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ravein
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 14 2003, 07:11 PM)
They'll bear grudges for as long as you can remember, and even go so far as to pass grudges down through the generations. Your grandfather upset a shrimp during the Scunthorpe crustacean riots of 1933? I guarantee that any shrimp you meet will know it, and hold it against you.

Thus, hurling shrimp will put the fear of shellfish-hatred into the target. People will run in abject terror to avoid being struck by an airborne miffed shrimp, and thus incur prawn-wrath which will haunt their decendants for millenia to come.

lmfao!!!!!!! That explains so much!!! really that is a bit of genus there Jon.. you should look into being a comedy writer...

PS thanks for the advice... I think you may have something there... wink.gif
WeeJ
Dear Jonman,

I'm worried about you. I think you may be possibly insane. Please make sure to take regular 15 minute breaks from your computer. I think it may have done something to your brain.

Your in concern...

WeeJ
x
Mata
QUOTE
Dear Jonman,

I'm worried about you. I think you may be possibly insane. Please make sure to take regular 15 minute breaks from your computer. I think it may have done something to your brain.

I think that having been friends with Jon for many many years has had an interesting effect on our relationship with reality.

I'm actually vaguely serious here... I've got so used to wandering off on long tangents about things that, as always, the only way to make the story work is to believe it's true... The trouble is that it can then become quite difficult to shift the idea that it really is true afterwards.

For example, there was a friend of Sues' that whenever I was supposed to be meeting was _always_ conveniently absent. This continued for probably a year of dating and very quickly I had developed the idea that the friend was just a figment of our imagination developed for one of a variety of reasons. When I finally did meet him I was still half convinced in my head by my argument that he was an actor Sues had hired to play the friend.
WeeJ
I've had something similare with meeting people i've got to know for a long time online first.
I should imagine its going to be something like that on the 6th September.
Maybe you lot are just a figment of my own wild imagination ohmy.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 15 2003, 07:15 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I'm worried about you. I think you may be possibly insane. Please make sure to take regular 15 minute breaks from your computer. I think it may have done something to your brain.

Your in concern...

WeeJ
x

Bah. I'm perfectly sane, me. It's the world that's loopy

*twitch*

Thanks for your concern anyway.
Jonman
QUOTE (Mata @ Jul 15 2003, 08:08 AM)
I think that having been friends with Jon for many many years has had an interesting effect on our relationship with reality.

I'm actually vaguely serious here... I've got so used to wandering off on long tangents about things that, as always, the only way to make the story work is to believe it's true... The trouble is that it can then become quite difficult to shift the idea that it really is true afterwards.

For example, there was a friend of Sues' that whenever I was supposed to be meeting was _always_ conveniently absent. This continued for probably a year of dating and very quickly I had developed the idea that the friend was just a figment of our imagination developed for one of a variety of reasons. When I finally did meet him I was still half convinced in my head by my argument that he was an actor Sues had hired to play the friend.

And they think I'm insane?

Blimey.
LoLo
Dear Jonman,

Should I have a roast beef sandwhich or leftover meatloaf for breakfast?

Sincerely,
Craving Meat
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Jul 15 2003, 10:24 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Should I have a roast beef sandwhich or leftover meatloaf for breakfast?

Sincerely,
Craving Meat

Sandwich the roast beef between the meatloaf.

Mmm, meatloaf - the cornerstone of every nutritious breakfast....
LoLo
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 15 2003, 09:43 AM)
QUOTE (LoLo @ Jul 15 2003, 10:24 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Should I have a roast beef sandwhich or leftover meatloaf for breakfast?

Sincerely,
Craving Meat

Sandwich the roast beef between the meatloaf.

Mmm, meatloaf - the cornerstone of every nutritious breakfast....

Hmmmm could be interesting. I could wrap the roast beef slices around the meatloaf and then put the bread on and deepfry it, if I had a deepfryer, but I do have a pan and a tub of crisco. Hmmmmm sounds like a deliciously fatty meal. what do you think?
Jonman
I concur.

You've made me want a black pudding, fried egg and cheese sandwich now.

Hmph.
CrissiLove
Dear Jonman,

I have a very important question here.... it's about soap. More specifically bars of soap. When you get a new bar of soap it's so nice and sudsy.... but as the bar of soap gets small.... it doesn't make all those suds anymore... no matter how much I try... so I have to throw it away and get a new one. Why is that? Does the soap get tired of making suds...? Or is does this only happen to me...? Maybe bars of soap everywhere have something against me? Or.... maybe it's my house that is doing this to me, huh....? huh.gif

From,
me
MistressAlti
Dear Jonman,

This isn't so much a question as an opportunity to poke fun.

I was moving threads... and I ran across your old Pink And Fwuffy And Wuvvwy thread, and I thought I'd just come in here and say a big...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Carry on as you were. tongue.gif biggrin.gif

-Me
Jonman
QUOTE (CrissiLove @ Jul 15 2003, 04:55 PM)
Dear Jonman,

I have a very important question here....  it's about soap.  More specifically bars of soap.  When you get a new bar of soap it's so nice and sudsy.... but as the bar of soap gets small.... it doesn't make all those suds anymore... no matter how much I try... so I have to throw it away and get a new one.  Why is that?  Does the soap get tired of making suds...?  Or is does this only happen to me...?  Maybe bars of soap everywhere have something against me?  Or.... maybe it's my house that is doing this to me, huh....?  huh.gif

From,
me

Aha! So those four years at university studying soapology and sudgebra will finally pay off!

There's actually a very simple (and unusually for me) and sensible reason for this. The amount of sud given off by a bar of soap is a function of temperature, speed of rubbage, hardness of water, but more imporantly, size of bar. We can rule out large variations in temperature or hardness of water, assuming you take showers in the same place, at much the same temperature. Speed of rubbage of the soap only has a minor effect anyway.

So that leaves us with size of the bar, which steadily decreases with use, as you slough off the outer layers. According to my calculations, the amount of suddage produced by a bar ought to be determined by the surface area of the bar - the bigger the bar, the more surface area it has, thus the more area to create suds with. Assuming you use the same amount of soap each shower, the reduction in the remaining surface area of the soap after each wash will increase, due to the decreasing radius of the bar (and the fact that the surface area is related to the square of the radius of the soap (assuming a spherical bar for simplification - the same principle applies to a regularly shaped bar)).

The upshot of this is that the suddage produced by a bar of soap in response to a standard rub (as definined by the US Institute of Soap-Related Studies) will decline in a non-linear fashion over usage of the soap, in response to the reduction in size of the soap. I've actually knocked up a quick graph to demostrate the characteristic of the sud index rolloff, but I can't get it online from here - I'll post it later - check back tomorrow.

Hope that answers your questions.
Jonman PhD Soapology
Jonman
QUOTE (MistressAlti @ Jul 15 2003, 05:11 PM)
Dear Jonman,

This isn't so much a question as an opportunity to poke fun.

I was moving threads... and I ran across your old Pink And Fwuffy And Wuvvwy thread, and I thought I'd just come in here and say a big...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Carry on as you were. tongue.gif biggrin.gif

-Me

Consider your fun poked.

Carrying on.
CrissiLove
aawwwwww..... thank you very much for explaining that, Dr. Jonman smile.gif That explains a lot... and that is very interesting! Maybe I should consider changing my major so I can study soap... hehe tongue.gif
Oni Usagi
Actually, I disagree with that.
I believe that the speed of rubage is directly related to the average radius of the given bar. That would mean that the speed of the rubbage would be the cause, and the size, simply an indicator, and a factor in the speed.
But that's just my opinion, I took washclothology in post-secondary, so I may be incorect.
LoLo
Dear Jonman,

If we have a meet on the west coast next summer are you going to grace us with your presence?

-LoLo
MistressAlti
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2003, 04:04 PM)
Consider your fun poked.

Carrying on.

Dear Jonman,

You don't mind that I spammed your thread with my obnoxiousness, do you?

-Me
Debaser
dear jonman...

is the ending to "fight club" the greatest ending to a movie ever? i mean, it has the pixies playing over the end, and all the other stuff...it has to be, right?

yours,
that guy with the dog who keeps letting it do it's business outside your house
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Jul 16 2003, 03:21 PM)
Dear Jonman,

If we have a meet on the west coast next summer are you going to grace us with your presence?

-LoLo

If I'm still on the west coast, then it's a distinct possibility. However, I'm only in Seattle until the end of this year, and we haven't a clue where the next placement will be yet. Could be Georgia, which is distintly not west coast.

So we'll have to wait and see. Truthfully, probably not, but maybe.
Jonman
QUOTE (MistressAlti @ Jul 16 2003, 03:22 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2003, 04:04 PM)
Consider your fun poked.

Carrying on.

Dear Jonman,

You don't mind that I spammed your thread with my obnoxiousness, do you?

-Me

No. I find a dose of obnoxiousness rather fetching, as it happens.
Jonman
QUOTE (Debaser @ Jul 16 2003, 04:18 PM)
dear jonman...

is the ending to "fight club" the greatest ending to a movie ever? i mean, it has the pixies playing over the end, and all the other stuff...it has to be, right?

yours,
that guy with the dog who keeps letting it do it's business outside your house

*looks around shiftily*

*shuffles feet*

That's freaky. I sat down and watched that last night, as it's my favourite film, and I was shocked and appalled to find out over dinner that my girlfriend had never seen it.

It's choc full of incredible dialogue and one-liners. That penultimate line, where Jack turns to Marla and say "Everything's going to be OK now" is just pure genius.

Screw The Pixies *ducks hurled missiles from d-man* - it's just all-round good.

I keep meaning to read the book actually.
Debaser
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2003, 11:29 PM)
I keep meaning to read the book actually.

hate to say it, but the book doesn't really compare. for one, loads of things changed in the movie to make the plot work better, and the main thing is that they changed the ending (even the author preferred the movie's ending).

and screw the pixies? how f--king dare you...
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Debaser @ Jul 17 2003, 11:31 AM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2003, 11:29 PM)
I keep meaning to read the book actually.

hate to say it, but the book doesn't really compare. for one, loads of things changed in the movie to make the plot work better, and the main thing is that they changed the ending (even the author preferred the movie's ending).

and screw the pixies? how f--king dare you...

Oh ho ho ho. happy.gif c'mon, Dayan, I'll let you touch the signed copy!

/me leads Dayan slowly away from Jonman in order to prevent injury
Jonman
QUOTE (Debaser @ Jul 16 2003, 04:31 PM)
and screw the pixies? how f--king dare you...

in answer to your question - like this

*does a screw the Pixies dance*

SCREW-EW THE PI-I-I-XIEEEEEEEEEES!



See, quite simple really.
Pikasyuu
Oh good lord!

/me ducks for cover at the soon to be Pixies war within the agony uncle thread.. and asks a question.

Dearest Jonman --
Hullo. =P I'm sure Dayan would love to screw the Pixies, especially Kim Deal. And would you?

-- full of stupid, random, pointless questions
Debaser
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2003, 11:37 PM)
QUOTE (Debaser @ Jul 16 2003, 04:31 PM)
and screw the pixies? how f--king dare you...

in answer to your question - like this

*does a screw the Pixies dance*

SCREW-EW THE PI-I-I-XIEEEEEEEEEES!



See, quite simple really.

gah.../me attempts to suppress his murderous rage...

you have to admit that where is my mind is just fecking PERFECT for the end of that film though...it made me want to go blow up credit card company buildings...
cheese is funny
dear jonman,

i love you...

QUOTE
Screw The Pixies


<hugs>

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways....

if i kidnapped you and took you to a secret island and all there was to eat was sand, and small mice, what would you do?

sincerally,

not trying to kidnap you <dodgy eyes>
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Jul 17 2003, 11:41 AM)
dear jonman,

i love you...

QUOTE
Screw The Pixies


<hugs>

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways....

if i kidnapped you and took you to a secret island and all there was to eat was sand, and small mice, what would you do?

sincerally,

not trying to kidnap you <dodgy eyes>

Pixies > New Found Glory > Aquabats

Dear Jonman --
How do you feel about shaving cream?
Jonman
QUOTE (Debaser @ Jul 16 2003, 04:39 PM)
gah.../me attempts to suppress his murderous rage...

you have to admit that where is my mind is just fecking PERFECT for the end of that film though...it made me want to go blow up credit card company buildings...

To be fair, it does fit the finale perfectly, both musically and lyrically.

And also to be fair, I'm neither overly familiar with the work of the Pixies, nor overly concerned by them - I was just screwin wi'choo.

And if you're going to blow up a credit card company, let me know in advance, and I'll rack up a big bill with them on needless consumer products that define me as a person.
Jonman
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Jul 16 2003, 04:41 PM)
if i kidnapped you and took you to a secret island and all there was to eat was sand, and small mice, what would you do?

sincerally,

not trying to kidnap you <dodgy eyes>

I would eat some of the small mice, partially to sustain myself, and partially to scare the other small mice into submission. I'd then demand that they build me a raft from sand and mouse spit, and paddle it to the nearest steakhouse.
Jonman
QUOTE (syuu @ Jul 16 2003, 04:42 PM)
Dear Jonman --
How do you feel about shaving cream?

*narrows eyes at syuu*

In the context of use as a lubricant to aid in facial depilation, I'm rather fond of it.

I get the feeling that coming from you, it's a somewhat leading question though......
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 17 2003, 12:04 PM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Jul 16 2003, 04:42 PM)
Dear Jonman --
How do you feel about shaving cream?

*narrows eyes at syuu*

In the context of use as a lubricant to aid in facial depilation, I'm rather fond of it.

I get the feeling that coming from you, it's a somewhat leading question though......

Not at all!

I'm just rather fond of it myself, you see.. :)
Jonman
QUOTE (syuu @ Jul 16 2003, 05:11 PM)
Not at all!

I'm just rather fond of it myself, you see.. smile.gif

As an aid for facial depilation? For yourself???
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 17 2003, 12:18 PM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Jul 16 2003, 05:11 PM)

Not at all!

I'm just rather fond of it myself, you see.. :)

As an aid for facial depilation? For yourself???

Not FACIAL. Since when do chicks shave their faces?
Jonman
QUOTE (syuu @ Jul 16 2003, 05:28 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 17 2003, 12:18 PM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Jul 16 2003, 05:11 PM)

Not at all!

I'm just rather fond of it myself, you see.. smile.gif

As an aid for facial depilation? For yourself???

Not FACIAL. Since when do chicks shave their faces?

Precisely my point. Hence the use of multiple question marks - a practice I usually shy away from.

And on that note, we ought to end this line of conversation before I'm forced to reprimand myself for being rude.
WeeJ
Dear Jonman,

Why do people with body odour not realise they have body odour?

Yours in wondering...

Jeew (slight variation today)
LoLo
Dear Jonman,

We women do like to use shaving cream on our legs when we shave them. There that's not randy/rude at all. smile.gif

Now for my question. Do you call them bandaids or bandages?

-LoLo
Pab
Dear Jonman,

What if, i mean, you know, then what?

Pab
WeeJ
Dear Jonman,

Whats Pab on about?

Yours with a sticky out tongue and yellow head ---> tongue.gif

WeeJ
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 17 2003, 05:45 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Why do people with body odour not realise they have body odour?

Yours in wondering...

Jeew (slight variation today)

It's a bit like living next to a railway line, your brain filters it out once if figures out that it's a constant.

Jonman, Pyschologist to the stars.
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Jul 17 2003, 08:07 AM)
Dear Jonman,

We women do like to use shaving cream on our legs when we shave them. There that's not randy/rude at all. smile.gif

Now for my question. Do you call them bandaids or bandages?

-LoLo

I don't call women's legs bandages or bandaids. That would be barmy.

A bandaid is a wee sticky thing you put on small cuts, nicks and abrasions. A bandage is a bloody great big bit of gauze that you wind around limbs and other bits of you that have sustained injuries bad enough to be called wounds.
Jonman
QUOTE (Pab @ Jul 17 2003, 08:46 AM)
Dear Jonman,

What if, i mean, you know, then what?

Pab

This reminds me of the story I once heard about the man in the desert and the talking camel. To cut a long story short, never trust a camel - they're sly buggers.

As for then what, I suggest you take up croquet or crochet. Pretty much anything that starts wil 'cro' will do. Become Croatian, if you feel up to it.
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 17 2003, 08:48 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Whats Pab on about?

Yours with a sticky out tongue and yellow head ---> tongue.gif

WeeJ

You know, the usual: the inequality of existence, the weight of one's soul, and the perpendicularity of thought.
WeeJ
Dear jonman,

You should be the guru on top of the mountain that people travel for miles to ask you questions.
You are a fountain of knowledge smile.gif

Yours with compliments...

WeeJ
x
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 17 2003, 02:58 PM)
Dear jonman,

You should be the guru on top of the mountain that people travel for miles to ask you questions.
You are a fountain of knowledge smile.gif

Yours with compliments...

WeeJ
x

Thanks to the internet, I no longer have to live on top of a mountain, which to be honest, was draughty, and I had to walk flipping miles to get a decent pint.

Fortunately for you, you don't have to climb said mountain to ask your questions either. Geez, the number of people who'd get to the top and be too out of breath to ask, or had forgotten on the way up, I tells ya.
Pikasyuu
Dear Jonman --
Tell me, what is your favourite non alcoholic beverage? Animal? Person? Forumite( minus Mata :P )? Mountain? Sammich meat? Bodypart? Reptile? Colour? Age? Thank you in advance. I think. =P

- genuinely curious
MistressAlti
Dear Jonman:

Why?

-Me
Mata
QUOTE
Thanks to the internet, I no longer have to live on top of a mountain, which to be honest, was draughty, and I had to walk flipping miles to get a decent pint.


That's not true, you used to have loads of pubs at the bottom of the hill and even then you managed to get a lift from the police once smile.gif
WeeJ
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 17 2003, 11:09 PM)
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 17 2003, 02:58 PM)
Dear jonman,

You should be the guru on top of the mountain that people travel for miles to ask you questions.
You are a fountain of knowledge smile.gif

Yours with compliments...

WeeJ
x

Thanks to the internet, I no longer have to live on top of a mountain, which to be honest, was draughty, and I had to walk flipping miles to get a decent pint.

Fortunately for you, you don't have to climb said mountain to ask your questions either. Geez, the number of people who'd get to the top and be too out of breath to ask, or had forgotten on the way up, I tells ya.

I'd be quite happy to walk up a mountain and bring you a pint...as long as you aren't one of those guru's who wear socks with their sandals :/
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