opportunity to educate those who're ignorant. I've been having a particularly hard time trying to convince a friend to seek treatment for what I can only assume is some form of the disorder based on her behavior and past experiences. Even those who suffer from the condition are as uneducated as those who don't. It's a hard thing, teaching people about something that can seem so scary.
craziness
Lately I have wondered if I might be bipolar, because I go through phases of being very happy and I get extremely passionate and intense about things. Other times I become super anxious and worry a tremendous amount. My father is bipolar and is on mood stabilizers which keep him in a much better frame of mind. Bipolar people are not monsters-far from it. They are intense, energetic induviduals who have a certain spark and possess a unique creativity. The highs are very high and the lows are very low. I hope you are all able to find help and the strength you need to stabilize your energy and focus it into positive outlets.
Pikasyuu
Bipolar people are not monsters-far from it. They are intense, energetic induviduals who have a certain spark and possess a unique creativity. The highs are very high and the lows are very low.

That's an interesting way to put it. Mostly, I thought all it did was c-block me from American health insurance. wink.gif If you think you are, though, I'd recommend seeing a doctor..some people are really against prescription mood stabilizers, but after the difference before and after I've had, I'm not in that group. Good luck.
voices_in_my_head
I agree with Syuu on that - I was really anxious about trying any sort of medication for it, but after seeing how much it's helped me, I'm very glad that I decided to give it a go.

I love the way you worded that, and once again, I agree. Without being Manic Depressive, I would most likely have never taken up painting OR writing. smile.gif
Hobbes
QUOTE (voices_in_my_head @ Mar 29 2010, 04:50 AM) *
Syuu, does it bug you that Bipolar is such a missunderstood mental illness?


I think a LOT of mental illnesses are missunderstood. It is extremely difficult for a person who hasn't experienced those kinds of feelings to equate it to something. Thus sometimes such issues are regarded as being either a much bigger deal than it is, or much less.

All of us have some measure of physical pain, and therefore can at least approximate what others might be feeling during injury/surgery/etc. But not everybody is able to to apply a similar comparison emotionally/mentally.

I've only been in the presence of a person with bipolar disorder a couple of times, and they were not someone I knew particularly well or saw very much, so I didn't really have the opportunity to see the varied effects it has. But I have read/heard a lot of experiencs and, whilst I can never pretend to know what it is like, I at least feel partly capable of having some understanding of it.

It was only after I went through a period of depression last year that I was able to fully acknowledge how other people can suffer. Equally, it also made me realise how far removed from depression I had been during some points in my teenage years, when I considered myself "depressed", but was actually just going through a typical barrage of adolescent hormones. A retrospective eye is a useful tool.

Best wishes to those of you that do suffer as a result of bipolar disorder, and I hope that you find your best way to deal with it. And I also trust that you have good friends and family that DO understand.
voices_in_my_head
My mom once, in one of her moments of amazing wiseness (if that's even a word.), described having a mental illness like this:

"It's like, when you wake up from a really bad dream, and you shake the person next to you awake and start describing what happened in it to them. They can see that you're scared, but when you tell them what the dream was about, they just can't understand why it was scary."

She's absolutely right - just like when describing what happened in a bad dream, it sounds completely unimportant and you can't put a finger on why it scared you at the time, having any sort of mental problem - from deppression to schizophernia - is just something that you can't fully describe, and that can't fully be understood by anyone who hasn't experienced it firsthand.
Pikasyuu
As a question to the other people here who have bp - did you exhibit symptoms of/have early onset bipolar? Do you know what type you have?
voices_in_my_head
I believe mine is of the Manic Deppresive variety, but I can't think of the particular name for it. I think they stopped using the therm "manic deppresive" sometime ago. As for early onset, I have very subtle signs like anxiety and general listlessness. But honestly to decide whether those are just random moods or signs is a bit difficult. What about you?
Pikasyuu
Early onset can be misdiagnosed easily - in my case, I was told I had add, adhd and depression before anyone suggested bipolar disorder, and all three of those are the most typical misdiagno..sees. I was also fairly obviously troubled though, threatening and attempting suicide from age eight or so and going through serious, serious depressions with no real cause for that kind of behavior. It makes a lot of my childhood memories very sad ones, despite there being no reason for that on paper. The type I have is rapid cycling II - more depressive phases than manic, usually switching between once every two months or once every month. No idea now, though, since depakote pretty much put a stop to that. smile.gif
craziness
Still not sure if I am bipolar or not, but I am diagnosed with ADD. I have gone through depression but it has always been in response to a bad circumstance. What is unclear is whether the intensity and duration of the depression and anxiety I have experienced could really be considered serious enough for me to be bipolar. But I was pretty manic a few months ago, I was extremely happy and having epiphanies all the time and I didn't sleep much and I barely even needed sleep. So idk. I've never been actively suicidal but I have had passive suicidal thoughts when very depressed/
Hobbes
I would be interested to know what is regarded as 'bi-polar', diagnosis-wise? For those people who experience it, what is it actually like? What type of emotions do you experience, and why, and when, and how often?

If you don't necessarily know what it is, how do you know that is a problem, or unusual, or requires treatment?

I imagine that the symptoms aren't exactly set-in-stone, and vary massively between people, but I'm genuinely interested to know the effect it has.

i.e. "If I was bi-polar, how would I know?"
voices_in_my_head
Naturally, I can only speak for myself on this one.
(And this is all in the situation of if I didn't take my medicine)

You can tell the difference because...
well, it's hard to explain.
There's a "normal" happy, sad and angry.
and then there's a "bipolar" happy, sad and angry.

With normal emotions, they are reactions to an indentifiable cause, and they often come on slowly, fading from the previous emotion to the next.

With bipolar moods, they are reactions to, often, nothing. I've been just chatting with my friends, in a pretty good mood, and suddenly something that wouldn't normally emotionally affect me at all will happen (Say, oh, I don't know...I drop something.) and suddenly I am in the worst mood in the world.
I believe the correct term for my type of bipolar is manic-deppressive. A manic high would be extreme, unexplainable happiness. And a manic low would be sudden crippling depression.
During manic highs, you can't think very well. I relate them, in a way, to panic attacks. They come on suddenly and leave suddenly, and in the time in-between you often have little to no conncetion with reality. In a way, I would say that they're scary. I suddenly get this crazy energy, can't focus and feel the need to go somewhere. Many people have said that there's a feeling of being god-like and invincible, but I can't say that's ever quite been the case with me.
And the lows are indentifiable by the level of the deppresion. once again, I'm not too sure of how to explain it. It's far worse than anything else I can think of. You don't want to move, eat, talk, sleep...nothing. You'll just kinda turn into a zombie.

Bipolar disorder itself is generally diagnosed according to the severity of the highs and lows, the "types" of highs and lows, and the frequency of them. Those three variables make it so that there are many, many different types of bipolar you could encounter. The most distinguishing factor, though, seems to be the frequency of manic states. I believe to be categorized at type 1, you have to have somewhere around 3 a year, though that number could be off.

To make things more complicated, even the types of mania are different - you have full-blown mania, which includes the god-like sense of being and erractic thought, and often lasts for a full week before receding, and then you have hypomania, which is a bit like a condensed version of the full thing.

Many people will experience about 4 distinct 'cycles' of being in a year - manic, deppresed, normal, then over again - but then there's rapid cycling where you experience many, many more. However, this is rare.

Sorry for the rambling - I've always found mental illnesses of different types extremely interesting, and have spent a lot of time analyzing my own and other's experiences.
Hobbes
QUOTE (voices_in_my_head @ Aug 19 2010, 10:10 PM) *
Sorry for the rambling - I've always found mental illnesses of different types extremely interesting, and have spent a lot of time analyzing my own and other's experiences.


No apology required: I am genuinely interested!

I spent some moments in my teenage years thinking I was "depressed", and then later life taught me what it actually was. Trying to give your own feelings a "rating" of some sort seems impossible when you don't know how much further they could go in each direction.
Pikasyuu
I just got done summing a lot of my experiences up with Hobbes in iRC, so I'll repost the conversation here for anyone else who might be interested (slightly edited to cut out irrelevant parts etc):

QUOTE
<syuu> i have a type where i usually experience more depression than mania, and what she said about reacting to nothing is right. it's sort of like how you feel is absolutely irrelevant to what is actually going on around you.
<Hobbes> So.. no trigger? Or, at least, not relevant trigger?
<syuu> there doesn't need to be one at all
<Hobbes> I mean... you don't feel depressed ABOUT something?
<Hobbes> You've got the feeling, but not the cause?
<syuu> you just kind of feel as though everything is terrible and you should die.
<syuu> like when i was younger i had one big trigger
<syuu> i was at a friend's house and we saw a man come on television who was very badly deformed
<syuu> and my friend laughed at him
<syuu> her aunt told her to stop because he had been very badly burned
<syuu> for about six years after that, i was petrified of fire, would sit on the floor all night awake - and sometimes make a parent stay with me because i was afraid the house would burn down
<syuu> and i was convinced we would all die
<syuu> so any time anyone referenced fire, i'd go into this irrational, crazy fear/paranoia that i would just burn all of a sudden
<Hobbes> That is... traumatic?
<Hobbes> To state the obvious
* Hobbes rolls eyes
<syuu> i was really awkward to be around when i was a kid, because i was always very depressed or scared and would say so.
<syuu> so my mom would get frustrated because she was trying so hard.
<Hobbes> I actually cannot imagine what that is like
<syuu> but yeah, you really can't do anything about how you feel/nothing impacts your moods unless you're on medication.
<Hobbes> When I was having therapy, a friend of mine just wanted me to go to a doctor and get anti-depressants. And, for me, I thought of it as "hiding the problem" rather than "dealing with the problem" so I didn't take that road.
<Hobbes> But...
<syuu> i can understand that mentality. i had it before depakote.
<Hobbes> I can see how insanely different it is to experience bipolar(ism??), and that finding a chemical that does give you some balance must be wonderful.
<syuu> oh man, i cant even put into words what it's like.
<syuu> i was reacting to things NORMALLY.
<Hobbes> Yeah... I think that is why I have so little understanding of it: I hear the term 'bipolar' a lot, but I know that it is being used without any real though.
<Hobbes> *thought
<syuu> like one small incident wouldn't ruin my month
<syuu> i remember once i was watching aqua teen hunger force and they were making jokes about someone having voices in their head telling them to kill themselves
<syuu> and i was so pissed, because i was like, some people do have to deal with that.
<Hobbes> Yes. It is so hard to get your ahead around what another person is feeling, if you have never experienced something like that yourself.
Daria
QUOTE (voices_in_my_head @ Aug 19 2010, 10:10 PM) *
To make things more complicated, even the types of mania are different - you have full-blown mania, which includes the god-like sense of being and erractic thought, and often lasts for a full week before receding, and then you have hypomania, which is a bit like a condensed version of the full thing.

I've yet to have any proper psych exam, but I feel that one might be useful. Last year, my GP told me that I was depressed after discussing how I felt (post first hospital stay) and I know that I have been in very low places in the past. The temptation to jump infront of trains or cars is very strong sometimes (rarely now) and I have to hold onto something solid to remind myself that No, We're Not Dying Today.
Other times, I feel utterly euphoric. The world, myself, my friends and the amount of love I have for everything is close to being overwhelming and although I can see the flaws in people or my life or the fact I have no money and can't pay my bills etc, I love them/ it all for how it is. Nothing triggers it as far as I can ascertain- I just wake up feeling like it or suddenly come up as though I've taken something. Conversely, I get days where I don't feel I can leave the house because of anxiety or I just sink down into a low and nothing can be done to take me out of it. Wonderfully enough, the euphoria is more common than the lows and my friends are pretty used to me being a bit manic or hyperactive. I don't see the euphoria as a bad thing or even as an obstacle for my day-to-day routine. The depression and anxiety is more of a bother, and if I get it in this new year of uni, I might consider talking to my doctor about methods of dealing with it. Attending less than half of my lectures and labs due to anxiety-related issues is not cool.

When I was on the pill, I would get the bassline level of "ok" and the horrible lows- but no euphoria. It was like part of me had been switched off and the negative was allowed to roam free. Apparently hormonal contraceptives are NOT for me ph34r.gif Has anyone else found this?
LoLo
QUOTE (Daria @ Aug 20 2010, 06:52 AM) *
When I was on the pill, I would get the bassline level of "ok" and the horrible lows- but no euphoria. It was like part of me had been switched off and the negative was allowed to roam free. Apparently hormonal contraceptives are NOT for me ph34r.gif Has anyone else found this?


It's funny I was just talking about this yesterday. My experience with hormonal contraceptives turned me in to a very angry bitch, so they're not for me either. Anything could set me off and I could be set off at the drop of a hat. People who know me, know that I'm a rather chill person so this change was rather drastic and I disliked it a lot.
Hobbes
QUOTE (voices_in_my_head @ Aug 19 2010, 10:10 PM) *
When I was on the pill, I would get the bassline level of "ok" and the horrible lows- but no euphoria. It was like part of me had been switched off and the negative was allowed to roam free. Apparently hormonal contraceptives are NOT for me ph34r.gif Has anyone else found this?


I'm not the right gender to be able to comment on the personal effects of hormone-based oral contraceptives, but it does make sense that it can effect your mood. The hormone (or, more accurately, synthetic hormone) that is in many forms of "the pill" is known to affect the enzymes that control/create seratonin - one of the body's happy chemicals smile.gif
Pikasyuu
QUOTE
When I was on the pill, I would get the bassline level of "ok" and the horrible lows- but no euphoria. It was like part of me had been switched off and the negative was allowed to roam free. Apparently hormonal contraceptives are NOT for me Has anyone else found this?


Yup. The last birth control I was on, 99% of the time I was absolutely blind with rage at everyone for the smallest, most meaningless things. Strangely enough, that doesn't happen on another brand of the pill.
voices_in_my_head
Daria, I'm not sure what type of exam you would take with your doctor, but the one I took was a very basic "on a scale from 1 - 10" sort of thing. From what you've said, it seems very possible that you would qualify as type 2 or so. Though, I am no phsycologist.

That's interesting about the pill, though. My medication works perfectly fine for me until the first four days before my period starts, and then suddenly I'm completely bi-polar again. I had considered taking the pill to help eliminate this problem...but now I'm going to think otherwise. smile.gif
Daria
Voices, hormonal birth control affects women in different ways and even different kinds of the pill have different effects (different different different)- so there might be one that could work well for you.
However, have you tried finding a natural healthfood shop and asking about evening primrose oil or star-anise oil as dietary supplements? They can help with PMS symptoms- including the mood swings. If they don't work, you can always then try the pill but they're much less of an impact if they don't work.
voices_in_my_head
I'd have to check in with what I am and am not allowed to take along with my Seroquil. It has the longest list ever of things you're not supposed to take with it (Grapefruit? really?) so I want to be for sure that I can take those things before I...well, take them.

But it's certainly a thought, I've never tried any herbal remedies.
elphaba2
Really, no grapefruit! It's got...oh christ, I'll tell ya in a few days when I've got all my school business in order, but grapefruit will MESS YOU UP. Totally inactivate the chemical. Also, don't mix St John's wort with other anti-deps. One or the other, not both.
Hobbes
QUOTE (elphaba2 @ Aug 27 2010, 10:26 AM) *
Also, don't mix St John's wort with other anti-deps.


The more I hear about St John's wort, the more I think the only thing it IS compatible with is water. And I'm sure that'll be queried soon enough...
Yannick
Hmm.. how would someone differentiate between bipolarity and a natural response to emotional stimuli? If someone is laughing and joking, followed by fmling and crying, ended with total happiness in a span of about an hour, would that indicate being bipolar, or is that just sort of a normal way of getting over things?
Pikasyuu
in my experience, emotional stimuli has zero to do with how you're feeling. if i was in a depressive phase, i could have the greatest day ever and still feel awful, because my surroundings simply couldn't touch the big black cloud over my head. mania was only different in that it was much easier to get angry - mania isn't always being 'extra happy', it's mostly high running emotions, which includes, usually in my case prominently, being super quick to anger/paranoia/defensiveness and in general just being erratic. i've also been led to believe that having a serious change of how you're feeling in the span of an hour either isn't bp, or is extremely rare. the fastest cycling you can go through (i've heard) is weekly. that said, someone can go through like a billion emotions per hour and still have it - it just isn't an unusual thing for someone to go through, especially during middle school - high school.
Pixelgoth
I went through a stage of depression. At least I THINK it was depression? I went to the doctor and said "I can't eat/sleep/function/feel any happiness and as such will probably move on to hurting myself next if I don't get something to help me". Is that depression? The doctor seemed to think so and gave me drugs. I decided not to take them as I get easily addicted to things and didn't want to be dependent on them. I made it through which makes me wonder if a. I didn't have depression or b. I'm just bloody minded enough or a mixture of both. I don't want to trivialise anyone elses experiences but I am curious if I was actually indeed depressed or just simply 'down'. Considering it was after I found out my brother was going to die, got dumped by my boyfriend the day after (who was also his best friend), then watched my bro die from cancer while nursing him, struggled with doing a job, had very few real friends around me in person, and on top of that had watched my Mum die of cancer a couple of years before.....I think that counts as several reasons to get depressed? But yet I am still questioning it?!?

Anyway, as a result of these things I now get terribly anxious in any type of relationship (romantic or otherwise). I am having counselling and she is great but does any one have any tips?

Syuu, sorry I feel I may have hijacked your thread somewhat. Just want to say to you that you are a wonderful, caring, considerate, and sometimes stubborn (takes one to recognise one I find wink.gif) person and you have great friends on here. I think very highly of you. Keep smiling and if you can't make it, fake it smile.gif
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.